*those who dont know....
sujal was previously fripa's keeper as in sort of care taker and kashish is sujal's wife.
angad is ridhima's real brother and kripa is his wife.
*
CHAPTER 9
Just LUST
PART III
"How was work today?" Angad my brother asked as we sat down for our Saturday night family diner.
"Fine." I said and managed a true smile. Armaan had left soon yesterday after the brotherly kiss and my whole day had been spent with my head floating in clouds and reliving that moment.
"It must have been better than nice, you r smiling." Kripa said a shocked second after my smile.
Not that I hate Kripa, but sometimes her outspokenness, lack of tact and high observation gets on my nerves. Like now, right now. She is sweet but sometimes irritating.
"I thought the smile would be polite." I gave her a straight face and the evening went down from there. From Kripa trying to apologize and make me laugh. Me, being stubborn and not even smiling. Angad resigned to let the two females work it out.
After dinner Kripa offered to help with the dishes so that she could apologize again. And cruel me saw the opening for an escape.
"Thanks Kripa" smile "Angad why don't you help her to, I want to step out for some fresh air." Bigger smile.
And I fled out of the back door. Merciful heavens…
Kripa just came on too strong for me and didn't know when to drop it. Angad indulged her and I couldn't blame him, she was charming when she wasn't trying too hard to please me. I didn't know how to tell her that I liked her plenty but to step off. And then there were Sujal and Kashish. The powerful relatives who gave me chills when they found Kripa crying in my office coz her dog was sick again.
This great big family was like a fairy tale….
Sujal The King….. Kashish The Queen…….. Kripa The princes/ Secret warrior doubling as court jester….. Angad The foreign ally/ Prince of some other land….. Sujal's driver, butler and dog as other members of the royal court…..
Me? I don't know what role I was playing in this medieval fairy tale. But I had a feeling I soon would. Armaan had suggested I could be the Oracle, the healing witch.. The mysterious person of the court who seldom showed herself, was very important and also feared for her abilities and power.
Armaan.. I sighed warily and told myself all the reasons for which I should go back inside. Of course I had equally good reasons to stay back out and wait for them to just leave.
"Ridhima you alright out there?" Angad shouted from inside. Yah… right as if they would just leave…
"Yah I am fine, will be back in a few minutes."
I took a deep breath again and centered all my emotions. It was one thing to feel and let go when I was with Armaan. With others.. It wasn't so easy, they just didn't understand.
I shuffled back inside as slowly as I could and maybe that is why I didn't make much noise. How do I know I didn't make much noise? Coz my brother and his wife were making out right in front of me in my kitchen oblivious to all.
Agghhhh. What do I do?!!!
Never. And I mean never! I have never felt more uncomfortable in my whole life. I didn't want to be a peeping tom and I didn't know how to let them know I was here. I know they are a couple but what in hell instigated them to start making out in my kitchen?! It was almost like they are trying to make me jealous that I don't have anyone to do that with!!
Don't I really?
STOP! I wish I can shout it out loud right now.
Angad held Kripa as close as he could. There wasn't even space to insert a paper between them, not even air I think. For a married couple they were acting like passionate teenagers. Falling over each other, tangles of hands and legs, their lips melded. I saw Angad reach inside Kripa's shirt and she curled a leg around his waist beginning to lift herself to more intimate position.
ENOUGH!! I cleared my throat as loudly as I could and closed my eyes. I would not, did not want to see this. No way. Hell no way.
I heard a bit of fumbling and low murmuring. I was highly tempted to step back out, but I took the chance. Maybe now they would leave quickly. I know not very sisterly of me.
"Ah Ridhima we were just… um.. You can look now…."
I opened my eyes and found the blushing couple in front of me.
"Ah, we did the dishes.." Kripa spoke getting redder with each word. Right did the dishes and a lot else…
"Thanks." I muttered.
Silence…
Awkward silence…
Very awkward silence…
Speak something Ridhima…
Very very awkward silence…
"Umm I'm gonna crash for the night. Tired you know…" I managed after 5 minutes of utter awkwardness.
"Yah!" with that word both of them became the flutter of movement and I had my house to me within next 5 minutes. Great!! Yahoo!!
But I didn't have my mind back in next 5 minutes. I didn't even have it back for the whole night. I didn't wish to damn my brother and his wife for showing their affection openly but I was sorely tempted. I did not want this new complication in my life. I did not want to wonder what it feels to be with someone. I didn't want to feel anything more than what I already was feeling. But now not only was I wondering how it would feel to kiss someone like they were kissing I even had a partner in my fantasies. Armaan.
