Chapter 7: A tale of two sisters
It had been seven months since Armaan along with Anjali had met Riddhima's consulting psychiatrist. The meeting had gone well and the psychiatrist had encouraged Riddhima to go a little independent. Nothing had to be drastically changed but change had to start. While the therapist worked on her paranoia, Armaan had helped her gain her individuality and a control on her own mind. Both were aware of the effort and time involved in healing of the mind, so they took it slow but was determined to achieve it in the end.
Armaan was aware that the main problem they had was Riddhima's hallucination of a man following her in the dark. It was possible that the man had told her that he had observed her in that fair and that's why he was able to take her. Or it could be because what happened to her in those three days had an impact on her which they could not even fathom. Her psychiatrist had explained to them that a trauma stricken mind would lock itself in deep crevices of mind unreachable even for conscious mind to access it.
"Riddhima's psycho-dynamics was haywire when she was brought in. For a twelve year old, the trauma was overbearing her surface emotions. Do you remember Riddhima?" Dr. Shubhankar asked Riddhima. Riddhima nodded.
"In the first few months post trauma, my mood fluctuations were all over the map and I was basically unpredictable and my parents started having difficulty in handling me. Shubhankar first started isolating any behavior that he could not fit in common trauma patients. These behaviors would be used to draw a pattern which would act as a key to open the locked parts of my mind. It is kind of reverse engineering a product to the parts it's made of. He studied the patterns to predict what possibly could have happened to me in the three days I was missing. " Riddhima replied. Armaan stared at her for few minutes and then chuckled. Everyone looked at him in surprise.
"What is it Armaan?" Anjali huffed.
"I just realized that my girlfriend is a certifiable dork. I apologize in advance, Riddhima. " Armaan replied. She glared at him for few moments and then stuck her tongue out. Shubhankar didn't miss the interaction between Armaan and Riddhima. Maybe Riddhima did want someone in her life who could out rightly tell her that she was being paranoid and held her hands when she was scared and helped her heal. In matters of mind, there were many ways a problem could be addressed and equal number of ways it could go wrong. From the beginning every step he had taken with Riddhima was a baby step. She was an extremely sensitive child before her abduction and after the incident her sensitiveness had introduced paranoia. He knew that being a doctor Armaan had an upper hand when compared to others and also Armaan's experience and patience in handling a troubled person almost seemed natural. Shubhankar knew that unless it's practiced, no one is really that good naturally. He deduced that there were people in Armaan's past who were close to him and had issues with psychosis. He never really asked Armaan that but he knew that it would surface very soon. He was only worried about the magnitude of it.
"What are you thinking Armaan?" Shubhankar asked Armaan who was looking out of the window and spacing out.
"Shubhankar, I am no expert in this field but I have done basic counseling to adolescents who were victims of terror attacks. For those who had relapses of the trauma that they had undergone, one of my senior colleagues suggested cognitive behavior therapy. Have you tried it with Riddhima?"
"I did not use that method during earlier sessions because there were still speculations about the procedure itself. I however performed cognitive interview when she was first brought in. It had only stressed her more and her trauma resurfaced tenfold. I repeated the same when she was sixteen but never got anywhere with that." Shubhankar was impressed with Armaan's knowledge. It looked Armaan was really serious about the whole affair and he had done his homework before they had come to meet him. He decided to talk to him alone in coming few weeks.
"What do you say Riddhima? Do you want to try again?" Armaan dived in directly to the subject instead of sugar coating. Riddhima sighed. She truly wanted to understand her own mind and put a rest to it but while doing so, she might have to relive the entire experience all over again. Was it worth it? She saw the two faces looking at her expectantly. Her sister who blamed herself for the fate they all now shared; her boyfriend whose only intention was to see her happy. Sometimes healing was not an individual process at all. It was a collective one.
"Let's do it." She smiled weakly at Shubhankar. Shubhankar smiled back and Anjali hugged her. It was then she realized that she had made the right decision and knew for certain.
Healing was a collective process.
The following months which followed her decision was one which brought a lot of changes in Riddhima and her relationship with everyone around her. The first day she decided to go solo during night shift, Armaan and Anjali had stayed in Armaan's car the whole night in hospital's parking lot. They had to trust Riddhima but Anjali had panicked and had refused to listen to any reason. Armaan had given in and had pacified Shashank and Padma.
"Please don't think that Anjali is not trusting Riddhima's decision. The whole process of healing is not just about Riddhima. It's about all of you and its time the three of you get a closure." He had not missed the hurt expression which had passed between Padma and Shashank when he had witnessed Riddhima's paranoid attack for the first time. Everyone in that family was blaming themselves for the incident which was not healthy in any sense. Shashank and Padma had given in after seeing a thoroughly distressed Anjali.
