Posted:
My Confession
She stole my cake the first time we met. It was the party for my 7th birthday. I was sitting in one of the quieter sitting areas in my house, away from the grabbing and touching adults. I had 2 pieces of my favorite double chocolate cake in my plate, sitting next to me on the floor. I was quietly eating my cake and had reached for the second piece, to see it gone from my plate. Looking down a couple feet from me had given me the reason.
She was sitting there, a two year old pixie, with curly hair and a very pink puffy dress, eating and making a mess of the other piece of chocolate cake. She must have sensed me looking and she looked over. I had never seen a more brighter person. She seemed to shine, when she smiled at me that chocolate smeared smile, her eyes which were too big for her, shining so bright too. Then she giggled and looking down once, held out the rest of my cake piece towards me.
I was habitually a shy person but being with her, I remember was so easy, I had gone over and taken a bite out the cake she was waiving towards me before offering it back to her. I never saw her again after that incident. Her and my parents had come in shortly after we were done eating cake, and after a while they had left with her held securely in their arms. The last sight I remember was her looking over her fathers shoulder, and smiling and waiving at me still covered in chocolate.
She came back in my life quietly, the next time I saw her, some 19 years later. She was suddenly sitting there in front of me, having dinner with my family. I knew it was her the moment I saw her, it seemed she had finally grown into those eyes. The whole dinner, I was engaged in talks with the men at the table and did not hear much from her. She still seemed different though, different from the other girls I had met for the rest of my life. But, our second meeting was much like our first, with glances and very little words.
This pattern continued on to our third meeting. The third meeting, being as accidental as the first two. She was sitting there with the rest of the ladies from our houses and my brother, when I chanced upon them. She was laughing brightly and enjoying the food, making conversation. Again, I did not get much chance to talk to her but I was so glad to see that she was still the same. She sparkled with the same mischief and innocence as she had when I had first met her. Though I did not exchange more than a few hellos, I had the opportunity to observe her. She was so natural and so lively, putting herself so whole heartedly in everything. I was grateful for my mother, grandmother, and dev for engaging her in so many topics ranging from entertainment to music to politics to fashion to art, it gave me a chance to just sit there and enjoy.
I was also grateful for the fact that I was not expected to actually engage in the lively discussion which was radiating around the table. Though I talked to my mother and grandmother regarding things, I had garnered the reputation for being a quiet one. In many ways, my penchant for shyness had carried on to adulthood with me. My family was well aware of my habits, and I was grateful that I was mostly involved with business talks at the first dinner our families had together, this way the other females, she would not have expectations of me to make conversation. I think I spent the whole time mostly looking at her, of course, I had to careful though because it would be odd for a person with my reputation to be caught staring.
From there, we often saw each other, often encountering each other when the families gathered. Despite meeting so many times, I don't think we had ever spoken to each other, yes we exchanged initial greetings but nothing more than that. The opportunity for us to speak actually came when she applied for the post of Marketing Manager at my company. I had chosen the heads of the major departments and myself to conduct these interviews. I knew she was interviewing. Along with the others, I had handpicked the best candidates for the position.
Again I was grateful for my habits. I was known for being very particular in the people that I hired. It was the best reason to start off our conversations. She was already qualified, being the best in her graduating class, and more so being at top in her current classes. More than that, all the questions which she was given, mostly by me and some by the other department heads very handled perfectly by her. The group leading this company was young and dynamic, with her charm and wit she proved herself. It was a unanimous decision, She got the job.
From there, we saw each other every day. Working together on projects, meetings, late night assignments. I really got to know her then, yes we were still mostly talking about work but it's hard not to know a person after spending so much time together. For example, I found out the best way to win her good graces was to bride her with a steaming cup of hot and sweet tea when she first came in to the office. And, it was apparent from the get go that she was very different from me personality wise. Whereas I was more introverted, mostly communicating with others only when giving them work or orders, she quickly became the heart of the office. Whereas I was aware of everyone who worked in my office, she knew them. Within weeks of starting work, she knew everyone's life history's, likes, dislikes, etc.
She was the first one in the office, to treat me normally. Where the others where either in too much fear or awe of me, she saw me. She was the first to challenge me, to reprimand me, to stand up to me. I have to admit, it took even me some time to get used to her brand of behavior. As the time passed and as she acted more herself, it seems the other started following her example. I don't even recall the moment things changed, but before I realized it, the others in my office, my fellow colleges, my subordinates, people like Adi and Pinky, started treating me more normally. I wonder how she did it. Thanks to her, for the first time people were seeing me as more than The Maan Singh Khurana.
