Chapter 34:
Khushi dragged her suitcase through the platform towards the exit from the station, excited beyond measure as she was finally back home. She didn't know if it was real or a creation of her own imagination, but she could smell the familiar scent of what she called home in the air. As she stepped outside the railway station, she scanned the several faces in the crowd in an attempt to spot Payal. Then she felt a sudden weight come crash right onto her, knocking her breath out. She was comforted back to her senses with the high-pitched squeals of her jiji who was smothering her with hugs.
"Khushi! You are finally back! Oh, you have tanned. I missed you so much!" Payal continued to rant as she took the suitcase in one hand and Khushi's arm in the other and sprinted across to the parking area. "You've become so thin. You know, Amma has made your favourite badaam halwa. You'll gain all your weight right back. Oh, and did I tell you I received my passport yesterday? My visa is officially through. I think we should get your blood checked, you look a bit weak. God knows what all that heat and starving has done to you." She almost flung the suitcase into the dickey of their car.
It was as if she had decided to give her all the updates of every little event that had taken place over the past two months before they got home. Khushi chuckled as she saw just how excited Payal looked; it warmed her heart. But right now she didn't have time for gentle delight of being back home to sink in; Payal had more and more to tell her. "Madhu bua was here last weekend. Arnav came to visit her, just out of courtesy I guess. Bechaara bahut bore hua. Bua was after him with her Hai re Nandakisore anecdotes... really, she was relentless. Did you speak to him over the phone? He may have told you. You know, that reminds me. Aakash and I have sort of managed to patch up. Or at least I think we have. He said we could try and make the long distance relationship-thing work. Waise, I think Mom and Dad had some argument. Amma looks guilty and Papa is just...quiet. But now you're here, everything should be fine, I am su... YOU IDIOT!" she swore at the bus driver trying to overtake their car from the left.
"Oh God! I've been talking all this while, I didn't even ask you how your journey was! I'm so sorry! I was just so excited to see you." she bit her lip; the sheepish look on her face made Khushi break out into a grin.
"I'm fine, Jiji. I'm actually a lot better than I thought I'd be. The journey was tiring no doubt but I finished all my work at the site, and successfully at that. Even managed to draft most of my thesis. So I am satisfied. To be honest, I'm trying not to feel too accomplished." she said, feeling a little embarrassed at her own admission. "But I missed you all so much! Every single day, trust me. I am so happy to be back home."
"By the way", said Payal. "I've been meaning to ask; I was more than happy to come pick you up at the station, but how come me? Don't you usually ask Arnav to receive you?"
"Nothing particular, really. Arnav and I both decided that I'd spend the day of my return with just... family, you know. This is the longest I've been away from you all, I just wanted to spend some time...just the four of us. We've waited two months, just one more day. I'm going to meet Arnav tomorrow."
"Farmhouse?" Payal asked, her voice teasing. She giggled as she saw the flush on Khushi's face. "Oh well, I'm sure you two can use some time in private, isn't it?" The dig served its purposed as the flush on her sister's face deepened.
They were home in about forty-five minutes, a little longer than usual. But neither of them had noticed the traffic on the road, busy instead in the meaningful-mindless chatter that only sisters shared. Just before entering the lift, Payal held Khushi's arm and spoke, her timbre most serious. "We all have a lot to say to you, Khushi. So much to catch up on. I have a feeling I will forget to tell you what's most important in the middle of all those random details. I am so, so proud of you, Khushi. We always knew you were a wonderful person, but what you have done this time... you truly are your namesake. What you did was great. I understand that you don't want to let it get inside your head, but it is a true accomplishment. My heart is just bursting with pride, really."
Before Khushi could say anything in response, Payal turned around and shut the door to the elevator, silently telling her that there was nothing more to that conversation. It was overwhelming - Khushi had always looked up to Payal for her strength of character, for her sheer determination, for her mastery in her field of work. To know that she had been able to do something that had made Payal so proud made everything that had happened increase manifold in its significance for her.
She was honest with herself in admitting that her work in the past two months was something she was proud of. More than that, it had given her a sense of contentment of a magnitude she didn't know existed. In the end, things had been seamless - the gasifier unit, the grid and the power supply. The village would now enjoy a minimum of fifteen hours of electricity every day.
