CHAPTER 14
The Break down
"You don't have choice of existence if the person you love is taken away from you"
The words kept spinning in my mind, the fear of the this lose becoming real kept bouncing around the corner of my mind. I had been afraid when I had realized I might feel that way for Armaan, I had been afraid of the intensity between us, it was all too sudden. But now as I saw everyone getting ready to leave, making plans of travel and deciding routes of travel, another fear gripped me. What if I really lose him?
"Ridhima…. Ridhima do you mind it horribly? This connection between us? I don't. I would feel lost without it. If you don't mind it then why panic? We'll learn to control it, I am sure."
Armaan had old me so calmly; he would feel lost without me. Somehow I knew I would be feeling more than lost, I think I would be feeling more nearer to what Geet had described. I could worry later of the 'why' I was feeling.. Right now I just had to make sure I don't end up feeling that way.
"Gentlemen would there be place for another person on this trip?" I asked with as much causality as I could. Thankfully Armaan wasn't in the room to read my inner turmoil at the moment. The two vampires and my brother stopped their discussion to consider my question. Wow! They all listen to me that much?
"Do you have someone in mind who should go along with us doctor?" Sujal asked openly surprised by my question but not denying my request outright. Good.
"Well yes there is someone. So is there space?"
"Who are you thinking about Ridhima? Kripa can't go she has to stay here with you, Geet and Kashish. Plus there is David to look after too and Haver's is quite old." Angad intervened.
"Well is there space or not?" I asked stubbornly not giving an inch.
"I suppose there is.. But we would have to make lot of adjustments and if this person is big on personal comforts, then well he probably shouldn't come." Maan finally answered my question and I just about whooped with joy. Steady Ridhima. Steady.
"Well she isn't big on personal comfort and that she is me." I quietly dropped the bomb.
"Absolutely not!", "Are you out of your mind!!", "NO." and it exploded. Maan, Angad and Sujal replied at once and for a second I marveled my ability for hearing what each one of them had said.
"Well then, I knew you wouldn't agree this easily. But you have to understand that, I. Can't. Get. Hurt. Even if I can't fight and I am not offering to fight either. I want to go along as a medic. You know even army has a medic unit or atleast a doctor at every front. Supposedly you do defeat the monster and in turn one of you is badly injured and I might be able to save that person from dying, which might not be the case if I wait here for you all to come back. Look if the thing attacks, I won't throw myself in front of anyone. I am not that stupid or delusional about my fighting capabilities. I just want to stay in the background and make sure no one dies of injury."
"We already know there isn't much you can do.. With these types of wounds.. We have your brother and two vampires if need for any blood exchange arises." Sujal replied calmly. But I felt he didn't care if I went along or not. He just wanted to travel light.
"I am trying to use something which I haven't in a decade. I think I can use it again." I said noncommittally. I didn't want to raise false hope. But since I had felt Armaan heal under me, a subtle hum of power had vibrated in my blood. It wasn't anything great as it used to be but it was small power which I had somehow regained.
"Ridhima! You mean you could! How?! When!!" Angad looked pale and then flushed as impact of my confession sank in.
"A little. I am not sure. Being near Armaan helps.", there I had said it.
Angad opened his mouth to argue but closed it probably unable to think of a good reason, Maan dared to wink at me and then grin as if I had just confessed to being in love and Sujal shrugged his shoulders going back to work.
"What is going on? Ridhima is everything ok?" Armaan came in just after I had dropped the bomb and I refused to make eye contact with him. Angad still looked mad and gasping for air. While Maan had turned to discuss things with Sujal without bothering to take of the smug look off his face.
"Dr. Ridhima is going with us." Sujal half tuned to acknowledge Armaan with the information and went back to discussing with Maan.
"WHAT?!! No!", Armaan roared and grabbed my shoulder. Clearly the reaction I wasn't expecting. Why aren't you happy? We'll be together!
"You are not Ridhima. You understand? This is too dangerous for you." Armaan shouted at my face, shaking me hard. Why did he think it would help me listen better?
I didn't like public display of emotion. Especially not the ones I felt for Armaan. Maybe I am shy.. Who knows I have never felt this way before. So I tried being as discreet as I could.
I placed my hands on top of his where they rested on my shoulder and said as calmly as I could, "Maybe your recklessness rubbed into me hmm? I heal better than you Armaan. If you aren't afraid of them then why should I be?"
"I AM afraid, Ridhima. Always am. I couldn't heal if all my innards lay scattered on the ground can I? Ridhima don't think this is.. Why have decided to come? Didn't we just talk about this?"
