Chapter Thirty Six"What is it that he has that I don't?" Abhimanyu had asked Aalekh once musingly, caught by a sudden jealousy. "Why do they love him so much, listen to his every word? Why would they lay down their lives for him?"
Aalekh had smiled slightly, that small smile he sometimes gave when he felt that the answer was obvious and that the other person simply did not want to see it.
"We love him because he has won our trust, because he has proved himself to us, been there for us when we needed him." Aalekh had replied, thinking that it was better in this case to say more than less. "You can't win by competing with him, Sir. You need to be patient, you need to make your own place in our hearts."
Years later Abhimanyu had wished that he'd listened to that advice, that instead of competing with Raj he had cooperated with him, helped him. But competing had been an old habit, difficult to let go of and he had always wondered how things could've turned out differently if he had.
Would Raj have trusted him enough to take him along that day? Would his friend have lived instead of died, growing old with him and laughing over their past follies?
Abhimanyu had surely lived but it had always been a life of regret.
**
Hearing the knock on his door, Abhimanyu called out a short 'come in', wondering who it could be at this hour. He smiled as he saw Aalekh peer around the door, realizing that his friend must have come to tell him about the engagement.
"Come in Aalekh." He told him, and then froze suddenly as he saw Dhiraj walk in after him because no matter how many times he saw the young man there was always that shock, that pang of regret about everything that should have been and wasn't. "Dhiraj come in, no need to stand on ceremony after hours." Abhimanyu told him lightly, trying to hide the grief that threatened to come to the surface.
The young man stepped inside the room and Aalekh closed the door after him, but neither of them spoke. Dhiraj instead stared at Abhimanyu almost measuringly, examining him closely as if after a long time and that look of recognition was almost but no, Abhimanyu was letting his hopes give him delusions that
Abhimanyu was about to break the silence when Dhiraj finally spoke, a wry smile on his face.
"Have you grown so old, Chauhan Saheb" he told him, "That you no longer recognize your best friend?"
Abhimanyu stared at him, because that nickname, that tone of voice and the inflection in the way that he said it, the casual way in which he stood it was all Raj and Raj
Had finally returned to him.
"Raj?" he asked almost in a whisper and his friend's one nod was all he needed to step forward, one step and two and then three until they were finally face to face and Abhimanyu threw his arms around his friend hugging him tightly, afraid of the moment when he would have to let go because after twenty five long years of regret and pain he never wanted to let Raj go again.
"How? When?" he asked him, finally stepping back and holding Raj at arm's length to examine him properly. It was not just the light in Raj's eyes that convinced him of the truth, it was that old knowing look he had always had, that quiet wisdom that Abhi had never quite been able to understand.
Because Raj had always had help and advice for anybody who needed it, had always known exactly what to do.
It had only been himself that he was never able to help.
"After the engagement," Raj replied to him, "For a long time now I have been feeling it, realizing it, probably from the very first moment that I saw her I would remember small things and then not know how, confusing myself over strange thoughts that came to my head. Then last night everybody was there in front of me and Naina" he stops abruptly, because some things
Abhimanyu smiled at his friend's certainty and at his determination. "You will, my friend." He told him, "We will all see to it."
"And now…" Raj addressed them both and Aalekh stepped forward from where he had been standing, waiting for the reunion to be completed. "I want to know what happened after my death, everything that I've missed from all of your lives but first I need to know about Naina…" he tells them, "How did she… what happened to her after my death and how did she die?"
"I think that Aalekh can tell you best," Abhimanyu replied, as they sat down, "Because he was the one that saw most of it, the one that was there in the end."
"Naina did try to keep living after your death," Aalekh began, "Or perhaps she didn't try that hard because she didn't see any point to stay alive but she certainly didn't give up immediately. She tried to fulfill the promises she made to you, she had your killers punished, she became a good soldier… but she was never happy, she couldn't bring herself to be. She took mission after mission in the hope that it would end easily and after her parents died it became much worse. It took four long years but finally Naina achieved what she wanted. She died a hero, and she died… believing that she would see you again."
Raj is silent, taking it all in because the pain that she suffered as a result of his death and the torment that she went through is almost too much to think about.
He can only try to make it up to her now, to give her every happiness in this lifetime that she missed out in the last one, give her everything that she could ever want.
Finally he nods, accepting the truth. "Then tell me about my cadets, tell me about my friends. Tell me everything I missed."
"It will take a long time," Abhimanyu tells him, "Maybe even longer than tonight."
"It's alright," Raj replied with a smile, "I've got an entire lifetime."
**
Raj returned to his room in the early hours of the morning, careful to try not to wake Samir who he assumed must be sleeping.
But as soon as he opened the door, Samir switched on the bedside lamp, regarding him in the dim light.
"Something has changed, hasn't it?" Samir asked him. "You've been acting differently from the moment you walked into breakfast this morning."
"You know me too well, Samir." Raj told him with a small smile, "You've always been able to tell these things."
"But Dhiraj…" Samir began to say before suddenly stopping, his eyes widening. "You've remembered, haven't you?"
"I have," Raj confirmed, "At first things were quite hazy and confusing and in a way they still are…"
Samir looked at him with an expression of sympathy and perhaps a little bit of fear, of losing his best friend now that he had regained his memory. "It must be damn confusing," he told him, "Two lives and two sets of memories… but what do I call you now? How much has changed?"
"I'm still a bit confused over it," Raj admitted, "Am I Dhiraj or Rajveer? Do I belong to this life or that one? The memories are so raw and somehow the two lives have to fit together, have to make sense as one…" he crossed over to Samir's bed, sitting beside him. "You can call me whatever you want but I'm still your friend Dhiraj who attended the academy with you and who has laughed and fought along with you, none of that has changed."
Samir gave him a lopsided smile wondering how Dhiraj… Raj…. Could've guessed his fears so perfectly but apparently that was something that he'd always been able to do in both his lifetimes.
"And Asha?" Samir asked him.
"Is still Asha." Raj replied. "She'll remember when she's ready to, I think that it's only a matter of time, that perhaps she only needs a trigger. She remembers some things, has dreams of the past."
Raj shook his head slightly as if to clear it, "It's so strange," he told Samir, "Everyone I knew has grown older, had children who are almost my age, lived full lives… now even my old cadets are higher than me in rank and between us we can't figure out who should be saluting who."
Samir laughed, "That my friend, will take some time to get used to. For now I think you'd better get some sleep, you need a clear head to deal with all this in the morning."
Dhiraj nodded and after changing his clothes lay down in bed as Samir turned out the light.
He was going to be careful because it was not going to be easy to balance the two halves of the whole.
And finally that is what he was… whole.
**
Edited by gazal_sameer - 16 years ago
Financial markets and global economy
Ishaani
66