FF An ugly truth part 35 pg 97 1.7.11 (new) - Page 64

Part 33

'You lied to me Bani!" Jai said as he stood in the doorway. His body was rigid with tension. Even though his eyes were blazing fire, Bani kept looking at him eagerly letting her stupid heart beat wildly as he stood in front of her.

"How could you?"

She could fake innocence right now, but it would only make the situation worse. Jai wouldn't like to be treated like a fool.

"How did you find out?"

"Your father told me. Tumne yeh kaise soch liya ki tum sarak par behosh ho jaogi aur mujhe pata nahin chalega?" Jai ran his hand through his hair. A trait that revealed his impatience.

"The hospital called your mother at that time. She came and yet you acted like nothing was wrong. Woh to tumhaari maa thi jisne tumhare charts parh liye."

Bani turned around in the house. Jai would followed her in. He looked around, bewildered and momentarily thrown off from this tirade. Bani was surrounded in black and gold. The most hideous black furniture, gold gilded table and gold accessories that ranged from gold coloured candles to gold coloured crockery.

Bani smiled when she saw him look around.

"Don't even ask, I am thinking the same thing every time. Sit down Jai. I will bring you something."

"I don't want to sit down!"
"Sit down." Bani insisted, went into the kitchen and returned with a tray. A gold cup filled with steaming coffee was placed on one corner. She had placed a plate with sandwiches on the tray too.

"I didn't have the time to cook today."

"Don't try to divert my attention Bani." Jai said while he looked intently at her. " You are pregnant."

"I am."

Jai sat down on the plastic covered sofa. Not even the squelching sound caused by the friction of leather against plastic could help Jai out of his bewildered state.

"I don't….I mean…how far along are you?" He asked looking up at her.

Bani noticed the slightly panicked and scared look.

" 7 weeks.".

'But…" he covered his face with his hands. "Tum to.."

"Contraceptive pill kabhi bhi 100% nahin hota hai. And I was on antibiotics during that period. Since a few days before Ranveer's engagement, you remember? I had a fever."

She saw Jai nod from behind the mask he had formed with his hands.

"Antibiotics and contraceptive pills are apparently not a good combination. Mujhe pata nahin tha." She added quickly.

"Maine kuch bhi jaan bhoojkar nahin kiya."

"It's my fault." Jai answered as he looked up again.

A thoughtful frown appeared on Bani's forehead. 'How?'

"Remember the first morning in Kerala?"

"Of course." Bani shrugged, but not totally unaffected. She could still remember the impatience of his hands on her skin. The cool morning wind on her partially exposed back, the drugging kisses and everything that followed afterwards.

"To?"

" I didn't use anything that time like we normally did."

"That doesn't mean it happened then Jai." Bani sat down next to him.
"It's my fault." He mumbled again.

"No it isn't."

"It is." He looked at her. "it's my fault.

"Don't." Bani warned him when she saw his eyes water out of helplessness, maybe even guilt. "It is not your fault. Khud ko blame kyun kar rahe ho?"

Jai took her small hand in his and caressed her elegant, long fingers. Bani looked at their entwined fingers. Two different shades of auburn skin met after weeks.

"Tum abortion kab….." Bani quickly drew her hand back as days of pain returned back when she imagined the same hand on paler skin. Her sister's skin.

"Don't touch me, please.' She mumbled inaudibly.

'I'm sorry." Disappointed Jai pulled back his hand and let it rest beside him. Bani tried to keep herself occupied so the spilled tears wouldn't draw Jai's attention.

She held the plate with sandwiches in front of him. He picked up one triangle and took a bite before he put it back on the plate.

"Tum abortion kab karwa rahi ho?" Jai asked after he took a sip of the strongly brewed coffee.

"Abortion?"

"you….you are going to get an abortion right?" Jai gazed thoughtfully at her.

"Yeh tumse kisne kaha?" Bani stood up and walked towards the window.

"Isme kehne waali kaun si baat hai." Jai stared at her stiff back. " You cant have this child. Tumhari tabiyat theek nahin hai. You cant do this."

It was Bani who seemed to seethe now as she faced Jai. "Says who?" She fumed.

"the doctor says so.' Jai stood up. "I say so!"

" Doctor ne kaha ki risk hai, mujhe. Lekin chance yeh bhi hai ki sab theek ho! If I take care!"

"Phir bhi kal tum sarak pe pari thi! Behosh hokar!"

" Behosh thi! Bimaar nahin!' Bani matched Jai's raised voice. "Doctors hai. They will help me!"

