Okay guys here it is .I apologise for making you wait This is very very long update
Chapter Thirty Four
He still remembered the last time he had seen her alive.
It was five months before her death and even then she had looked worn out, tired, the spark that had once been in her eyes was completely gone. She had been in Delhi for a meeting and had come to visit Shalini and him since they were both currently posted there.
Naina had been quiet, she hadn't spoken much, instead allowing Yudi and Shalini to speak, listening to them, observing them. Perhaps she had seen the cracks that were already appearing in their relationship, seen the tenseness, the sudden silences.
It was when Shalini had gone to prepare dinner and Yudi had paused, wondering what more he could say, that Naina had leaned forward, a serious look on her face.
"Yudi..." she had begun quietly, and it had been the sorrow in her eyes that had grabbed his attention as she spoke, "No matter how difficult things are in life, never forget how lucky you are to have somebody who loves you… there is nothing more important than that."
He had wanted to speak, to tell her how difficult it really was, how he didn't know whether it was really worth it anymore, but that one sorrowful look of hers stopped him.
It had been that look of utter pain that had caused Yudi to start realizing what a fool he was really being.
And Yudi had wondered what justice it was that the girl who had ensured everybody else received happiness had been given none herself.
Because Naina had always been determined to save them all even when she wouldn't do a thing to save herself…
Had her pain really been necessary in order to show them all their mistakes? Had there been no better way to teach them their lessons?
And Yudi had wished… that they could all be given another chance to make things right.
**
"I'm so glad you actually managed to make it, Dr Shalini." Asha told her, still smiling, "We were worried about whether you'd be back in time or not."
"Believe me, I wouldn't have missed this for the world…" Shalini replied, making an effort to tear her eyes away from Dhiraj. Seeing Rajveer again had brought back all the old memories, everything that she ever regretted telling him. She remembered telling him how many problems would be caused by his loving Naina… she had never once told him that it was alright for him to do so.
It had taken his death to show her how little regulations mattered compared to love and life.
Finally pulling herself together, she tugged Yudi's hand slightly, pulling him forward. "This is Yudi, my husband. Colonel Yaduvansh Sahni."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sir." Asha told him politely and Yudi could barely stop himself from reeling backwards, further affected when Dhiraj also stepped forward, greeting him just as politely.
Neither of them could know exactly how much their politeness and respect hurt him, how affected he could be by them calling him Sir. For the first time Yudi understands exactly how difficult it has been for Aalekh all these days, how difficult to be treated as a stranger, as a superior by two of the people that you have loved most in your life.
Captain Rajveer had not only saved his life, he had also changed it. Yudi knew that without him, he would never have become the officer he is today, would never have overcome his doubts and insecurities. And Naina… Naina had taught him what courage was, had taught him what was worth living for and what was worth dying for. If it wasn't for Naina, then Yudi might have made one of the worst mistakes of his life.
"Please… no calling me Sir," he manages to say with a weak smile, "We've come to celebrate Amiya and Samir's engagement not on any official business. You can both call me Yudi."
Asha nods a bit self consciously, "I'll certainly try Si… Yudi." Having said the name, she gives him a bright smile, almost as if something in her remembers the times she had said it in the past.
Yudi returns her smile before he looks away, blinking to stop the tears that come to his eyes. Whether she remembers or not, he has both his friend and his mentor in front of him today and after years of heartache, years of grief, that's more than enough for him.
"And this is Colonel Sharma's wife, Neelu." Shalini continues the introductions and Neelu steps forward with a smile, glad that she's the last to be introduced, that she's at least had time to prepare to meet them.
Seeing them there in front of her, the only thing she can think of is Aalekh. Because she hadn't attended the academy she had never been as close to Naina and Captain Rajveer as the others were, and as a result had always tended to see them through her husband's eyes. Today she realized how heartwrenching it must have been for him to see them again, both to have the wounds ripped open after so many years and also to heal them.
She greets both of them, trying to keep the curiousity out of her face as Dhiraj's looks at both her and Yudi as if he's trying to remember something forgotten long ago.
"You two are brother and sister, aren't you?" he finally asks, looking at them still with an expression of puzzlement on his face.
