Jay Khurana/Pia Dobriyal; AndIDon'tMissYouAtAll

Don't know what's going on,

Don't know what went wrong.

Feels like a hundred years,

I still can't believe you're gone.

As much as I'd like to blame my 'wolf' nature, there was more to it than that. As much as I'd like to blame Pia, I knew it was my fault. As much as I'd like to blame the fact that we were going around in circles, I knew that I'd screwed up the greatest thing of my life. As I walked out of the caf that day, I could hear her screaming behind me, asking me to stop, to give us a chance. But, you need two people to make an us, and me.. let's just say, there was no way I could keep this working, not with what I'd become.

So I'll stay up all night,

With these bloodshot eyes.

While all these walls surround me,

With the story of our lives.

I poured another glass of alcohol, drinking it all in; letting the guilt, the sorrow, the pain, the hesitation dry out. As I closed my eyes, our memories flashed through in front of my head. We didn't have an amazing start. Yes, we used to argue a lot, we had nothing in common. Yet, destiny always had it's plans. We ended up together and how, making some new memories, creating our own world. But, as they say.. life always gets in the way.

I feel so,

Much better.

Now that you're gone forever.

I tell myself that I don't miss you at all.

I'd been hearing these words ever since the last two days from Neel. Yes, it'd only been two days ever since I saw her face light up, her hair flowing about in the wind, her mouth curving into a dazzling smile, her eyes rolling up in sarcasm - it felt like eternity, though. Convincing myself that I didn't miss you would do no good, because you're the only person that can make me and break me for life.

I'm not lying, denying,

That I feel so much better, that you're gone forever.

I did feel better, though. The immobile pain on my chest about how I'm hurting her and leading her to a future that doesn't even exist was gone. It was replaced by a numbness. I felt lifeless, broken. As if someone had cut any available chords of oxygen and I would burn up in nothingness. Except, I didn't feel the pain. I felt numb. Without her. I needed to see her again, even if from a distance. I never expected her to move on so quick, though.

Now things are coming clear,

And I don't need you here.

And in this world around me,

I'm glad you disappeared.

I'd experienced a rush of paranoia and rage I've never felt before. I could feel my fists curling up in anger while I saw them walking around, hand in hand. She didn't look like the Pia Dobriyal I loved, though. The feisty brat was replaced by a satisfied down to earth girl next door, who'd be satisfied with anything and everything she gets, so unlike the Dobriyal who wanted the best. I turned around and walked off, convincing myself that this was it. Everything I'd become, everything I'd been doing, it was all for nothing. She didn't need me, I'm glad she went away. I was here for a mission, I needed to concentrate on that mission, I didn't need her to break me down. Yet, it was too late..

So I'd stay out all night,

Get drunk and f**k and fight.

Until the morning comes,

I'll forget about our life..

I went straight to the bar, ordering a drink. I saw there, my eyes lowered..not in pain anymore, in rage, pure rage. I needed to get over her, I couldn't let her ruin everything, I couldn't let her ruin what I was here for. Wasn't falling in love with an enemy enough that she's hell bent on breaking me down now? I looked at the girl who sat next to me, asking me for a dance. I pushed the drink away and nodded, letting myself drown in the high music..in the crowds..away from my life..away from her's.

Next day in the college, I saw her again. Rumours about their kiss were out. I focused my brains towards the plan, not letting myself think about her, again. Yet, destiny always comes in the way. She stood in front of me at the other end of the corridor, her eyes lowered yet determined. She walked past me, humming the tune slowly. She stopped parallel me, her eyes meeting mine, and the 'trademark Dobriyal scowl' fell back on her face, eyes lightening up.

''I hope you're missing me, I hope I've made you see.. that I'm gone forever.''

And now it's coming clear,

And I don't need you here.

And in this world around me.

I'm glad you disappeared.

I stared at her for a minute, not quite believing what I heard. Was this the same girl I fell in love with? The feisty yet lovable, the best yet genuine, the bitchy yet nice Pia Dobriyal? She walked past and I stared at her retreating figure for what seems like a long while. All those emotions, the guilt, the heartbreak, the pain came rushing back to me. Before numbness could overpower me again, I closed my eyes, remembering the last line of the song..

And I tell myself that I don't miss you at all.