Jai couldn't believe her. Bani was playing with her life, trivialising everything her gynaecologist had advised both of them.

"I cant let you do this. I wont let you." Jai decided for her.

Bani shook her head. "You get a say in this Jai. Yeh mera faisla hai.

"What do you mean I don't get a say in this. This has to do with me too!" His voice thundered through the room.

"No it doesn't, Its my body, my life." Bani said as she looked fiercely at him.

"You didn't not give me a choice before my life changed. I wont give you one. Not when you want to take our baby from me."

"There is no 'our baby' Bani!"

Bani stared straight at him with a challenging look he knew all to well, except this challenge was not issued for fun. This time she was bloody serious.

"So I don't get to decide? I don't get to decide whether I want a child or not?" Jai asked.

"NO! not if you want to take our child away from me. The only palpable reminder I have from a time I was happy and felt loved. "

"Loved." Jai snorted. It hurt to see her attached to a child that could kill her. A child that was there because of a desperate attempt to forget his past. He would do anything to stop her from playing with her life.

"Do you want to know why you are pregnant right now Bani?"

Bani looked questioningly at him and waited for Jai to continue.
"I was upset that morning in Kerala. Because I was remembering your sister. The lies she had told me….yeh koi…pyaar ki nishaani nahin hai. As they say. " Jai spoke menacingly as he pointed towards Bani's stomach.

"I just wanted to forget your sister. I wanted to forget Pia…I was thinking about her when we were together and you were…."

Colour drained from Bani's face in a split second. Jai realized the impact his words had made when she staggered back but avoided the hands that wanted to steady her.

"Get out.' Bani mumbled as she stared into empty space. She walked to the front door, opened it and stood next to it waiting for Jai too leave.

"Get out Jai! I don't want to see you!" Her voice was shrill, unlike he had ever heard before.

"Bani,listen I didn't want you too…..mujhse galti ho gayi. I didn't mean it! Not like that!" Jai spoke quickly, realizing what he had done.

"Of course you didn't mean it like that! No one means what they say to me!." She screamed.

" Tum logon ko kausa satisfaction milta hai mere saath khelte huwe?! Maza aata hai?! Has sakte ho tum sab mere oopar?! Khushi milti hai mujhe toote huwe dekh kar?!" tears spilled from her eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes Jai had missed looking at him for weeks.
She sniffled a few times, wiped her tears from her face with the back of her hand and looked at him.

" Get out Jai, now!" the finality was not lost on Jai and he knew that there wasn't a chance he could do anything right anymore.

He walked towards the door but tried to look into her eyes just like before. Unlike before it was difficult now. He saw pain, intense pain. Pain that could touch him if it wasn't masked by cold behaviour.

" I made mistakes Bani, but I don't want to hurt you." Jai spoke softly. He wanted to caress the lines on her forehead and make the pain vanish from her eyes. "I want you to be safe. Yeh baccha…khatra hai tumhaare liye. Mai tumhe taqleef me nahin dekh sakta."

"To dete kyun ho?" Bani asked as she met his gaze. "I made mistakes in my life too Jai, lekin jis galti ko mai abhi dekh rahi hoon, woh shayed meri zindagi ki sab se badi galti hai."

It hurt….deeply….and more than that did it pain to see Bani look at him and know that even if there was a possibility she didn't meant it, she had still referred to him as the biggest mistake in her life, and he couldn't blame her.

"I still cant let you have this baby." Jai said as he stood in the hallway in front of the apartment.

"its not your decision to make Jai. Not after you helped me out of the illusion that this baby was a symbol of your love. Ab yeh baccha sirf mera hai." She turned around and closed the door.

it took Bani a while to let everything what she had heard sink in. She couldn't put up an act of bravery anymore as she thought about the times she had surrender her heart, her body, all of her fears and insecurities to her husband. Even when she had hated herself she had always loved him passionately, only to realize just a while ago that she might have known her husband's body, a few of his fears about his earlier life and work, she never knew for sure what was on his mind. Not even when they were together in the most intimate moments. She didn't know for sure whether it was love for her that was on his mind when their baby was created, whether it was her sister's memory that had been with him when they would lay in their bed or when he would look at her. She had been a fool to trust people, to love people blindly.

Bani dropped herself on her knees in front of the door. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. "I love you.' she mumbled to the little being inside her. "Even if your father doesn't, I will love you."

Even though her baby was with her, Bani felt empty and lonely in the cold apartment. She dropped herself on the floor. A flood of tears sprouted from her eyes. Loud wails made her body shudder. "Woh mujhse bhi pyaar nahin karta." She whispered to herself.

