Smita,😊
Here is the interpretation to Part 24.
When Ganesh ran up the last flight of steps to reach the critical care section, water was still dripping from his freshly showered hair. Anamika was in the waiting area, sitting still, alone and patiently waiting for the information on the condition of Gaurav. She was clad in a white tunic and a pair of dark trousers and her hair clasped together into a pony tail. Her face was expressionless and did not betray the anxiety that she was undergoing. There was not even an iota of nervousness that was coming out of her body. No one could think that she was undergoing the turmoil of seeing her son fighting for his life. It was only visible for Ganesh. He had an inkling of the torment she was undergoing.
With quick strides he reached and stood by her without rousing her from her thoughts. Sensing that somebody was standing close by Anamika looked up to see that it was Ganesh. Seeing him Anamika threw her arms around his waist and hugged him. She buried her face in his stomach and Ganesh bringing himself out of the shock lifted his muscular arms slowly and put them around her, gathering her close and enveloping her in his warmth. It was for the first time in their acquaintance of 20 years that she had clung to him and it was something out of character. His one hand patted her head soothingly. Regaining her composure, Anamika moved away without feeling awkward for having clung on to Ganesh. He stared at her and saw the marks of the damage, just a hint of tears in her eyes and moisture in the fringes of her lashes. He was filled with rage at his helplessness that was raging within him like a wild fire.
Anamika, entwining her fingers in his, tugged at him, indicating to take a seat beside her. Ganesh quickly plonked into one. Anamika tightening her hold brought his hand over her lap and clasped it with both her hands. Ganesh, sounding as though it was a disembodied voice, asked haltingly how he was. Anamika whispered, tightening her grip on his hands, that the doctors were trying to stabilize his vitals and checking out the extent of the damage. Ganesh's how, received an explanation from Anamika that, while Gaurav was crossing the road to order flowers and gifts to Koel, who was having her birthday the next day, a drunken driver had raced his car through the traffic lights. Hearing it Ganesh enclosed her fingers in his lean warm ones.
When a doctor came out and asked for Gaurav Mathur's family, Anamika and Ganesh stood up, with Ganesh gripping her hands in a tighter clasp.The doctor told them that Gaurav was asking for his Mama and Papa and he would talk to them after they met Gaurav. They walked into Gaurav's room together to see him with tubes attached to machines. They felt their hearts sink to see his pallid face midst of the darkened bruises. As they watched he slowly opened his eyes, and focusing his vision on them, with a strained smile on his lips, he whispered, Mama! Ganesh Uncle! Anamika tried to smile but all Ganesh could do was utter Gaurav! Moving closer to his bed, Anamika cupping his face gently, whispered whether it hurt. Gaurav with a smile, bravely told her that he was fine. When Ganesh touched his finger gently Gaurav clasped it. The nurse present asked them to meet the doctor and Anamika looked at Ganesh with apprehension. Then kissing Gaurav on his forehead, she stood up. Gaurav calling out to Ganesh who was about to go with Anamik, reminded Ganesh about what he had spoken when at school. Ganesh nodded to indicate that he did remember, and when Gaurav sought a promise from him Ganesh nodded and swore by it. Seeing Gaurav's state and feeling his helplessness, Ganesh's eyes had reddened with the rage.
Anamika and Ganesh, sat outside the Operation Theater in silence praying fervently for Gaurav's well being and speedy recovery. They kept a vigil outside the OT even when the night fell and bright lights lighting up the hallway made the two look like zombies both not moving from their chosen post. The over-powering smell of the disinfectant, the nurses working silently, the worried relations of patients pacing the corridors was in contrast to the two still figures.
