Words of Silence: PAGE 202 Oct 25 2006 - Page 69

Chapter Thirty Five

"Angad." Dev knocked on his half open door. "Can I come in?"

"Of course Dad." He opened the door for him completely and smiled. "Anything important?"

He placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "I should ask you that Angad. Is everything ok between Kripa and you?"

"Of course everything is ok between us Dad. We just had a little argument last night about something at the hospital, the floor, but I'm sure we'll get out it by the time we see each other again."

"Are you sure that's it? You don't sound very convincing. And, I know for a fact your lying about having an argument about work. Kripa would never hold a professional matter against her fiance Angad Khanna. I know you Angad. I'm your father, and I can read your eyes."

His voice was so much softer than it had been in years. His words were comforting.

"I'm a fool for being angry at you for such a long time Dad."

Dev hugged his son and consoled him. "Angad I never hated any of you. Whatever I did, whenever I did it, it was only because I knew it was the right thing. I wasn't disappointed that you're working somewhere else. I was disappointed you never bothered to pull me down on a chair and make me shut-up and listen to you about what you wanted."

"I think I should have done that." He laughed and pulled away. "Thanks Dad, but don't worry. Everything is ok."

"Hmmm. I don't want to believe you, but I'm going to anyways. But I'm always there if you need to talk to anyone, ever."

Kripa lay in her bed curled like a ball. The blinds were shut tightly and she couldn't tell or gloomy or sunny it was out side. If she knew anything it was that she hated this Christmas Eve afternoon. It was three. She had taken and shower and then slipped back into a night suit and back in bed. She wanted Angad with her, beside her, holding her close and tight.

Karan was also confused by her behavior. When he tried to ask her what was wrong she simply answered by saying: "It's been a long few months. I'm just tired." With a small smile.

Karan had no option but to believe her. But he was worried she hadn't eaten anything and he couldn't remember how long she was out last night. She had lied again that she was driving around. And fortunately he hadn't noticed her car parked outside.

When she heard the door open she slowly turned to see who it was. Her stomach was in a million knots and turning when she looked at Angad closing the door behind him. She slowly sat up and he slipped in bed beside her and held her close and tight. It didn't take her more than a second to start crying.

"Kripa don't cry please."

She couldn't hear what he was saying it was like a man mumbling. But in his arms she continued to feel her stomach tie into tighter knots, and turn and churn.

After he held her for almost fifteen minutes in silence. She had stopped crying but she was still trembling. Everything felt wrong except the fact that she was sitting Angad's arms.

For a fact she knew that God wasn't present anywhere this Christmas for sure. Because Kripa had never seen a difference between gods she went to both a church and temple. If she could she would also go to a 'gurudawarda' and mosque. But more than likely it was the Church. She had sat though sermons on Sundays before Christmas and had heard the pastor tell the people what it meant when god was around.

"God is always around. Especially during Christmas." She remembered him saying. "Because everyone is happy during the holidays." He had explained when she had asked why as a young, nave, ten year old girl then.

"God isn't around this year or any other year because I'm not happy." She mumbled against the cotton of his shirt.

"Kripa." She looked up at him with sad eyes. "Have you looked outside today?"

"No. Anything special?"

"Very. Come here." He walked to her closet and pulled out a heavy coat. "I want to show you something."

She walked to him and let him help her with the coat. After it was buttoned up the walked into the small balcony in her room. Her eyes were covered with his warm hand. She cuddled closer to him when she felt cool air hit her face. Then he slowly took his hand away and stood behind her with his arms around her waist.

"Open you eyes Kripa."

She slowly opened her eyes and saw snow falling. Soft, white snow covered everything. Where she yesterday saw full green grass she today saw a soft blanket of now.

"It's beautiful. I can't believe it's a white Christmas."

"I couldn't believe it either when I left my house this morning." He placed a warm kiss on her cheeks and kept his face close to her. Still standing behind her, while one arm was around her shoulder, she held the other one. For a few minutes they watched the snow fall until she turned around to face him.

"Where were you last night?" She asked hugging him again. "Neha told me you got back home very late."

"I was at the church." This was perfect, only if everything could stay perfect and only if next year he could hold Kripa like this on Christmas again, but as his wife. He shook the though. He loved her fine, he couldn't dream of marrying her anymore.

"How wired, so was I." She looked up at him and smiled. "You make everything seem so much nicer Angad."

He looked down at her smiling face and kissed her forehead and kept his lips there. "So do you."

The next two days were slow and happy. After they had stood watching the snow for almost thirty minutes, holding each other close, kissing every so often, soft and tender. They had lunch with Karan where he noticed Kripa was fine again. She wasn't the gloomy person she was earlier that morning. It was almost as if Angad Khanna was the cure. A cure to all her problem and tension. Of course he wasn't, Karan told himself.

