Posted:
OS: Regret
Water. Everywhere was water. I didn't know what had happened. Before I had closed my eyes, I had been laying on a soft bed with my head resting on my mother's lap. It had always been my favourite position to sleep. Then, suddenly loud noises woke me up from my dreamless sleep and I was faced with the worst nightmare of my life. Everyone was running around, my mother and father both were gone. Tears filled my eyes, unknowingly. The panic clutched onto my tiny heart and my breathing became shallow. A passing woman collided into me but didn't stop to apologize or help me up. I went towards the same direction where everyone went, when a loud bang echoed through the hall way and the floor slipped beneath my feet. I fell, deep down. I screamed and cried, calling for my mother and father but there was nobody who answered me. The warmth I had felt before falling asleep was now replaced with an unbearable chill.
"Munni, Munni hold my hand", I heard my mother finally call out for me. Relief washed over me even in this dark and tensed situation. My mother pulled me with her but there was no sign of my father. I was too afraid of the answer, to ask her about his whereabouts. Then, another loud cracking sound echoed and everyone around us fell just like my mother and me into cold, icy water. I had always been a good swimmer, the best in our family. But my limbs went numb; the fear in my mother's eyes was frightening me even more. A strong wave buried me and my mother and our hold slipped. As soon as her I felt the loss, I started kicking the water, trying to reach the surface and find my mother. But she did not surface with me. I swam, swam as much my body allowed. My ears had shut down to the sound of the malicious waves, the cries of the other people. My ears were only willing to hear the melodious sound of my mother. But she never called out again. Tiredness flooded me, my body demanding its toll for the work I had made it do. Slowly, I stopped fighting, my eyes and ears closer and I let the water consume me completely.
"Munni, Munni hold my hand", I heard my mother finally call out for me. Relief washed over me even in this dark and tensed situation. My mother pulled me with her but there was no sign of my father. I was too afraid of the answer, to ask her about his whereabouts. Then, another loud cracking sound echoed and everyone around us fell just like my mother and me into cold, icy water. I had always been a good swimmer, the best in our family. But my limbs went numb; the fear in my mother's eyes was frightening me even more. A strong wave buried me and my mother and our hold slipped. As soon as her I felt the loss, I started kicking the water, trying to reach the surface and find my mother. But she did not surface with me. I swam, swam as much my body allowed. My ears had shut down to the sound of the malicious waves, the cries of the other people. My ears were only willing to hear the melodious sound of my mother. But she never called out again. Tiredness flooded me, my body demanding its toll for the work I had made it do. Slowly, I stopped fighting, my eyes and ears closer and I let the water consume me completely.
ASR was soon to tie the knot. The news had caused havoc in entire Delhi but not as much as in his own life. He had always treasure his bachelor status and had no interest to share his life and time with someone else. But Nani's ailing health and Anjali's tears had made him give in. Since the death of his parents he had only one reason to live and that was his sister. He had promised his mother on her death bed that he would never let her cry and will always fulfil her demands till she went to her rightful house after marriage. Arnav gave in, knowing his mother would be disappointed with him otherwise but still, he did not like the prospect of marriage.
When the proposal came, Madhumati breathed a sigh of relief. After her brother's and sister-in-law's death, she had taken the responsibility of both their children. Khushi and Payal had always been obedient children who had given up a live of happiness and comfort but had never complaint. Now Madhumati was glad that both girls would marry and live in the same house. Payal and Khushi shared their hopes and expectations from the minute Buaji had told them about the alliance. After all they had gone through god was finally showering them with the happiness they deserved. The girls met Arnav and Akash for the first time during their engagement. Akash and Payal started talking about simple things. Payal noticed soon that although she was still a stranger to Akash, he was trying his best to bring some comfort between them. He talked and smiled but kept enough space for her to adjust. When Khushi had laid eyes on Arnav she had felt a big balloon blow up in her chest. He looked just like a prince from a fairy tale with perfect looks, a good sense of humour and also a style of his own. He was a well-liked person and also very successful. During the entire function, he had someone talking to him joking or engaging him in talks about his work. Khushi felt nervous around him but happy at the same time.
The next time she met Arnav was during their wedding. She had felt a little bad that he never had time to come to any of the outings Anjali organized for the grooms and brides but she knew she had him all to herself after some time. But hope can sometimes be as fragile as a house of cards. All it takes was a little gush of wind to make it crumble. Arnav had made it clear to her that he had not been happy with this marriage. He wanted his life to stay as it had and he demanded her to not come in his ways. Her heart broke for the first time that day but she didn't give up.