Ganesh held Anamika's hand in his when Anamika leaning on the uncomfortable, back rest asked him in a low whisper, what was it that Gaurav had made him promise? Ganesh whispered back that the promise was to look after her and never leave her alone, if something happened to him. Anamika was taken aback and asked Ganesh when was this promised. Ganesh not hiding things from her told her that, it was during his stay in boarding school and to be precise, when he was in class eight. Anamika in a soft voice stated that, he used to visit him every weekend and Ganesh nodded in agreement. He simply stated that Principal Mohan Sharma was his friend. Then, he realized that he had never told her about it and asked her whether she knew about it all along? She answered in a dry retort that, when she called him, it was all about the football match that they had watched together, the meal they had together, the movie they watched together, the chess game, the shopping, the video games, the books they purchased together, the biking lessons he had given. Ganesh was flustered and looking at her told her that he should have informed her but was cut off by Anamika who shook her head and told him that it was fine as Gaurav was safe and happy with him and that was what mattered to her. She continued to tell him that, Gaurav was extremely lucky to have him and she was scared.. She paused unable to continue making Ganesh look at her with a question in his eyes asking her to complete it. Looking at their clasped hands she told him that she was scared of him growing up without a father without an influence of a good man. Who is Gaurav's father? was the soft-spoken query from Ganesh. Hearing that question, she became whey-faced and tried to retract her hand from his clasp. But Ganesh held it firmly. Getting some warmth and courage from this gesture of Ganesh, Anamika simply told him that she does not know who he was and tried once again to ease her hand out of his clasp, but he did not budge. Ganesh assured her that it did not matter and nothing mattered as long as Gaurav was healthy and safe. The doctor came out and said, the reduction of fractures on his arms and legs have been successful and he was lucky to be free of internal injury. They would be shifting him to the post-operative ward and he needed plenty of rest. As he would be under sedation then, it would be advisable for them to meet him in the morning. Anamika felt her legs give away in relief and Ganesh put his arms around her to hold her up. Her whispered Thank you to the doctor elicited, why not she and her husband get some rest as Gaurav will sleep through the night. With Anamika looking at him, Ganesh nodded at the doctor in agreement.
They sat in silence for quite long and Anamika opened up and told Ganesh the story of her life that was unknown to him. She started at the time she was eighteen, when her Babuji passed away leaving behind just her Amma and herself. Her Amma who had been an asthama patient used to have severe attacks. One evening, when on such attack occurred, they had run out of inhaler and she went out to get one. Ganesh looked at her with his kind eyes, wanting to know what she had to share. She bluntly told him that she was gang raped. Ganesh felt his heart stop. She continued with her woebegone tale saying that, she regained consciousness in the hospital. It took two weeks for her to focus on her surroundings. But her Amma could not take this assault on her daughter and her heart gave away. She was so weak that she could not even get out of bed to attend her Amma's funeral. Ganesh looked at her stoic face with eyes filled with tears. She told him that they had a house and some land in Kanpur. She couldn't stay there any longer as people were hounding her, their curious eyes following her wherever she went. As she did not know who the perpetrators were, she was at a disadvantage and was unable to bring them to justice. So she sold everything for an asking price and had come down to Delhi. Ganesh putting his arms around her shoulder, pulled her closer into his warmth. She sagged against his wide well toned shoulders and rested her head on it. Without an iota of emotion, she simply pulled herself up to say that, she registered for a fashion designing course, found a single room accommodation, battled her demons day and night and strove to thrive. And then, she found out that she was expecting. Ganesh tightened his hold around her pressing his lips against her hair.
They sat in a silent comfort and then Anamika asked him in a soft voice, whether he remembered the first time they met. Ganesh told her with a nod that was the time she came to his studio for a shoot. Anamika confessed that, at that time Gaurav was a year old and she needed money to meet the growing expenses, his daycare, her fees, their rent, food and so on. She was hired as a model, and told to go to his studio for the shoot. She had been very scared then. Ganesh looking at her with regret filled eyes told her that he knew nothing about her. She told him that even though he spoke rarely he was kind. She had kept herself away from men of all ages, but with him she was relaxed and always felt secure. While Ganesh looked at her, Anamika told him, what made her feel so. He never touched the models and never shot without the presence of his assistants Sana or Vinni. He used to send her home in his car if the shoot got prolonged ensuring either Sana or Vinni accompanied her. Her narration brought in a lump in his throat. She told him that what he did with kindness of his heart and human decency meant the world to her. Ganesh was clearly at a loss for words and he just said that he never knew.
