Viren let go of Jeevika. Her shoulders suddenly fell back as he released his hold on them and her eyes shot up. She was expecting a reply, an argument, some explanation from him. But he had taken a step back from her and looked away. Jeevika was completely taken aback. Was she not even worth that much? After what felt like an eternity Viren spoke,
"Agar itne time baad bhi mujhe tumhe iss baat ki explanation dene ki zaroorat hai ki tum mere liye kitni important ho and main tumse kitna pyaar karta hoon toh shaayad mujhe yeh explanation deni hi nahi chaahiye." Viren didn't sound angry. He sounded resigned, hurt.
"Virenji.."
"Gaadi mein baitho Jeevika. Raat sham hone se pehle waapas pohochna hai."
Without another word Jeevika got inside the car. She didn't have much else to say to him and clearly he was at a loss for words too. Her questions and doubts weren't irrational. She had seen how women looked, or rather ogled at Viren. He was no ordinary looking man and more than that he was much more worldly than she ever would be. He knew the affairs of the world, he was intelligent, he was smart and he had seen what the world had to offer. He had been much more experienced and beautiful women like Sheena were in love with him. Jeevika was no match for them. He could be with someone who wouldn't shy away from him when he asked for a kiss, someone who would wear the most amazing clothes and go to parties with him and his friends. Jeevika couldn't do it even in a room behind closed doors. She had always heard him say he loves her but she never really understood it. And now she knew why, it never made any sense for him to love her.
So then why was he so mad at her?
Jeevika looked at him from the passenger's seat. He wasn't saying anything, he wasn't moving much except to shift the gear, hell he didn't even look like he was thinking. His face was set in a stone expression, jaw taut, eyes staring into the horizon and lips set in a straight line. And all Jeevika could think about, looking at his face, was how much she loved him, How important he was to her and how the music she never understood as a young adult suddenly all made sense now.
"Virenji?"
There was nothing but silence in the car.
"Virenji?"
Still nothing.
"Virenji Please."
Viren turned to slowly look at her, but only long enough to see a tear drop roll down her cheek.
"Bolo" he said as he continued to look at the road.
"Aap aisa kyun karr rahe hain?"
"Kya karr raha hoon main?"
"Virenji aap..." before she could even manage to put in another word into her sentence, Jeevika started sobbing.
He knew she was hurting. He knew he owed her answers. But he never thought he'd have to prove to her that he loved her. How can she even compare herself to Sheena? Did she not know him but at all? Did she not trust him? Or herself? He didn't understand any of this. Her being hurt about being lied to was understandable. Her being hurt about Sheena or them sleeping together was understandable. She hadn't even focused on that long enough for him to tell her that it was a big drunken mistake. It wasn't because Sheena was the way she was. It was because he wasn't in his senses when it happened. They were just kids running around a college campus back then.
But she didn't even fixate on that. She was insecure of his love for her and that he didn't understand. And thus, he didn't have anything to say to her. There was nothing that he could say to her that he hadn't already before. Nothing.
"Tumhe yaad hai Shaadi se pehle jab Beeji aur Badi Maa mein tumhaare mom ke necklace ko leke misundersntading hogayi thi? Uss din mujhe laga tha ki humaari shaadi nahi hopaayegi. Papa ki death ke baad pehli baar mujhe aisa laga ki main kuch khone waala hoon. Pehli baar aisa laga jaise meri life ek standstill pe aane waali hai. Parr it wasn't the last time. Mujhe yeh feeling ek baar phir hui. Jab tum Virat aur Maanvi ki Shaadi ke baad gaayab hogayi. Ek Pal ke liye laga ki shaayad meri saanse ruk jaayengi. Jaise zindagi waheen khatam hojaayegi. Tumse pehle pata bhi nahi tha ki aisa bhi kabhi lag sakta hai."
Viren was explaining or trying to convince Jeevika of anything. His voice was a monotone. He sounded like he was reminiscing aloud. His face was still set in stone and his eyes still staring up ahead. He didn't even glance once at Jeevika who was looking intently at him.
"Harr roz subah jab tum naha ke bathroom se nikalti ho, aur mirror ke saamne khade hoke tayyar hoti ho, toh main chupke se piche bed pe leta leta bass tumhe dekhta rehta hoon, making sure ki tuhe pata na chale ki main uth gaya hoon. Phir jab tum mujhe uthaane aati ho toh sone ki acting karta hoon taaki mujhe immature behave karta dekh ke tumhaare face pe jo smile aati hai woh miss na kardun.
