SwaRon|D3|FF - Behind My Eyes//. - Page 20

I will give my 2 cents on your note, after I reply on update.

Dude, are you planning to update this week?

Originally posted by: Madhura..

Dude, are you planning to update this week?

Is the right mood set?

PS I dont want to spam this ff. But I had to ask it, plus this thread had gone on 2nd pg.

one word wow it was amazing

The Hole Activates

I love your titles which always hint at some tangent on the edge of the piece rather than clue you in on the substance. For thing one, I couldn't decide if it were a pun of some sort, or some kind of hyperbolic exasperation but it definitely intrigued me immensely.

Truthfully, I always zone on descriptions of things such as environment and clothes, I always feel as though the writer is just creating blank space between special moments of writing and wit on the characterizations. However I liked your use of such descriptions to add to her whimsy. The relativity of "The legging was the brightest of white I had in my closet." & the resigned vulnerability of " It did not need my permission to let go, it followed the conditioned air wherever it went."

"more times than I could have counted" This was rather telling, because it speaks to her style of dancing and confirms for me her proficiency as a dancer. Most beginners, amateurs or just insecure artists, count their steps to avoid mistakes, but she just moves to the music. She knows the piece well enough to play it by ear, to even criticize it as she progresses, "It was almost repetitive of me, but the twirling was so symbolically calming" She has space enough to make an estimation of the piece whereas most others would be focused on each step as individual tasks, she is able to see the whole picture at once. Very bohemian; more chic than vagabond.

"to make me feel that alive." I loved the notion of life associated with spinning, as she turns so does the world spin madly on.

I loved this line, "My conscience was after all, still punctured." She isn't broken as much as she is just deflated; space left wasted BUT still hope within that potential. We also get an inkling to that 'hole' that could still be a metaphor for completeness.

I liked, ""It was therapeutic." I am so glad you didn't use cathartic, for this allows us to note that the cleansing process is ongoing, like most therapy.

I loved this line, "I slept black that night. I always liked it without any dreams" Beautifully written.

"like the formation of even one letter wrongly would mean the death of its writer" Ah, the connotations of words in conjunction. The myriad of meanings that madden. I liked this line, adding much mystery to the mysterious Swayum.

"The hole always activated when he, the only source of warmth in my life was away." So the 'hole' was part pun after all. I liked the way you use it to contrast that 'wholeness' she feels with Swayum; as naturally hole is an antithesis to whole. However I cannot work out her default state, for I ask myself, isn't more likely since you added the connotations of life, that the 'whole' activates when she feels alive, in the presence of her two beloved companions dance and Swayum? I would like to think so, and for now, I think I will. For as she herself stated, she is punctured, and so the fulfilment of her potential brings completeness or wholeness and when the other side activates, that hole brings something less. Ingenious creation of a yin-yang state without peace. Interesting and finely written. With love, Sabah

Worst Day of my Life

For once, your title isn't beating around the bush. Knowing your inclinations this does not bode well.

"You see, merely two days when converted into minutes, then seconds and then fractions of seconds are much higher figures. Those figures were claustrophobic and catastrophic to me but mostly they were but equivalent to 'just a couple of days'." I really liked this composition and its message. The manner you describe something trivial, a couple of days, turn it into something grand, the tremendous amount of figures it contains and then return to its insignificance, which by now the reader is aware shouldn't be that insubstantial. She makes us see its importance and then brushes them aside BUT we remain fixated by them; there in their little corner. Finely written.

"the stardust of being a dancer had turned to sawdust as soon as I was one." Good line.

"it was different that day and I pretended to not notice how guilty I felt about it. " I liked this note, we understand his hold over her. It isn't so much what he means to her but rather she wants conform to that ideal that would make him hers, or should that be make her his? Hmm. I reserve judgement.

"I actually climbed all thirty-four staircases because I wanted to spend as much time away from the house as I could." Again, wonderful line.

So then I became lost. I reasoned that since she isn't a drama queen, these events must somehow equal the worst day of her life? Obviously there was something that was distracting her so she couldn't dance properly and then she tried to drink it away but then it only clouded her mind not her judgement for her actions remained quite sober, she didn't drive home, she walked the stairs and chose to sleep in the guest room.

What is that mystery that remains a barrier between her and Swayum, between insecurity and stability?

Well written. I liked how you focused our attention on the effect of this mystery before introducing it lest we missed the point. No matter what form it takes, its substance lies in how it affects her.