CHAPTER 6
Part II
Avarice
I woke up late on the Sunday morning and stared at ceiling. No I wouldn't think about it. I wouldn't.. No I just won't! Think about something else quick!
Animals… They die.. I heal..NO!
Work.. Animals.. NO!!
Home.. Reach safely..Arm- NO!!!! No no no!!! Hell no!!!
I will have morning when I will wake up before it being the first thing on my mind. I need that!!
Need.. Good what else do I need?... shopping. I need to go shopping…
Good very good!
Pleased what myself to have finally found a nice topic, I got and got ready fast, mentally going through my intensive shopping list. You know what say about idle minds…
An hr later I wanted to know if there was some saying about disgusting food too. How could people place beef next to bread in the food shelf?
I turned away from the sight disgustedly. It wasn't that I was vegetarian.. Since I had started being a veterinarian. Seeing people eat animals was like seeing a cannibal. One doesn't eat what one heals. A doctor doesn't devour its patients.
I tried finding an aisle where only vegetables were present , but couldn't look beyond two rows. I clamped my hand over my nose and walked out then. This trip firmly reminded me of the reason why I never bought my grocery instead had them delivered by a local kid…
I got into a taxi and wondered what else to do to fill my time, when I caught the sight of some street vendors and asked the driver to stop. Jumping out, I approached the market and smiled with satisfaction. It was a huge vegetable market with hordes of fresh vegetables piled everywhere. I couldn't see any dead animal from where I stood, so I stepped further into the crammed noisy market.
Vendors were busy measuring selling their goods and people were milling around in large number. I had also forgotten I didn't like crowds and therefore avoided such crowded local markets.
As soon as the thought entered my mind I felt a prickling sensation all over and the hair on my neck stood up. I looked around slowly and suspiciously. I even pulled out my leather gloves and put them on, when a familiar voice came from behind and realized everything I had done today had been in utter vain.
Since I hadn't hauled fish today, it only seemed sensible to work of my energy elsewhere and earn my lunch too. Sometimes I would help carry fishes to the fish market too. I was paid for the unloading there o I thought of trying my luck there.
And what luck!!! I thought excitedly a I watched a figure pull on gloves in front of me, before she could move and disappear in the dense crowd I called out to her, "Dr. Ridhima!!"
Slowly she turned around with a slight frown, the frown deepened as she saw me approach? Did she not remember me? Why did it pinch my inside that she isn't remembering me?
I returned her frown and stopped in front of her with an extended hand. "Hello dr. you don't seem to remember me.. I am-"
"Armaan. I remember perfectly", she said as if it bothered her. But it couldn't right? Coz it definitely was making me very happy. She gazed down at my extended hand and then looked away with a mixture of expression I couldn't understand. It felt bad that she didn't want to even shake hands with me, so I withdrew them, only she caught them at the last moment.
She held my hand tightly as if waiting for something to happen, I gave her a questioning look and he released my hand if it was hot iron.
"What are you buying? I haven't seen you here before." I asked her quickly to fill the awkwardness. What had she been thinking while holding my hand?
"I.. do you work here? You found work then?"
"No, I don't work here regularly.. Only sometimes. I did find some work though. I help sailors with fresh fishes in the morning and then I help out at a restaurant in the evening. I've been meaning to return the clothes you lent me and tank you again. But I wasn't sure when I should come." I spoke conversationally as we got pushed by the crowd to walk around.
"Oh there is no need for you to do that it was- oh! Oh my!", she suddenly broke of the sight of pears being sold. She started walking over to the vendor but I stopped her.
"You shouldn't buy pears from that stall. I'll show where the best ones are!" I smiled happily and tugged at her arm. I didn't like ordering her around but I was so happy to finally do something for her.
We came to stop near an old lady and she smiled at me. I knew she sold the best fruits coz I have seen her always replacing her stock each morning.
I helped Ridhima buy whatever she wanted, even though there was slight hesitation in hr manner.. It was alright, after she didn't know me or the fruit seller. After the fruits I asked her what else and she looked as if she was going to lie.
"You know you could tell me 'nothing else' but then you won't be able to buy the best. Consider this just as my way of thanking for what you did."
"You saved me too, so that cancels out. You don't have to thank me anymore. I don't even know why you cleaned my house. Not that I am not thankful but.." she looked down with embarrassment. Her hands flailing by her side.