I groaned and buried my face in my pillow. I lied awake till early morning all the while trying to stop myself from wondering how it would have felt if Armaan had kissed my lips instead of my forehead…
**************
I felt bad. I despised myself for the way I had behaved with Ridhima last Friday. For three days since I had been trying to work up courage to go and apologize to her. I know I was disturbed by what I saw, but it wasn't reason good enough to invade Ridhima's personal space like I did. Knowing perfectly well how she doesn't like touching and wants us only to be friends. She being nice and kind gave me what I asked, but where in blazes was my mind when I kissed her!! Kissed her!!! For all that is sacred, how could I?!!
Ridhima is so pure, sweet and simple. How could I do what I did?! And whatever made me do it. I still can't figure out. Nor can I work up enough regret and hate what I did. I would do it again if given a chance. And this is what scares me the most. I would do something sooner or later which would be too much. Too intimate and then Ridhima would tell me to never show her my face again like she should.
So what now? We can't live without her.. The stupid voice in my head echoed. The voice which often makes me do stupid things, feel stupid and dangerous feelings. The same voice which had thrown caution to the wind and bend down to kiss Ridhima.
What do I do? Simple. I become the god of control myself, my feelings and body. I don't let her know anything is wrong and make her feel everything is exactly the way it was. I don't scare her away.
And I apologize. How? Well sometimes gods take pity on me too.
Today was Tuesday, 3 day since we had met and today I found a little pup stuck under the fence of a construction site. He was trying to get in place he didn't belong and he got stuck under the fence. He was bleeding and badly bruised from all his attempts to get away. I freed him and took him to the only vet I knew. The only vet I wanted to ever know.
"Sir please wait there. A doctor will see to your dog in 5 minutes." The lady sitting at the front desk of her office informed me.
A doctor? There were more than one?! I wanted Ridhima?!!
"Sorry but I would specifically like dr Ridhima to treat the dog."
"She isn't free sir and your pet needs immediate attention."
I wanted to argue and wait, but not at the suffering of another animal. It would not make Ridhima like me anymore.
"I see. Ok. But umm it's not my pet. I sort of saw him in trouble and brought him here."
"Ah now that's a problem. He is quite injured, someone would have to pay for it…. If you're not willing then.. Maybe you should try a govt place or simply leave it back where you found him?" The woman asked in a low suggestive voice and I wanted to drag her and put her under the same fence as the pup to make her realize what the poor creature had been through. How could she even suggest?!
It took me few moments to recover from my anger and form a reply. It was long enough for someone else to interrupt with -"There will be no need for that. If he is not willing to pay then I will. Get the dog treated." Said woman from behind me and I recognized the voice immediately.
"I never refused to pay Mrs. Khanna I was merely picturing the kind receptionist under the same fence where I found this poor pup." I said before I could fully censor my words. I had learned to censor my words for every one except Ridhima. A touch would be enough for her to know all that I would try and hide.
Kripa giggled from behind and came to stand by my side. She looked at me as if she was seeing me for the first time. Well look away little wolf.
"You know, you are alright for a dangerous guy…." She said and smiled at me. Just like that I knew the fight between us was buried on her side. If I wanted to carry on grudge, it would be all on my side only. Strange creatures wolfs are.
"You are alright too. Just a bit too outspoken." I said and handed over the pup to the attendant. We settled back in the waiting chairs and Kripa told me how she had been wolf for 20 yrs so she was compensating for all the yrs of silence. I couldn't help but smile back at her. She was simple and upfront. Unlike other people she didn't have deceiving, conniving bone in her. She just didn't know how to pretend or curb herself.
"Why are you here? Playing guard to your sister in law?"
"No, max's regular checkup. We didn't use to do that until we found Ridhima. Now that she knows that max is… Well its good thing to have a competent doctor for his species..."
I nodded and settled back to hear max's tale and his latest mischief.
About an hour later with Kripa competently keeping up one sided conversation between us, max came out of examination. To me it looked as if they had given him bath too. Just as max distracted Kripa, my distraction came a minute later.. Ridhima.
"Armaan!" She stopped dead in her tracks and I had a moment of wild panic wondering if she was going to get me thrown out, if she had finally come around to being angry about last dinner.
"Ridhima.. Hi."