Yudi makes a sound as if he's choking, and Shalini grabs his hand tightly, trying to calm him.
"Yes," Neelu replies, knowing that Yudi isn't capable of speech at the moment. "Yes we are… how did you know?"
Dhiraj himself looks a bit confused by this before he smiles in that easy way he always had.
"There's a resemblance," he tells them, "I suppose army training has taught us all to be observant, to be able to guess the relationships between people."
"Well it's my good luck that my sister was smart enough to choose to get married to one of my best friends." Yudi finally says, the words only slightly sticking in his throat. "We've stuck together over the years…"
"But you weren't always so happy," Asha remarks quietly, and then looking surprised at herself adds, "Were you?"
"No," Yudi tells her, "No I wasn't." he wants to smile, laugh because she seems to remember something about Aalekh and Neelu's first disastrous attempt to get married at KMA. However Yudi knows that he has to be patient, that he has to allow them the time to process all of this, to remember it all on their own.
Seeing all of this Amiya glanced at Samir, who nodded slightly at her, taking her hand. Their friends seemed to be recalling things from the past at a much faster rate than they ever had before, giving them hope that their plan might succeed, that they might manage to remind Dhiraj and Asha of who they really were.
"Well now that the official introductions are over, I hope you remember me as well." Naina Sharma asked them mischievously, realizing that the mood had become a little tense and needed to be lightened up. Stepping forward she hugged both of the girls and greeted Dhiraj and Samir before introducing herself to Amiya and Samir's parents.
As they all ate lunch together, chattering about their posting in Tawang, Naina's studies at the academy and Yudi and Shalini's experiences in the army, Hussein kept a close watch, wondering whether Asha and Dhiraj would be likely to remember anything else with so many of their friends close by. However nothing happened, the pair chatted happily, and if Asha appeared to look at Yudi more often than the others then it might be simply because she had caught him staring at her.
Hussein knew it had been a long shot, that it was possible the two of them might never fully remember.
But somehow… he feels that these few days might just hold the key.
**
Although the engagement was scheduled to take place in the evening, Yudi woke up early the next day, intending to collect his remaining friends from the airport. He's told the others that he'll be the one to do so, and they understand. They know that the five friends will need some time together alone before tonight's event.
As he glanced at Shalini still sleeping he felt incredibly relieved that she was here with him for this. Careful not to wake his sleeping wife, Yudi dressed and left the hotel room, taking a taxi to the airport to wait.
There was an ache in his chest whenever he saw Naina and Captain Rajveer, he longed to hug them both, cry on their shoulders and tell them how much he'd missed them, how difficult life had been without them. Yudi knew that he'd always easily been the most emotional of the six cadets, never able to control himself properly.
Over the years he had learnt to conceal how he felt, learnt to control his emotions, faced by extreme grief he had had to, or he would've collapsed, lost what sanity he had left.
Aalekh was the first to arrive, his flight being the earliest and the moment that Yudi saw his friend he threw his arms around him, not entirely sure whether the action was intended to comfort Aalekh or himself.
Aalekh hugged Yudi back, he understood just as he had always understood.
"I met them yesterday," Yudi said finally. "They're both healthy… happy… and there was a moment, when Rajveer Sir remembered that Neelu was my sister and I thought that maybe…"
Aalekh does not correct Yudi about the name. It's true after all, that it would've been their Rajveer Sir who had remembered rather than Dhiraj. The same person and yet not, Aalekh wonders how long it will take for the two halves of a whole to be reconciled.
Ali and Pooja are the next to arrive and Yudi hugs them just as hard as he had Aalekh. It seems like an age since he saw them, although he knows it's been less than a year.
"Only one missed call remaining now," Pooja remarks with a tearful smile and Yudi takes her hand, squeezing it comfortingly.
"And then we'll all be back together again," he remarks, "The six of us together once more, just like we used to be."
The very thought stirs him because he could never have imagined it could be possible, had believed that there would always be a gap that it would be the five of them with a space kept vacant.
