FF An ugly truth part 35 pg 97 1.7.11 (new) - Page 62

Part 32

Few weeks later

It was quiet in the house when Jai entered. It was the same stinging silence that had engulfed the house since Bani had left. No one was waiting for him tonight. Jigyasa was still angry with him. Looking at the blaming gazes he received from Karuna when she had come to visit, she knew what happened, or at least, Jigyasa's version of what had happened. It was hard to come back to his sister's anger. His aunts' displeased mood about the whole situation and not being told what was going on in their house. He could feel sympathy from his brother-in-law and niece and nephew. The sympathy he didn't want. Even though they meant well, all of them'he just wanted his old life back. But that was'impossible.

His old life wasn't as wonderful as he had thought. He never saw himself as an escapist but in hindsight he had tried hard to escape the possibility that his wife would leave him eventually. He wanted to keep her away from something vitally important. And now he was escaping too. From any kind of mail. Stacks that could contain a legal letter that could announce the end of their marriage. Either he or his wife had taken no legal action in the last 4 weeks, yet.

He hadn't heard from her since the last phone call. But Jai frequently called to her parents to ask for any kind of information about Bani. She hadn't returned there too. Her mother was angry with her daughter for cutting herself off from everything and everyone and not wanting to work on her marriage. Her father was disappointed. And Jai knew that her father's disappointment was the worst of all for Bani.

She had moved out of the hotel. With the help of her friend Neel she had found a place to live in the house of a friend, an expat who was now in Hong Kong and needed someone as a house sitter. The man would not be coming back soon and until she could start with her new job, the money she received as a house sitter was helping her out. It wasn't the job she had hoped for. She was working in a law firm as a receptionist and probably wasting away her qualifications, but not once had Bani replied to his messages and accepted money from him. He had opened her bank statements though. The only big expenses she had was the hotel se was staying. A few weeks later the mail had stopped, she probably had given the bank her new address.

Jai just wished that she wasn't that stubborn and would allow him to take care of her financial expenses. Bani didn't accept and even though there were no responses, it had not stopped him from trying and sending her text messages. Just like today, when he had reminded her of her check-up with the gynaecologist tomorrow.

Jai walked into his studio. Not even having changes out of his office attire he wore his paint-stained coat. One of the things that had kept him sane after Bani left was painting. Jai uncovered the canvas on the easel. It was a portrait of a size he had not pained in a long time. Portraits weren't his forte, but this particular face looking sideways at the painter, the soft twinkle in her eyes, painted itself. It didn't need someone posing for the painter. Whether she wanted or not, Jai had painted Bani. With just two hours of sleep in the fumes in the studio, Jai left for work the next morning, before anyone woke up.

**

" I met Bani!" Ranveer barged into Jai's cabin and plopped down on one of the chairs. Jai tried to be casual about it, but he couldn't contain the bubble of excitement that had erupted within him. Yet he continued to stare at the file he had in his hand.

"Doctor ke paas jaa rahi thi." Ranveer said.

Jai smiled to himself. He didn't have reasons to smile a lot, but this'at least he could be assured that she was taking care of herself.

"What did she say?" Jai asked.

"Sab ke bare me pooch rahi thi."

"Hmmmm'."

"Even about you." Ranveer said meaningfully.

" Tumne kya kaha?"

"That you are fine, missing her." Ranveer mumbled softly.

"Phir?"

'Who chali gayi, she was getting late. "

Jai had hoped for a reaction, but he didn't get one. He couldn't deny that he was feeling disappointed until he heard: "I think she is missing you too. I saw her cry in the auto when she left."

" To waapas kyun nahin aa jaati?" Jai finally closed the file he had been pretending to read.

"She will. Give her some time." Ranveer said. "She needs to come back."

Jai smiled tentatively. " Accha, ab mujhe meeting me jaana hai. You take your beautiful fiance and treat her too a nice lunch. She had been neglected a lot in our family problems. She didn't even complain."

"Mamu, she knows what is happening. She doesn't mind."