"I won't fight. If my innards get sprayed on ground then it would only be after everyone else dies. I am coward enough not to face the monster myself. I am going as a doctor, whom others may need. And we did not talk about this. I said you were coming back and I am ensuring you come back." Or I don't come back either.
I added the last part in my head but I knew Armaan heard by the way he tightened his hold on my shoulder.
"Stop your sister from acing stupidly." Armaan glared at me but appealed to a shocked Angad.
"I will do that right after you take your hands off her." Angad was clearly more than mad right now and stalked toward us to rip out Armaan's hand. Or so his expression suggested. This I had anticipated.
Lucky for us when Angad got angry Kripa appeared. So there she was suddenly standing between Armaan and Angad.
"What did you do now idiot?" Kripa glared at Armaan and suddenly I wasn't calm anymore. I inserted myself between Kripa and Armaan and glared back.
"Don't call him that."
"Ridhima.. Kripa, can you convince her to stay here with you all and not risk her life by going with us?" Armaan said from behind my back and I controlled a strong desire to punch him. How dare he talk so nicely to her just after she had insulted him?! How dare he appeal to her instead of me?!!
"WHAT?! Ridhima is going?! Angad is it true?" Angad frowned and I nodded. "Well I am going too then. If she can go than I will go too."
"Don't you start too Kripa. We have enough-"
"I wanna gooo!!!!" Kripa wailed loudly and Angad tried to reason with her. Armaan too dropped in his opinion. I couldn't help but add my piece trying to explain why we needed her combat skills here and not where we were going. A minute later Maan joined in when Geet arrived and they both tried to make me and Kripa stay. I didn't realize how loud we had become until I heard Sujal say above all the din
"Quite! You are disturbing David!". Just like that, all of us shut up. The king had spoken. All obey.
"It would be good to have the doctor with us. Those who don't agree, deal with it. I vouch to protect her with my life on this trip. If that isn't protection enough then no one should go. Kripa you are Not going, protect Geet, Kashish and David. If something happens to them I will hold you responsible.", the vampire king spoke so quietly, yet no one dared argue.
I was ecstatic, he was the only one I needed to have convinced. Kripa didn't even dare to pout in protest and left quietly. Armaan and Angad wanted to drag me out and tie me down, I slowly inched near Sujal and sat down, avoiding eye contact with both of them.
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It had been a full week since we had been travelling. The only danger I had faced so far had been flirty, overzealous males of different species and then my uncontrolled rage over the same female counterparts who shamelessly threw themselves all over Armaan. Apparently we were the only unattached people in our group, me being a novelty for my special blood and healing powers. Armaan being handsome and skilled warrior he was drew attention like bees to a honey.
That was just my pettiness, one glare from me generally signaled Armaan to politely detach himself from the crowd and go hide. I felt bad for being so childish but Armaan didn't care, he was solely focused on my happiness. It was a great feeling, which generally annoyed Angad, he didn't like my jealous behavior. Well we just can't keep everyone happy at all time can we?
As we met more clans some weres or some fey, we realized how lucky our victims had been. No other victims of the monster had come out unscathed from the battle, mostly had died overnight and the small no. that had managed to survive were hurt beyond repair in multiple sates of amputee, ugly scares or weakened to stay in bed for a very long time.
We tried helping them. I had promised to use my healing power, but it didn't work. I would feel a tingle and then it would be gone. Maybe it was because my patients were of different race or maybe because I haven't regained my power. It was disheartening and often made me lose control of my cool exterior. To see these people suffer so much and not being able to help them more than just common medicine, broke my heart and brought back all the suffering I had witnessed in the past decade since I lost my powers. Armaan was my pillar of strength through this week. Although Angad understood my feelings, it was Armaan who felt them along with me and knew how deep my sorrow ran.
He would often hug me and quietly hold me close after we see a hopeless patient. He'd never let me cry, he always cried for me.
It was almost funny as to how I could still feel jealous knowing he didn't see anyone else instead of me. But right now as I sat near camp's fire beside a were wolf who wouldn't let go of my hand as he went on about his clans history, I felt the similar stirring of anger in my mind. Mindless, green monster slowly rising and taking hold of rationality. Hold up! How could I be jealous?
Well I wasn't. I heard and angry growl from left and realized Armaan was ready to kill the were, it was Maan holding him back. Somehow that made me happy. So petty, childish… so human… so feel happy at being coveted. I wasn't the only victim of the green monster..
I quickly withdrew my hand and excuses about seeing to my tent and left the wolf alone, before Armaan pounced on him. Minutes later when I was alone he pounced on me.
