Posted:
For those who don't know me, i am Swati!
This OS has Maaneet, but its for my Grandma!
This is from Geet's POV. Its spread over a time period with no specific demarcation, yet I hope you will not be confused.
Please excuse any mistakes.
I am Geet, youngest of three sisters, daughter of Mohinder Handa, and Rano Handa. I am 8years old-yes I am a big girl now!
My summer break began just a couple of days back and today I am going to Delhi-my Nani's place and I am very excited! I will stay there for two-three weeks with my mom and my cousins. I go there every year in my summer break and i have a couple of friends there. My cousins-Kunal and sakshi play with me and we have lot of fun.
(Note: sakshi-8 years, Kunal-12 years old)
I have basically two very good friends there-sonu, who is two years younger than me and lives on the ground floor(we live on the first), and Meera,who is the same age as me, in fact we were born on the same day, who lives on the second! She has an older brother-Maan, who is friends with my brother Kunal. I don't like him He treats me like a kid-always acting very protective, not allowing me and Sakshi to sneak out of the house to the nearby park. He scolds me even more than Kunal, who my mom and Maani say has the right to scold me coz he is my big bro.
I have two Maamis and two other big brothers Amit Bhaiya and Gaurav Bhaiya. they are I don't know how many yers older to me. they no longer study in school, they study some-place called college.
They love me and I love them , but they aren't home most of the time.
We have a big park right accross the road from our house(nani' house).
We all call my nani Beeji! she is very old, her skin hangs in folds and i have always seen her like this. I wonder if she was ever young. She loves all of us. She takes us to the park every evening and sits by us while we play on the swings. She also takes us to the market and gets us toys and whatever we want. In the afternoon, when everyone goesto take their afternoon nap, me and Sakshi are awake, thinking of ways to go to the park to play. Beeji knows that we don't sleep, and she stays awake with us. When the kulfi wala comes, ringing his bell, she gets us Kulfis everyday without fail. sometimes, we even whine and get her to buy us two a day.
I have never met my Bauji-my Nanu as he left to go to God a few months before i was born, but Beeji tells us that he watches us from above and loves us more than her.
I was hoping for the same when i reached home to run up to the first floor. But, my mom told me we no longer live on the first floor, we now live on the second floor. I am not bothered. i am waiting to meet sakshi and Kunal. I rush up, my Mami welcomes me, but i can't find choti maami and Kunal-sakshi.The house is different too. Its smaller so i ask mom, " Mumma! where is choti Mami? where are kunal-sakshi?"
My mother falls silent but my Beeji comes and taking me in her lap she says," Maami-Maama and Kunal-sakshi went to stay at another place."
"Why?", i ask.
She says, "so that you have another, new and different house to play in."
"did she take her roome with her Beeji", I again ask innocently, beause this house was smaller, way smaller than the earlier one.
I see my Maami flinch, while Beeji turns her face away. i think she is crying.
My mom says,"don't you have to meet Meera and Maan?"
Sufficiently distracted,I rush out saying i will be back after lunch.
I reach their house, and aunty lets me in with a smile...though i came once a year for few days, i was family here.
"where is Meera aunty?", I inquire impatiently, coz she is not in her room, which i had already checked by now.
"She is not at home beta. She has gone to her aunt's place,will be back tonight!", aunty replied.
i became sad and sensing that she sent me to Maan's roon, telling him to play with me.
i was sad, and apprehensive of being in his room. i know he wouldn't play with me. i had a big frown on my face.
he saw me came upto me and asked me, "what happened geet?"
I didn't answer,but tears started flowing out of my eyes.
his voice became softer, he made me drink water and asked me again,"what happened?"
"i have no one to play with! Beeji said Kunal and sakshi left to a new house and Meera is also not there. i feel so lonely."
Maan, who was elder than me, knew and understood the situation and also the fact that i was too young to understand all this.
he wiped the tears which were still flowing and hugged me. I was surprised, yet felt better and held him still crying.
He said he would play with me, and that i would never be alone-he would always be there for me.
i smiled though my tears and made him make a pakka promise to me to which he agreed laughing. He played whatever I asked him to, and also fed me lunch when aunty brought it for us.
I was feeling sleepy because of the journey. But, I was not used to sleeping alone co back home i always had di with me, and here Sakshi and Meera.
i told him the same. he held me close and we slept together,more so, I half on him, wanting to keep close the only friend I had right now.