"Umm Hi.." She said looking confused which is way better than angry or indifferent.
"I umm… I found an injured pup so brought it here.." I said quickly and watched something change in her face. I don't know what exactly happened but maybe I had said the wrong thing…
"oh.. I'll see to it in a moment, which doctor you got?" She half spoke to me and half to the receptionist.
After talking to her for some 5 minutes she came back, "Your pup is fine, you'll have him in half an hour just other regular checks.. I hope you don't mind waiting. I have to see other patients now."
"No, wait Ridhima.. I ummm.. I understand you r busy but umm, could you… I wanted to talk to you and… I was wondering if you could take a break or something…" I managed to stop her.
"Of course she can!! C'mon Ridz lets have some coffee.. I bought this cake, we can eat it!! you come along too Armaan, shall we go to your office Ridhima?" Kripa jumped in between and totaled the situation.
I saw Ridhima fight to appear calm and nod toward Kripa. She even managed to curve her lips to resemble a smile and quickly turned towards her office.
Inside he office was a big clean space with a table at side for examining animals and a desk and several chairs for the owner to sit in. Ridhima ordered coffee and Kripa produced a simple but delicious vanilla cake.
"Kripa I rather you not take out the cake now, you bought it for some special occasion later..?"
"Oh no.. I was passing this bakery and it smelled really good so I decided to buy it. I like cakes.." Kripa replied.. I couldn't fault her reasoning but living with humans had made me realize that you often don't do things which you just feel like doing. And for Kripa to have lived long on earth and still behave as such told me how sheltered her adult life had been.
"I see. So Armaan you wanted to talk about something?" Ridhima asked offering me a piece of cake. Of course, the fact that I was going to be saying something drew Kripa's complete attention. Too much attention for my comfort.
"Ah.. It was nothing urgent.. I umm.. I just wanted to ummm… Did you know max could dig up a tunnel from under the fence in 10 minutes flat? That's some quick leg work huh?" I managed lamely and earned a subtle glare from Ridhima and delightful spurt from Kripa. She was obviously pleased that I had been listening.
And with that Kripa elaborated and our short break was over with tales of max the mighty dog.
"Umm I have to get back to work now.." Ridhima muttered ruffling paper on her desk.
"Oh yah lets go Armaan." Kripa got up and tugged me out of my chair. I glanced back at Ridhima trying to apologize and say a whole lot of things as Kripa dragged me out. Once outside the clinic I found out Kripa nearly wasn't as sheltered as I had thought.
"Ok Armaan. What is going on between you and my sister? What was so urgent that you couldn't wait till she got off from work and so secretive that you couldn't talk about it front of me? And don't tell me it's nothing. Last Saturday she was behaving weirder than usual."
"She is not weird. Your standards are."
"Whatever. You answer my questions!"
"It's between me and her. I don't have to ans to you."
"Fine, don't. But if you hurt her.. trust me that nifty blade of yours isn't going to be enough to save your hide when I come after you."
"You can't bodyguard more than one person Kripa."
"You don't want to test that theory with me Armaan. Don't hurt Ridhima ok. She wasn't always so depressed, she had an accident once and she hasn't made friends after it other than you. Don't you even dare disappoint her."
"If you stop interfering maybe I won't."
That earned a wolfy growl and a very mean look. Kripa turned and walked away after letting me have a look of her sharper than normal canine teeth and whole lot of information to mule over… What accident?
I decided to wait outside Ridhima's office hoping she wouldn't be angry over it. By 5 pm most of her staff came out and some 15 minutes later she stepped out too.
"Hi Ridhima." I said walking towards her. She looked surprised and a little spooked but not angry. Good.
"Armaan?" she turned to give me her full attention and just like that I forgot what I to speak.
"Do you know where shall I put this pup.. ?I can't raise it…"
"The animal shelter. You want me to give you the address?"
"No, the receptionist gave me, I… I mean I just wanted to ask if there was a better place."
"It is a nice place." She said and called down a cab.
"uh Ridhima wait. I wanted to talk to you, Kripa came then and I couldn't talk then… Do you mind if I drop you home?"
She looked as if she would say no, but then she looked at the pup in my hand and nodded her head.
"Thanks."
Once inside the cab I settled the sleeping pup on my lap and turned to see her. She looked nervous and made an effort to not look outside.
"Ridhima are you feeling ok?"
"Yes.. I just don't like travelling in cars."