Jab tum meri plate mein khaana daalti ho ya glass mein juice daalti ho aur main protest kiye bina accept karleta hoon toh tumhaari eyes mein ek sparkle aajata hai. Jab main office jaane ke time tumhaare nikaale hue kapde pehen leta hoon toh tumhaara expression automatically change hojaata hai. Kaayi baar toh main woh expression dekhne ke liye hi woh kapde pehen leta hoon chaahe mujhe pasand ho ya na ho." Viren said the last sentence with a smile on his face.
"Din mein woh ek time jab Maanvi ka phone aata hai tumhaara face aise khil jaata hai jaise kisi 5 saal ke bache ne chocolates se bharahua poora room dekhliya ho. Aur raat ko sone se pehle jab tum mirron ke saamne baithke apni jewellery utaarti ho aur duniya bhar ki harr problem ki tension le rahi hoti ho toh bhi main bass tumhaare forehead ki crease lines ko dekh raha hota hoon." Viren pulled the car over as he finished the last sentence. He shut off the engine and looked at Jeevika.
"Tum kiss sach ki baat karr rahi ho main nahi jaanta Jeevika, lekin main itna jaanta hoon ki agar ek din bhi inn sab mein se ek expression main na dekhun na toh mera din poora nahi hota. Main itna jaanta hoon ki pichle itne din jab tum rishikesh mein thi toh meri life mein earthquake aaya hua tha. Mujhe itna pata hai ki iss waqt tumhaari aankhon se girta hua harr aansoon mujhe itna gussa dila raha hai kitna court mein kabhi kisi criminal ne bhi nahi kiya hai. Aur main yeh jaanta hoon ki chaahe aaj ya kal kuch bhi hojaaye meri life mein inn cheezo ki importance nahi badlegi."
Jeevika frantically wiped the tears off her face as a reaction what he had just said about them. She had nothing to say. It felt like someone had just knocked all the air out of her body. This man never failed to take her by surprise. She had never even noticed all these things. It was like he had accurately described everything she felt through her day, everyday.
"Aap ek baat bhool gaye."
"Kya?"
"Mera expression jab aap subah office chale jaate hain."
"Bhoola nahi. Woh expression mujhe pasand nahi hai, isliye shaadi ke pehle din ke baad se kabhi dekha hi nahi."
"Virenji I am.."
"What? Sorry? Jeevika mujhe yeh samjh nahi aata ki itne time ke baad bhi tum yeh kaise soch sakti ho ke main tumhaare saath khush nahi hoon. Kya tumne kabhi mujhe ya mere pyaar ko nahi samjha? Kabhi nahi?" his voice was calm composed, inquisitive.
"Nahi Virenji aisa nahi hai. Main bass.." she let her voice trail off. Suddenly she felt like an idiot. She felt like everything she had been feeling and thinking was something she would generally berate her friends for. How could she have been so stupid? "I am Sorry." Jeevika hung her head and was looking at her knotted fingers. There was no explanation she could give to him that wouldn't make her sound like completely neurotic.
"Ek cheez aur hai jo main bataana bhool gaya."
"Kya?"
"Tumhaara chehra jab main yeh karta hoon." As he said this he moved his face closer to hers. Before she could comprehend what was happening he caught hold of both her hands with his one hand in one swift motion and secured her face by holding her chin between his thumb and forefinger. There was no escape. She could feel his warm breath on her lips and she could feel her throat go dry. She closed her eyes as she felt his lips brush up against hers. He moved back half an inch to look at her face before he began kissing her with full force. He let go of her hands and held the back of her neck to secure her mouth to his while his other hand knotted in her hair. She also placed both her arms on his shoulders and let them cross behind his neck pulling him to her. It felt like they were finally one after what felt like an eternity. Even though neither of them could breathe anymore they didn't want to stop to catch a breath. He slowly let go of her neck and disconnected his lips from hers but only long enough to move them down to the hollow at the base of her throath. He slowly kissed and sucked and licked her there as she moaned against his hand.
"Virenji. Please. Hum. Car. Mein. Hain." She managed to say between her short shallow breaths.
He knew she was right and he immediately let go of her. As he grabbed hold of the steering wheel, he looked at her sideways with a mischievous grin and said,
"We shall continue this tonight then." and before he could hear her gasp he pulled onto the road and drove.
Much Love! :*
Pankhuri ! <3
Pyaar Kii Ye Ek Kahaani