Meera came later in the day. Maan became busy with his summer camp. i didn't spend a lot of time with him after that since i was always busy with Meera and Beeji who who had brought games like ludo and used to play with me, whenever I missed Sakshi.
after 10days, mumma told me we would now go to Kunal-Sakshi's house and we would live there for another 10 days and that Beeji would come with us. i was happy, but also sad coz I would miss Meera and Maan, who had become my friend now. i announced this friendship proudly to Beeji and she smiled the way she always did.
Beeji still loved me, but I missed the smile on her face that used to reach her eyes.
The next 10days passed doing masti with sakshi. their new house was not like the old one which was big and there wasn't a park nearby.
But, Beeji found us a market nearby and a park a few blocks away. She used to get tired when she took us to that park, and my mom told her not to take us. we started crying instantly and beeji said that she will be there to take us there every day no matter what her daughter or daughter-in-law said. We were happy.
The following years passed similarly... i was growing up. Mom told me how Beeji would live a few months with badi Maami and a few with Choti Maami. My visits to the Delhi were reducing in the number of days as my studies became harder. Meanwhile, Badi Maami and family shifted toa new place...close to the old one, yet a few kilometers away. i missed Meera and maan, but soon learnt to live without them.
Time passed,my mother fell seriously ill and my daadi wasn' t well either. Beeji came and stayed with us for a month, taking care of me and my mother and daadi,along with my sisters.
I was now in class 12 and was busy with my studies when the news of my beeji facing paralysis shook us all. She suddenly had a clot in her brain which had left her left side paralysed. we were all scared. My mom rushed to Delhi, but I couldn't go coz I had my half-yearly exams. I was not bothered much...never realised what could have happened...neither what she meant for me.
i finally went after a month when my exams got over. I was shocked to see her...mu Beji...looking paler and weaker, bed-ridden. i had always seen her independent, doing all her work herself, despite her age. yet, I saw that she had not lost her strenght. she was still trying to stand on her feet, still fighting with life...still sure that she woud be fine...for her kids...for us...for Amit Bhaiya, who was supposed to get married in a couple of months, nd she made it.
She came back on her feet,fought miraculously with her age and was gain our Beeji, still taking is around the colony in the evenings, preparing for her grandson's wedding. Everything went well.
All became busy with their lives once again, but, now i was big enough to see that despite her smile, their wa pain that Beeji had been going throgh since the time she was torn between her two sons. i could now see the hurt that she felt to see her heaven-torn into two parts...pain of leaving one house and going to the other after every few months, yet she never complained ever.
the families went through tough times financially, but she stood rock-solid for her kids...always there to impart strength.
My elder sisters got married and she was ther both the times...to bless them with all her heart.
Gaurav bhaiya too got married and Amit bhaiya had a son. My Beeji was ecsatic. She had become a great-grand mother. Dhe loved her great-grndson more tha anything. he, Saarthak was the centre of her world, the apple of her eyes. yet when bhaiya said he would have to move to another city owing to better job-opportunities, she was the one who supported him. While Maama was not willing to let him go, she stood by Amit bhaiya saying that they couldn't stand in the path of his success. Maama relented and Bhaiya-bhabhi moved away with saarthak. She was away from the apple of her eye, yet she still held on. She now wanted to see me getting married to a suitable guy. Sakshi's wedding had already been fixed to a very loving family and a caring guy whom Maama found suitable for her.
When my mom and I paid a visit to her, she raised the topic of my wedding with my mom. i didn't say anything as I always believed that my family would choose the best for me. Mom said she was just waiting for a suitable match. Beeji then suggested Maan for me.
Over the years, the contact between the two families had reduced, though they were still on very good terms. I had almost forgotten about Maan in these years. Beeji came to me to ask about my view.
"Geet, do you think you can spend the rest of your life with Maan?"' she asked me gently.
"whatever you deem right Beeji. i trust your judgement."' I answered truthfully. After she left, i relived the memory of that afternoon, when he had promised to be there for me forever. I was happy to know that God wanted the same.
Both the families were happy with the alliance and within four months I and Maan got married thanks to Beeji, and her persistence for an early wedding.
