Jokes - Page 104

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girivanam

@girivanam

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1031

😃 😃 😃

KFC: Our Daily Chicken

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.

Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'''

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1032

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Edited by netra_rama - 17 years ago

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1033

There was this man that was an accountant for the mob. He happened to be deaf and mute. While working for the mob he collected over 500,000 dollars by stealing from the books.

The mob boss finds out about this and sends two hitmen to his house. Since the accountant was deaf and mute his brother translated what his brother said.

Hitman: where is the money?

Accountant signs he does not know

Brother: he said he does not know

Hitman: tell us where the money is or we will kill your wife and kids, burn down your house, and castrate you!

Accountant signs fast and furiously that the money is in a safe that is hidden in the floorboard of his closet and gives the combination.

Hitman: what did he say?

Brother: you don't have the balls!

Edited by netra_rama - 17 years ago

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1034

In office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning.

Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.

Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait & see who would leave work the earliest and both employees stayed after closing.

Jill finally went to the coat rack & the manager went up to her & said,
"Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."

Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."

Edited by netra_rama - 17 years ago

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girivanam

@girivanam

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1035

Very funny ones Netra especially the paper shredder 😆 😆 😆

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1036

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"

The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."

"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.

"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."

"Like this?"

"A little more..."

"Like this?"

"No. A little more..."

"Like this?"

"Yes. Does that hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Now stretch it over your head!"

Edited by netra_rama - 17 years ago

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1037

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"

The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

Edited by netra_rama - 17 years ago

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1038

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."

Edited by netra_rama - 17 years ago

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1039

An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in.

The doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first."

The old woman says, "Oh, no, it's his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs."

The doctor says, "Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and God turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and God would turn the light out for him."

The old woman responded, "Damn it, he's peeing in the fridge again!"

Edited by netra_rama - 17 years ago

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Netra Ramanathan

@netra_rama

Rocker

Posted: 17 years ago

#1040

An old couple go to a doctor and ask him to watch them have sex and tell if he see's them doing anything wrong. So they have sex. While they are getting dressed the doctor said, "Well I don't see anything wrong!"

A week later they come again and ask the doctor to watch to see if they are doing anything wrong. They have sex and the doctor says, "Well again I don't see anything wrong."

This goes on for weeks. Then the doctor asks why they keep coming.

The guy said: "If we go to her house her husband will catch us. If we go to my house my wife will catch us. A hotel costs fifty bucks. Here it's thirty-five dollars and medicare pays half!"

Edited by netra_rama - 17 years ago

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