There was joy both as a engineer and as a person. Her faith and her respect for facts and the power of science were reinforced. The friends (and some foes) she had made over the past weeks, though supportive of her, had never allowed themselves to completely believe her words. But that was until they saw what she had finally succeeded in doing. For the first time, she had seen their eyes light up with joy, with hope for a future that would finally be free from the clutches of the cruel time warp they were stuck in. She had been humbled by their several gestures of gratitude. But the truth of the matter was that it was she who was grateful - for their warm friendship, for the strength they had inspired in her, for the faith they had placed in her, for the reality they had inadvertently forced her to face. When she and her team were about to leave for the station, the entire village had gathered at their doorstep to tell them that they'd never be forgotten. Had it not been for the herculean effort it had taken to keep her tears in check, she would have told them that she too would never be able to forget them. Even if she wanted to. Those few weeks had given her life more meaning than she had ever expected, and in the end, she had been pushed to grow up. It had also helped to see her father's actions in perspective; and while she never did resent him, she felt a little less hurt now. The betrayal was less painful, and perhaps she could now believe her father the next time he said he had faith in her.
* * *
Khushi was a tad bit rough as she scrubbed herself clean. The long, hot shower felt absolutely divine; she felt like it was washing away the weeks of tiredness and exhaustion. After several days of having a bath with little water from the borewell, the water from the shower felt almost ticklish at first, but soon the jets of hot water began to relax her mind and body.
The day had been all that she had been looking forward to and more. Her parents had almost crushed her in a massive hug as soon as she stepped foot inside the house. It was followed by a day full of shared stories, delicious food, some more stories and a lot more food. Garima had refused to let go off her hand for most part of the evening, as if afraid that if she loosened her hold, her daughter would vanish. Shashi, as usual, let his gestures speak for him more than his words. His hand placed softly over her head, refilling her plate before she could finish a even half the things on her plate, not letting her lift a finger even (except to eat!). To him, this was her day.
She smiled as she walked out of the shower and changed into her nightgown. She towelled her hair dry and reached for her phone to call Arnav, when she heard a knock on the door to her room, followed by her father's soft voice - "Khushi beta?"
Straightening her gown, she opened the door to let her father in. "Were you about to sleep?", he asked.
"Not right away, Papa. Come, sit.", she pointed at the chair opposite her bed as she plonked down on the beanbag next to it.
Shashi played with his fingers on the arm on the chair; he didn't really know what had brought him here, perhaps just an urge to be with his daughter.
"How are you feeling now? You must be tired...", he said awkwardly.
"It was tired, Papa. But I feel better now. We had such a lovely time today, and I just had a shower. I actually feel quite fresh now." she assured him.
"You've done a really good job, Khushi. We are all really proud; your mother just can't stop talking about it, soon the whole world will know of your success.", he smiled.
"I'm hardly surprised, Papa.", she remarked. "You remember when Jiji received that letter from Duke? Amma was ready to throw a party for the whole society!"
"Yes, that's your mother. You two and I mean everything to her; your achievement is hers, and so are your failures." Shashi said, his voice softening as he spoke fondly of his wife.
"Isn't it the same for you?" asked Khushi, her eyebrows raised, a knowing smile on her face.
Shashi didn't know weather to laugh or cry. Even after all that he had done, his daughter still understood his love for her without him having to say a word. He leaned forward and took Khushi's palm in his.
He swallowed, a job rendered painful by all the emotions he was dealing with. Collecting his words, he looked directly at his daughter as he spoke. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I haven't made things easy for you and yet... yet, you have been a much stronger person than any of us imagined. You rose, Khushi. And you are a much bigger person than I could ever be."
"Papa!", Khushi exclaimed, genuinely surprised at her father's words. She had known they would have a conversation after her return, but this was not what she was expecting. And definitely not something she liked to hear. "Don't say that! It isn't true, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your daughter. I don't deny that I was both hurt and angry with what you did. But I do understand why you did it, Papa. And even if I don't, I do believe that you did it because you thought it was best for me. And I think that's enough for me."
It was Shashi's turn to be surprised. In the past four years, Khushi had never been disrespectful towards him, but she had missed no opportunity to tell him how hurt she was by his actions. This acceptance of his actions from her end was unexpected. "I...I don't know what to say, beta. I took from you what you treasured most, and yet you are saying you understand what I did?" he was truly stunned at the calm look on his daughter's face.
"I do, Papa. At least now I do. I think we are both very much alike, that is the problem. We are both stubborn, we both think we know exactly what is right. I am your daughter, aren't I? Usually we both agree on all matters, so things were smooth. The one time we didn't, hell broke loose.", she explained.
"I am so, so, sorry my child.", he spoke even as his voice broke from all the anguish that suddenly seemed to overpower him. "I wish I had it in me to be stronger, to be brave. To be the father I hoped I'd be. But I wasn't, and you had to bear the brunt of it. You are generous, Khushi. You still love me, you still respect me as your father. But I don't think I can ever forgive myself for my weakness, for what I put you through."
"But you still don't believe it was the wrong call, do you?" she asked. One look at her face and Shashi knew that he didn't really need to answer that. She knew.
