A woman's fall - Page 4

He took a deep breath as he felt the thread wind around his fingers. There was a slight mist all around them and he wondered if she was chilly. He could hear the thunder growl. It was pretty ironical to see his turmoil reflected in the skies. The game was stupid and useless and he was anyway losing without fail. To add to it, he felt weirdly distracted.

His oldest and possibly the only remaining friend was hell bent on pissing him off really, really bad. He had no idea what was going to happen to his mission and the biggest problem of them all- the girl sitting in front of him, making him play this useless game. Yet he knew he would play this game for all his life if he could blatantly sit there and stare at her without getting court-martialed and guilt pangs in his chest. He seriously wondered if he should lock himself up for a few weeks. Perhaps that would help him get his composure back.

"You lost again, Sir. For the tenth time."

A lopsided smile was all he had to offer in response to her statement that clearly said- "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

"Lets try again." He heard himself speak, though the best thing would be to seek solitude as he always did. But he had come to realize in the last few months that his definitions of happiness and calm were changing drastically. He allowed her to make the pattern as he sighed again and wiped his eyes. He looked up at the sky as it would suddenly open up and offer a straightforward answer to his questions. That or he simply wanted to punch God or whatever was doing this to him really hard.

"Sir, what is the matter, why can't you concentrate?" she spoke in a cool voice. He stared at her for a long moment, considering the slightest possibility if he could ever open up in her presence. She had this undue advantage over it and he despised and treasured it at the same time.

"I don't know what's wrong today, I simply cannot focus." That's exactly what she said, you idiot, his mind roared at him. He resisted the urge to stamp out the thing called inner voice. It was causing a lot of trouble lately.

"I understand Sir." She responded without a smile and he wondered what she would say if she knew what he thought of her. It definitely wouldn't be "I understand Sir"

She continued to play with the thread while speaking in a soothing voice

"Its easy to prepare for a war with the enemy, but with friends, its'tough" she concluded staring right into his eyes. He felt them burn right into him and for a moment he felt she could see him battling himself, desperate and on the verge of losing. She did not look away. He placed his fingers between the thread lines and she pulled. He was still staring at her when she gave a slight nod towards the thread. He had lost again.

He closed his eyes for a moment. He had a million things to say but then nothing really was required. She was still looking at him and he realized that he could see concern as well as confidence in her eyes and an almost indecipherable smile. His lips stretched into a slight smile as he looked down at his knees and back at her. He knew he was truly lucky to have her in his life after all the damage he had caused to her. He had made her into this over matured, understanding woman and then he had fallen for her. He knew that her innocence still existed, deep in her heart. He also knew that he was perhaps one of the very few people who realized that somewhere within her, she was still the teenager who lost her brother.

He knew that she understood the part of him that was scared to lose his friend, was misunderstood and lonely. And that was more than he could ask for. He slowly got his feet wordlessly. He did not trust himself around her. He might break down; say things he wasn't supposed to. Her words gave him peace and induced insomnia. Her presence troubled his conscience ceaselessly but was necessary for his very existence.

He could feel her eyes following him as he walked with tired steps.