SwaRon|D3|FF - Behind My Eyes//.

b e h i n d m y e y e s

I am on a roll, hell yeah.

I have been writing a hell lot these past few days, as though making up for almost a year long writers' block. As it so happens, I have become quick as well, as of now. This idea came to my mind just last night and viola, I began writing in no less than an hour and that left me with my prologue here!

So, I am on this writing spree and that has become possible because Mistress En here, we write together, helps me write more me self. I owe you, woman! Also, my inclination to be regular in writing is volatile, so I cannot promise to be regular and lengthy every time but those who know me will know I won't leave this unfinished. 😳

Lastly, this is NOT whimsical and playful like my other SwaRon FF, which I am ending in a day or two, by the way. This one is dark, really dark. I am solely writing this to get various things out of me. So, I'd like you to read and stick with me only if you can handle the entire dark-thing well. 😊

On with you now,

Kankshita

i n d e x

Prologue - Page One

Chapter One - Page Six

Chapter Two - Page Ten

Chapter Three - Page Fourteen

Chapter Four - Page Seventeen

Chapter Five - Page Nineteen

Chapter Six - Page Twenty-Two

Chapter Seven - Page Twenty-Five

Chapter Eight - Page Thirty

Chapter Nine - Page Thirty-Five

Prologue

I was purge of sentiment. Having said that, I do not quite recollect why I cried. There was pain and I do not know how much, yet even that was not a reminder enough of the very fact that I was still rolling. Clearly, I do not think you do die simply because you think it would be better that way. Most of all, how many people have stopped by to give you their testimonial about death? So, it was never really my thing. I was breathing, which meant I was responsible for a life I had to make out of breathing, know only that I tried each day, and I failed the very same day.

Dance used to remind me of my living, if not the pain. It would also command a few painless moments for me. It would temporarily travel to all the particles I was composed of to leave a soothing effect on them. All the while I was dancing, I was the happiest I could ever manage. My protracted days in pain were masqueraded by my love for dance. I would dance every squat shard of whatever I felt out of me, and with every dance move, I found myself ebbing away from reality, the reality was neither grand like my dancing career nor tardy like the pain that was like an extension of me.

The reality was this man who very conveniently filled the many loopholes if my life with adhesive. He was there, no matter how many friends came and went. He stuck with me when I left my house in a rush for my dancing pursuit. When I was all by myself and the moaning of the fridge in my kitchen, he showed up. Life was leaking out of me like a runny tap. Basically, that was when he came to the rescue. He was not judgemental like the others. He seemed to see in me what I did not see myself.

I was very normally a bad human being. I earned that. And he would tell me how similar I was to him, for not seeing in myself what he saw in me. It must have been something very pregnant with substance. Otherwise, his presence would not have lingered on. Otherwise, I would have had to force myself to get a move on, just like last time and its last time and several other times.

I always had the skill but never the means to refine it. I always had the heart but never the faith in those who I loved. As a matter of fact, I had too much and knew too much for what I was worth. I had so much to give. Naturally, I started holding it all back, all in the depths of my conscience. It all lay forgotten and unused until dance happened. But my vision was still not as clear as I'd have liked it to be.

I had fashioned a life for myself, exactly like the one I yearned for. There was more to my life than the dance, and mainly it was loneliness. I was holding back years of trauma and suffering. My life had become like a levee, about to break. That was when like a messiah, he came around.

Behind my eyes, there was angst, repulsion, confusion and piles other wounded emotions. He detected them all before I could blink once, and viola, I discovered that behind my eyes, there was only just a yearning for love.

* * *

Kanks. I swear I would have had no idea about the depth of tragedy hidden behind those words if you hadn't told it to me before hand. You've written this prologue so casually that not many people will be able to interpret the hopelessness of the situation. As usual you've written it brilliantly, just the way I like it and the way you've etched the escapist attitude in every single line is something that I could marvel at all day long. There is a fine line of difference between dreams and reality, and clearly the protagonist of your story is unable to define it. There is a dreamlike quality to the way you've written this prologue that puts you in a trance and actually induces you to think. And that is what I love about your writing. You just keep getting better. I forgot to mention earlier (or rather I would just like to mention it again😉 ) that the whole theme of this FF is sheer brilliance. 👏 And your writing just adds to its brilliance. ❤️

Originally posted by: shiv_sis_square

Reserved- Nids!!! You are fast

Kankshita..I wud like to tell u I fell for ur writing first when I saw d3 NL..I love ur writing style its amazing..and wanted to read ir stuff..so was happy to see your ff..which I still need to read..
Btw follow ur writing and ots tough to maintain ur pace of writing spree..
This is amazing piece..as always and am sticking.
Mau give longer comment..not reserving.

Arre.. :D .. chalo.. got another story to follow :) !