**

"Jai! Jai!" Aditya called him as Jai ran up the stairs to his bedroom.

"Kya huwa?"

"Bani is pregnant!" Jai answered as he opened the door and slammed it shut.

A baby. A baby in their house after all these years. Jai and Bani's baby could bring them together. Aditya smiled broadly and was about to inform his wife on the top of his voice about the happy news when he remembered Bani's hospitalisation and the depression.

How could she be pregnant? Should she be pregnant?

Aditya quickly marched up the Jai's bedroom and opened the door. He found Jai standing in front of the window and frantically dialling some numbers on his phone.

"Kya matlab, Bani is pregnant?" Aditya asked.

Jai turned around, not at all surprised by Aditya's entrance in his room. He had other things to worry about.

"Bani ma banne waali hai. Jai snarled. 'And she doesn't want to get an abortion done.'

"Can she….I mean will she be able to….is everything all right?"

"No it isn't jijaji." Jai said. " Who kal sarak par behosh ho gayi. She was brought to the hospital and they called her mother. Unko wahan pata chala that Bani is pregnant. She shouldn't be….it will kill her."

"Tum milne gaye the?"

"Haan."

" Bani ne kya kaha?'

Jai sighed loudly. " I made a huge mistake. Mujhe pata nahin kya soojhaa…I told her things I shouldn't have jiju." Jai looked up at him. The first set of tears followed.

"I keep hurting her."

Aditya didn't know what to do. It wasn't the first time in seven weeks that he had seen Jai broken, but it didn't make it any easier to witness.

"Shayed sab theek ho jaayega Jai. You never know. Doctor se baat karlo, there might be a possibility that everything will be fine. She will be able to have this child."

Jai shook his head. " no. she isn't strong yet. Maine doctor she baat kar li thi. Aaj…he advised her not to do this. I just….mujhe yakeen nahin aa raha tha ki Bani itni..ziddi ho sakti hai. Jab who is stage me behosh ho sakti hai to aage kya hoga?"

"I need to find a solution." Jai said after a while.

"Kuch bhi…but Bani should be safe."

Aditya was quiet for a while. He saw Jai in a frenzy, trying to call someone. Probably Bani's gynaecologist. "pick up…pick up!!" he didn't even realize it was nine in the evening. The sun had all ready set.

"Jai, you do realise that the baby you want Bani to abort is your child?"

"yes." Jai said and scanned the menu of his phone.

"Tum kaise baap ho Jai?" Aditya wondered as he saw Jai's lack of emotions by the mention of aborting his unborn child. Have the happenings of the last few weeks turned him into a rock again like eight years ago?

"Kya tumhe zara sa bhi dukh nahin hoga agar woh baccha mar jaayega ?"

Jai seemed perplexed at Aditya's question.

"Mere naseeb me baccha nahin hai yeh maine bahot pehle accept kar liya tha Jijaji." Jai said. "Mai baap nahin, mai sirf ek pati hoon. I want my wife! At any cost! Who akeli hai, bimaar hai and she doesn't want to listen."

Aditya smiled tentatively.

" She wont listen, not if you act like this. Pyaar se samjhao usko, shayed maan jaaye. You have hurt her Jai..and you are hurting her again by trying to take her child from her."

Jai looked thoughtful. How come he only managed to hurt her lately?

"Look out of the window Jai. The flowers she planted have blossomed."

It was true…a part of the garden was painted red by the rosebushes she had specially planted for him the day after his birthday.

**

"Bani! Listen to me!" Jai followed her inside the apartment she was living in. she tried to close the door in time but his foot was wedged in between the door and the frame of the door.

"Bani, please…I have been trying to reach you since a week…Bani please…..AU!"

Jai shouted as the door bruised his foot.

Bani quickly let go of the door. Jai barely saw her shocked face before she bent down and kneeled in front of him, her anger quickly forgotten.

"Laga? Where?" she untied the laces of his shoe in a frenzy.

"Oh God…I'm so sorry….Take it off. Let me have a look at it."

"Bani, its okay."

"No it isn't." she argued and tried to take off his shoe. "Let me look at it."

Jai had to comply unless he wanted to end up on the floor as his wife forcibly took of his shoe.

"I'm so sorry." She murmured guilty and blew on the slightly red swelling on his foot. She rubbed her thumb in circles over the area.

"Bani, its okay." Jai said as pulled his foot out of her hands, kneeled down in front of her and held her hands. She saw the tears in his eyes. With her tears came the pain again. Excruciating, unbearable pain that came from treachery and loneliness.