"I am scared", Anjali had hugged him once they had come out of her house and were out of her parents' sight. The ever strong girl who was drowning in her own guilt and forced to grow up and sometimes even acted as the decision maker of the family was looking like a lost little girl. He felt saddened to realize that the biggest victim of the entire ordeal was probably Anjali. The guilt she carried since she was little girl had weighed over her tiny shoulders yet she had always managed to stand straight and be strong for her family and her sister. While Riddhima's problem had a base and cause to it which once dealt with could be taken care of, to an extent, Anjali's mental state was permanent.
"So am I", he answered and ruffled her hair.
They had kept vigil for Riddhima the whole night each taking turns to bring coffee for the other. When dawn broke, Anjali called Riddhima.
"Can we talk later Anjali? I am in middle of treating a patient", she had responded and cut the call. Anjali had waited patiently till Riddhima returned the call.
"Anjali, are you sure you are not using my trauma as a ruse to get your paperwork done?" Riddhima asked her sister as soon Anjali had said "Hello".
"Come on Riddhima. Would your dear sister do that to you?"
"Yes", thus was the immediate reply. Anjali smiled. If Riddhima was being sarcastic this early in the morning, then probably her night was uneventful.
"You are so petty Riddhima." Anjali huffed.
"How about you, Armaan and I go for some hot breakfast? I am starving."
"Sure", Anjali replied happily.
"I will see you in five minutes. You guys are still in parking lot, right?" She asked her sister. Anjali looked at Armaan worriedly. They were busted. Maybe someone from hospital staff saw them?
"How did you know? Did someone tell you?" Anjali asked in surprise.
"No. I know you two very well. Just for the record, you two would make horrible psychopaths; too predictable behavior." Riddhima responded wryly. Anjali burst out laughing.
"Anjali, we will talk after breakfast okay? I promise." Riddhima replied and hung up the phone.
Armaan had kept quiet during breakfast and merely observed Riddhima. Shubhankar had given him the task of observing small behaviors when Riddhima did mundane things. According to Shubhankar, these were used as baseline and any deviation from baseline would have to be recorded and reported. If Riddhima knew about this, she didn't mention it to Armaan. Once Riddhima was satiated she looked at the two of them like a mother would watch her kids when they would break rules and eat cookies before dinner.
"Explain." Riddhima sat in front of them her hands folded in front of her.
"We were scared", was Anjali's swift and soft reply. Riddhima sighed.
"Anjali..."She began, but was cut off by Armaan.
"Riddhima tonight was not only different for you but also for her. All these years she has worried constantly about you and your safety. And for the first time in sixteen years, you were going to be alone by your choice and she couldn't do anything about it. Please understand her condition." Armaan said looking at Riddhima straight in the eye. After few minutes, Riddhima smiled at both.
"I wasn't scared last night at all. Because I knew that even if I was alone, one of you would come to me if I ever called." She replied looking at them and smiling warmly.
At that moment first rays of sunshine shone brightly on their table and Anjali and Armaan broke into smiles of their own. Riddhima took Armaan's and Anjali's hands and muttered a quiet "Thanks".
It had been seven months since Armaan had first met Shubhankar. The elder man had become a sort of friend and father figure to Armaan and respected him a great deal. Armaan visited Shubhankar outside the relationship of him being Riddhima's doctor. They had bonded over Riddhima's problem in the first place but the mutual admiration had given way to respect and now they were good friends. Armaan reported Riddhima's progress outside the purview of consultation so that Shubhankar had an idea what to incorporate in therapy sessions. From his interactions, Shubhankar was sure that there was something about Armaan which he hid it from everyone and even from himself. Shubhankar didn't want to pry, but he saw Armaan as a good friend and genuinely wanted to help. He knew that Armaan was from a very wealthy family with dead parents and dead sister who also happened to be mentally challenged. He never spoke of his family or his childhood. Armaan went quiet whenever Shubhankar brought up his family or found an excuse to end their meeting. After seeing this behavior for couple of times, Shubhankar gave up and decided to wait till Armaan volunteered the information himself. Over the months he had seen Armaan getting thinner and looking more and more exhausted. He knew that Armaan was a chronic insomniac but he looked haggard. There was something more than which met the eye but Armaan had refused to give out any information. He only hoped that Armaan fixed his problem before people around him got involved.
There was a major road accident which had kept the entire hospital staff on their toes for most part of the evening. With many critical cases, the number of doctors for that night's shift was increased. Riddhima along with Anjali, Armaan, Nikki and Abhi were allocated to various tasks. Abhi was in charge and Armaan for the first time saw him perform the role of a doctor and an administrator at the same time. He was impressed with his senior who kept his calm amidst the chaos and handled the entire staff. There was a dull ache in his head which he was facing quite frequently of late. He knew the reason, of course. Shubhankar had trained him a little too well. He made sure that no one suspected anything, especially Riddhima. His nightmares had gotten worse. He knew how to fix nightmares if they were about his days in UN. But these were about his childhood and he had no clue about what to do with them. He wondered if it was time to talk to Shubhankar about his past. Suddenly there was a buzz in his ears and all the noise around him was dissolved into mere whispers and then there was only silence and darkness.
What Shubhankar suspected had begun even before he expected it to happen.
To be continued.
