Outtake I – My home at the edge of a building
The multiplicity of fantasy that she refuge frequently whenever reality became too real and overbearing had escaped her during this phase of her life. The confidence she had gain in her imperviousness had started to melt when first bout of hurt was hurled at her. Her best friend hadn't questioned her decision – yet and hat had come as a great relief. Lavanya had become something she had never expected or even anticipated. Her rich brat of a friend was running an orphanage in parallel to air kissing women whose makeup cost a month's worth of rice for the orphanage. Lavanya had successfully transitioned her mild arrogance to charm which had started to work in her favor.
Khushi saw her from afar: twirling her hair and talking over cell phone convincing the person on the other end of the phone to shell out money. Khushi smiled at the confidence the young woman exuberated in her eyes when she looked at the children. Khushi felt strange sense of contentment wash over her when she children noisily eat their lunch.
"You seem happy," Khushi heard Lavanya say. Khushi turned to look at her friend startled with the sudden intrusion to her thoughts. She recovered immediately and smiled at her friend.
"I have seen so much death, suicides, depression and general dejection around me in past seven years and a shot at normalcy was a rare event. But when I see the kids here with their wide wondering eyes not exposing a highly complicated life they are actually facing, I feel so…blessed, you know? Even after everything that has happened; I had a family I could go back to and a friend to turn to." Khushi said watching children laugh as they polished their plates off. "Why did you start this orphanage?" She asked tilting her head to look at Lavanya.
Lavanya sat next to her and exhaled slowly. "When you left, I was a socialite and had an honorary title in my father's company. Arnav was a mess and…broken aftermath of everything that happened. But a few days later he was back in office and going on about things. The distressing ache in him was evident in the way he moved around, spoke, worked et al. He clenched his teeth when he was stared for a second longer than necessary in social functions or when an elderly woman rendered a 'don't worry it's going to be alright' tale. He took it all without flinching and performed his duties without falling apart in front of the world. In private, he was surrounded by hellfire and was being torn apart by his own demons. Do you know what he told me when I asked him why was he enduring all this pain?" Lavanya asked.
Khushi simply shook her head, not trusting her voice. She felt her lungs trying to escape from the confinements of the ribcage as it ached and slapped her innards repeatedly making the nerve near her ear throb relentless.
"He said he had a duty towards society; there was a symbiotic relationship between his company and the people encompassing it. Without one the other would devolve – it wouldn't be extinct but it would lose the integrity it currently holds. He didn't want the people at work to be out searching for jobs because the CEO is having an emotional crisis." Lavanya said closing her eyes as her mind flashed an image of primly dressed Arnav telling her about withholding any vacation plans. "It wasn't what he said but the conviction in which he talked about his duty."
"It inspired you to work in this orphanage?" Khushi asked slowly. She turned to look at children again, away from Lavanya, in order to hide her tears. Migraine had crept up slowly and steadily and bottling of these emotions was pricing her skull.
"It inspired me to do my masters in child psychology." Khushi turned around and looked at her friend with wide eyes.
"You did?" Khushi asked, surprised.
"I did and during mid-course I persuaded my father to give me full access to the orphanage. These kids are special Khushi so along with me there are more counselors who are working with us. The older kids are much harder to handle as they know exactly why they are here while the younger get told about their past in school or sometimes even by the older kids. It gets tricky to handle them at that point." Lavanya said idly.
"Strange how life works," Khushi mused.
"What do you mean?" Lavanya asked.
"Here we are, all of us – living, breathing, aching and dealing with things in our own succulent way trying to rise above the pain we have all been consumed in. I know I have a major role in igniting the first explosion of despair and the succeeding bursts of disappointments were just rolled over because of the first." Khushi sighed softly. Lavanya didn't know how to respond to that. She could easily agree as what Khushi was saying was technically true but she didn't want to hurt her friend. Instead, she embraced silence.
"The only thing that's constant is-"
"-inevitability," Lavanya interjected. Khushi whipped her head and to look at Lavanya who was staring at her shoes.
"I was going for evolution, actually." Khushi said biting her lip. Lavanya's answer churned her stomach for reasons both known and unknown and her limbs suddenly felt weak.
"I felt I was simply a voyeur sneaking on others' happiness: you and Arnav, Dev and Payal. I always wished that I had the optimism to see myself with Arnav one day – he would see me for what I am worth and see me more than a friend. For one miniscule of a second, I was happy that you weren't around anymore; it wasn't because I now had a chance but because Arnav was free of the perpetual lingering of your thoughts in his mind – thoughts which were buzzing around his mind and distracting him from everything that wasn't you. I don't feel guilty for the thought Khushi. In the end I just got torn between two personalities – yours and his friend and someone who loves Arnav. Friend and lover – eternal conflict and a f**king cosmic joke played on me by ridiculous fate. Inevitability is constant because irrespective of what one wants or wishes or pines or desires, the inevitable outcome always prevails."
"Lavanya…"
"Don't sympathize with me Khushi. It's my decision to be the way I am. I know I was just riding the lighting but now…it's a fact I live with. Emotional handicap, if you will." Lavanya replied tonelessly.
The damage of gentle psyche was so vast and so deep that it was horribly scarred and mutated around it…Khushi wondered if Lavanya was still the girl she once knew or had she adapted and evolved so much that she couldn't recognize her anymore.
Time would probably explain her one day.
Outtake: A part of the story, song, movie, TV show which is not considered for the final edit. Generally available as special addition in CD, DVD etc.
I don't know why I decided not to post this piece initially. This should have been posted somewhere between 9-13 chapters and it would have made the story so much better and Lavanya could be understood better. Anyway I worked on the idea today and explored bit of Khushi and Lavanya.
I don't know why I am feeling that there aren't many takers to the story anymore. It's just a feeling I got over the past week and this week and I wonder if its the pace or something else entirely. Well, whatever it is, you should be happy to know that I will be wrapping this up in another 5 chapters.
NOTE: I am cleaning up this buddy list. There are way too many people on the list who aren't reading this story.
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