But, just a few days later, when all the wedding ceremonies and ceremonious lunches and dinners were over, we were rocked by tremor that lft us utterly scared. Beeji had suffered a paralytic attack again, and this time harder. Me and Maan rushed to meet her immediately and I was appaled at the sight.
She had suddenly lost a lot of weight and was pale. But, her eyes still smiled when she saw us-her kids-her life. all her kids were there.
whan I was alone with her, she asked,"Geet! are you happy with Maan?"
"Yes Beeji! we don't know each other that well, since its been just a few days, but i trust you", I replied honestly.
She smiled and said, "you know why I chose him for you? I have seen the world, and i think I am able to judge people pretty well by now. I am sure, when you will need someone by your side, he will always be there. When you will feel the strength slipping away, he will be your pillar of strength. Even if the world stands against you, he will stand WITH you. He will fill your life with his love...i know he loves you, and that too since he was a child."
i looked at her, surprised by her last statement.
She smiled knowingly and continued, "i met him a couple of times in social gatherings and he always enquired about rano, and then you! I could clearly see the love for you in his eyes despite not having seen you for so many years".
I hugged her, overcome by emtions and she lovingly took me into her arms. I was overwhelmed by the amount of love this lady held for us.
I went back home and asked told Maan about my conversation with Beeji.
He smiled and said, "yes! i have always loved you...since the time i have known you. i know you had a dislike for me, you didn't like me putting restrictions over you when you were young, but what could I do?
I have always wanted to protect you from all the harm in the world. You were, and still are so innocent, so naive. How could I let anything/anyone harm you in front of my eyes!
It was a pin for me o not be able to see you throughout the year, but i knew you were fine through Beeji. But, when the family moved away, i was confused-confused by my feelings towards you. i thought it was just concern, maybe a crush, yet the feeling only grew stronger. Not knowing how you would look, i still loved you-yes, I had accepted long back that i love you.
So, when this my family asked me if I wanted to marry you, I was on the seventh heaven...it was as if the heavens had heard my prayers,yet i wanted to know if you were ready and Beeji assured me you were. I will always be thankful to her for giving me my life...my soul".
My eyes were filled by now and I hugged him tightly, thanking Beeji and Babaji for giving me the most precious happiness in the world.
Next week when I paid a visit to her, I was shocked.
If I had been pained by what she saw a week back, I couldn't even gather to look at beeji beyond a few seconds.
She was almost a skeleton, with hardly any skin left on her. Her eyes were dark now, the twinkle in them, the life, gone!
She had wounds all over her body, which was because she was at the last stage of her disease now! looking at her, I felt miserable...my Beeji who always had the strength to carry on, who was the pillar on which our lives rested, could not even sit up now!
She barely ate anything, couldn't even move her hands and legs and was constantly in pain. My mother was also there with Beeji,trying her best not to break down.
We lived with her for a week after which my mother went home and I too came back to my house.
The doctir had said that there was no hope now and that nothing could be done. she could live for a month, or maybe a day. mediactions were stopped as her body was too weak to even bear the most lightest of medicines.
The next day, in the morning, I got a call from my mother and she was crying bitterly just saying, "BEEJI!"
I knew what had happened and rushed to meet my Beeji! How I prayed that all ths just be a nightmare, but...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv_FM0OlXtc (do listen-lyrics below:)
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...
Ooohhh
Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
Ihad not cried at all till i reached there, Maan by my side.But, when I saw her lifeless body lying there, i just couldn't stop myself. i cried, sobbed silently, with Maan holding me close.
My mom had reached and she was shattered...in consolable...she had lost her mother...her source of inspiration...her source of love...her biggest support system...her evrything.
i couldn't break down in front of her, and I didn't. I held myself together and me and my sisters consoled her, or tried to do so hiding our tears from everyone.
later in the day,after her last rights, i went home to take a bath as i had not taken my clothes along. In reality, i knew that wouldn't be able to hold any longer. Maan understood and took me home. as soon as I reached our room, i broke down completely. i wanted to scream out aloud and I did. i cried like a baby...yelling...sobbing uncintrollably, and Maan held me to him protectively. he soothed me for hours, giving me strenghth, taking away my pain, sucking away the anguish, filling me with his warmth, cocooning me in his love, making me calm down. He held me close till i was composed again.
He said, "Geet! Beeji got her mukti!"
