Maslow's hierarchy of needs #2 part 35 pg 147 - Page 90

Armaan lay on his back, lost in thought, as the music played softly in the background. When the day had started, he had not even imagined it would end like this, it had been one helluva emotional roller coater - stress, tension, remorse, relief and unbridled joy. The woman he was in love with, loved him too, so why did he have this nagging feeling at the back of his head, almost like that of something waiting to explode.....of impending gloom....

Ridhima'.....even her name brought a feeling of joy, a sense of lightness, of being .....he smiled as he remembered her subdued but evocative description of her turmoil and her ambivalence about her own emotions and then that final hesitant acceptance of her jealousy of Anjali.....that had been enough to tell him what he had wanted to know..........

..and now he wanted the world to know that he was in love with her........he had meant what he said to Ridhima .......that one special relationship needed to be given the respect and place in his life that it merited.......in his mind there was no ambiguity, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ridhima and he knew she felt the same but........Anjali ...... he sighed as he thought of his friend. Maybe he had indeed been an ostrich, preferring to brush away a thought that he couldn't or did not want to acknowledge but Ridhima had forced him to think about it and finally tackle it.......funny but he would have never thought of himself as a coward and running away from something but was he not being one?

But what would he tell Anjali? People think that you are in love with me but I am sorry I am not? No matter how gently he said it, how softly he phrased it, the message would be no different. If she was indeed in love with him or harbored feelings of some sort, no matter how tenderly he broke it to her, she would be terribly hurt. He knew Anjali, so he knew that she could be quite intense and if she had indeed been in love with him for a while it would be difficult for her to deal with the fact that he was in love with someone else.......and she was his friend, he could not just tell her and walk away from it...........he knew she would take it badly especially when she knew who was the object of his affections........her frequent outbursts against Ridhima were an indication of that......she would need someone to be there to help her though this and while he knew he should be there to support her, how would Ridhima deal with that? Would she understand? He was not sure how he would react if things had been the other way round? How does one feel when the man you love is busy consoling another woman who is also in love with him? Sounded strange, didn't it? But if indeed what Atul and Ridhima feared was true, he couldn't just abandon Anjali, could he?

While he had been irritated with her, in the privacy of his bedroom, he allowed himself to dwell on the question that Ridhima had asked him. If Ridhima had not come into his life, would Anjali and he have got together? Would friendship and proximity have been an easy and familiar substitute for love? Would friendship and understanding have grown into love? There was no denying that he got along famously with Anjali, they were good friends, and, shared some common interests, they could talk to each other and they enjoyed each other's company, but was that enough? He had never felt the desire to be close to Anjali, not really craved her company when she was not there, nor wanted to reach out and touch her or hold her close, never the desire to share his innermost hopes and disappointments, never that anticipation as he waited for her to appear around the corner, content to just be with her....no, Anjali meant a lot to him, but as a friend should......maybe if no one had ever come into his life, one might have been willing to settle for the familiarity of a friend instead of the awkwardness and uncertainty of a stranger but you don't settle for friendship when you are looking for love......Anjali was a buddy, she was one of the boys........yes he acknowledged the fact that she was an attractive girl, he was human and a guy, but that was it........her being a girl did nothing for him beyond its existence as a fact....on the contrary, ever since he'd met Ridhima there had been something between them - unsaid, not articulated yet simmering beneath the surface........

He needed to be there for his friend but he was very clear Ridhima was his priority........did that make him a terrible friend? No, he couldn't just walk away from Anjali but would Ridhima understand his compulsions? But it was Ridhima who had brought this up and she ......she was different from other women.........she of all people would understand.........

He sighed as he glanced at the clock. It was 2 o'clock at night, he'd better get some sleep if he was to tackle tomorrow with any semblance of rational behaviour'and for all he knew, Atul and Ridhima were completely off the mark about Anjali though something in his bones told him that it would not be quite as simple as that.

The beep on his phone broke his reverie

"Asleep?" the sms made him smile

"I thought Cinderella's deadline was midnight" he grinned as he remembered her "reverse Cinderella" comment.

"Didn't you hear? They found the perfect fit for the shoe!"

'In which case, the only thing left is for the Prince to claim his bride!" Armaan chuckled as he imagined Ridhima turning a crimson red at his sms. His worries forgotten for the moment, hugging a warm wonderful feeling, he fell asleep.

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Unable to sleep any longer, Padma stretched and got out of bed. She glanced at her bedside clock, it was just 5 o'clock; she had slept for a long time, and, she had to admit the sleep had done her good. There was still this feeling of heaviness, of something being amiss but at least her body felt like hers again.