I was preparing to sleep inside my tent when I heard the zipper open and Armaan came in closing the tent behind him. Uh oh.
Despite of my mercurial jealous moods and sad helpless sobbing states… we had never managed to find ourselves so close to each other and far away from other. Something shifted inside me I sat up from my sleeping bag and scooted to make space for Armaan to sit, inside the enclosed space something shifted between us…. I felt it down to my bones and I knew Armaan felt it too when he stopped and stared at me sans the anger he had been feeling.
I took a deep breath and moved further away from him, the air was suddenly hot; but it was just my imagination, it was my body temp which was high, the cold reason in my mind spoke. The cold reason, which was rapidly losing as I stared into Armaan's eyes. What was he thinking?
"Ridhima, do you not like me?" he asked utterly serious, crouched in a hunter's stance; I couldn't help feeling like the hunted.
"Why are you asking?" I spoke without a tremble in my voice, contrary to all the butterflies in my stomach.
"Do you like the wolf outside? Do you like him more than me?" he said still taking the smallest angry step towards me.
"No, of course not!" There wasn't any more space to back away. I had never seen Armaan angry like this.
"I … you said you were jealous when you were angry with me. I feel something like that. But much more… I… I think I am more than jealous. Tell me, you like me. I know you don't like talking about it but please atleast say that much.." Armaan moved another step, he was so close… The air between us was vibrating. It felt as if we were touching even though he was still a foot away.
"Armaan.. you… There is no need for you to feel that way. Stop this, ok? This is insane. I don't like the wolf and you know I like you, I don't have to say it to soothe your ego. Go away." Great Ridhima.. Turn defensive when he doesn't even know half of what he is feeling.
"I … sorry I didn't mean to bother you…" He looked so sorry for a moment that I felt like kicking myself for being so harsh. What has he asked for? Just a confession, that I like him. Why couldn't I give him that much without all the drama… "But, just don't send me away as yet."
"What? Why? Armaan what is wrong?" I asked looking for ways to put more space to put between us. Somehow the tension hadn't gone down even though he wasn't looking so angry anymore. Mentally I was shielding like my life depended on it, why am I so afraid of him? What is wrong with me?
"I … I've been trying not to… This whole week… First the vampires, then that forest fey and now this wolf… I try not to notice and mind, I try really hard Ridhima. You'd say I am insane. But I can't help it. They fall all over like you are some.. some.. like you were heaven itself and they were hell demons ready to go through anything to just get to you. I can't.. I'll hurt someone. I swear if you send me away right now, I will kill that wolf, no one gets to the heaven. No one." Armaan spoke so softly yet his voice was full of menace, I took a deep breath but there wasn't oxygen left inside the tent. Only his essence, his intent. It filled the tent, surrounding me, wrapping itself around me. I was the heaven then he was.. My warrior? No one get to me.. Except him?
"Armaan… " I managed to speak but forgot everything else when I looked into his feirce,smouldering eyes. When he had said about killing he had been serious. I could see it in his eye. He anger, frustration, wrath, jealousy all pooling together, feeding of each other.
"Stop me from going out." Armaan whispered and took a step away. Suddenly I wasn't the prey. I had been concentrating so hard on his anger that I had fed my own frustration and jealousy to him. Now he just wanted to hurt someone who had dared to want me.
"Armaan don't do this. Please control yourself." I moved forward ready to hold him back if words won't work.
We had been playing around with our attraction long enough. Wrong. I have been playing around long enough. Hiding and denying.
Armaan stilled and for a moment I thought this was over, but then I heard the wolf calling my name from outside, wanting me to come up and enjoy the campfire with him. I saw Armaan clench his fist and the swell of anger was so sudden, that inspite of all my shielding I could feel it as if I was touching him. Without thinking I closed the distance between us and threw myself into his arms.
"Look at me Armaan. He is not the enemy."
"He wants you."
"He doesn't matter enough to exist in my thoughts."
"Ridhima.. I .. I want … " Armaan crushed me to his chest in a tight hug. His face buried in my lose hair, his arms like steal bands around me.
"shh… Armaan. I am here…" I stroked his hair, digging my fingers in his head to get his full attention, trying to send clam feelings to him, it wasn't working though. It wasn't just jealousy growing over the weak. It was the undiniable attraction growing ever since he had met me. The attraction we had been fighting.