Jai stared at his nephew for a while. "That is what makes her a wonderful girl Ranveer, you shouldn't take her for granted. Kam se kam meri baat to maan lo."

Ranveer nodded as he looked at his uncle and his dejected expression.

"Go, treat Rano to a nice lunch, spend some time with her and then come back."

***

Her finger was hovering above the small button on her mobile phone. Bani smiled. Something she hadn't done for a while. There wasn't a day she didn't think about him. She had cried bitter tears on her wedding anniversary. It was the same day her parents had shared the news that her sister was moving to Delhi again. And she was moving in with her estranged husband. The news was salt on her wounds and for the first time in her life Bani actually resented her sister. She couldn't be happy for the sister she had looked up to ever since she was a small girl. Pia had called up the same day. Pratham was there too. But even he fell from the pedestal Bani had placed him on since she was a teenager. He wasn't a hero. Her sister wasn't her role model anymore. They were just human beings and that made the disappointment even bitterer. It had been her fault that she was disappointed. She had been too nave to assume that they would never hurt her.

She couldn't hear any of Prathams reasoning or Pia's apologies. They acted like oil on the fire of the betrayal that burned inside her.

Bani just asked on question that remained unanswered "Aisa kya hai aap me didi, ki har koi jo aapse pyaar karta hai mujhe dard diye bina sukoon nahin paata?"

The next thing she heard was the dial tone of the phone.

Bani had moved into a beautiful apartment, which she had all for herself. She had a job that brought in an amount of money. She just longed for some stability in her life again. She longed for someone to love her. Someone she could talk to. The only thing that had bothered her more than the news that Pia and Pratham were back together, even more than her mother's anger, maybe even her father's disappointment, was the loneliness of staying alone. It was the loneliness that got to her. She hated to be alone; she never had been alone before. She went straight from her parents' house to her husband's house. Never did she have to come home to an empty and cold house where there was none to ask her where she was or how her day went. There was no one who could hug her when she needed it, no one who could wipe her tears when she was crying every night. It was her biggest fear come true and the worst punishment she could mete out to herself. She didn't know what exactly she was punishing herself for. For trusting people or not being able to forgive and forget like her brother-in-law and be with the person she married and loved and loved her too. Enough to stand by her whenever she needed it. Enough to make her love herself by whatever means. Even if it meant that he had to play designer for her and got her dressed in the most beautiful clothes she could imagine to make her feel beautiful and special again.

Bani missed her husband terribly. She would go to bed in a cold room. Just between the blissful state of slumber and wakefulness her mind played cruel tricks with her and Bani imaged herself to be back in her own room, lying next to her husband. She would turn around and search for him like she did every morning but would find an empty space and the bitter reminder of betrayal and loneliness.

She wouldn't be lonely any more Bani thought as she placed her hand over her stomach. Her body had not failed her. There was a tiny life growing inside her and she would do anything to be happy and take care of this life.

Giddy with happiness Bani looked at the number on her mobile screen. He would be happy too, wouldn't he?

Bani remembered her doctor's reaction. Would he give her the same lecture as she had heard a few hours before? Her body was weak, mentally she wasn't fit to go through the pain and the care she had to give herself during this period, or receive from other people. She had heard it all. But she just smiled then, feeling elated at the news. The doctor's words flew right over her head and she could only think of the life inside her.

Remembering the doctor's words she groaned. Jai wouldn't share her happiness and until it was too late, she couldn't share the news with him, yet.

Listening to his voice wouldn't hurt though?

Bani pressed the dial button on her phone and waited anxiously.

One ring'she heard the second too and glanced at the clock placed on a table. She immediately squinted her eyes. She had never seen a clock more hideous that the one she had to look at and decipher the number amidst a mass of pretentious gold. Six in the evening. " Probably about to leave for home." Bani mumbled to herself. She knew his routine by heart.

'Bani!' An out of breath voice suddenly spoke. He was panting on the other side of the line.