She tried to blend in, tried to be there for him when he needed but not show it. Yet, he always knew when she had handled any of his items. He would tell her off at first, then when she continued he got angry. Khushi always confided in her sister, Payal for help. Payal did not understand Khushi's difficulties. She had been doing the same things that she had advised Khushi, yet for her younger sister it didn't seem to work.
After half a year, Akash and Payal had grown closer. Even if they did not love each other, they complimented the other one and were there in times of need. Khushi caught herself being jealous of her Jiji for the first time. Akash was so helpful and considerate. He would guide Payal when she needed advice, kindly explain her errors when she did a mistake and he would also be the solace she needed at times. But whatever she did, Khushi always yielded her husband's anger and hatred. His words would pierce her heart every time and her hope to become his diminished slowly over time. It was when Payal gave birth to her first child that Khushi thought thoroughly about her situation. The others in the family had also noticed the coldness between Arnav and Khushi and tried to help, mostly Anjali. But her interference caused Arnav to snap for the first time. He accused Khushi of ruining his life, of getting his sister to go against him. Under pleading, Khushi asked Anjali to let her sort this to herself. Somehow, her last encounter with Arnav made her see the reason for his behaviour.
Khushi retreated into her shell. She stopped coming in front of Arnav at all. She never called him, talk to him or ask anything from him. Her absence from his life seemed to bring some peace to his life, which Khushi was first to notice. She sat all day in her room or would look at her Payal jiji from far how she played with her child. They were things Khushi craved for, had always done. She had wanted to be taken into the arms when she had opened her eyes in the hospital and was told that her parents were dead. She wanted to have someone to hold onto when the darkness of her past engulfed her mind, she wanted to be loved and told that her being alive mattered to someone. But she was all alone. Her health got worse. Khushi spend her so much time alone, that she lost all sense of day and night, of hunger and thirst. It was as if she wasn't even there. The others tried to help her but Arnav's words were still fresh in their minds. Payal out of all was most worried for her sister but nothing she said or did seemed to work. Finally, when she tried talking to Aranv, the only reply she got was to keep out of his life.
Their first marriage anniversary was approaching. Akash had taken Payal on a small holiday while Arnav, on the strong insistence of Anjali, held a party for his friends. Anjali had given Khushi some new clothes and jewellery. She hoped that at least my meeting Arnav's friends, she would start smiling again. But Khushi only thought about Arnav. She still loved him. And it hurt her. One year she had lived with this hurt, the pain of rejection by the one she loved. Her live had always revolved around him, his likes and his happiness. She wanted to be part of his life and she wanted to be the reason for his smile. She was ready to do anything for him, even if it meant ripping herself apart. She wanted him to feel free again but she knew that she could never love anyone else. The more she thought about it, the clearer it became to her that there was only one way to reach her goal.
On the day of their anniversary, Arnav had gone out for a meeting, promising to be back on time. This gave Khushi enough time to prepare her last present for him. She written it on a sheet of paper and kept it in an envelope on his pillow so he would see it soon. She got ready and put on her wedding dress and jewellery. She adores her neck with the black beaded necklace and her parting with red powder. She looked just like she had when she had come into this house and she wanted to leave it just like this, too. Khushi opened the French windows and got outside for the first time, looking up to the sky. The brightest shining star would always give her a sense of peace and joy, knowing it was her mother looking onto her. Today, though, even the star was sad and had lost its shine. Khushi closed her eyes. The evening was warm but she shivered. Khushi went back to the same incidence ten years ago when she lost all that was dear to her. Today she was again going to lose the one who she loved with all her heart but with the assurance that her death would mean his happiness. As the icy water engulfed her, Khushi's mind and body froze.
A few days later:
The Raizada house was in mourning about a person they hardly knew. Although Khushi had lived in the same house for a year, each of them had been shocked to find themselves never really to have known much about her. Payal had been inconsolable and the look she gave Arnav was enough to break even his stone heart. He had found Khushi's body in the pool when even after an hour she hadn't come down. She was cold. He held her in his arms for the first time before the ambulance came and took her away. She had been pronounced dead instantly and Payal and Akash had returned home from their trip. Arnav's heart had not displayed any emotions apart from shock. After returning home, though, his eyes fell on the envelope on his pillow. He opened it to find a letter from Khushi to him.
