CHAPTER 20
With a languid sigh, Khushi snuggled more into the comfort of her bed. After a very long time, she had slept peacefully. There were no accusing voices, hurtful statements, or a sense of betrayal looming in the back of her mind always making her feel it's presence.
Silence.
A peaceful silence was there, instead of the one that always screamed at her reminding her of her loneliness.
Reluctantly, she urged herself to open her eyes. She can't run away from the world. She has to face it. The first thing came in the view of her was white. A white shirt covering Arnav Singh Raizada's body. Then came all the memory of last night and this morning. Two secrets came out from their argument. She was still his wife and he came to know about her condition.
Feeling defeated and tired to the last bone in her, Khushi did nothing but sat on the bed and waited for Arnav to wake up. They have to talk about many things. It's time they lay out everything. This game they have unintentionally been playing have stretched out too far.
She had thought Arnav had moved on, that her life didn't affect him or anybody else. How wrong she was! She never wanted him to live in guilt. Whatever he did, she has always loved him for the things he didn't do to her. He could have done anything when she lived him. He could have very easily made her life hell in those months but he didn't and for that she loved him. He could have forced her to sleep with him but he didn't and that made her not hate him if not forgive him.
Can she touch him? Khushi thought looking at his face as he slept. Given that they slept with each other, have touched each other intimately, touching his face or hand should be nothing. But it's is for it would convey her right on him some way.
He had his arms around her while they slept she noted. If she thought about it, it was almost like he wanted to protect her and to some extent, he did protect her, from her demons that always attacks when she lay vulnerable sleeping.
Arnav woke up the feeling loss of warmth. Even before opening his eyes he knew Khushi was awake. He mentally prepared himself for her to push him away and the pain that will always follow after every hurtful word she speaks. After the blow that he had given her in the morning a huge fight would be waiting for him.
His eyes opened and clashes straight to hers. Shockingly she was calm and surprisingly was sitting on the bed with him and not on the sofa like in the morning.
"We need to talk." She said, not even a single emotion on her face.
Arnav too sat up. "Khushi, if you are gonna ask for me to go away then it's futile because I am NOT going to leave you."
"I am not."
"What?" Arnav asked shocked.
Khushi sighed, "I am not going to ask you to leave me."
Arnav felt relieved.
"But,"
"But what?" His stance stiffened once again.
"But as I said we need to talk. About everything. From the start. Can you do that Arnav?" Khushi questioned.
"Of course, Khushi."
"Can you be honest with me and not play any games? This time I want us to have a real talk about everything Arnav, like the adults we are. This has been stretched far too long, this game that we have been playing since we met."
"I'll not be dishonest with you, I promise." His palm caressed her cheek lightly.
"It's hard for me to trust you but I have no choice but to take you on your word. I..I need to know why didn't you annul our marriage and moved on in your life after I left." She gazed at him and was shocked to find him looking hurt.
His heart ached at her question. How could she not know why he didn't annul their marriage? He would have understood her need to question him about it had they have not made love last night, but not when he had declared his love to her after every touch, every kiss he gave her. Even as his heart ached looking at her distrustful eyes he knows it was only him that was responsible for this distrust. He had done this many times with her in the past. Whenever his emotions had gotten out of his hands he had shown his true feelings to her and the next moment had reverted back to his ruthless self. So, it's not like he has given her many reasons to trust his words. Praying for her to believe him this time he breathed out and said, "I know you won't believe me but what I have said last night and am going to say, is the truth Khushi. I had loved you that time also Khushi and I love you now. I am ready to say it to make you feel my love for every second of my life Khushi if you just give me this last chance."
As his words washed over hers, Khushi fought back to keep them out of her mind and most importantly out of her heart just like she had done last night. He had repeated them like a mantra, like a prayer of a desperate man he had whispered her name and his love for her in her ears. Then she had just focused on the physical pleasure and had tried hard to quench the happiness that had erupted in her heart everytime he whispered those words. She couldn't help but relive them.
After entering the room, their clothes had been quickly shed. Thier desperation to feel each other had surpassed the need to be gentle with each other. Khushi pulled her lips to take a breath only to moan aloud as his lips sucked her neck and prepped with small kisses. His hands were everywhere making it hard for her to draw a breath. She has been panting due to the sensations her body is bombarded with. Everywhere he touched sent spark shooting all through her body.
Her hands had clutched his shoulders to pull him all the more close. His knees parted her legs at the same his head lifted to look into her. Khushi had forgotten to take a breath as he searched her eyes, for what, she didn't know. He must have found out for what he was looking for as his eyes softened and the next moment he was inside her, at the same time he whispered,"I love you,". At that moment she thought she had heard wrong with all the pain her body felt at his entry. But it quickly became clear that was not that case as he that said again and again and again as he continued to make sweet, gentle love to her.
