Words of Silence: PAGE 202 Oct 25 2006 - Page 67

Chapter Thirty Four

Kripa was sitting on the sofa beside the medium sized Christmas tree and the gifts under it. They were going to open their stocking tomorrow and then on Christmas Morning Kripa and Faith had planned to open their gift at Kripa's place.

Karan was on the phone with their father. Everyone was happy, everything was great. Everyone was having the best Christmas of their lives, everyone one but Kripa and Angad. They had so many problems, problems neither one of them could get out of.

While stuck in the heavy traffic on the 91, Kripa had for a second started blaming Angad for having intimate relationships with Amna. If that specific element wasn't there Kripa didn't mind being selfish for this once and asking Angad to break-up with her. But she couldn't after knowing what Angad and Amna shared. Something she would never share with him.

Although he loved her, and she knew, Amna owned him the way she didn't. It didn't matter if Angad loved her not. He had made a mistake and God was punishing both of them for it. Or at least that's the way she thought of it.

Although Angad might not believe in Karma, Kripa believed in it. Specially after hearing Megan and Amna's story she knew Karma existed. What comes around does go around.

But why her?

"Why me god?" Kripa asked, sitting in a church close to her house. She sat on the first pew with her hands were folded and her eyes filled with tears. She had already lit a candle, and now sat in the empty church alone. She had decided to walk here; she knew it would help if she sat here alone.

She couldn't talk to Karan because he was too happy. Kripa didn't want to ruin things for him. So she told him she was going to go take a walk, not go to the church.

If Karan would have known she was going to the church he would have automatically guesses she was upset.

Years ago after her break-up with Amna, Kripa had just stormed out of the house after having an argument with her parents. When Karan came to know about it he tried to find out. He looked everywhere. Finally when he called Faith she told him she is more than likely at a church. She also told him she went to the church when she was angry, sad, or upset. Or really happy.

More than likely she was sad for the most part.

Today as she sat on the edge of the pew with her hands folded against her chest and looked up at the statue of Mother Mary and the little child in her hands. "You got such a great gift on Christmas Mother, then why can't I have what I want for once? Why can't Angad be mine?"

She wanted to breakdown in his arms and cry, but she had to hold herself together.

"I love him more than I have loved anyone. He's been here right beside me for almost an entire year. Ok maybe six months." She couldn't lie about that. But the thought brought a smile to her lips. Just six months and she knew she wanted to live the rest of her life with him.

"I can't believe I'm saying this God, but I love him. I've gotten so used to him that I'm scared to think that when I go back to work he won't be already sitting in my cabin every morning to wish me good morning." She squeezed her eyes tightly and pressed her lips together. "A girl my age at a time like this would want a miracle. I want a miracle this Christmas as well. I don't care how but I want Angad. I don't care if we don't get married right away; I don't care if he doesn't love me as much as I love him. I don't care if he hates me suddenly. All I want is him. I don't know how I will tell Dad that Angad and I don't want to be married. I don't know how I will tell Karan and Faith. I don't know how I will tell myself that Angad is not mine. He never was. He never will be. I don't know anything God. I'm defeated. Last time I asked you for a miracle, nine years ago you didn't give it to me. But this time please don't disappoint me this time. I won't be able to live without him."

She was sobbing now; her head fell on her folded hands. She was hot and miserable. If she could think of anything it was Angad Khanna.

Angad stopped his car at the church that Kripa had takes him to. Like expected the choir was singing and there was a huge crowd listening.

He wished Kripa was here with him.

He walked into the church and then straight to the candles. He lit on and then fell to his knees with his hands folded. He wasn't there to asking for anything, he was there because he wanted to be alone with Kripa. And he could feel Kripa's presence as he looked up at the cross.

At home everyone was excited for the holiday season. Sana had given everyone great news. No one could stop talking about the new baby. He remembered how insecure Sia had felt when no one paid attention to her and Angad had pulled her into a tight hug.

Angad smiled. Sia was adorable. Sometimes she reminded Angad of Kripa. They both were so stubborn.

Well so are you Angad Khanna, he reminded himself quickly.

What was with Kripa Kapoor? She had created such a big mess in his life. He couldn't stop thinking about her; he couldn't stop thinking how great she felt in his arms.

She had told him he kissed by the book.

But her kisses were so comforting, so tender, and so soft.

She had told him that he was like a comfortable teddy bear.

But she was the one who could comfort him when no one else could.

Who was she? And who was he? What was their future?

Angad closed his eyes as he sat in the pew.