Jai dropped himself in the seat behind his desk. He was in another cabin of his office when he had heard his mobile ring. He had decided to ignore it until heard the ring tone Bani had set for herself when she was playing with his phone a few months ago. She would change it from time to time to the latest Bollywood number she was crazy about. He had been embarrassed several times in front of his staff when 'Tu saala kaam se gaya.' Echoed during a meeting or a discussion and had made her change it to a softer number that was still on. It was the same song that had made him run from the back of his empty office to his own cabin to pick up the phone as him mind whirled with thousands of questions: Was she all right? Was she coming back? Did she forgive him?

" Bani...."

"Hi." She spoke softly.

" Hi yourself."

" How are you?"

"Do you really want to know?"

His question made her quiet. She didn't know what to say after that. Strange, when just a month ago she couldn't stop talking to him.

Jai knew he had blundered. He had longed to hear her voice since days, yet when she called he had made her stop speaking to him.

"Are you all right?' Jai asked her.

"Hmmm'..ghar par sab kaise hai ?'

'Fine."

"Anu's exams?"

"She passed."

"Really?! Wow." She said excited. "Congratulate her for me."
"Tum khud kyun nahin kar leti?"

it was silent again.

"Tumne papa se jhooth kyun bola?

'Maine?"

"Haan, tumne'tumne unse kaha ki tum humaari shaadi se khush nahin ho, aazaad hona chaahti ho and all that stuff. Papa yahaan se maafi maang kar gaye hai."

"really?' tears started to well up in her eyes. " I didn't want that to happen.' Bani spoke with a gruff voice. "Mai'.maine'"
"I know you didn't want to hurt your parents. Par yeh sab kehkar'tumne accha nahin kiya."
"Mujhe aur kuch nahin soojha Jai. Sach main bata nahin paayi." Bani cried. "I tried to par'didi, jijaji..mama, papa'they were all there, together, having dinner. I felt so alone..mai sach bol nahin paayi. I wanted to run away. Maine kya kya keh diya, I don't know anymore."
"mere bare me to bata sakti thi?" Jai asked as he tried to control his tears.

"they love you. Mai'I didn't want them to think differently about you.' she explained.

This time it was Jai who didn't know what to say. He sighed deeply and leaned back in his chair.

"Are you resting enough?" Bani asked him. "Ranveer said you don't go home till late."

Secretly pleased that Bani still considered his house 'Home' Jai mumbled something in response.

"Doctor ne kya kaha?"

Bani panicked. She didn't want to lie to him. But she couldn't tell Jai the truth yet.
"Sab theek to hai na?" He asked.

"Sab theek hai." And she didn't feel guilty when she answered. Everything was fine, more than fine. It was just the way she wanted.

"Ghar aa jao." Jai voice broke when he voiced the plea that was on his mind all the time.

"I can't."

"Why?"
"It still hurts, Jai."

"I need to go Jai." Bani said after she had listened to his deep erratic breathing for a while. It was affected by the sprint, but more by the overwhelming feeling if helplessness and misery.

"Take care."

"You too."

Bani ended the call. For the first time since she had left the house, Bani was thinking about a divorce. Maybe they should end their marriage, legally. It wasn't fair to make Jai hope for her return. Bani didn't know whether she would ever go back to Jai. She just didn't know whether the pain would stop someday and everything would be fine again. She never had been betrayed before.

She placed her hand on her stomach. Would she ever be able to share this with Jai? She didn't know and didn't want to find out, not yet, not until it was too late to get an abortion done.

Bani headed back to the bedroom she occupied and walked into the small shower stall. She undressed herself and turned towards the mirror that hung on one side. She looked at her scarred stomach. Bani was scared. She did not want anything to happen to this child. After months she touched the scar she had received an few months ago. Jai had told her repeatedly that it wasn't ugly. And she had tried to believe him. But just a few hours ago she had to accept that it was the operation, the scar that had followed and was a proof of the surgery, which had made this miracle possible. Their baby.

She would protect it from everything and everyone.

Even if it meant protecting it from her husband who barged into the apartment four days later, rage erupting from every pore. "You lied to me!"