She sighed as she went over the last few days. She had not known that the passage of time could be so excruciatingly slow.......till the operation had been successfully completed, it had seemed that the torment would never end......if only Shashank had listened to her, done his tests on time, taken a little less stress at work, learned to relax a bit........the ifs were endless, she reprimanded herself, she needed to look ahead and prepare for Shashank to come home. There would be lifestyle changes that they would need to adopt, she would ensure that he took adequate rest, that he did not overwork himself, that they spent time relaxing together.......he needed to lead a far more disciplined life than he had led so far, and somewhere she had been at fault for giving in to him which made this whole thing even more difficult to live with....she knew how childish and obstinate he could be, but he needed to realize what Ridhima and she had gone through- the thought of loosing him.......

She pushed the morbid thoughts away as she waked down the stairs to the kitchen. It was too early to wake up the domestic help, and, if she was honest, she would welcome the activity right now. As she put the water to boil, she wondered how it had never occurred to her that silence could be so evocative.........happy, comforting, companionable, angry and oppressive......the companionable silence that Shashank and she shared over early coffee mornings was suddenly so oppressive. Trying to shake off her despondency, she took out the milk and the cups, making a noise in an attempt to dispel the empty and despondent silence that pervaded the house..

On an impulse she climbed up to Ridhima's room and smiled at the sight before her.......Ridhima was curled up with the pillow tucked between her legs and her mobile clutched in her hand. The covers had been thrown off , God, would this girl ever grow up? As she tucked the covers over Ridhima she smiled at the memory of the little baby Ridhima had been........she couldn't remember a time when she had not needed to tuck her back in........her little baby not so little any longer. It had taken Shashank's heart attack to bring home the fact that her little girl was a responsible adult. Ridhima had handled the whole thing with so much maturity and calm that she had surprised Padma.

Ridhima had always been Shashank's baby girl and while Padma and Ridhima shared a very close relationship, Shashank and Ridhima were partners in crime. Padma smiled as she remembered all the mischief that the two had got up to much to her chagrin. It must have been tough or Ridhima to watch her father suffer, helpless to do anything for him. Yet, she had been steady as a rock, even when she had to sign the hospital release papers, being a pillar of strength for Padma......it helped that she had wonderful friends Padma thought, as she sipped her tea. She smiled as she remembered Muskaan's insistence that she eat something and then staying by her side till she fell asleep. She was a wonderful, affectionate girl and Padma silently thanked God for blessing Ridhima with sincere and loving friends. Rahul had always been like a son to her, but Muskaan and Armaan had been such a support.

Armaan.......hmmm.. What had Muskaan said to Armaan in the hospital room after the operation? Padma had been so overwhelmed with relief that she had paid scant attention to the exchange that had caused Armaan great discomfort........she could only remember that Armaan had looked shocked..........she couldn't quite recollect what it was but clearly whatever Muskaan had said, had rendered Armaan speechless..really that girl was irrepressible........anyways, whatever it was, it would come back to her.........

Armaan........Padma smiled as he thought about him ......... a handsome young man, very sensible and obviously dependable. She smiled as she remembered the last time he had spent an evening with Ridhima and her. Padma had been teasing Ridhima and he had joined in, slipping effortlessly into a comfortable familiarity. Like Ridhima, Padma enjoyed reading and had been pleasantly surprised to find that Armaan shared that passion. The three of them had argued over books with Armaan siding with her much to Ridhima's chagrin. Hadn't Ridhima just got to know Armaan? Maybe, but there was obviously a close bond between the two......overwrought she may have been, but even in that state, the fact that Armaan has spent the entire day by Ridhima's side, had not been lost on Padma

As Ridhima stirred a little, Padma smoothed her hair back from her face. Her little girl had been through so much in the last few days......Ridhima had already been upset and then Shashank's heart attack......she wondered if Ridhima had resolved her problems........in all the tension of Shashank's attack, she had completely forgotten to ask Ridhima if she had managed to sort her differences out.........it had been quite some while that her little girl had needed to cuddle up to her in her misery to wish her blues away.........Padma wondered what had transpired that caused Ridhima so much anguish, and, most importantly who it was who had been the cause of all that soul searching and misery.........in the tension of Shashank's attack, she had forgotten to ask Ridhima about that but there would be time for that later, right now........there was something at the back of her mind that she could not quite put her finger on...........

