Creative Thrd2:U can only be Mine,Just mine 145/6 - Page 21

He remained silent for a while and again spoke "I m groomed as an arrogant man the statement I said before is what made me stand at his position I m now '.this is what my father taught me and that my life around on I never answered anyone I wont ever again in m life" by saying this he stand up from his place and went inside the mansion. Geet kept quiet but had a relief feeling that he opened himself to her.

Yet, something nagged at her heart. His words repeated themselves in her head, "You have power over me". It had confirmed what she had suspected, that Maan did feel something for her after all but she realised that the statement answered none of the questions she had asked him. Now she knew the reason why. And yet nowhere in Maan's father's teaching did it suggest the reason that Maan wanted to hurt himself, why he loathed his own life and why his eyes had been pleading with her uncontrollably as he abused her on the landing earlier that day. She slowly rose from the bench, still lost in thought when she saw something fall out of her lap...

It was the very same sheet she had listed her questions on! When had Maan slipped into her lap? She had been so absorbed in his words and then lost in her own reflection, that she had failed to see the sheet until it fell to the ground. She bent down and gently picked it up, expecting only to find her questions, five lines of black alone occupying the page. But she was startled to see the blue ink that now covered each line, the margins and all the spaces in between. There were smudges and the handwriting fluctuated with each line as though corresponding to the emotions with which they were written.

She sat down to read, wondering what could possibly be contained in this single, precious sheet of paper. She sat down to read knowing it would change her life.

In the top margin above her first question she saw his greeting.

Dear Geet,
I was taught never to answer to anything or anyone, that that was the only way to conceal my weaknesses. But you are different. You didn't care for my money, you didn't care for my power and now you don't fear my anger. You have left me no more weapons with which to fight you. And the truth is that I no longer want to fight. I want to surrender, to you, to the way I feel for you and to our child growing steadily inside you and this ultimate surrender is to tell you the truth because you deserve for your questions to be answered.

Geet's breath caught in her throat. She wondered what this man could possibly be hiding that made him so afraid to feel, so afraid to of himself that he felt he had to abduct her to make her his own. She took a deep breath, and read on and vowed not to stop until she reached the end.

1. Why did you make love to me that night on the island?
Because you let me. I know I acted confident, but once I knew you, knew who you were, knew your essence as a strong woman with great integrity, I felt sure that you would never accept me, when my money and power meant nothing to you. But then you came to me that night and I saw you, knew we were returning home in the morning and that I might never see you again. I tried to convince myself that I felt nothing more than a physical attraction for you, I even said it to you to try and convince myself but when you cut yourself, seeing you in pain I just couldn't control my feelings. I wanted to be close to you, to protect you, to love you. I thought you would push me away but you never cease to surprise me Geet and the welcome I felt in your arms, on your lips and throughout your body that night was something so sweet it was painful. I even tried to pull myself away because I thought you would regret your actions and I couldn't cause you unhappiness at any cost, but you clung to me, asked me to be yours...how could I refuse when I already was?

2. Why did you leave me without saying a word?
I didn't want to see the regret in your eyes, hear the shame in your voice. And I was afraid you would know too much about the real me, the one that isn't powerful or strong or smart, the one that hates himself because he is still tortured by his weakness. What weakness you ask? This is what I have tried so hard not to tell you, tried so hard not to tell anyone for so many years. Those who know about it are silenced through fear and those who do not know never will for nobody comes close to me. But you did, you came closer than anyone ever has and more than anything, it scared me that I wanted to tell you, I wanted you to know the truth. I still want you to know.

Geet, for the first fifteen years of my life...

Geet's eyes filled with tears as she read Maan's tragic story. Her heart went out to this man who had lived a life of loneliness and self-loathing. Tears streaming down her face, she read of his fear, his vulnerability and his utter disbelief in the possibility that somebody could love him for who he was. He thought himself a weak loser and a horrid beast by turns, but never something that could be loved, that deserved to be loved.

...and so I said nothing, because I saw the shy, expectant glances you threw my way on the journey home and felt wracked with guilt knowing that I had, through my actions, promised you a lifetime of love and care that I could never give you. How could a man who was weak by nature and cruel by training give you, a strong, pure, idealistic woman, the kind of life you needed. You were attracted to the person I was on the surface, and I wanted to keep it that way. I was afraid that if I said even one word, it would shatter the image of me that you loved that one night and I was afraid to utter even a syllable.

3. Why didn't you come after me when I was waiting for you, still unhurt and still full of hope?
I thought you were better off without me. If I had come for you, what could I have to offer you? A heart that knew nothing of what love meant, a man who had never had a friend, the responsibility of a five year old child? No, I convinced myself that you were better off without me, that if I selfishly brought you back into my life, that it would be a matter of minutes before you realised I wasn't the man you had loved, but a monster whom you would have regretted meeting for the rest of your life. At least our one encounter had given you some happiness and I didn't want to mar that with my own selfish need for you. But I thought about you Geet and I thought about that night, every time I closed my eyes I saw your face, begging me not to leave you, giving me permission to be one with you and loving me.

4. Would you have brought me here, to your house, and now "married" me, if I wasn't pregnant?
No. I would have wanted to but it would have been too selfish of me. But when I saw you struggling to make a new life all alone, torn from your family because of me, because of my child I couldn't rest until I had you under my care. If I thought there was any other way I could care for you and the baby I would never have forced you to come with me to my pathetic prison of a house but there was no other way Geet, I am sorry.

5. Do you love me?
Yes.

But I am not so selfish to demand you stay with me after you have known my truth. I am nothing but a weak and bitter man who has nothing but this o offer you and to our child. I leave it entirely up to you Geet, if you feel there is a better way, a better place for you and our child then you are free to go. I won't stop you. But I ask you one favour. Don't expect me to say goodbye to you. I will do anything for you, but that is one thing I cannot do.

By the time you read this, I will be on my way to the Chopra's party after which I will be heading to the airport. I am going to London on business for a few days. Don't worry about Suhana. Adi will come to take her back to school tomorrow morning. This gives you ample time to make arrangements to leave, as I know you will want to. I no longer have the strength to lock you up, Geet. You deserve to be free and freedom is something I can never give you.

Geet sat still on the bench, almost afraid to move. Maan's truth had caught her off guard in so many ways that instead of feeling peace on finding the answers to the questions that had long been plaguing her, she felt restless. She needed to talk to Maan, needed to feel him near and hold him, needed him to know that she didn't hate him.

She ran up to her room and emptied her wardrobe. At the very back she found a package which her mother had given her at the hospital on her last visit, after all her efforts to convince Geet to come home had failed. She had handed Geet this package and told her, "This is the saree I bought for you when you were a newborn as part of your wedding collection. I can't bear to have it with me when you are gone and I can't bear to give it to anyone else so I want you to have it."

Geet tore open the brown paper wrapping and a red silk saree, so soft and smooth that it almost felt like liquid, slipped out. She draped it over a gold sleeveless blouse and put on large glittering earrings and tinkling bangles. She washed her face clean of tears and made her eyes bright with kajal.

She came down the stairs, told the nanny to keep and eye on Suhana and made for one of the many cars parked in the lot of Khurana Mansion. A driver immediately came and opened the door for her. She got into the car and answered the driver's questioning look with,

"Chopra Party, the Taj".