As time went on, she was now my habit. My day seemed incomplete without her and I was thankful for a friend like her in my life. It came as a surprise to me when one day I overheard the conversation between her and Dev regarding her parents considering a potential alliance between her and him. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. I did not know whether to be glad or disappointed by the fact that Dev was in love with Meera and would not marry Geet. I could not feel within myself if I should be happy or sad. It was surprising the disappointment I felt that Geet would not be a part of my family, tied to us, tied to me forever. From there I got to thinking that if not Dev, then Geet would eventually marry someone and eventually become less involved with her friends and her job, less involved with me. These feelings were so disconcerting, I decided not to think on them for the moment, thinking on the possibilities would get me nowhere and there was nothing that I could do about this now, so I put these thoughts in the back of my mind.
And life moved on, by the events of the failed potential alliance between Dev and Geet, Dev was more concerned about the future, should our parents decided to look for a bride for him, since I had already declared that I was not interested in such things for now, so he was quick to relay his intentions to our parents about his plans to propose to Meera as soon as she graduated. The ensuing series of conversations changed the course of my relationship with Geet. As happy as everyone was about the pending alliance between Dev and Meera, all of them wanted to see me married first. My response of course was the same as always, No. It was then, about the third time the conversation was making the rounds at the dinner table within 7 days, that Dev suggested that, "what about Geet?". Surprisingly I had not considered that before, but how could I, knowing my past, knowing that I had failed in the first and only relationship I had with a woman, could I risk the same with her.
Not surprisingly, my parents and Grandmother, were quick to jump onto the idea, delighted because they already considered her a daughter to the family. I cant say that I did not put up a protest, but when I got to thinking, all I could think of was the fact that by marrying her, she would always be with me, always beside me, this brightness, this happiness which had entered my life with her would never leave me. I don't know how she feels about me, if she thought of me as more than a friend; So eventually, to everyone's great delight I said yes, now the only wait was her reply. She said yes.
Everything happened so quickly after that, I don't know if it was due to fear that I would change my mind or that they were so eager to make Geet a permanent part of the family. They same morning that Geet's family said yes, my family was consulting the priest, matching our horoscopes, and looking for auspicious days to hold our wedding. It was decided that the engagement would happen immediately and the wedding in 6 months, because of the auspiciousness and because they wanted us to take an extended honey moon once her semester ended. Things were hectic the rest of the day with invitations and preparations for the engagement. I did not get a chance to ask her why she said yes and to talk to her about this situation. I had to talk to her and tell her about my past. Now that I was determined about this wedding, I wanted no shadows to fall on this relationship.
The next day, the day of our engagement, I decided to camp for a few hours and clear my mind, prepare my self to tell her about my past, and to brace myself for any answer she might give once she knew everything. For the first time since we started working together, we were apart for 2 days. The next time I saw her was at our engagement, the spotlight was on her as she entered the ballroom, completely decked out in a peacock green and navy blue sari. She was breathtaking. I could see her apprehension but it seemed to dissipate as the engagement proceeded and was gone by the time we danced together for the first time as a couple. I had not realized the extent to how much I was missing her, until I saw her again and was dancing with her in my arms. As soon as the dance ended I knew I could not delay any longer and pulled her aside to speak with her.
Now, I don't even remember the exact words that I said, I was nervous despite my preparation. Somewhere in between my nervous talking, I told her about my past, about the only other woman who had come close to me. I told her about Sameera and about what how she left me, why she left me. I could not look at her while telling her that the reason why Sam left me was because of her fears and refusal to act as the eldest daughter in law of such a big family and that she could not give up her freedom. I could show her my disappointment that Sam could not put me first and the fear that Geet would feel the same. I cannot express my delight and happiness when instead of agreeing with Sam, Geet seemed to hold her in contempt and said that taking care of a family was not a burden but rather an honor, a joy.