Before he met Kripa he had imagined his life a certain way. He imagined working for K.B Homes for two years. Live without his family, without his father most importantly. Propose to Amna, get married and have kids with her. Life was planned and perfect.

Then Kripa Kapoor came back into his life. She was a hurricane that messed up everything.

Now he imagined his life another way. He was still working for K.B. Homes. But now he wanted to live at his house forever with his father. Now he wanted Kripa to be the mother of his kids.

But the reality was that he was going to be married to Amna and never be able to give her the love he always wanted to give to his wife.

Maybe he would be happy with her. She loved him a lot and it was in her eyes. She would keep him happy, and he also knew she was a great cook, as well. They would never fought the way he fought with Kripa. He felt like he had a right on Kripa that he never felt he had on Amna.

But…

But he knew that he would never be able to just pull her into his arms and kiss her randomly. If he ever made love with her, again, it wouldn't be passionate. He didn't even remember how it was that night. It was simply be formality, not love.

Oh I'm disgusting, he thought as his eyes opened the next morning. How could I make such a huge mistake? Why couldn't I hold myself? Why did I drink to begin with?

He splashed cold water on his face he was everything but content with himself.

Anger instead of blood ran thought his body.

If he was forced to marry Amna and not tell her that he never wanted it. It was just a silly infatuation. It was only because he had created circumstances.

Amna would break into a million little pieces if he told her he couldn't marry her after having premarital sex with her.

Oh how the thought disgusted him. He hated himself all over again at the moment.

He had been upset when he woke up that morning to find Amna beside her in his shirt.

Angad slammed his closet shut because he couldn't find anything to wear. With just a towel wrapped around his waist he walked to the mirror and picked up his hair brush and angrily ran it thought his hair a couple of times. Then tossed it back on the bed and walked back to his closet and just picked out the first thing he saw this time.

When he was dressed he sat down on the bed with his head in his hands.

That's exactly all it was, sex. Not love!

"I'm so stupid. I should have listened to Sana right from the beginning. I should have listen to Dad and just agreed to marry Kripa without thinking Dad didn't care about me. Dad always cared about me. I just never saw it. Sana and Sahil are happy. So are Neha and Yash. And Kripa and I would have been just as happy if not more. I hate myself. I've ruined Kripa and Amna's life."

"Angad, what are you babbling about?" Neha walked into his room with a frown. "You were gone all night without dinner. Woke up late and didn't even have breakfast. Now that lunch is served you're sitting here?" She looked at him carefully. "Angad are you ok?" She was definitely surprised by his tight hug.

"If you did something you weren't supposed to do and hurt someone what do you do?"

Neha made him sit down and sat down beside him. "It depends what one did." He wasn't looking at her which told her he wasn't talking about someone but himself. "What did you do?"

"Nothing at all." He managed a small smile.

She noticed how sad and dark his eyes looked even though he was smiling. "Kripa called a few times. She sounded tensed as well. Are you sure everything is okay?"

"Yeah." He leaned forward and kissed her. "We just had a little argument."

Neha smiled. "Ok. Now will you come have lunch with us?"

"Yes."

"Good." She held his hand and walked out the door. "Jason also called to remind you about the dinner and the sleepover. Are you guys planning to have a high school reunion?"

Angad laughed as they walked down the stairs. "Kind of. Except Jason didn't go to our high school."

"Oh!" They both sat down with the rest of the family.

"Morning Dad." Angad wished him with a warm smile.

"Well it seems more like good afternoon to me." He didn't sound angry rather teasing. "But good morning anyways."

Angad couldn't help but crack a smile. "Good afternoon Dad and everyone else."

"Angad you should call Kripa. She just called five minutes ago again."

"Anything important?" He looked at Sana who had a question mark printed on her face.

"You should know that Angad. Not me. But you both sound really upset. I felt like she was crying."

Sana watched Angad's hand stop and turn into a tight fist and then open and relax on the table.

"Excuse me." He stood up and left the table.

Neha sighed. "What's wrong with this boy? He was upset last night and then went somewhere. I don't think he got back in until two last night."

Dev's forehead wrinkled in worry at his daughter's comments, and even Kiran looked upset.

"Dad you should talk to him." Sahil finally said. "He'll like it more than anyone else talking to him."

Dev wiped his hands on a napkin and stood. "I will right now."

"Thanks Dad." Sahil smiled at him and Dev left the table.

Hey guys,

I'm sorry about the delay. Something unexpected creeped up! 😳 Anyways... I hope you guys enjoyed this part! 😃

Coming up: Sadness, Kripa and Angad Khanna. The sleepover, Kripa and Angad's feeling getting deeper. 😳

Hugs and Kisses,

Neha