"Shh… He doesn't matter. No one matters." I whispered placing a kiss on his temple. That definitely got his attention away from the wolf outside to me in his arms. He looked quite stunned, I had never been the one to initiate any contact between us. He cradled my face carefully and mirrored my action slowly. His soft kiss lingering on my forehead, I felt the last barriers between our psyches melt away. My finger drifted to his cheek, rough from 5 o clock shadow, his strong chin and then his sensuous lips which parted on my touch. Astonishment, pleasure, delight was all he felt and that told me he had never kissed, never held a woman intimately. Did I want to be that woman? Yes! Should I be that woman, would it be the right thing? I don't know…
I couldn't understand my own reluctance. He was everything I could ask for. He felt for me what I felt for him. I couldn't imagine the thought of not being with him, then why was I hesitating? Why was I always hesitating.. hiding?
I kept thinking about it in a small part of my brain… But it was only that small part which hesitated.
Not my soul. Not my body.
On its own my body shifted forward into his lap and my hands tugged him close, with one hand on his hair and one still stroking his face. I readied myself for the kiss and barely touched my lips to his. The slight contact burned me, my blood raced to my toes. Whatever happens, I could never ready myself enough for it. Raising my face again I brushed my lips against him for a longer time. It took us a while to adjust ourselves to it and then I explored deeper. It was awkward, clumsy, I was out of practice and he never had any. I had never enjoyed kissing before, except for now and with so much else going on between us it was difficult to concentrate. Then something shifted, suddenly I was lying back on the sleeping bag on ground and Armaan was pushing me down, kissing me back as deeply as I had. Repeating my actions, creating his own. His hands buried deep in my hair to adjust my face and other one around my waist. He was still afraid, it would all go away. I would leave.
I am not playing around! He is the one. The only one.
The last doubt from my mind disappeared. It suddenly seemed silly to have resisted the attraction, the inevitable. It seemed so stupid to have wasted all this time away from each other. Feeling a new frenzy to seal my decision my hand roamed restlessly along his back and pulled his shirt out of his jeans. Struggling against his lips and hands I managed to get his shirt off then held my breath. Why had I not seen him naked before! Why was I denied!!
I felt anger for having missed out on this for so long, as is someone had been deliberately stopped me from enjoying him. I rolled him over and soon I was straddling his washboard abs kissing his lips, jaw, neck, chest; moving lower. Someone groaned and the other one moaned. Between us I didn't know who was feeling what, making what noise, his pleasure was mine and mine was his. Moving back up the trail I had followed, I got to his lips again and stared into his passion dazed eyes. I was still angry, till jealous of all the girls who shamelessly flirted with him, I was losing control of all my reservations. Losing control of all my feelings. One I had always kept in check, hidden from everyone.
"You are mine Armaan. Don't you ever go away. Don't you ever dare to leave me for mine or someone else's good. You are mine and mine Alone. You don't talk to Geet like you talk to me and you don't laugh with Kripa like you laugh with me. Only I get to see you without your clothes. Only me and me alone. You are mine. Get it? I don't care how many other beautiful creatures flit around you, you are going to mine. MINE!" I barely finished hotly then he crushed my lips to his.
Armaan pulled at my shirt. "As you are. As you should be and will be. Mine Ridhima. No wolfs, no vampires and no humans. You will forget everyman you had been with. Mine alone!" he whispered back and bit my neck hard after pulling of my shirt. I shuddered and held him close. 'Love' doesn't even start to explain what I feel for you.
And so neither of us said anything more nor spoke about love. We struggled in the small space in a tangle of hands and legs to touch each other, to kiss each other, to be each others.
But before we could completely lose ourselves I heard a scream followed by a howl and loud thunder. Armaan jerked off me and sat straight. 5 seconds passed in utter silence and then hell broke loose. Howls, screams, roars, filled the stormy night sky. Armaan pulled me to sit and quickly kissed my lips once. "Stay away, stay safe. Don't you dare get hurt!"
Like that our tryst was over and Armaan had left. Not if I can help it! he is still half dressed!
With that he struggled out of my tent half dressed in his jeans and joined the battle. I looked around for my top and quickly putting it on I too got out. I wasn't going to join, but I was going to look. Look especially at Armaan.
Two masses of green oozing liquid were surrounded by different men. It wasn't just one monster but two! I looked around and saw an injured fairy struggling to get back on her dainty feet and rejoin the battle. I rushed to her and held her back. Angad looked magnificent, swishing a steel sword artfully at the monster. Working along with a wolf and another fey. But my eyes were quickly drawn to the half naked, pale warrior dancing around the second monster, his long knife ready his hand, glowing in the dark, carefully thrusting and retreating from the monster. He worked along with Sujal. Maan stood away at a distance shooting the monsters, his each shot rang true and slowed down the enemy little my little. He had made special bullets in his lab for this encounter. Soon enough the enemy was over powered. But it wasn't easy. The monsters had grown very strong after months of consuming powerful beings on earth. I shuddered to think that Kripa and Angad wouldn't have been able to survive monster of their present strength.