Closing her eyes, Khushi tried to block these thoughts. "What do you want from me Arnav?" She was tired of it all. What was the use of even if he actually loved her? Her life is short and she couldn't give him anything. She was empty inside. She was a just shell of the girl she used to be.
"I just want you Khushi. Be with me, let me love you the way I want to." Arnav was desperate and he had every right to be, it's his life that he wants.
"Even when you know that it's a great possibility that I might not live long?" Khushi said and was immediately rewarded with the scowl on his face and the fire in his eyes that has always been there.
Having had enough of it Arnav roughly pulled her closer by her arms and spoke seethingly, "I have never lost anything that I ever wanted. And this time it's about my heart, my life, you, and this I will not lose, no f**king way! " Arnav was startled as he saw her smile at him. "What?" He asked roughly.
Her smile widened more while her palms cupped his face. "There," her eyes traced his feature almost lovingly, "is the Arnav Singh Raizada I know."
Arnav clutched her hands not wanting to lose her touch on him. "Whatever I am, everything I have, everything single damn thing I will ever have and everything in me is yours, only yours."
Khushi closed her feeling weak in front of his love and desperation to have her love. Suddenly Khushi realized she has nothing to lose now. Nothing more can happen to her than it already has. So, throwing caution to the wind, she said, "Okay,".
Stunned, Arnav could only repeat, "Okay?"
This time Khushi laughed freely at his shocked face, "Yes, Arnav, I'll be with you, as your wife."
She was crushed in his arms immediately. "Thank you," he pulled back, "thank you so much. I promise to love you with all my heart Khushi. My heart only beats for you." He started leaning towards her lips but hesitated not knowing his boundaries, seeing that Khushi too leaned to him. "I love you," he said and saw a hint of a smile on her lips before he kissed it.
"So," Arnav came back to her after ordering the breakfast. "do you want to shower while we wait for the breakfast?"
Only then Khushi realized that she was in her last night's clothes. What would she wear after a shower? Khushi thought looking at her dress.
"I have some of my night wear in my hotel room. You can wear them, I'll just make a call to have someone fetch them." Arnav said not meeting her eyes, afraid she would deny from wearing anything that belongs to him. But he was in for another surprise as Khushi agreed.
While Arnav made the call, Khushi trudged to the bathroom slowly. Now her body was feeling the effects of last night. There an ache inside of her with every step she took. As she reached the tub inside the bathroom she sat on it breathing heavily.
Arnav came inside and saw her like this. Not saying anything he picked her up in his arms and made her sit on the counter. He filled the tub with warm water, helped her get down. "It will help with the pain," saying this he was leaving the bathroom when Khushi stopped him by grabbing his wrist.
"There is nothing that you haven't seen last night." Khushi looked into his eyes and said, "stay."
With his heart filled with happiness at being given a second chance to love Khushi, Arnav proceeded to undress her.
Khushi entered the tub and sighed gratefully feeling the warm water soothing her aches. She had her eyes closed when she felt Arnav washing her hairs. Although surprised she didn't say anything content with the harmony that has enveloped them and not wanting to break it.
"Stop smiling," Khushi mock glared at it Arnav who was staring at her grinning lightly at her appearance. She was looking cute as hell in his big clothes.
"Can't, " He said smiling, "you are looking too adorable." At last she herself couldn't control and started laughing at the baggy clothes.
Her laugh washed over his being like cold winds on a blazing hot day and with it came peace. This. This is what he wants to give her. A life with nothing to worry about. He would do anything to be the one to put this beautiful smile on her face.
Like all the times before, now also he was captivated her and however cliche it sounds, like a moth to the flame he felt himself being pulled into her but unlike before he didn't resist this time. Now he welcomes it, gladly let it consume his very being. This was their love, all consuming. It has the power to destroy each other. This was why it was difficult for them, for him, to accept what he felt for her. He had the feeling it would give her the power destroy him. So, at every time he felt something for her, he rushes to destroy it. He could have never given someone this much power over him. So he hurt her. Every single time. But he could not stop his heart, however hard he might have tried, his blasted heart had sneaked past his defenses and had revealed his true feelings for her.
"Hey," Her soft voice brought him back. "You are staring."
Arnav just smiled as he stepped closer to her, too close. "Get used to this sweetheart," He placed his hand on her waist, the warmth of his palms penetrating through her his t-shirt searing her skin. "Because" and with a jerk, he pulled her his pajamas up and tightened the strings to the maximum. Her hands had landed on his shoulders to steady herself. Her heart thudded madly inside her chest. His hands were now inside his t-shirt, light-years caressing her skin. "I will look at you, admire you, how much ever I want."
She tilted her head up and came to look in his adoration filled eyes. His lips came closer and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Love you," he breathed before pulling himself away from her and it left a feeling of emptiness inside her.
A/N: I know its been very long, I hope I have not lost touch with the story. Hope you like the Update. Comment and like!
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