I told her how happy I was that she felt that way. I let her know that she was my best friend. I let her know that my family was very happy with this alliance. I told her I would give this marriage my best, she told me she would do the same. In all my happiness at her response, I had almost forgotten to ask her why she had agreed to the marriage in the first place but before I could think to ask her we were called away to the party by our parents. I decided it did not matter, she had given me her yes. She and her brightness and her happiness and her innocence and her friendship and her all, was now mine, I could only be thankful and do my best to hold on to it. Looking back, I am surprised that all that I was feeling, I was a fool to not give a name to my feelings for her.
From there the time seemed to move on. Sometimes it seemed to move too fast and at times too slow. All the time with her seemed to go by too fast, and the all the time away too slow. She always had the ability to make me open up, with my absolute knowledge that she was mine, I could not hold back any part of my self anymore from her. I did not realize how it happened but soon it seemed as if all our free time was spent together, just talking, though surprisingly our roles were reversed, with me being the one talking and her being the one listening. The time spent together with us going on dates and attending parties together, also showed me that I had nothing to remotely worry about regarding her ability or her willingness to handle being the wife of Maan Sing Khurana. To say that she took to the role like a duck does water would be an understatement.
As time went on, the awareness and the intensity between us increased. Whereas before I could always see how beautiful she was, now it was even more noticeable, almost as if nature was putting a constant spotlight on her, always making my eyes glued to her. I was becoming less afraid by the day. Soon instead of just attending parties we had to, we started spending time going to movies, having dinner because we wanted to. I could not help myself giving her flowers or hugging her or kissing her forehead, she seemed to sparkle brighter than a diamond when I did that, and in turn I could not help but feel happy because of her.
I finally got the answer as to why she agreed to marry me, on the day which I gifted her a pair of payal and was tying them onto her delicate ankles. As I was tying them on her feet, I had momentarily looked up and into her eyes. The look in her eyes, one that I had seen many times before, but I finally put a name on it that day, she was looking at me with love in her eyes. The rest of the day, I was a mixture of extreme happiness and disbelief. All I could think of was that she loves me. And not to my surprise, I finally admitted to myself, that I too was in love with her, had probably been since the first time that I saw her.
The next task for me was to plan my confession to her. But in order to do that I first wanted to give her a surprise. I finally decided on the perfect gift and called the family jewelers to have it custom made. I planned a special date for us, for our 5th month anniversary. With only a couple of days left to that evening, with my gift for her ready and perfect, my life was faced with another twist. We were to have a meeting with the project manger of our new clients, when Sameera walked in. I could not help but feel hate and despair on seeing her. All that I could think of was that I did not want her anywhere near Geet. I know she could probably spot the love in my eyes for my Geet and probably see my hate for her. I don't know how it had taken me so much time to see that not all which sparkled was true, but I am glad I learned it, how could I not when seeing the true sparkle of Geet. I could see past Sam's mechanisms now and did not want her to influence or use Geet in any way.
I had to cancel my surprise the following night, due to insistences from the new client and Sam, we had to hold a meeting instead for the project. So with my surprise in my coat pocket, I was forced to carry on with my work. It was then that I decided I wanted Sam completely out of our lives before I confessed to Geet, I did not want any of her schemes to come in between us. I knew Geet was looking forward to our date but I decided to make it up to her by taking her to lunch to her favorite restaurant the next day. I had to talk to her actually and let her know about the unpleasant aspects of Sam's personality and ask her to give me a few days to get rid of Sam. I was already planning on talking to the client about an alternative project manager.
But before I could talk to Geet about all this, she was there. The moment Geet had left for the restroom, she was standing there looking pitiful and pleading to me to take her back, how sorry she was, that she had been wrong. Before I could even respond to her, Geet was standing there also, looking at me, looking at this situation, this tamasha, which was going on. As soon as Geet entered the area, Sam started crying harder, looking at me. From experience I knew it was not soon before she would start bawling noisily and talking loudly, drawing attention and scandal. As soon as I could I grabbed her and hauled her out of the restaurant, I could not let Geet be exposed to this kind of scandal.
As soon as I dropped her off at her hotel, a place where I could be sure she would not create a scandal, I gave her a piece of mind. I let her know exactly what I thought of her, what little she meant to me, and with a warning to stay away from Geet, I returned back to the restaurant. It was unsurprising that Geet was not there. Even more determined than before, I was quick to get together with the new client and decided to meet them personally and arrange for a new project manager to be assigned to our deal.