"It's okay, Papa. Neither of us needs to feel sorry, really. I saw a glimpse of the world you probably witnessed as a young boy, and I think I understand why you kept insisting that I think beyond fancy dreams when deciding what I wanted to do in life. And even if I don't understand it fully, I still cannot live my life holding something against you. You are my father... for my own peace, I'm letting go of all that hurt. Please don't apologise to me again... and don't ever tell me you are lesser person. You and Amma are the bravest people I know - you two are my strength."
"And you are ours." he said, his chest broadening with both relief and pride. "You've inspired us, Khushi. We pushed you into a terrible place and yet, you came out shining and beautiful, spreading joy all around you. I thought, as parents we had to teach you about life. Turns out we have a thing or two to learn from you.", he smiled. "But, I won't hold you back any longer.", he said, his voice surer than it had been since the time they had begun talking. "I've held you back long enough. What I had in mind was for you to have something to fall back on, something that would support you whenever you need it in your life. I wanted you to be as self-sufficient as one can possibly be. People are transient, knowledge isn't. But now that your degree is almost through, I want you to know that you are free to do whatever you want. Write, sing, dance, travel... do whatever you want. You will have all my support, I promise. I cannot give you back what I took from you, I know that. But the rest of your life is yours to live and rule, Khushi. This father of yours will never interfere in the choices you make, he will only stand by you." He looked at Khushi expectantly, waiting for her to react.
The relief or joy that he had thought would flood her face were taking too long to come. Instead, Khushi sighed and stood up from her seat. She walked up to the bed and sat on its edge and crossed her legs. Her demeanour was serious, yet serene - Shashi was truly confounded. What was happening here?
Taking one deep breath, Khushi spoke. "If you had told me so a few months back, I would have jumped with joy. I would have left everything else and ran to my laptop to finish my manuscript. But today, I won't need to do that."
"What are you saying? You don't want to write anymore?", Shashi managed to ask. He was beginning to panic.
"Of course not, Papa. It was my first love and write I will. I don't know if Amma mentioned this to you, but I am in talks with a publisher who is interested in my story. I will never stop writing, but...that's no more the only thing I want."
Shashi too got up from his chair and came to sit next to her on the bed. "I still don't understand what you mean.", he whispered.
"I have seen too much to be satisfied with writing alone. I know more than what would allow me the comfort of a good night's sleep unless I do something about it. There is too much misery and destitution in this world for anyone to be able to ignore. Don't get me wrong, your words do mean a lot to me. They are freeing, just not in the way I thought they would be." she sighed. "And before you say something, let me tell you that I am not turning into a philanthropist or a social worker. But, I do admit that I have tasted the drug that is service. The high that comes when I fulfil a responsibility, to see it come to form and change the status-quo. I can't live not doing anything from my end to bring that change, especially now that I know that's its possible if one really wants to. Even if it isn't, I need to do my bit. I need to do that for myself more than anybody else. I don't know weather to thank you for this or curse you for destroying the warm cocoon that was my life. But that doesn't matter any more, does it?"
Shashi was lost for words. What was he to say? He realised he had been right when he sensed that something had changed in Khushi during that trip. His little girl had grown up; he was proud yet his gut clenched in pain; even if it was what he had secretly hoped for his diaghter, it wasn't easy to see watch her being forced to see the ugly face of the world and be left with no option but to grapple with it. But she had done so with generosity and aplomb; she was a bigger person than any one he had known, whether she believed it or not.
Putting his arm around her, he brought her closer so that her head was resting on his shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to witness all that, Khushi. But like you said, that is the reality of most people outside our world. What do you plan to do now?" he asked.
"The first thing I need to do is finish my manuscript, I've made my publisher wait too long. I'm surprised he is still interested in it. I guess it's better this way, you know. I have nothing to prove to anyone now; I feel freer as a writer as well." she chimed. "After that...I'm not sure. But my ex-boss, you know the one I worked under at SunEdison? He has asked me, more than once, to come back after graduation and join his firm. I might take him up on his offer. They do really good work, and at least I know that I will have a few opportunities to do what I want. What do you think?"
"I don't know what to say, Khushi." Shashi replied honestly. "As long as it makes you happy. I told you, I will now stand by you no matter what. I just cannot see you unhappy any more."
"I was never unhappy, Papa. How can I be when I had all of you?" she raised her head and looked at him. "I was not unhappy, I was just...hurt. Not any more. I have put it behind me. You should too."
A/N: Just one more Chapter to go, and then an Epilogue!
Edited by vgedin - 10 years ago
Kumkum Bhagya
Mangal Lakshmi
193