"Oh.. I actually wanted to talk to you about last Friday.." I said and saw red color creep up her cheeks. She was embarrassed, but atleast she can't walk away till I said what I wanted to say..
"I am sorry for the way I behaved. I know I was confused and angry and not in best frame of mind. But it didn't give me the right to… I know you don't like being near people and we already have this thing b/w us, whenever we touc-"
"Don't. don't apologize. It's fine. I didn't mind. You were upset and we are friends right? .. It's the least I could have done.."
"So you didn't mind me hugging you? I really value being with you and I don't want you to… I just want the things to back the way they were before that dinner. No awkwardness. And I am glad that you are not mad at me. I was coming to see you today.. I just found the pup on the way."
Ridhima nodded and looked down as her fingers traced the pattern on her purse, "Everything is fine Armaan. I am not that difficult a person to get along with. I know you needed it then and you weren't just teasing me, so it's fine. You really don't have to apologize. Nothing has changed between us."
"Good. That's good." I smiled but couldn't put my heart behind it. Why did it feel it wasn't the same? As if it would never be the same again. Why wasn't Ridhima happy? Maybe it was being inside a car that she was behaving like this. I waited till she got off the car in front of her house and I gave the animal shelter address to the driver.
I waited till she stepped away from the car to wave me goodbye and then said. "So you don't mind if I hug you next time even if I am not upset?"
She looked surprised by my question and said yes. Now I was happy and I had completely forgotten about the kiss.
**********************
'Is it ok if I hug you now even I am not upset?' I had said yes and he hadn't hugged me when he had come in for the dinner next Friday night. Instead he had acted his usual and took out my trash.
'Is it ok if I kiss you now even if we don't hug first?' Why couldn't he have asked that?
I almost dropped the plates at the direction my thoughts were taking. Here he was trying to go back 5 feet distance policy and here I was fantasizing about most nonsense stuff. Why can't follow Armaan behaviors and act like a nice lady.
Why was I feeling all womanly after so many years of not even feeling a single ting. And to imagine what it would be like two of us. Skin to skin.. Like live naked wire…
CRASH!!!
I did drop the glass water tumbler at the lat thought and Armaan came rushing in.
"What happened?! Ridhima are you alright? Are you hurt?"
"No.. I am fine" I was still shaking from the thoughts I'd had and stepped back from the mess before Armaan could get closer. To think about him was one thing, to let him know… There would be no stopping and then damn the consequences.
"Ridhima let me see if you are hurt somewhere." He said coming closer stepping clear of the mess.
"no! no, I said I am fine. Why don't you clean up the glass I'll bring a mop." I ran away. I was panicking and I knew he would want to know why. I had to calm down before I let things get out of hand.
Deep breaths. Long deep breaths. I concentrated on slowing my heart rate and reminded myself of all the reasons why I was the way I was. why living alone and aloof was the best option with least heartache. I returned after 5 minutes and knew that Armaan suspected something. Maybe he guessed I didn't want to be near him and maybe he'll blame last Friday for it. but I couldn't care. I suited my needs just fine. 5 feet distance is indeed necessary between us.
He cleaned up the entire mess in silence and then threw out the broken tumbler shards. I quickly placed the remaining food at the table and sat down.
Armaan came and sat down without a word. He looked unhappy and guilty as if he felt responsible for this situation. I wanted to take his hand in mine and reassure him it wasn't. But indirectly it was. Never before meeting Armaan had I entertained such lustful thoughts and he wasall my fantasies. the male lead in
"Ridhima.. I just.. You are sure you aren't hurt anywhere right? That's all I really care about."
Awww Armaan… I really wanted to hug him to take away his pained expression.
"I am fine. Really. Not a scratch, the jug just slipped out of my hands."
"Ok. If you say so", He went back to eating. But every time he looked at me I knew it. I could feel all his side gazes. By back burned when I got up to do the dishes, coz I knew he was staring at me. I knew he was thinking about coming closer to help me out. I don't know how but I knew it. Next second I heard it chair scrap against the floor as he stood up.
"Would you mind doing the rest of the dishes Armaan, I need to step outside for minute." I said and ran out the second time. Getting saved by the dishes for the second time in 7 days. And being so sensitive of a man in my entire life.
It started with a touch, a tingle. It grew to emotions and feeling.. Sometimes we spoke each other's thoughts out loud upon and now I was tuned to his body, mind and soul. I could feel his intent through air, as if air itself was a touch enough between us.
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