Anamika shaking her head in agreement told that she didn't want anyone to know. He had got her many projects and she knew that she got them at his recommendation. Ganesh negated it saying that she was good and quite the best he had worked with. Her attitude was one of professional and she was a natural. It was a shock to him when she had brought Gaurav with her to his studio. Anamika smiled and recollected that Gaurav was just three and his sitter had her day off. Ganesh too recollecting the ways of tiny Gautam told that he was an exceptionally naughty boy but with a sweet disposition. Both smiled taking their trip down the memory lane.
Anamika asked Ganesh, when did Gaurav start calling him Papa? Looking at her for a moment, he told her that, it was while he was at the boarding school. Kids asked him about his father and with him visiting Gaurav every weekend and Ganesh paused. Anamika nodded and asked did he mind?
Ganesh shook his head and said Gaurav had asked him if he could call him Papa and not knowing whether she would approve he had remained silent. With a dry note, Anamika completed his sentence for Ganesh saying that, Gaurav took his silence as his assent.
With a slight smile hovering along his lips he asked her, how did she find out. She told wryly that, Gaurav had never been good at camouflaging. However many times he called Ganesh as Ganesh Uncle, he had called him Papa equal number of times, making Ganesh smile.
Anamika touching the tip of his shaggy locks, exclaimed that his hair was still wet and asked him did she hurry him out of his shower. At Ganesh smiling nod, she sighed and asked him to see how he had buttoned his shirt! When Ganesh looked at himself he found that the buttons had been slid into wrong button holes and his shirt edges were askew. In a flustered voice he told her that he didn't remember what he did and in a hurry he has pulled on the first thing that he could lay his hands on, Ganesh trailed off feeling his breath still as Anamika leaned towards him and started to unbutton his shirt. He watched enthralled her hands push the buttons in the right holes. While she re-buttoned his shirt she told Ganesh that it was of no wonder to her that, both he and Gaurav get on like house on fire. Both were still kids at heart!
This update is about the tie, connection or link, a special bond. Hence VINCULUM.
What exactly does a vinculum mean?
I had explained this long back and let me repeat it for those who had not gone through it.
It is used mainly in two different fields, medicine and mathematics and funnily both mean the same, in the broader sense.
It is a connecting band of tissue, such as that attaching a flexor tendon to the bone of a finger or toe.
It is also a horizontal line drawn over a group of terms in a mathematical expression to indicate that they are to be operated on as a single entity.
Just a call from Anamika that Gaurav is in the hospital due to an accident, was enough to make Ganesh to rush to the hospital. Before cutting the call, he asks her whether she has anyone with her. Hearing that she is all alone he asks her to keep her courage up and he promised her that he would reach her as soon as possible. They are bound together with the common link of their love to Gaurav. It is this tie that has made Ganesh realize that behind the impassive face of Anamika there lies a women wounded and in pain. Her world had been turned upside down with Gaurav being hurt. Gaurav is her reason for sanity.
"No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes, we have no clue. Yet we push it just the same"
~ Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why
Anamika who abhorred any form of touch had exempted two people from that self imposed rule. One was Gaurav and the other Khushi. She had accepted only the two of them into her fold. But when she was being dealt with a blow, she was the one to seek solace from the warmth, the touch from Ganesh can give. She has enough faith in him to know that he would never take undue advantage of her or her son. She has impeccable trust in him as she never hesitated to let her son enjoy Ganesh's company. She was secure with the knowledge that whatever Ganesh taught him would be of value and need not be supervised. Her son himself would tell her what they, Ganesh and Gaurav did together. This gives a clear picture of the bond that is between Ganesh and Gaurav. It also shows how much Anamika values the friendship, care and acceptance of Gaurav as his own, by Ganesh.
