FF: IF I HAD YOU (pg.77; pg.78)* - Page 50

Part 34:

Scene 1:

"Are you cold?"

The girl glanced over at Neel. They had been driving for a while now but this was the first time he'd spoken to her since she got into his car. It was comforting, yet also an uneasy prospect. Comfortable because she was dying to talk, having never stayed quiet for so long in her life. But she also felt uneasy about breaching this silence between them for then she would be forced to talk to this stranger…a stranger who made her feel strange things she did not know how to define.

Hoping to put an end to a conversation that had barely begun, she quickly replied back: "Nahin toh. I'm perfectly alright."

Neel passed a brief glance in her direction before looking straight ahead. "Oh, then I suppose shivering is your favorite pastime because you've been doing it from the moment we set off despite the heat being on."

The girl simply ignored him and turned her attention to her window. Why did he care whether she was freezing or not?

Suddenly, she felt Neel steer the car to the right to stop on the side of the road.

Scared, the girl turned back to look at him. "Why have we stopped? Look…I told you…if you think that you can do something to me…I know---"

Neel simply waved her off. "Yes, I know. I know. You know Karate."

Ignoring her, he leaned over his seat to retrieve his jacket from the backseat.

"Here," Neel said holding his jacket out to her.

The girl stared at his jacket as if it were some foreign piece of clothing article she did not wish to touch. "What do you mean?"

Neel sighed. "Its not a hard concept, yaar. I'm giving you my jacket to use so you don't freeze to death."

When the girl did not move to take his jacket, Neel simply moved closer and draped it over her shoulders. "Put your arms in it."

Girl: "But---"

"No, don't talk. Just do what I said," Neel interrupted. "Put your arms in, now!"

Taking in Neel's stern look, the girl decided to comply. What could she do? The idiot wasn't going to start driving till she did what he wanted. In the short time she had spent in his presence, she had understood that this guy was stubborn.

With a long suffering sigh, she angrily flung her arms into his jacket. "Now can we go?"

But Neel was not done yet. Instead of leaning away from her, Neel took his time to adjust the jacket around her small frame until he felt satisfied.

When he reached out to button up the front of his jacket, the girl shoved his hands away. "Will you stop that? Stop fussing over me."

"Sorry! Forgive me for caring…god, I just wanted to make sure you were warm," Neel replied frowning, as he turned away from her to start the car and resume their journey.

That was a lie. The real truth was that he liked being close to her. Why? He did not know. But adjusting his jacket on her gave him the opportunity to be close to her once again…touch her again.

Neel groaned. What has come over him? He has seriously lost it…there was no other explanation for why he felt this pull towards this girl who seriously was not his type. He liked girls who fussed over him…inviting him over with the subtle glances or not so subtle other suggestions. Definitely women who appreciated his charm and good-looks. Not someone like this spitfire who fought with him every chance she got.

"I'm sorry."

Taken back, Neel's car swerved.

Reaching over to the steering wheel, the girl laid her hand over Neel's hand to help him stabilize the car. "Hey! Watch it…What are you doing?"

When the car was under control, the girl drew back her hand. Oddly, Neel felt bereft without that warm touch.

Quickly, Neel pushed that feeling aside. "Woh…I was taken back…I didn't mean to lose control over the car."

Girl: "You'd think you've never heard someone apologize to you before."

Neel grinned in her direction. "I must say, it doesn't happen too often. Usually, it's me who does the apologizing and the groveling thereafter."

Surprised, the girl asked: "Aacha? What do you do that requires so many regrets on your part?"

Neel simply shrugged. "I don't know. I think people just tend to misuse me."

Girl: "How so?"

Neel: "Well, I am an easy-going guy who likes to avoid conflict. For me, it's much easier to apologize for something even if it isn't my fault then to take a stand and enforce my stand."

The girl frowned. "You do realize that is not a commendable trait. You need to stand up for yourself or people will walk all over you."

Neel laughed. "If everyone thought like that we wouldn't have a moment's peace in this world. Sometimes, you just need to take the higher road. You will meet some crappy people in life…why waste your time fighting with them?"

Girl: "Well, you should…because how will they know that you are right. If you don't stand up then they will continue to behave horribly to other people."