"Fine you fed me food when I was dying of starvation… but you did more than that.. I.. well… since I had been here. Nobody had really been kind to me and you were the first person… plus you gave me an idea of how I could better employ myself…" I shrugged and started moving her towards the vegetables.
"It's nothing like that. I wasn't been kind or anything. I was just repaying what I thought was due… you work now? Where?"
"At docks in the morning. Then I help out at a restaurant in the evening." I told her feeling proud… I knew now what that silly voice inside my head meant now.
"What ? Oh… well.. That's all? I mean … are you able to get by?"Ridhima turned red and looked around embarrassed by her question. I obviously knew that we weren't on the same page now..
"It's enough to get me two hearty meals a day. I don't need much else… let's just say I am not ambitious…"I said and smiled remembering how easily I had risen among the warriors and the agency for my talents, I didn't need ambition to rise above others… god knows what would happen if I was ambitious too… a blood bath may be.
""oh.. I.. I see… but don't you need … well…. What about other things? House.. Clothes..?"
The 3 basic necessities…. Should I be embarrassed for not caring?
I shrugged again and helped her buy more vegetables. We started moving forward but something made her hesitate. Following her sight I saw skinned chicken.. She was veterinarian so seeing people eating would be like… bad..
I hurriedly turned her away and took her through another route.
"Thanks." She murmured after a minute.
"I think it would be like cannibalism for you huh?" I asked lightly.. But maybe I shouldn't have. Coz she stopped dead and stared at me hard enough to make me squirm..
"I meant no one any offence.." I supplied in my defense
"A..ah no..Nothing… did u.. Why did you say what you said…?" she asked not meeting my eyes now. It meant she was hiding something and I drove me to a mad urge to pull up her chin and make her look at me. But humans don't follow such urges so I simply answered her.
"It just came to my head.. It felt like you may feel that way…. After all a doctor never eats his patients.. He would be like-" Ridhima started shaking her head, so I stopped in mid sentence. "You don't agree?"
"I… I think so too. Infact I think exactly the same." She spoke with an unnaturally flat voice and turned around to move, but her movement was too fast and she bumped hard into a man coming our way. Immediately she recoiled and I caught her by her waist. God she is thin!! Even thinner than the girl I saved!
I quickly turned her around to face me and held her secure in my arms. The man she had bumped started hurling abuses..
"It wasn't her fault. She did it by mistake. You don't have to say such things." I tried to calm down the man and stop Ridhima from turning around and apologizing. I just didn't want her looking at the dirty man who was eyeing her in a very bad way I had come to recognize.
The man continued his ranting and went far enough to say, "ya don't fool me.. It ain't no mistake.. $#%%%% like her.. They try n …" I had his throat in my free hand which effectively stopped him. Words never work with humans.. Why? Oh why do they insist upon it then?
"You dare to look at her with that filthy gaze again and I'll cave out every inch of you that touched her. I said it was a mistake. No apologies. Get lost, before I change my mind and carve you skin anyways." I glared with enough murderous intent and got the man scampering away from us.
Now the difficult part.
I had learned that females here were not very thankful at first when you save them from potential disaster. Easing her away slowly from my chest I looked down to ask if she was alright, but forgot all speech when I saw her scared face.
What is happening to me? Why can't I speak. I had seen enough terror. By god I had put terror in many an eye, yet why is her being afraid sending me into paralysis?
"T..Thank you…" he said so softly that I wasn't even sure I hear them. But when she didn't push me away and slap me, I knew she was ok..Infact grateful!!
"You are ok?"
"Yes.. I..Yes I am.." he aid and stepped away, but I didn't want her too. It felt too strange without her in my arms.
"You always seem to be saving me." she said with redness seeping into her cheeks…
Beautiful… my god!! Why hadn't I ever noticed it before?!! She was so beautiful!!! Prettier than any girl that I had ever seen. Something in her looks even defeated the beauty of many goddesses.
"Armaan? Are you ok?" she asked becoming even more red… blush..That's what it's called. A goddess never blushes.
I nodded unable to say anything. The great Armaan rendered speechless… oh how the angels would love it!!
"What's wrong? Are you ok? You sure? Did you catch a cold or something? Oh you sleep god knows where. You can get sick with god knows what? Dammit Armaan top staring at me like that say something!" she raised her gloved hand to my face
"I am fine… I was just…. You are beautiful.. I never noticed before.", my words quit effectively returned her blush and when she removed her hand I automatically grabbed it to stop her.
