Dawn had barely broken over and he was at her townhouse, knocking her door down.
"Geet! Open the door, please!"
Neighbours and early morning market vendors all glanced curiously at the shabby looking man, dressed in nothing but work trousers and a loose shirt half opened.
"Tesoro, where are your shoes?" an elderly lady asked as she placed a caring hand on Maan's shoulders, forcing him to turn around and face her.
"Have you seen the resident of this house?" he asked, ignoring her question. "She's about 5'5, slender, long brown hair...?"
The lady shook her head, instead offering him to join her for a cup of tea and a chance to freshen himself up at her place. He refused, and walked away leaving him alone, turning back every few seconds or so to make sure he was okay.
But Maan was far from okay, and he never would be, not until he saw Geet again.
Counting silently until three, he kicked the door down with all of his might and stormed the small living area.
"Geet!" he called out, dashing to her bedroom and thrusting the door open. Her bed was unmade, no sign of a previous night's sleep.
Her window was left ajar, the view being that of the very sea that they had stood beside last night. The faint sound of the morning waves teasing the shore lapped softly in the room as the empty wardrobe door creaked with the light breeze, her empty hangers the only sign of a previous inhabitant.
"No... no..." he felt all of his life being sucked out of him as he tried to grasp the reality. Walking out of her room, willing himself not to cry, a small piece of paper tucked beneath an empty teacup caught his eye.
He walked over and pulled the paper, letting the teacup rattle slightly before staying still against the rusted table.
Maan,
I knew you would return to find me, to hold me close, kiss me once more and tell me that I am none other than yours.
But perhaps you will never understand what the past two years have done to me. You were on the other side of the mirror that I faced, and only I could see the tempest that was raging inside of me.
The only way that I could calm the tempest was to leave Dev. To do right by him, and to set him free from the shackles that I bound him to.
That was one step. The second step was to leave you.
I will always love you, in ways that you will never be able to comprehend. You let yourself believe that Dev was my first love, and it kills you inside. But it was you, Maan, and it will always be you. You made my heart race, my palms sweat, my nerves tingle with anticipation for the next time your lips would meet mine, our skins would rest against the others and our foreheads would touch, letting ourselves flow like a tidal wave in the ocean.
But my feelings for you will co exist beside my guilt. The guilt that I had to destroy one man to selfishly attain another.
If I was betrothed to Dev, it was for life. It was not until you came along and stole my heart. I broke that promise I made to him, to God, but most importantly to myself. And that is something I will never be able to break free from.
I am doing what is right by everyone, for once, and I am creating pastures new.
Perhaps, this way, the three of us will be able to live in peace.
Forever yours,
Geet.
...
Her head rested against the window of the train, letting the hot sunshine of the Italian summer kiss her skin. For once, in what felt like a lifetime, she could breathe without the tears choking her throat. She could think without her mind wandering back to the two men that she had done wrong by.
She could live, without feeling like she owed something to someone. Whether that be loyalty to Dev or her love to Maan.
A young couple came and slid in the seats opposite her, whispering in each other's ears and stealing kisses every so often.
Geet kept her face turned away from them, but she closed her eyes and let her mind drift back to the first kiss she had shared with Maan.
Grabbing her wrist, Maan spun her around so her back hit the wall. He placed both his hands on either side of her head and leaned forwards, caging her in his hold.
"Maan, what are you doing, let go," she winced at his close proximity, at the incoherence it was providing to her senses and the loud beating of her heart.
"I'm not holding you," he breathed. She could hardly think straight, not when his scent was so sinfully close to her senses, not when she could hear his own heart thrumming violently against his chest.
"You're caging me,"
"Maybe you want to be caged."
Geet dared herself to look up at him then, and she watched as he began to tilt his head and come closer. The hustle and bustle of Anvesha's mehindi ritual faded into the distance - all she could register was that it was him, and her, and he was about to kiss her.
She could have tilted her face away, or placed a hand against his chest and pushed him back, or even slapped him for coming so close to his brother's wife. But she didn't want to do any of those things, all she wanted was him.
He could have stopped himself. He could have moved away, or tucked a lone strand behind her ear as a pretence to mask his intentions and walked away. But he didn't want to do any of those things, all he wanted was her.
And then the inevitable happened - their lips met, their hearts melted away and all right and wrong, morals and loyalty, sense and values slipped away as his hands slowly began to hold her waist and hold her to him.
It was only when the cold touch of his hands met her soft skin that she realised what was going on. She pushed him away and clucthed her chest, as if to keep her heart in place to prevent losing it to the man opposite her.
Maan glanced at her swollen lips, her flushed state and her glazed eyes and willed his feet to carry him away before he did anything else that he would regret. Not that a moment spent with her would be a regret to his heart, but his mind was all too aware of the man named Dev who had a presence in her life.
She closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against the wall as a name escaped her lips in a prohibited whisper.
'Maan...'
'Maan...' that same prohibited whisper escaped her lips once more, but this time she set it free. She watched his name, carried by her love, flow out of the small window and past the crowds of heads, over the grassy plains and stone cobbled streets of Sicily and finally to the water, where it carried itself away with the tides as they turned.
...
Two days later, Mumbai, India...
He opened the handwritten envelope, sent from Italy. He didn't need to open it to see whose letter it was, her handwriting was the same elegant cursive as it had always been.
Carefully opening the letter, he pulled out the yellowing piece of paper where she had bared her heart to him for the final time:
Dev,
I have finally set you free from the poison I am, from the shackles that I was binding you to because of my own sins, guilt and insecurities.
I seek your forgiveness. Not because I deserve to be forgiven, but for your own peace of mind. Forgive and forget me, it is the only way forward for all of us.
Dev, I never really told you how much I loved you. But today, as I sit beside the window, watching the last remains of the night succumb itself to the eventual crack of dawn, I realise what love really is. The love that we share, it is not with the passion and intensity that I feel for another.
Our love will allow us to breathe after being suffocated in the small box that was our marriage for so long.
I regret hurting you. I regret betraying you, and I regret breaking the very heart which gave me so much love that I will always remember and cherish it in my soul.
You are a wonderful man and you deserve so much more. I wish you all the happiness in the world and you will always be in my prayers, no matter where life takes me.
You are an eternal tide. Let the tides turn and take you where you truly belong, in a world of nothing but joy and content.
Estranged but never a stranger,
Geet.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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