Lakshmana wandered around the palace, drinking in each painting, each sculpture, each embellishment, memorising every detail. Fourteen years had passed, but nothing had changed. Nothing in the architecture of the palace. Nothing in his own chambers, nothing all through.
Yet, everything had changed. His life, he himself, his wife, brothers, sisters in law, and mothers. The innocent naivete in Shatrughna and Shrutakirti, the happy cheerfulness of Mandavi Bhabhi and the smiling countenance of Bharat Bhaiyya, the bundle of joy Urmila was, all of it was gone. And the less said about Ram Bhaiyya and BhabhiMa the better.
He was worried, though. The relationship between Bharat Bhaiyya and Ram Bhaiyya and him, to an extent, had been strained. He was, of course, elated to see them. That could not be denied. Yet, something was lacking.
Lakshman knew enough of his brother to know what it was, yet he needed to hear it from him. He most definitely was blaming himself. Lakshman had to get him out. Face set in determination, he strode to his elder brother's chambers.
"Bharat Bhaiyya? He saw his brother painting in the middle of his chambers, forehead creased in concentration.
"Lakshman? Bharat looked up from his canvas and smiled. Lakshman noticed it was strained. "All okay?
"Yes, all is well, Bhaiyya,' he said, watching his brother clean his hands. He sat down on the couch he had always occupied when visiting Bharat;s chambers. "All is well with me. He placed emphasis on the last word, causing his elder brother to frown.
"With you? Meaning?
"Bhaiyya, sit down, please?
Bharat frowned more, but sat down on the couch opposite Lakshman.
"Now tell me, kiddo. What happened?
"You tell me, Bhaiyya. What happened?
"What do you mean?
"Bhaiyya, sighed Lakshman. How would he explain to his brother? "You haven't been the same. Not the Bharat Bhaiyya who I knew fourteen years ago.
"Fourteen years is a long time. People change, Lakshman.
"But not you, Bhaiyya. I know you too well.
"Lakshman, too much has happened in these fourteen years
"I have a question, Bhaiyya.'
"Ask, my child, said his brother, smiling slightly at his younger brother, hoping to ruffle his feathers. Lakshman normally hated any of them calling him that. He was surprised when a ghost of a smile crossed Lakshman's lips.
"I will not rise to that bait, Bhaiyya, he said, shaking his head. "Not now, maybe tomorrow. For now. Why were you in Nandigram?
"What? Bharat was puzzled. What sort of a question was that? "How could I live in luxury when you were in the forest? He said, finally, weighing his words carefully.
Lakshman sighed. "Whyever not? Ram Bhaiyya entrusted Ayodhya to you in his absence.
"But, it was my fault that Bhaiyya went, that you and Bhabhi also went. It was almost inaudible, and Lakshman would not have heard it had he not been straining to listen.
"It wasn't Bhaiyya. Did you ever desire the kingdom?
"I never did, and you know it. But why are you telling me this, Lakshman? You were the one who suspected it when I came to meet Bhaiyya.
Bharat's tone was not accusatory, merely curious.
"Because I was a child, Bhaiyya. Living in a forest makes you evolve.
"I know, same with me, Lakshmana, he said, softly. "I lived in the guilt for years, it isn't easy.
Lakshmana moved swiftly, kneeling before his brother, resting a hand on his knee. "Bhaiyya, he said, softly, gently. Bharat smiled. This was the Lakshmana he knew. His Lakshmana.
"Yes, Lakshmana? he asked.
"Bhaiyya, stop it,' said Lakshmana, firmly. "Yes, we all had to go, no it wasn't your fault. Bharat laughed in spite of himself. This was so typically Lakshmana.
"You are a hypocrite, Lakshmana, he said, gently running his fingers through his brother's curls.
"Ahuh? said Lakshmana, pulling the stool to him. He sat on it and rested his head on Bharat's knee, sighing in contentment as his brother continued stroking his hair.
"You are. Who is the one feeling guilty about BhabhiMa? He placed a gentle kiss to Lakshmana's head.
"That is different. This, you never wan...
"And you wanted BhabhiMa to be kidnapped? asked Bharat, softly. "Did you want Bhaiyya and BhabhiMa to be separated for a year?
"Never. Lakshmana's chin rose in partial defiance, before he realised he had been tricked. "Bhaiyya!
"Listen, Lakshmana, said Bharat, cupping his brother's cheeks. "You didn't make it happen. There was no role of yours except being lured into a trap. You will stop blaming yourself, am I clear?
Lakshmana smiled at the firmness in Bharat's voice. His brother's conviction made him want to believe it to be the truth. He nodded.
"If you stop blaming yourself, I will.
"I will. Do we have a deal?
"We have a deal.
Both laughed. Lakshmana lay down with his head in Bharat's lap. "Hey, Bhaiyya?
"Yesss?
"I missed you. Bharat stopped carding his fingers through Lakshmana's hair. Lakshmana looked up. "Bhaiyya?
"I missed you too, Lakshmana, he replied, softly.
"What's wrong?
"Nothing, I was just thinking of how long the 14 years were.
"They were, but no regrets. No complaints. We struck a deal, remember?
"I remember.
Bharat looked at Lakshmana. He saw the once smooth hands bruised, calloused, burns and scars etched on them. His chest had a deep gash from where Meghnadh's Shakti had pierced him. Bharat felt a pang. It was...
"It was not your fault. Lakshmana's strong, firm voice pulled him out of his musings. Without his realising it, his hand had been tracing the scar. "It was Meghnadh. Not you.
Bharat sighed. His brother knew him too well.
Anupamaa
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