Dear Arnavji,
I wanted to write this letter as the first and last one to you. By the time you will read it, I will be dead, I know. I want to share with you something I had hoped I could have done a year back. I had always been a happy child. My name, Khushi, had always complimented me well. On my tenth birthday, my parents took me on a cruise. I remember well that Payal jiji had been sad not to be able to come as her exam was on that day. And today, I thank the almighty every day that she was saved from a nightmare I went through. During out first night, the cruise sank. I saw my mother vanish in the water; I still don't know what happened to my father. The loss of my loved ones had left a big gaping hole in my heart. I had lost the love of my mother, the comfort of my father and the support any child needs. Ten years I lived in hope to one day be able to smile again and be happy, to truly be KHUSH. And then I got engaged to you and I found the ray of salvation again. I had fallen in love and had hoped that you would also accept me in your own time. The longer I lived with you, the more I loved you and the more I hoped for your attention and love. I cried many nights when I felt lonely. I wanted to be held in your arms and wanted you to soothe my hurting heart. I wanted to see a smile on your face when you saw me, not anger or even hatred. Arnavji, I had dreamt many dreams with you on my side. The biggest one was that I will come out of my sorrow again and have someone to hold my hand before I am threatened to fall again. I see now that I had done wrong to do so. But I hope you understand that I also just wanted to have a happy life, a happy family. In my heart, I am still the ten year old child I was back then who had lost everything in the blink of an eye. You may call this step wrong but I am a human being and there is a limit to how much I can endure.
Now, that I know my dream will not come true, I broke along with dream. I cannot continue like this anymore. Please understand that your happiness has always mattered more to me that my own. And I know your happiness lies in your freedom. I will not be able to part from you and live a live away nor will I ever be able to be someone else's. I cannot live with you but I also won't be able to live without you. I hope that you will accept my gift to you and that the happiness will return with my departure.
Yours always,
Khushi
He didn't know why but his heart contracted. Guilt washed over him as he re-read Khushi's letter. Her words had been words the first the he read it but every time in the next few years he read the letter, he could feel her pain, broken hope and also hear her cries. Life had started to get back to normal for most of the people in Shantivan. Payal had broken all ties with Arnav, not acknowledging his presence even when he called out for her. Anjali didn't blame her brother for Khushi's accident but he knew her heart bled more knowing how he had treated his wife the time she had lived.
25 Years Later:
It was Rohan's wedding and Payal and Akash were proudly seeing their son tie the knot. The entire family was gathered and enjoying and teasing each other. The only one who did not come down was Arnav. He had witnessed most of the functions from behind the pillar on the first floor. Payal's hurt and his guilt did not allow him to join into the festive occasion. The first time Rohan had walked up to Arnav, he understood what he had lost. His stubbornness had not only cause Khushi to commit suicide but he had also killed all chances of his own happiness flourishing. Today, he remembered Khushi more than ever. He saw her dressed in her bridal dress the day of their marriage with live and expectation in her eyes. And he saw her in his arms, dead and cold, robbed of hope and will to live.
Om Prakash made sure that Rohan was alone when he handed him the letter. Rohan knew about his maasi from his mother but he had also seen his uncle suffer badly the past 25 years. One page was the letter from Khushi to Arnav which Rohan read with tears in his eyes. The second one was shorter and from Arnav himself for his nephew.
Dear Rohan,
I want to congratulate you today and wish you all the best for future. I have enclosed a letter from your maasi to me after she died. I will accept that I have done a mistake, a mistake that cost a very precious person her life. I often regretted and wished I could undo what I had done. Especially now that I am old and lonely I realise what a family truly is. I am probably the last person to give you an advice but I sincerely wish you to remember this till you breathe your last and pass this on to your own child once. Live gives you many chances for happiness but you have to recognise them and treasure them. They may not be in the form you like but you never know what you have miss when you lost it. I did the mistake, don't do it yourself. Treasure you relationships and always be there when someone needs you because only then someone will be there for you in the time of need. Otherwise there will only be one thing: Regret.
Arnav chachu
Rohan looked up and saw Arnav hinding. He smiled and nodded and Arnav knew that he had at least done something to lessen his burden. With this he retreated back to his room.
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Ok, ok, not the best piece of writing and seriously depressing but I would still apreciate you pinnig down your opinion... Thanks !!! đ
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