But in his heart he knows that it can never be like it once was. Even if Naina remembers who she is, too much has happened… too much has changed. They have grown older… and she is the same age as their children. They have lived their lives, full lives, mostly happy lives, and she is beginning hers for a second time.
Even if she were to remember, is it best for her to or will it be too difficult for her to balance the two sides of herself, the past and the present, Naina and Asha?
Yudi's thoughts are interrupted by the announcement that Huda's flight has landed, and they expectantly watch the gate, collectively smiling when their friend walks through it wheeling one bag.
Huda looks tense, tenser than any of them can remember having seen him in recent times, and Aalekh places a hand on their friend's shoulder as if to calm him after they've all hugged one another.
"You saw them, didn't you?" Huda asks Yudi as they walk towards the car. "Yesterday… you saw them?" Apart from him, Yudi is the only one who was yet to see the two of them and Huda wants to know, wants to know anything that anybody can tell him.
"I did," Yudi affirms, "When I saw them… oh man, everything came back to me in a second and there they were, and for a moment, for a moment I felt as if I was a cadet again as if…"
He stops speaking, blinking slightly and Huda nods, understanding how Yudi must feel and knowing that it's likely to be his state as well in a few hours time when he sees them.
"Well no use in us standing around an airport all day," he comments, "Why don't we all go and sit down somewhere? We can talk… about the past."
A past that none of them had ever been able to forget, a past that had never left them.
A past which today, all of them would have to confront.
And Huda hoped to god that he was ready.
**
"You're looking gorgeous, Amiya." Asha told her friend with what she hoped was a reassuring smile, the normally cheerful girl had been looking terribly nervous ever since Asha had come over to meet her in the morning.
"Thanks Asha, so are you." Amiya told her, returning the smile even though she couldn't decide if she was excited or about to throw up. The nerves weren't about Samir, she had no doubts about him, that he was the right one for her. It was about what might happen tonight, about whether it was just possible that seeing all her old friends in the same place, Asha might remember.
Asha was her best friend, Amiya had difficulty remembering a time when she hadn't been. With the return of her memories would she forget Amiya, would she then hold less importance in Asha's life? Because while Amiya knew she was Asha's best friend, what was she for Naina? Taking a deep breath she told herself not to be so selfish worrying about things like that. Even if Naina returned… some part of Asha must remain, and Amiya believed that her best friend would never leave her, even once she regained her memories.
"You must be feeling a bit nervous too…" Amiya remarked, "After all, your parents are probably going to meet Dhiraj tonight."
Asha nodded tensely, she had thought about it, turning the possibilities over in her mind over the past couple of days.
She was confident that at least her parents wouldn't make a scene in public, but she had no idea how they might react, what they might say to him.
"As long as they don't make a scene, I'll be happy." She told Amiya, "I can't hope for more than that."
Stepping forward, she helped to add the finishing touches to her friend's outfit, adjusting the dupatta slightly where it was pinned and checking the fall of the lengha. Although she looked pleased, Amiya still made a face at herself in the mirror, not used to being in such feminine clothes.
Seeing her do so, Asha laughed, and tugged on her hair.
"Just wait until Samir sees you," she teased, "He'll go bright red and not be able to say a single word."
"You're probably right," Amiya replied with a grin, "I can't wait to see it."
There was a soft knock on the door and Naina and Riti walked in, the two girls had been at the hall helping to check with the preparations and now that the time for the engagement had almost come, had arrived back at Amiya's house to get ready.
"You two look gorgeous," Naina told them with a smile, "Don't worry, Riti and I will get ready quickly and then we'll all be ready to go."
"You're both late," Amiya tells them in a mock stern tone of voice, "You were meant to be here an hour ago! What happened, you couldn't tear yourself away from Hussein?"
"More like I couldn't tear HJ away from Riti," Naina replies with a laugh, and Riti sighs slightly looking exasperated although a smile twitches the corner of his mouth.
"Poor guy," Asha says sympathetically, "You know he really does like you… he might be a big flirt but you're the only one he's actually got eyes for."
"And how do you know that?" Riti asks her, still trying not to smile, "I'm still looking for some proof of that."