"It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are"
~ Roy Disney
On the part of Anamika, hugging Ganesh came naturally to her. It was an unfettered act. The need of the moment was companionship, warmth, feeling of security and unconditional understanding. All these were provided to her by Ganesh from the very first day they met. He had not even made a slightest query of Gaurav's parentage. Accepting her as a single mother and he had helped her discreetly with the upbringing of her son, who had turned out to be a fine lad. His unconditional understanding was what that has bound them together.
"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery"
~ J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
When Gaurav started to call him Papa, she has kept quiet and has stoically accepted the fact that Gaurav has given Ganesh that revered place in his heart. She had realized that it was quite significant and was for the best, as Gaurav could not have found a better person to emulate. If she had intervened and Gaurav had asked, who his father was, what could she have told him? That his father was an unknown face? He was the product of a gang rape? His father was a rapist? What would it do to a child? When coming to know that his father had an affair, had spoilt the family life with it and was the cause of his mother's death had turned Arnav Singh Raizada into an unemotional beast, who had no hesitancy to inflict wounds on each and everyone who did not abide by his rules, what would have been the impact on Gaurav if he came to know that he was never a love child but a product of lust and the wound inflicted on his mother. It was wise on part of her to keep her counsel to herself and provide Gaurav with love, care, affection and protection to the best of her ability and then let Ganesh provide with whatever she could not, so that Gaurav never felt left out among his peers. This is the band that has kept them connected.
"Our truest nature is to help others, and to protect and love them. We care about others, and delight in seeing others happy and safe"
~ Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason
Gaurav sensing that his mother had a bitter past that she never would reveal, sought promise from his Papa to stand by her, if ever the time comes and she happens to be alone, a la codega. This is the fetter that has acted as a stickum in their relation.
"In Venice in the Middle Ages there was once a profession for a man called a codega--a fellow you hired to walk in front of you at night with a lit lantern, showing you the way, scaring off thieves and demons, bringing you confidence and protection through the dark streets"
~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
Ganesh upon coming to know her past is amazed at how she had overcome things alone in her life. The trauma of gang rape has not shadowed her love for her son. He realizes, why she has valued his friendship so much. It was because of his basic decent nature and being an immaculate gentleman, he had seen to her safety and well-being, without even being aware of it. His unconditional help had impressed her, the one who was practically ostracized by the society she lived in. As an eighteen year old she had to undergo emotional turmoil as well as financial insecurity along with the rearing of a child who would be scorned by people if they come to know of the story of his birth. She is justified in fortifying herself with the impenetrable walls and seem cold to the world. Only Ganesh had been able to penetrate this other than Gaurav and Khushi. For Gaurav and Khushi it was she who had let her guard down unconditionally and now for Ganesh too she has done so, after watching him being consistent for twenty long years. Her age of around 48 years though belies her complexion, has taught her a lot that one could gain only in their lifetime. It had been a baptism by fire. Her renewal of faith in mankind was because of Ganesh and it was a ligature that bound them, Anamika, Gaurav and Ganesh, together.
"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
When she sees Ganesh who had rushed to be by their side at time of need had wet locks and had haphazardly buttoned his shirt she unconsciously re-buttoned it. She cared enough for his appearance. That is the bond that exists between them.
"Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words"
~ Rumi
Her last sentence says it all. She equates Ganesh with Gaurav and in a word as her family. She indicates that they are to be operated as the single entity, that is the vinculum.
"This is part of what a family is about, not just love. It's knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work."
~ Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie
With so much story behind her, is it strange that she has taken Khushi under her wings? She too must have drawn fire from the likes of Lisa who were jealous of her looks as well as her success. She must have drawn parallel with what Khushi was being subjected to and she knew how helpless one would feel when there is no support. Though Khushi has Arnav he could not be omnipresent. Khushi needed a cast-iron gut and a ramrod spine. Anamika built the confidence in Khushi that in her own words, ASR's wife is not a nobody. She has clubbed Khushi along with her son Gaurav. That's where vinculum applies in this relation.
"The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine"
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
That is why this is VINCULUM.
"Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle"
~ Paulo Coelho, Brida
That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.
Fantastic interpretation, Rash! 👏
Smita
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