Embarrassment.. Wonder.. Pleasure.. Worry and so much else..
I felt it all at once when my palm touched a crack of skin b/w her gloves and coat sleeve. It only works skin to skin..
The though passed my mind and I saw her eyes dart to our joined hands… did she hear my thought?
I couldn't find the answer to that question coz Ridhima pulled away just then. She rubbed her hand as if it had burned, breathing heavily she kept her head bowed and turned away from me again. This time slower. Careful not to repeat her mistake.
"Ridhima… did you… I…. are you ok?" I finally asked unable to ask anything else.
She simply nodded her head and started walking away. I picked up the packets I had unknowingly dropped and followed her quickly. People were staring at us curiously. Had been from the time since she had bumped into that hell bound man. Only I hadn't noticed. A man could have carved out my back with a rusted sword and I wouldn't have noticed. Something about Ridhima distracted me and when our skin touched, I lose every sense of the present, past and future.
We walked back and out of the market in silence. I didn't want to say goodbye to her. But I didn't know how o make her stay either.
"Thankyou very much for today. I hope you take care." She said and started to take the packets from me.
"Let me call you a cab first. And you don't have to thank me… I.. enjoyed it. I mean, I like you.. so I enjoy spending time with you."
"You what?!" she looked at me with such shock and embarrassment that I had another of my mad urges to drop all the packets and take her into my arms again. And again I restrained my mad urges….
"I like you. Why are you so surprised?"
"I am not a likable person Armaan." She said matter of factly, seems like it was my turn to be surprised now.
"What's there not to like Ridhima? Why would anyone not like you?"
"I am cold and insensitive." She again said in that flat monotone, which meant she was deeply guarding herself. I wondered if I would get anything from her if we touched right now with her so well behind her high defenses.
"The temperature is cold so naturally you are too. And had you been insensitive, you wouldn't mind the meat, you would have puked if you stood there any longer." Now this was one human.. Where words are the only means and I didn't want it to be.
"I was talking emotionally." She said in the same voice but there was crack somewhere, a twitch of a lip there.
"How anyone be emotionally cold or insensitive?" I asked frustrated. 'Emotion' was it just me or did the women down here really like this word?
"Emotionally Armaan!! You are trying to make fun of me or what?!!! Fine I'll spell it out for you then! Cold and Insensitive Armaan! Like I don't feel anything, uncaring, an emotional null, unfeeling. Nothing can hurt me, affect me, make me happy or sad. I am-"
"You are believing a load full of stinking crap, if you really believe that. Seriously, how can you truly believe any of it. More importantly how dare anyone say that you? Tell me who said it?!" I felt murderous urge well up inside me when I thought of anyone hurting Ridhima in any manner physically or emotionally. Control Armaan..Control!
"I.. not in many words…. But someone did mention that I did not have a heart… My sister in-law now actually.. But it doesn't matter it's the truth. I don't care whether people live or die around me." she spoke in voice which any one would have believed to be uncaring. To be it sounded well practiced and guarded.
"If you would be heartbroken over every hurt and death you can never be a good doctor." Doctors were like empaths.. And emypaths never did well in a crowd. In fact Ridhima was exactly like an empath. Too much emotional if you ask me.
"You… you… don't… "
"Ridhima.. You are just stronger than others and better at restraining yourself than others. As for not feeling things… You are kind as you helped me. You care, for I saw you look at the old lady's limp and wonder if you could somehow help. You were afraid the night we first met, you afraid of that hell bound man today and.. You smile too.. I ..felt it… you can be happy and anxious.. You just don't show it… you would be a great warrior to keep all things in such tight control and to have made all others so thoroughly believe this farce. But it's imperative that you don't begin to believe it yourself."
"I… didn't use….. I you felt it? This is… I need to go. Now. I am late.. And..I .. I …this.. This is not a farce ok? This is reality. I really don't care about anyone, other than myself ok? And..And… you don't know me at all to tell me I am wrong about myself and.. And…" she flustered with words and I realized I have as usual said too much in too little time.
"Ok.. Fine Ridhima. Whatever you want me to believe." I quickly waved down and cab and helped her settle in. as I stepped away from her, each cell in my body protested the movement. One look. One signal. Just one sign from Ridhima of feeling the same ad I wouldn't have watched the cab drive away with her in it. But she is better at controlling herself.. Much better.
********************************************************
CID