"Because his father was exactly the same," Asha replies without even thinking, "And it would be good if HJ at least…" she stops speaking suddenly, a frown coming to her face, a slight pain in her head as she thought about what she had just said because she has never met HJ's father only heard about him and yet she is so sure…
"Yes, you're right about that," Naina breaks in with a laugh, knowing that they can't press Asha too much and it's a good sign that she appears to be remembering on her own. "All of us have heard more than enough stories about HJ's father from the academy days. He was the biggest flirt that KMA had ever seen, and yet he had loved one girl truly even if she never returned his feelings…" She can't continue, not now, not at this moment, but she hopes that it will be enough.
"Yes poor HJ," Amiya continued, making a sympathetic face, "Don't torture the poor guy too much Riti, at least he should have a chance to get the girl he loves. Now since it's my engagement day today you can't lie to me, do you like him or not?"
"That's not fair," Riti told her, "You can't put me on the spot like that!"
"I certainly can," Amiya told her stubbornly, "I'm the bride to be, you're all meant to give me exactly what I want today." And she beamed at them.
"Fine," Riti replied with a sigh, "I don't know… I think I like him. He can be a bit annoying, but he makes me laugh. When he's more serious he's somebody I can talk to… but I'm still not convinced that he's serious about me."
"If you really like him then don't waste your life wondering about it," Asha broke in quietly, "Confront him about it tonight. Tell him you like him but you need him to prove his feelings to you, tell him you need him to be a bit more serious about it. Because you don't want to spend your life regretting…"
It had not been Huda that she had regretted… though she had regretted the pain that she knew he went through. No, she had regretted never being brave enough to speak her feelings, never forcing him to speak his, and in the end when she had lost him…
"Trust me Riti, you don't want to have regrets about not saying anything later." Asha finishes, shaking her head slightly at the thought that had come "If anything was to happen then…"
Seeing that the situation has become quite tense, Amiya decides that it's time to take control. "That's enough depressing talk for tonight," she tells them all, "Naina and Riti, hurry up and get ready, and Riti you think about Asha's advice while you do so. Now get a move on, I don't want to be late to my own engagement!"
Asha tries to give Riti what she hopes is an encouraging smile as the two girls begin to get ready. She knows that she shouldn't be interfering in anybody else's life but in matters of love she has always been a bit too emotional.
She has always felt as if she has something to make up for… something to fix. Something… which has remained incomplete.
And Asha can't help but shake the feeling that the time has finally come to complete all deeds left undone.
**
Walking into the hall with Amiya, her eyes immediately sought out Dhiraj's face, smiling when she found him standing by Samir, his arm around his friend's shoulder.
He turned almost the moment that she walked in, as if he had known, as if he had been able to feel her presence. The look that he gave her was decidedly heated as he took in her appearance, a slow smile spreading across his face, he tapped Samir on the shoulder, gesturing to him to turn around and look in their direction.
The moment that he saw Amiya, Samir was dumbfounded. The only thing he had ever seen her wearing was her army uniform and occasionally jeans and t-shirts on her days off. He had never imagined that she could look this good in formal wear and he smiled a bit shyly at her.
Amiya beamed, and followed by Asha, Naina and Riti, she made her way over to him.
"You look beautiful," Samir told her quietly, "I've never seen you wearing formal clothes before…"
"There hasn't really been any opportunity up in Tawang, since I can't really patrol in a lengha." Amiya told him jokingly, "But it's nice to dress up… and you look very handsome."
Reaching out she took his hand and he smiled down at her affectionately, forgetting his shyness for the time being.
Dhiraj did not say a word to Asha, the look that he gave her was more than enough to convey his thoughts. Crossing behind the soon to be engaged couple, he came to stand beside her, placing his arm around her waist, he gazed down at her. She had always been familiar to him… the longing he had felt, the strange feeling of kinship. Tonight Dhiraj couldn't shake the feeling that there was more… that he was missing something, that there was an answer that was just out of reach. Asha looked up suddenly as if guessing his thoughts and seeing his worried expression gave him a reassuring nod. Without understanding why he felt a sudden fear of losing her, Dhiraj tightened his grip on her waist, still not looking away.