Neel briefly glanced in her direction before asking: "What makes you think my actions will have any influence on their decisions? Let me tell you, they won't. If someone truly wants to be a prick for the rest of their life, they will continue to be so. Meeting one person who stands up to them is certainly not going to change their mind. I know that idealists like you don't want to believe this because you want to live in your imaginary world where you think that your one action of resistance will make a difference in this person's life…make them realize how wrong they are…serving as an awakening mechanism of sorts. But it won't…it won't make a damn difference at all. An individual will ONLY change when he or she wishes to do so. Not a moment before that. So, why would I waste my precious time on something so meaningless?"

Girl: "Because sometimes it's worth it to fight."

Neel glanced in her direction.

For a brief moment, the girl noticed something come to life in those hazel depths. Yet, the moment was as quickly gone as it had come.

Instead, she found that Neel turned his attention back to the road. Thereafter, she heard him whisper: "Perhaps, I've yet to find something worthwhile for me to fight for."

Scene 2:

Yug softly knocked on Vrinda's bedroom door.

When no response was forthcoming, he slowly pushed it open and stepped inside.

Immediately, his senses were aroused by the smells of various scented candles scattered throughout the room. He felt as if he had suddenly walked into a garden. The aroma produced by the lit candles created a heavenly experience giving the room a magical appearance against the backdrop of the raging rainstorm outside.

He had been so mesmerized by the appearance of the room that he didn't even notice the lone figure that stood watching the rainfall outside, near the open balcony doors.

Quietly, Yug approached Vrinda, who was completely oblivious to his presence. It wasn't until she felt the light-feather kiss on her shoulder that she realized that she was not alone.

Surprised, Vrinda turned around to find a smiling Yug looking down at her. For a brief moment, she forgot about what happened in the morning and smiled back.

Yet, the memory returned far too swiftly.

Frowning, she pushed past him and went to sit in the armchair by the fireplace.

Yug grinned. So, she was mad at him. Well…he'll see about that.

Quickly, Yug approached Vrinda. However, she had expected something like that to happen for just as he got close, she got up and made to leave the room.

At the last moment, Yug grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. "Where are you going?"

Vrinda scowled up at him. "I'm leaving. I have no desire to speak to you right now."

Yug chuckled. "Well…you may not want to but I certainly DESIRE a chat with you."

With those words, Yug sat down in the armchair pulling Vrinda into his lap.

Vrinda struggled against his hold. "Let me go Yug! I mean it…just…just stop bugging me."

Yug: "Okay. Okay. I promise to let go of you if you agree to listen to me for 5 minutes."

Vrinda looked up at Yug. For a brief moment, he thought she might refuse. Yet, she surprised him when she nodded at him before turning to look ahead. "Okay, I'm listening. You have 5 minutes so you better start talking."

Yug smiled. "I want to talk about what happened this morning."

Vrinda: "Well, I don't."

Yug: "Do you want me to apologize?"

Vrinda: "Do you WANT to apologize?"

Yug: "Honestly, no. I don't. But if you want me to…if somehow, it will make you feel better then I'm willing to do it. Just for your sake."

Surprised, Vrinda looked back at Yug over her shoulder. "So, you aren't sorry for biting me?"

Yug: "No."

"I don't understand. How can you not be sorry?" Vrinda asked with a puzzled expression on her face.

Yug smiled. "The bite you are talking about is called a hickey."

Vrinda: "So? What do I care whether it is called a hickey, bicky or picky. What's in a name?"

Yug shook his head laughing. "Gosh, you're going to make this hard to explain, aren't you?"

Vrinda: "Wh—"

Yug silenced Vrinda by placing his hand over her mouth. "Shh, just listen. A hickey is a love bite, Vrinda. I bit you on your neck because when I was kissing you I got carried away. You see…sometimes, when you're caught up in the moment…carried away by the emotion and passion you feel for the person in your arms…it just happens. Sometimes, an individual may also give someone they love a hickey as a mark…kind of like a sign of possession. Not in material value but as a way to let others know that you are theirs…and no one else should try to get close to you. In my case, I was more carried away by what having you in my arms made me feel than anything else…so I bit you."

Yug slowly removed his hand away from Vrinda's lips.

Vrinda was staring back at him with a shocked expression.

Yug reached out to smooth away a few stray locks from her face allowing his hand to linger at the side of her face. "Do you understand? Um…do you want to ask me anything more about it?"

Blushing, Vrinda looked down. "Will…will it go away?"

Yug: "Yeah, it will. Don't worry, it's not permanent."

Silence ensued.