The problem was that he was.

She wouldn't let him go away. After lunch Karan left to run some errands while Kripa and Angad stayed home, cuddled on the sofa watching T.V.

That's the life she wanted. The life that had Angad written all over it. A life where she woke up to see him and then fell asleep after seeing him. A like that consisted of him leaving from their house every morning and coming back every night to her.

Around six they went to Jason's place which was quite big. They exchanged gifts and because they couldn't help it they opened them while sitting on their sleeping bags in the den later that night.

They were all pleased with their gift and said their thank-you. But Faith Cruz couldn't help but jump when she opened the gift Kripa had given her. It was the guitar singed by Bryan Adams that Karan had bid for at the ball. It was for Faith.

Kripa watched her face freeze and then as she rushed to Kripa for a tight hug. It was almost as if someone had just given her a shot of adrenaline. She was excited and happy.

They talked until four in the morning. Sharing stories, eating, drinking hot-coco cup after cup. It was a happy life for all four of them. But for how long? A day maybe two days? But as soon as the thought came Kripa pushed it away, far away. Fine it was two days or one day or an hour. Whatever it was, she was going to take everything she could from it. Being selfish for the one or two days or hours wasn't going to hurt anyone. Rather it would give her and Angad pleasure.

Kripa and Faith slept in the arms on their lovers that night. The only difference was that while Faith slept carelessly. Angad and Kripa didn't sleep but lay holding each other. They tried hard not to think but they couldn't help it. Eventually they both fell asleep around six in the morning.

Kripa and Angad didn't wake up until two on Christmas day. The snow had stopped falling but it was cold and it was going to take a long time for it to melt down.

When Kripa woke up first around two-thirty that day she smiled looking at Angad. Her arms were still around his neck and he held her close, protective more than possessive. She pressed her lips to his, gently. When his eyes opened he returned the kiss. The smiled and wished each other a Merry Christmas and then woke Jason and Faith.

Jason and Faith were both Christen, so the holiday was important to them. Leaving them a note they had went to the Church for a quick visit and they would be back. Until then they picked up around the den while teasing each other. After Angad cooked her a light breakfast, and she helped him making a few million mistakes, they fed each other. Laughing and giggling.

By four everything was done and everyone left for Angad's house for the evening. Kripa watched everyone open their gift and she realized how important a family was. Both her and Karan tried to reach their parents who had traveled to London but couldn't.

Dev didn't give Kripa a chance to be disappointed. He pampered her just like he pampered Neha. She was treated special as it was her first and last Christmas with the Khanna Family was Angad's soon to be wife.

She sighed as they both sat in his room before dinner alone. Soon-to-be-wife. She would forever be just that. Angad Khanna's soon-to-be-wife. She would never earn the pleasure to be addressed as Angad Khanna's wife. She wished that one day she could sing paper as Kripa Angad Khanna not Kripa Kapoor.

"I Love You, Mrs. Kripa Angad Khanna!" Angad singed her yearbook and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

She smiled at him but didn't say the words back. She would never tell him the words.

"It sounds good don't you think?" He glanced down at the page. It had been blank and that's all he wrote on it. In big letters with a red sharpie, I Love You Mrs. Kripa Angad Khanna. But why? She wasn't married to him and would never be a Mrs. To any ones name. He repeated again. "Kripa Angad Khanna. I don't think a name has sounded so perfect before." He gathered her closer and relaxed his head on her shoulder. "Kripa relax. If you keep thinking about it you won't change anything."

"We can't change anything." She looked at him and linked his hands with hers. "And I'm not going to try either."

"Kripa, Angad." The door opened as Kripa and Angad parted. Sana grinned at them. "If you guys are done, let's go. Dinner is being served."

"Well be right down."

She smiled and closed the door.

"You still haven't given me anything, Angad." She sounded like Sia or any other young girl.

"I put your gifts under your tree at home. You can open them there. And you haven't given me anything either."

"What do you want?" Absently, like it was an everyday thing, her arms swung around his neck and he pulled her closer.

"Anything you want to give me."

"I have something. You'll get it before I leave."

"Good." He kissed her quickly and they left for dinner.

For the first time Kripa served the Khanna family while she asked Sana to relax and not stress herself.

Did she really need to marry him to become his wife? Angad asked himself as he watched her serve to his parents, addressing them as Mummy and Papa. Was it that important when everyone had already accepted her? But most importantly they had accepted each other? Did it those vows around the holy fire really mean anything? They wouldn't change a thing between him and Kripa if he took them with Amna. Or any other lady but Kripa.

But they did and he was going to find out very soon, that they were going to change a lot.

Hugs and Kisses

Neha 😆