This is how Huda sees them together for the first time, his arm around her waist, the two of them gazing at each other somewhat intently until Amiya makes a joke and they both laugh, looking back towards their friends. For a moment he forgets how to breathe looking at them until Aalekh places a hand on his shoulder. Tears come to Huda's eyes and he wipes them away hurriedly.
He had been so wrong… so very wrong. While they had been alive he had never wanted to see Captain Rajveer by her side, had wanted him to keep as much distance as possible. It was only after his death, after Naina's happiness had been taken, her life taken, that he had realized how wrong he had truly been.
Twenty five years ago, Huda would have been burning with anger at such a scene, he would've done his best to disrupt it, gain her attention for himself. Tonight he just wanted to watch them and keep on watching them.
"I'll introduce you to them," Aalekh says quietly, but Huda shakes his head, still with that unknown feeling of fear gnawing at his gut that he might somehow curse them, affect their destiny once again.
"It's fine Qaidi," he tells him, "I've seen them… it's enough. They're happy, let them remain happy. I don't need them to remember… just let them be."
"Stop being such a nautanki, Chief." Yudi told him, understanding how Huda was feeling but knowing that they had to help him get past it. Yudi guessed that Huda might even be a bit afraid of them remembering, as they remembered his part in their past as well. "And besides, we have to greet the happy couple of the evening."
The five friends walked over together, Yudi and Aalekh to either side of Huda as if to support him, and Ali and Pooja following behind.
As soon as she saw them all approaching, Asha couldn't stop the smile that came to her face even as her heart beat slightly faster. There was something about seeing the five of them together like that… as if it was the most right thing in the world and yet something was missing… someone was missing…
As they came to a stop in front of where Asha and Dhiraj stood, Pooja forced herself to tear her gaze away, directing it towards Amiya and Samir instead.
"You two look like the perfect connection!" she told them, "May you always be as happy as you are right now!"
"Yes," Huda echoed, even as his voice stuck in his throat slightly, his gaze shifting from Amiya and Samir to Asha and Dhiraj "May you always be happy together."
Dhiraj is struck by the slight note of pain in the older man's voice and when their eyes meet, he is surprised to see a look of regret and guilt and a kind of… longing. Not a romantic longing but almost as if he was longing for something lost, for somebody who…
"Have I met you before, Sir?" Dhiraj asked him curiously, unable to work out why the man was staring at him that way yet feeling a slight twinge of recognition.
"You know my son…" Huda replied, avoiding part of the question, "I'm HJ's father, Colonel Amardeep Huda."
Hearing the name, Asha starts slightly, turning towards him. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Sir." She tells him politely, "HJ looked after both Amiya and I well when we were posted together in Bangladesh."
Hiding his sorrow, Huda smiled, "At least my son learnt from his father how to look after pretty girls, just as I would've always looked after my Phoolan and Pooji…"
"Phoolan…" Asha says in a strange tone of voice, when they are suddenly interrupted by HJ who has appeared dragging Riti by the hand.
"Dad, this is Riti, you remember her from my graduation, right?" HJ asks, and Huda nods, pleased to have the sudden distraction. "She's going to be your daughter-in-law," HJ announces, "I'm not going to marry any other girl, so you can tell Mummy to stop looking for one."
Riti stares at him in disbelief, Hussein tries not to laugh and Naina smothers a giggle.
"For god's sake HJ, this is not what I meant when I said I wanted you to prove that you were serious," Riti told him, slightly red in the face, before turning to Huda, "It's nice to see you again, Sir." She told him, before glaring at HJ again.
"Don't mind my son," Huda told her, looking at the boy quite affectionately, "He's the same as I was at that age, can't keep his emotions under control. But he's good at heart, I hope you'll give him a chance…"
Riti turned even redder at this, and as HJ turned to thank his father, he noticed him considering Asha and Dhiraj with a strange sad look on his face, a look that HJ had only very occasionally seen on his father's face before, usually on the anniversaries of deaths he did not speak of when he caught up with his friends. It was then that really considering Captain Dhiraj for the first time, HJ was caught by the resemblance, and the fact that Asha…
"Would you excuse us for a moment?" he asked everybody, and tugging on Riti's hand pulled her away from the group.