I saw the were wolf change into wolf form and tear the monster apart piece by piece as Angad and the fey distracted him. It wasn't as easy for Armaan and Sujal. Their monster was bigger and maybe stronger too. In flash though Sujal held the monster from behind in a tight grip around its thick neck and Armaan drove his long knife into its chest up to the hilt. The beast gurgled and then dropped on the floor, its body quickly disintegrating into fireless embers. It all happened so quickly, yet when I looked back at Angad even their monster was disappearing quickly too.
I felt the rush of adrenaline mixed with victory.. A really heady combination.. And drifted to Armaan. He was breathing hard, his body rapidly healing various cuts, but he was smiling. Looking at me and smiling. He had done it! We had done it!
"Sujal no!!!" I heard a roar and managed to look away from Armaan towards Sujal who lying sprawled on the ground. Maan was bent over him and he was roaring like the demented monsters we had just killed. I heard another scream and realized it was mine. This can't happen. No!
Sujal was… he is… the KING! The game is over if the king dies!! If Sujal dies then so would Kashish and Kripa, then with Kripa Angad.. Maan would be devastated and so would be Geet and if everyone goes away, then me and Armaan would also follow. We would all fall like pieces of domino if Sujal dies. I can't let this happen. NO!!
I felt a tingling along my fingers and the sensation traveled up to my arm and spread around my body.
What had happened last time when I refused to let a person die like this?
My powers had been taken away…
Did I regret it?
No.
Would I do it again?
Yes, besides what else can they take away from me? My power which I barely have?
I rushed to Sujal's side and open his shirt to see the damage. Blood was not going to be enough to repair this. Armaan's sword had pierced through the beast's chest and into Sujal's chest. Although the wound wasn't deep but it was just above his heart and the glowing metal of Armaan sword was a lethal poison for Sujal's body. I placed my hands palms down over his wound, barely touching it and concentrated on the mild tingling sensation. I willed it to spread to become strong, but it was already fading. I closed my eyes and shut out the whole world, with gritted teeth I tried harder.
I felt someone's touch shaking me, pulling me away, I felt Sujal struggle under my touch fighting for his life, fighting the thirst for blood inside him. And then I felt it.
Someone else touched my shoulder and the power flared. The mild tingle became an itch under my skin. Armaan.
I opened my eyes and sure enough he was there looking worried, trying to pull me away from a vampire who was about to lose himself to blood lust. Not on my watch!
"Armaan sit behind me, put your arms around me and touch my hand" I commanded calmly and Armaan followed without a protest. As soon as we were in the position I felt the power pulsing under my skin, thrumming through my body, ready to be wielded.
"Ridhima?!!" Armaan gasped in my ear as he felt what it felt to magically heal someone.
"We are going to heal Sujal Armaan. Close your eyes and try. Feel it, the rhythm the flow.."
"I.. I.. Wow.. I feel it.. Ri-"
"Now try to listen to Sujal's heartbeat. Find it with your fingers on his flesh, find it with your mind."
"It's…. so shaky and weak! Ridhima he'll-"
"Shh… keep feeling it. Hold on to it. Imagine it getting stronger slowly. Very slowly. Don't think of failure, it won't happen." I waited for a long time or maybe for a minute. I could never tell when I was healing. It felt as if I was holding his heart cupped in my and Armaan's hands, slowly we pushed and pumped it back to normal rate, our own heart rate.
"Think of him as he always his. Don't forget the heart beat but imagine him as you see him.. Unhurt, unblemished.. Just picture it and hold onto it". I spread out Armaan's finger flat on Sujal's chest and sank mine inside his wound. He could heal the skin, I had to take care of internal organs and poisoned blood. Blood…
"He needs blood." I spoke quietly waiting for someone to volunteer, even before a second could pass Angad was holding his bleeding wrist to Sujal's mouth. I closed my eyes before I could see the fangs sink into my brother's hand and concentrated on what I knew the best to do.
After a while I felt him beginning to recover on his own. Hi blood was pure enough for him not to die now and all his physical injuries were completely healed. I drew back my and Armaan's intertwined hands from Sujal and shifted back to sit against Armaan feeling more happy then I felt in my entire life and then promptly passed out.
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Edited by meggs - 14 years ago