I had seen the look of hurt in Geet's eyes, eyes which usually sparkled with such life were clouded with despair and tears because of Sam's presence in our lives. As much as I wanted to go to her immediately, to get on my knees and propose my love, and ask her forgiveness, and for her love forever, unfortunately my first priority was to protect her. If I knew Sam, then she would spare no measure to placate her ego for my refusal of her, even it meant hurting Geet. As much as I hated it, I spent the next 2 days taking caring of the Sam and the new client.
By the time, which I had taken care of everything, I got the news that she was gone, she had left, that she was on her way to America. I got this news just as I was making my way to her house, to talk to her, to make my confession. The new was from Pinky, one of Geet's close friends and one of the few to know Geet's plans to leave. It was a frantic call to let me know that Geet was on her way to America because she felt that I was not in love with her and thought that I was gone with Sam, but Pinky explained she thought that Geet and I were in love and could not bear to see this happen and so was letting me know all this, even though Geet had asked her not to.
Thanking God for having well meaning friends. Instead of going to her house, I immediately make my way to the airport, mean while calling my contact to get my plane ready and to find out her flight itinerary. I find out she would be landing in Germany in a few hours, her plane had already taken off a few hours ago. She was supposed to have a stop over there for about 7 hours.
I chartered my plane and was on route to her. I could catch her at Germany. I was restless the whole journey through. What could I say, how could I convey to her what she means to me. While pondering this, I was fortunate enough to remember that I had been carrying around my gift for her in my pocket. I knew that would be the best place to start.
I was quick to inquire about her once I landed at Germany airport. To my relief, passenger from her flight were restricted to one terminal after clearing the security check points. I went there as soon as I could. On looking around, I found her lounging in the seats in front of the Hagen-Daz ice cream parlor, enjoying a slice of what looked like chocolate ice cream cake. Sending a silent thank you to God, I make my way to her. On my way to her, I grab a spoon from the counter.
She is so lost in eating her cake, that she does not see me until I am digging my spoon into the other side of her cake and eating it. I can see from her expression that she was definitely not expecting this. Still looking at her, I just give her a smile and shrugging my shoulders, dig into the chocolate again and instead of eating the bite, offer it up to her. Still looking dazed, she just looks at the it and back at me again, repeating the motion a few times. Finally taking a bite, when the chocolate starts to drip on my finger. It does not take long for us to finish up the cake. She has gone from her surprised look to her extremely happy look. She still has not asked me how come but I know for this conversation I would have to go first.
That day I had hurt her, even unknowingly, and for that I would crawl even if I had to. Taking her hand, I take her to the VIP lounge. Thankfully, the place is deserted except for us, giving us the privacy appropriate for this conversation. Seating her down on one of the plush sofas, I pull out the gift box I had been carrying with me for days. Pulling out the necklace I hold it out to her. Looking at the necklace, she is amazed and confused. At a distance it looks like a geometrical shaped heart, it is only when I hold it closer to her does she what it really is. The showpiece of the necklace was the pendant hanging on it. The pendant was made of rare dark red amber shaped like 2 cake slices crossing each other, making it look like a heart from a distance. Leaning forward I place the necklace around her neck and clasp it. Finally pulling back from our half embrace, I hold her hands and start to tell her the story of a small pixie who stole my cake and my heart when I was 7 years old and how that pixie stole my soul years later with her love. Finally kneeling in front of her, I ask her if this pixie would be kind enough to grant me forever in return of my heart and soul.
Her only answer was to leap into my arms and kiss me. I took that for the unequaled yes that it was. Thankfully, she was yet to call her parents to tell them that she was on her way to America. After making calls to her parents and mine, we tell them that we should be back from our journey within 2 days. Finally settling that, all that is left to us is to finally express all that we should have a long time ago but as they say better late, than never.
Finally finishing the entry into her laptop, he closes it. She was soundly sleeping in the bed as they are making their way back to India. He had come across her entry when checking his emails on her laptop. He had been brought to tears at the extent of her love. Hoping that after the days they have spent together, she never has the chance to question his love again, he makes a vow regardless to show her his love every day for the rest of their lives. Marking the document as My Confession, he place it's entry on the center of her computer screen and close the laptop. Quietly he makes his way to the bed and shedding his robe, slides into the bed beside her.
Now I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am captured by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession
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Maan's POV for the OS --Already Gone--
let me know what you think. Comments are welcome and appreciated.
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Kumkum Bhagya
Bade Achche Lagte Hain Naya Season
Cricket
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