I looked at him, with tears threatening to fall again, while he continued, "She was ther for you always, and she is still looking at you from her heavenly abode. She wanted to see all her kids getting married and she staid on for you all. But, you know na, she was in pain since the past few days. You should be thankful to god for having relieved her off her pain".
Though I terribly missed her and the loss was irreparable, I also knew what he was saying was true.
I decide not to cry as that would only hurt her. As I bathed, i actually bathed in all the memories of the time spent with her...her lfe...her sacrifices...her love...her patience...
What hurt me was that she couldn't meet her Saarthak before she went because her Bhaiya didn't seem to have enough time for the daadi who fouhht with everyone for him...she couldn't see her younger son, who was busy making millions in USA since 5 years, with his mother waiting for a glimpse of him...eventually leaving without meeting him...he couldn't even make it for her last rights...I felt bad for my mother who was now shattered.
I vowed to never let my mother suffer any such neglect as Beeji had to go through. I would make sure that my parents get all the happiness in the world.
With the last ounce of water that i poured on myself, I vowed to live the way Beeji would have wanted me to-with love.
Aftev all It was my Beeji who had taught me the value of love...the value of life.
This is for my Beeji.
This is the song that helped me gain some strenghth. Please do listen.
One day shy of eight years old,
When grandma passed away.
I was a broken hearted little boy,
Blowing out that birthday cake.
How I cried when the sky let go,
With a cold lonesome rain.
My mom smiled, said: "Don't be sad child.
"Grandma's watching you today."
"'Cos there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
"And her tears are pouring down.
"That's how you know she's watching,
"Wishing she could be here now.
"An' sometimes if you're lonely,
"Just remember she can see.
"There's holes in the floor of Heaven
"And she's watching over you and me."
Seasons come and seasons go,
Nothing stays the same.
I grew up, fell in love,
Met a girl who took my name.
Year by year, we made a life,
In this sleepy little town.
I thought we'd grow old together,
Lord, I sure do miss her now.
But there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And her tears are pouring down.
That's how I know she's watching,
Wishing she could be here now.
An' sometimes when I'm lonely,
I remember she can see.
There's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And she's watching over you and me.
Well my little girl is 23,
I walk her down the aisle.
It's a shame her Mom can't be here now,
To see her lovely smile.
They throw the rice, I catch her eye,
As the rain starts coming down.
She takes my hand; says: "Daddy don't be sad,
'Cos I know Mama's watching now."
"And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
"And her tears are pouring down.
"That's how you know she's watching,
"Wishing she could be here now.
"An' sometimes when I'm lonely,
"I just remember she can see.
"Yes, there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
"And she's watching over you and me."
Watching over you and me.
Watching over you and me.
Watching over you and me
When grandma passed away.
I was a broken hearted little boy,
Blowing out that birthday cake.
How I cried when the sky let go,
With a cold lonesome rain.
My mom smiled, said: "Don't be sad child.
"Grandma's watching you today."
"'Cos there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
"And her tears are pouring down.
"That's how you know she's watching,
"Wishing she could be here now.
"An' sometimes if you're lonely,
"Just remember she can see.
"There's holes in the floor of Heaven
"And she's watching over you and me."
Seasons come and seasons go,
Nothing stays the same.
I grew up, fell in love,
Met a girl who took my name.
Year by year, we made a life,
In this sleepy little town.
I thought we'd grow old together,
Lord, I sure do miss her now.
But there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And her tears are pouring down.
That's how I know she's watching,
Wishing she could be here now.
An' sometimes when I'm lonely,
I remember she can see.
There's holes in the floor of Heaven,
And she's watching over you and me.
Well my little girl is 23,
I walk her down the aisle.
It's a shame her Mom can't be here now,
To see her lovely smile.
They throw the rice, I catch her eye,
As the rain starts coming down.
She takes my hand; says: "Daddy don't be sad,
'Cos I know Mama's watching now."
"And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
"And her tears are pouring down.
"That's how you know she's watching,
"Wishing she could be here now.
"An' sometimes when I'm lonely,
"I just remember she can see.
"Yes, there's holes in the floor of Heaven,
"And she's watching over you and me."
Watching over you and me.
Watching over you and me.
Watching over you and me
I am sorry, for i know that its not well-written, but it couldn't have been done any other way!
Love
Swati
Ishaani
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
Bade Achche Lagte Hain Naya Season
