Smitar's: Loving Khushi#4 link to #5 on Pg 1 - Page 53

all updates were good...
hope arshi r together soon.

I have no words except I wish Khushi would make her way back home. Too fearful of staying with Arnav and trusting him again and too upset about leaving...Akbar better work his magic because this girl is stubborn!

beautiful updates

A besotted Arnav's day begins on a pleasant note with him mesmerised by the sight of his wife drying her hair, unknowingly sprinkling him with water droplets. Whereas previously he might have yelled at her, now he seems to accept those drops of water as her benediction! Alas, that bliss is short-lived. Interesting to note how he gets a presentiment of danger on hearing Khushi's monosyllabic phone conversation. Her pale face is an indication that she either forgot momentarily about having applied for those jobs " caught up as she was in the drama leading to her remarriage, and the sensuous haze that surrounded her thereafter " or that she doesn't know how to tell Arnav that she is leaving him " she fears hurting him or fears his reaction. Whatever the reason, that call comes as a rude awakening to both of them as harsh reality comes knocking on their door. One feels for Arnav as he stands speechless, seeing his hopes and dreams, of a life with Khushi, lying shattered at his feet. That Khushi smilingly declines his offer of working in his office as she doesn't want to revisit that nightmare must have twisted the knife in his bleeding heart. And he knows that he has no one but himself to blame for things coming to such a pass! Maybe he could smooth her way for her if she was determined to take up the job... I don't think Khushi will appreciate much this move by Arnav as she doesn't want to be obligated to him in any way and is looking to make a clean break. His concern that someone is taking Khushi for a ride with this job offer is understandable, and heart-warming to note. And why the hell did she have to start a school and take his wife away from him? His thoughts about Girija Devi make him sound like a petulant child robbed of a gift. The pen fell to the ground, sounding like a bomb going off in the perfect silence... a very vivid image of the shock Arnav receives. Here, he was thinking of having ample opportunities of wooing her back into his arms after 15^th August, as they would be in the same city, only to see all his plans fall apart. Khushi baldly describing the reality of her situation makes the enormity of his sins against her come home to Arnav! His unthinking actions have left her with no recourse than to move away from her family and all familiar places, if she is to maintain her own dignity and the respect of her family. He has truly isolated and orphaned her, exactly as she acfcused him of doing on that night of the forced marriage! No amount of self-reproach on his part will bring back the days of her innocence, the days before he stomped all over it! Khushi continued, trying very hard to make her voice cheerful and carefree... makes it all the more heart-rending! "I have no previous experience at such a job, but Girija Deviji considered my application because she has heard of Babuji and our Satwik Mishtan Bhandar. Hamare Babuji is well-known in Lucknow and nearby areas for his honesty and the high quality of sweets he used to sell." What irony: Arnav was thinking of smoothing his wife's way into her new job, with his reputation and connections while here she gets the job thanks to her father's reputation for honesty and the quality of their sweets! "Khushi, you will leave me and go to Varanasi?" he finally asked, his voice a mere whisper... a reflection of the enormity of his loss... he is that lonely scared child again... never thought there would come a day when the great ASR is brought to his knees... a mere slip of a girl has managed to do so without even trying! Khushi rushed to Arnav and sank to the floor at his feet. She caught hold of his hand and pressed his fingers in hers. "Arnavji, please don't think that hum naraaz hoke jaa rahe hein," she pleaded... It is really moving to note how quickly she rushes to reassure and console him the moment she sees him in pain and turmoil... she ignores her own pain in her need to see him happy!

This is one powerful scene, where she lays bare all her confusion, loneliness and the lack of control she had over her life, besides the expectations everyone has of her, etc. "The last thing I remember doing, the last decision I took in my life was to wear the hanging pearl jhumkas with the green lehenga for Jiji's marriage." These simple words clearly delineate how all freedom of choice was taken away from her, thereafter. She leaned her head against his knee... Her arms went around his leg, hugging it close to her heart... such a touching gesture of trust, giving and receiving solace! "I panicked, but I couldn't show my fear to Jiji. What would she do if her Khushi became upset? Khushi can't be upset. Khushi has to smile. Khushi can never be upset. She has to find a way out, always." Khushi always had to be the bulwark of her family, irrespective of how scared she herself was... too great a burden for such a young girl to carry... often found it hypocritical in the show how her family expected her to come up with solutions to all problems, financial and otherwise, but blamed her calling her thoughtless and selfish the moment her plans didn't work as expected. Her refrain of "I'm so tired" shows that she's at tether's end, so bowed under the weight of relationships and expectations that she yearns for freedom from everything " where she can do as she pleases, laugh or cry without being answerable to anyone!

Or maybe I should empty a cupboard and sit inside it. Sometimes a good cry makes ones feel so much better and even rejuvenated but, for Khushi, crying is a luxury she hasn't had... the bit about the cupboard brought back sweet memories of her doing so, in the show, munching on chanas as she tried to think of ways to learn the truth of the Arnav-Sheetal relationship.

"I don't want to stay here anymore, Arnavji. I am so tired of feeling like a third wheel, an outsider, a burden. When Amma & Babuji adopted me, Babuji's mother was very angry. I grew up listening to her grumble about me, curse me, scold me for everything under the sun. It has been fourteen years, Arnavji. Even now, I don't feel I belong. Not in Laxmi Nagar. Not in your house. I am tired of trying to make a space for myself. I am tired of standing outside and looking inside at other people being happy. I am so fed up, Arnavji. So fed up." What a plight! Despite years of striving to keep everyone happy and hoping to find a place she can call her own, she still feels that no one wants her... Smita, you have done full justice to portraying Khushi's desperate yearning to belong and to her desperation to find a sense of self: "Scared that one day I will just dissolve into vapour and merge into the wind, and even I won't know where I am, what I am." Sheer poignancy echo through these words! Arnav instinctively understanding Khushi's yearning and supporting her on her journey to find her sense of self is a moving moment! He ignores his fear of losing her and subjugates his desires so as to bring her much needed peace of mind and to heal her soul. "I will build a cottage near your window and spend my life looking at you from afar," Arnav said, a small smile on his face. Khushi punched him in the stomach. "Aap Arnav Singh Raizada hai, not a weak Devdas. Remember that!" she admonished him. He burst out laughing. She joined him... despite how much she has suffered at his hands, Khushi loves the strong assertive Arnav and doesn't want to see him crumbling or losing his essential self in his love for her... the two of them laughing at a shared joke is a heart-warming sight, especially after months of having to keep a check on their true emotions.

Just loved this unique perspective... generally, the stories of Khushi leaving Arnav focus on the reason being her being thrown out of Shantivan or she standing up for her self-respect... that she leaves because she is searching for who she actually is and what she wants from life is something totally new. And only you, Smita, could have dealt with this with such sensitivity and realism! A truly emotional update that ends on an upbeat note!

I like the new entry . She is obviously kind and feels empathy for the miserable duo . A little bit of kindly interference might bring about a reunion and soon . The touch of wry humour in her makes her an interesting person to look out for . Lovely updates Smita , thank you.

Girija Devi thinking herself to be Akbar. Feeling that the lady is going to give lots of surprises.

It's like someone has stabbed me ryt in the middle of my heart...so painful...unbearable..emotions were beautifully portrayed...hats off to u girl...ur amazing...

All three chaps are beautifully written
Awesome