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The whispering wind:
He is quite attracted to her. For him she's more like an addiction, he needs her around him to feel her "Hot Chocolate" feeling so to compensate for all the wasted time in his life. He was worried whether he will intrude her privacy, her lone moments of self-contemplation ' but at the same time can't keep him away from her as it's become a necessity for him to be aware of her & has a feeling to be a part of her being. He can't reason out why they have this strange soul connection.
'. Cut it out, he wanted to tell. You couldn't hide all that hurt even if you wanted to' Ah painful! It's a doing more for himself, as her loneliness & pain pricks him more, as he is able to see a reflection of his own self in her. He's one such person who has lived that life earlier to her arrival. And can't see her, who is so special to him, to go through it. He is well aware of how much suffering & self-destruction it causes, along with the loss of emotional bonding it leads to. Even later he feels her pain causes him sleepless nights.
She's too self conscious while around him ( with the balling of the tail end of her sari so to prevent it from flowing on his face & with all the fidgeting with her sari, playing with her hair strands). She hates being so easily readable to him'. that's what she feels. She's trying pretty hard to deny the connect she feels towards him & also guarding herself from her thoughts being so glass like to him.
"If the wind quiets down, you can hear a lot of things' sometimes it's things you wish you didn't hear." Beautifully this single line portrayed her helplessness, loneliness & the loss of hope she's experiencing by feeling of giving up the lone long fight that is seeping within her. 'The tinge of melancholy in it tugged at his chest, drawing a surge of restrained ire into his veins' - he is feeling utter despair & in turn causing anger on self, in not being able to just sweep her pain away, the limitations/restrictions placed by society ' that causes him to hold back on just embracing her & taking all her hurt within him.
*- CONTINUED FROM ABOVE POST-*
He so much so wants her to be the person, she was at the weekend with him- the one who was full of hope for a person like him who wasn't even least bothered to come off his shell, the same person who kept nudging & was behind his back. He wants her to be the one who used to come up with the most random & weird concepts, but yet could spread warmth & emotions in anyone who is within her vicinity.
… Her lips shiver from a dilemma… she is not sure whether to be comfortable with him knowing about her troubled marriage, on whether she should let him in. But then decides against it as she knows somewhere deep down that as of now she's just done fighting his presence in life, as he is already seeped in. She later eases out seeing that he has neither judged nor questioned her ever on her troubled marriage even after having an inkling of it. But he's on the contrary always made her feel at ease & tried to distract her of the pain for some moments.
He does feel some unknown feeling on knowing Dev's name and somewhere does want to provide her a life a real Khuranna would have given her. Is he subconsciously fighting for a simpler dynamics between them? Does he too pine for change of circumstances in which they met? He too is having a battle of his own.
…"You should let me decide which madness I choose to accept & can handle in my life" ….Perhaps, had you not taken things into your hands…. – she's fiercely wanting independence & freedom from clutches of her inner demons and finds it unbearable when she becomes readable to him that she indirectly feels he gets power to take over her life. Her fights within her are causing her to crave for that solitude as well as pinning for belonging with someone …. Am I the only desolate who has come this far? He too fears she will end up being him of earlier days, & needs to be rescued now. So he assures her that he will be there to always accompany her only she needs to call (seek) him. And then they seal this promise with the unconscious sharing of the sweet… (I'm reminded of the Dairy Milk add of kuch meetha ho jayye …. Shubh arambh…)
Pensive IV:
I must say I love all these pensive series, as it gives a sneak-peek in the mind of Maan. It helps a lot as he doesn't use much of verbal expressions, but more of gestures & his actions speak for him.
Ah ha! The famous 'Grey shirt' features again. But on a serious note …. As the grey shirt (one with stain on it) was occupying centre place in his closet among good shirts, similarly even everything related to her even with her flaws & inner demons (memories with her) have come to be centre of all his thoughts in comparison to all things he considered were good to him. How could he refuse to attach any bearing to that moment, in his thread of life… it was a priceless memory for him, everything connected to her is indeed priceless to him. He then placed the shirt back in his closet but in the least used section…. Yet I feel it will become now the most seen section.
He too is running away from reality of life where she & he are chained & held by restrictions. He too wants an escape & solace from them in ways of dreams & the darkness each night brings where his surfacing guilt will be hidden,
He accepts his attraction towards her, but is fearful to name it as LOVE…. As he is not sure of his feelings and is yet in dilemma for his past has made him shun any strong emotional bonding since ages. Now that he's found such beautiful bonding with her, he doesn't want to lose out on it by wrongly naming it… unless he is not able to break free from all that's holding him back from placing his trust again on someone without having a fear of it being broken….
I think I'm trying to read some meaning into everything thats up in the parts...😃
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