As she looked up at the clock, she gasped in alarm. It was 7 o'clock. How long had she been sitting here, reminiscing about inconsequential things? Maybe this was the mind's way of making you deal with catastrophe.........making you think of everything other than what caused you grief, blocking it out, wondering about sundry events to the exclusion of anything else'maybe it was better this way, she needed to get ready to go to the hospital. She contemplated waking Ridhima up, then decided against it. She had come in later, and must have been exhausted from the physical and emotional strain of the last few days .....the rest would do her good.

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Ankit looked at his watch impatiently as he waited for Anjali to come out of her house. They had an appointment with a well known consultant to invite him as a speaker for the opening session of the seminar, and, he had offered to pick her up. At this rate, if she did not make an appearance soon, they would be late for their 9o'clock appointment.

As he waited, he tried calling Ridhima to find out how her father was but there was no response. Maybe she was at the hospital. He had been very tempted to go across to the hospital last night but had figured that he would make it a crowd. Rahul and Muskaan were already there with her and obviously Armaan. The fact that they had not seen or heard from Armaan only strengthened his belief that Armaan definitely nursed sentiments transcending friendship for Ridhima. So where did it leave him?

He had been upset to see her looking woebegone and worried when the three of them had gone to the hospital. Instinctively, he had gone across and put his arm across her shoulder in a reassuring hug, her grateful smile almost his undoing. He was slowly falling in love, no had fallen in love or what he thought would be love with an amazing, delightful woman whom his best friend was in love with! Shouldn't he step back and allow things to run a different course? A la Hindi movies, he thought ruefully. Somehow he had never pictured himself as the self sacrificing second lead......he was the go getter, decisive one who knew what he wanted and pursued it with single minded focus......it was just that it seemed so unfair'the first time he had let down his guard and look where it got him.....into the proverbial fire!

As he wearily closed his eyes, unbidden, an image of Ridhima came to his mind, tearful, worry lines creasing her forehead yet chin resolutely held up, the calm on the surface concealing the storm that raged within ..........he had this insane desire to reach out and smoothen her brow, to wipe those fears away, if only he could..........

His reverie was broken by Anjali opening the door and slipping in beside him, "penny for your thoughts?"

'Nothing that you should be asking me" he smiled back, "especially when you are late young lady. I can see that our first speaker for the seminar is going to be a no show!"

" I am sorry" Anjali apologized, " I was up till very late last night with the corporate lists, didn't quite wake up on time."

They drove for a while in companionable silence, each lost in their thoughts when Anjali suddenly interrupted his, " Are you guys planning to go see Ridhima's dad this evening?" and seeing Ankit nod in affirmation, "I would like to come as well."

As he stopped at a traffic signal, Ankit turned to look at her speculatively, ' You do? Why?"

"What do you mean why? I thought that would be pretty obvious" Anjali retorted, a little irritated with Ankit's question.

"Obvious because Armaan might be there or because you genuinely want to comfort Ridhima?" Ankit surprised himself with the bluntness of his question but somewhere there was an uneasy feeling about Anjali's reaction on finding Armaan at the hospital. He was not really sure how Anjali would deal with that, how she would react, but one thing he knew for sure ' a run-in with Anjali was not something that Ridhima needed right now.

" I think you are being very unfair Ankit" Anjali responded quietly, "I admit to being a little short and brusque with Ridhima on occasions but I have apologized as well whenever I have been out of line. I also admit that I reacted childishly at Armaan's sudden departure yesterday, but difficult as it may seem to believe, I do have a couple of decent bones in my body.........she needs all her friends and well wishers around at this time and I am not so small hearted so as to grudge her that........"

"It's not about decency Anjali..I am sorry if I sounded rude or harsh.....I did not mean it to come out that way....like I said its not about decency, its about emotions and your vulnerability......tell me would it not upset you to find Armaan there, especially if it transpires that he has been there since yesterday morning? Just the thought of his rushing off to be by Ridhima's side evoked a reaction in you, how would you react on finding him there?" there, it had been said, he sighed as he eased the car forward as the light turned green. In the silence that followed his words, he cursed himself for being so blunt. There was merit in being upfront but some things required finesse and gentleness.

"Am I that obvious?' Ankit had to lean forward to hear the forlornly uttered words, 'such an open book Ankit?" As Anjali stared put of the window, sensing her vulnerability and need for assurance, Ankit pulled over and parked the car, reaching out to cover her hand with his.

"Armaan? Do you think?" she asked him hesitatingly.

"No, you are not obvious to him, if that's what you are worried about.....if you were, he's not the kind of guy to leave things hanging in no man's land.....sometimes he may not see the obvious, choosing to ignore it, but he would not let it fester unsaid if he knew....."