Yug waited patiently, allowing Vrinda to gather her thoughts. He hoped he had done an adequate job at explaining it to her. God knew he definitely didn't have practice talking about things such as this. Before this, he never really needed to explain stuff like this to anymore. Yet, he couldn't very well ask someone else to explain it to her either. She was his responsibility…and he wanted to be the one who talked to her about stuff like this. He wanted her to be able to trust him with anything…even stuff that was far too intimate to voice aloud. More than anything, Yug wanted them to have an open relationship…one where they both felt comfortable asking the other anything at all.

Slowly, Yug tilted up Vrinda's face. "Are we okay?"

Vrinda flashed a small smile. "Yeah…"

Hoping to lighten the mood, Yug went on to say: "Because you know if you're still mad at me, there is one way you can get back at me…"

Vrinda laughed. "Oh, really? How do you propose I do that?"

With a devilish grin, Yug edged his neck closer to her face. "By giving me a hickey, of course! What do you say? Care to bite me?"

"Nahin…Nahin…I'm good…Yug!" Vrinda replied laughing, as she struggled to keep Yug away from her.

After a few minutes, Yug gathered her against his chest.

Leaning his back against the sofa, Yug closed his eyes. A feeling of contentment washed over him. After a day of worrying over Vrinda, he finally felt at ease. He felt happy again, now that he knew that she was not angry with him…he hated making her upset…for her happiness was the only thing that truly mattered to him.

"Yug."

Not wishing to open his eyes, Yug simply responded with a weak: "hmm?"

He felt Vrinda play one of his shirt buttons before he heard her say: "Who was she?"

Yug: "Who are you talking about?"

Vrinda: "The girl…um…the one you gave a love bite to."

That certainly got his attention.

In the next instant, Yug opened his eyes and quickly sat up straight in the chair. "Why does it matter? The only love bite that has ever truly mattered or will ever matter to me in my life is the one we shared today."

Vrinda frowned. "Tum kuch bhi kaho, lekin mujhe farak parta hai. I want to know who she was…I want to know how many girls…um…how many girls you've done this to."

Yug: "Vrinda…"

"Yug, please. Tell me," Vrinda interrupted.

With a sigh, Yug gave in.

Yug: "I was 13 when it happened…she was my first girlfriend. Actually, she was my only girlfriend to date."

Vrinda stared back at Yug in shock. "I always thought…um…that you…"

Yug: "What? That just because I lived abroad I dated hoards of girls. Nahin yaar…I never did that. Actually, I just never felt the inclination to do so. I won't lie to you though…there were a few girls who wanted to date me but I always refused. I guess I always felt weird about it…especially because I never felt anything for anyone before."

Yug glanced down at Vrinda. "That is until I met you."

Yug: "So, I figured, what was the point of dating just for the heck of it?"

Vrinda: "And what of this girl…your first girlfriend. You must have felt something for her to first of all date her and even to go as far as giving her a…"

Yug smiled. "You still can't say the word, can you?"

Vrinda looked away.

Yug: "Actually, I only dated her for about a month that too only because we had come to be very good friends and I thought for a little while that it may turn out to be something more. Yet, when I realized that I didn't really feel the way towards her the way she deserved, I broke it off. I didn't want to hurt her further by carrying on a farce. As for the hickey, that happened at my friend's birthday party…it was more of a dare…I don't think you'll know about this game but it's called "truth or dare"…basically, my friends gave me an option to reveal something private or take on a dare. I chose the latter and the hickey was the dare. I feel like an ass saying this but I followed through with it. She later found out about it…from our mutual friends weeks after our breakup…it hurt her."

Yug became silent for a few minutes. "I hated myself then, Vrinda. Hurting her like that…I felt like such as ass. It was then I realized how wrong I was to play with another person's emotions. I made the decision that day that I would never do that to another girl till I was truly, honestly devoted to her. Till today, I've kept that promise. I never felt anything for another girl before you…well, not like the way I feel about you…I truly love you, Vrinda. There is no other girl out there for me…because I honestly don't want anyone else but you. I'll always want you…only you."

Smiling, Vrinda leaned into Yug's body to hug him tightly. Before Yug had spoken all these words to her, she had felt very unhappy. The entire day, she had felt envious of this unknown girl who had been a part of Yug's life before her. She knew it was silly to be jealous of someone she had never met before, but she couldn't help it. Her heart and mind refused to see reason. She felt possessive over Yug…he was hers and will always remain so.

Gently, Vrinda placed a small kiss against the side of Yug's neck.

"I'll always want you too, Yug. Only you."

*Sorry 4 the delay guys...do leave me some comments on the yuvi segment. Thanks!