"What do you have planned now?" Riti asked him, "You're going to go up on stage to confess your love?"
"No, no, this is serious." HJ told her, a sudden frown on his face. "Riti you're posted at Tawang, have you ever noticed how much Asha and Captain Dhiraj look like my dad's friends… you know the ones who died, the ones whose pictures are on the wall of fame at KMA…"
"I noticed it the first time I ever saw them," Riti tells him, glancing back at the group as if to check that nobody could hear what they were saying, "And so I had asked Hussein…"
"And what did Hussein say?" HJ asked, unable to understand why the answer mattered to him so much. He had always known that there was something his father didn't talk about, a part of himself that he didn't share, that he hid from his family, and HJ had always wanted to know what that was.
"I think we'd better go sit down," Riti told him, because she knew that this story was going to take a long time.
**
Asha noticed her parents coming into the hall, looking almost distastefully around them as if disappointed with the small scale of the venue and decorations.
"Be prepared," she whispered to Dhiraj, "They're here."
She nudged him, nodding in their direction, and he took in their appearance wondering if they would be as bad as he feared they would, whether they would prove to be the last barrier standing between him and Asha.
He stepped away from her slightly not wanting to give a bad first impression, as his expression set into one of determination.
"Ma, Baba." Asha greeted her parents as they approached, "Come, I'll introduce you to all of my friends and to some of our superior officers."
Going around the assembled group she introduced them to her parents who had previously only met Amiya, Vijay and Akash. Leaving Dhiraj for last, she finally gestured to him, knowing that her mother would've told her father about their relationship. "And this is Captain Dhiraj Kapoor," she told them, "Who is…" she trailed off, unsure of how to describe him. What was their relationship, any word such as boyfriend seemed too little to describe it, too petty a word. How could she describe him and how could she describe what she felt when she was with him.
Asha sighed, because she knew no matter what, her parents would never understand any of these things.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sir, Ma'am." Dhiraj told them both formally, he watched as Asha's father measured him with his eyes… and found him lacking. The only response he received was a curt nod before Mr and Mrs Dutt went forward to greet Amiya and Samir properly, handing over the present they had bought.
"Thank you," Amiya told them, trying to remain polite even as her eyes drifted to Asha and Dhiraj, feeling bad for them after such a cold reception.
"We hope you'll be very happy together," Asha's mother told her, "We'll leave now, we've got another party to attend tonight… Asha, what time can we expect you home?"
"I'll be staying with Amiya tonight," Asha announced softly, trying to hide her hurt. Even as she had expected this she had still hoped for more, she had hoped that they might at least be polite, give him a chance.
"Fine," her mother told her, "Then we'll see you at home tomorrow."
Watching them leave, Asha reached out and took Dhiraj's hand. Squeezing hers in return, he couldn't help but be comforted when she lent her head on his shoulder.
Neither of them had expected that this was going to be easy.
**
The engagement happened with lots of laughing and teasing from Amiya and Samir's friends as their parents watched proudly. Amiya actually blushed as he placed the ring on her finger, then joking about what a girly girl she'd become since she met him, Samir grinned from ear to ear as she slid the ring onto his. The official part of the engagement now over, they fed each other sweets before the music started up and their friends dragged them to the dance floor.
Watching the young people enjoy themselves, Yudi couldn't help but smile before he sighed.
"Well, they didn't remember." He said with a shrug, turning back to the table where he sat with Shalini, Aalekh, Neelu, Pooja, Ali and Huda. "I don't know why I thought they might… but a part of me hoped they would."
"I think they remember in parts," Aalekh told him, "They recognize us, they just don't know how or from where. I have a feeling that it's slowly building up, that one day when we least expect it they'll know who they are."
"Well then, let's raise a toast to that day." Huda said thoughtfully, "A toast to Captain Rajveer and Naina… who are with us yet not with us."
"And to the day when they will be once again." Yudi added, as everybody nodded and even Ali drank to it.
Because when so many miracles had occurred already, surely it wasn't greedy to hope for just one more?
******
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