"What do I do Ankit?" Anjali turned to him clutching at his hand, " I always.....always thought that one day.......but now with each passing day.......he seems to be moving further and further away......out of my reach........my head tells me to let go Ankit, to be grateful that he is my friend but my heart refuses to let go..........Why didn't I have the courage to tell him how I felt before? I don't know if I have left it too late? Have I lost him forever? Why is life so unfair?"

" Because that's the way life is Anjali.......sometimes, you've got to live with the cards that life deals you....sometimes you have just got to stand by and let something precious go because perhaps it was never meant to be.........we don't always have control over things, and sometimes things don't go our way no matter how much we may desire them to, no matter what we do to that end....I know it sounds corny but do you remember that line on those mushy posters - if you love someone set them free, if they come back they're yours, if they don't they never were.........suddenly they seem so appropriate - cheesy but apt...."

Anjali watched him quietly as he obviously debated whether to tell her or not. She would not push him, but she was there if he wanted to talk.

"No room for pretence between old friends, huh?" Ankit sighed as he finally turned to look at her, "I guess I could do with a sympathetic ear.....a .....a buddy of mine is in love with her...."

"Then don't!" Ankit was surprised by the firmness of Anjali's response, "don't throw away a chance at happiness on a whim, an assumption......tell her how you feel, what you feel for her Ankit and then let her decide.........don't be a fool like I was Ankit.......isn't one's happiness worth fighting for?"

"But Anjali-"

"Ankit, you owe yourself a chance at happiness.....don't we all?" Anjali cut in firmly as Ankit looked at her in surprise, "I know I sound hard but isn't that also a truth? That we owe ourselves some joy too? Especially when you are not sure whether your love is really lost or it's just a feeling on which we are gambling our life's happiness?"

"But Anjali, you could end up hurting the very people whom we care about....doesn't that thought scare you?"

"Yes, it does" Anjali replied after a moment's silence, " maybe you are right.....maybe I am getting carried away.....but .....but..I still think that you should tell her....... especially when you are not sure about how she feels........don't throw away everything Ankit....." then as Ankit looked at her speculatively, "that would be my advice for you.....I am pretty much a lost case but thanks for the shoulder........and now" she smiled ruefully, ".......now I think we better drive off if we are to make that appointment."

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"So what time did you get back? Was everything ok when you left?" Padma asked as she buttered the toast that Ridhima had insisted she have.

'It got a little late ma. After they shifted dad to the ICU, we waited till Rahul called to let us know that uncle had left for the hospital, and then we .......er........grabbed something to eat.." Ridhima responded, a little quickly, as she broke eggs for the omelet. She had insisted on doing Padma's breakfast, much to the maid's surprise, but she wanted to spend the time with Padma to cheer her up.

"Sensible thing to do" Padma nodded approvingly, "I must say Armaan is well grounded and responsible'.it was nice of him to drop you..........you know Muskaan insisted on feeding me and then stayed by my side till I fell asleep........she really is such a lovely child......."

'Ma, your coffee........the omelet is almost done......focus on eating ma........you've had a tough few days and you have to get to the hospital as well" Ridhima steered the conversation away from Armaan.

"You are right......so much has happened in the last few days, I still cant believe that Shashank had a heart attack...........its like a bad dream which we can now, hopefully put behind us.....Ridhima-" whatever Padma was going to say was cut off by the ring of Ridhima's cell phone.

'Ma that must be Rahul to let you know what time he is going to pick you up" Ridhima called out as she tossed the omelet in the skillet.

"Good morning sleepy head! Did I wake you up? How's your mom? Hope the sleep did her some good?" the barrage of questions made Padma smile as she responded, "Good morning Armaan, you have a really long life. We were just talking about you..... I am feeling better and your sleepy head is wide awake and making me breakfast" Padma smiled a little at the stunned silence at the other end.

"I am ....I am so sorry aunty.......I thought it was Ridhima........"

"Well, since it's her phone...........but I am glad you called........thank you for dropping Ridhima home and for being with us through a tough time......."

"Not at all aunty, I am glad I could be of some help.."

"Thank you Armaan, that's very nice of you but Rahul is going to be here soon to pick me up. His mother is going to be with me at the hospital, they just got back last evening, so I will be fine.......but thank you for offering.......wait a moment.......Ridhima......Armaan on the line......"

"Armaan?" Ridhima scurried to the table with the omelet, picked up the phone and blowing a kiss to her mom, walked away from the table leaving a speculative Padma looking after her.

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