She saw the faces of Pia and Jai flash in front of her, entwined like they had been on the pictures she saw. Bani had been right when she left Pia the photographs. She didn't need them to remember the images. They had been imprinted on her mind and her soul ever since she saw them.

Bani struggled a bit. She wanted to pull away from him, but Jai firmly held her hands in his.

"I'm sorry.."

Bani shook her head as she cried.

"I love you…I'll do anything you say. Just…"

"You don't." She cried. "You don't. Don't lie to me!"

"I do."

"No!" she pulled her hands out of his hand walked away, to the far end of the room where she could pull herself back together and retreat in the shell she had made for herself after she had shown Jai the door a week ago. A place where only her baby was the most important thing in her life.

"You don't love me. My sister does not love me! Nor does my brother-in-law! Kehne me aur karne me zameen aasmaan ka fark hota hai Jai!" She said as she wiped her tears.

"Ek mai hi bewaqoof thi jo tum sab ke peeche peeche bhaagi. Aankhen band kar ke bharosa kiya. I thought that the three of you loved me too, you would never hurt me but I was wrong! Not anymore Jai. I don't have a place in my life for people who don't even care about my feelings. You have ended everything the last time you were here. You were thinking about my sister while you were with me, fine!" Bani said harshly as she looked at him.

" Aaj mai tumse keh rahi hoon, go to Delhi, do whatever you want to get her back…bas mujhe maaf karo. Mujhe meri zindagi jeene do, chain se! Tum teeno ki naatak me ab mujhe shamil mat karna! I have better things to do with my life!"

Jai stared at the woman in front of him. Was it the electric lightening that made her look so cruel? No…it seemed to radiate from inside her. Something Jai couldn't fight. He quietly forced his foot back into his shoe and was about to leave. At least he had managed to get a glimpse of the woman who still loved him. Even though she was buried under layers of bitter truths that had changed their lives.

Jai put his hand on the doorknob. He just couldn't leave. Not yet.

"Does it make the pain less Bani? When you punish me..tumhaara dard kam hota hai?"

"I want a divorce Jai."

"Tell me first, tumhaara dard kam hota hai?"

he heard footsteps behind him. Soft footsteps he had longed to hear in his house too. Bani touched him, voluntarily, even when she was remembering the breakdown of their marriage. She made him turn around. Bani grabbed his large hand, placed it on her stomach covered with the soft cotton of her kneelenght kameez. She covered his hand with her smaller ones and looked at him.

"Yeh baccha. Humaara baccha. Pata hai mai abortion kyun nahin karwa sakti? I have never destroyed anything that was linked to you. It was you who did that by lying to me, hiding facts from me. It was your past, Pia didi, Pratham jijaji who did that. I have only loved you. There was no one else in my life before I met you or after I met you. No matter what happened Jai, ever since I got to know you, the real you, I have only loved you. I was insanely jealous of anyone who could have loved you like I did. I cried when I found out you have been betrayed. My heart wept when you would see Nachiket bhaiya photo and would cry. That was even before you accepted me as your wife. Aur aaj bhi mujhe dard hota hai Jai. Jab tumhe taqleef hoti hai to mujhe bhi dard hota hai. But I cant stop myself. Tumne to aasaani se keh diya ki mai tumhe apne dard ke badle punish kar rahi hoon. Par tumne mujhe kis baat ki saza di? Tumse pyaar karne ki? Tumpe bharosa karni ki?"

Pearl like tears rolled over her cheeks.

"mere paas mere pyaar ka is se barh kar aur kya suboot ho sakta hai ki aaj tumhaara ansh mere paas hai.' Bani whispered as she looked down at her stomach.

"I have given you everything I had Jai. Everything a woman can give a man she loves more than life itself. The prove is this child." She lightly caressed Jai's hand as if she could touch their child through that touch.

"But you threw that in my face too. You said yourself that you were thinking about my sister. How many times Jai?" she looked at him. Her eyes were soft, the cruel look was gone but it was replaced by moisture of her tears.

"once, twice…every time you touched me?"

"No. I didn't mean it like that." Jai managed to say in his choked voice.

"Why did you make me feel alive Jai?' he heard her ask. "Why did you pull me out of my depression? I know, compared to Pia didi I am not beautiful, why did you make me feel like I am?"

"because I loved you….because you are beautiful." Jai cupped her cheek hesitantly, not wanting her to move away again.

" then why did you hurt me so much?" she held the hand that cupped her cheek savouring the feeling his warm skin on her cheek even though images of Jai and her sister flashed in front of her.

"didn't you love me anymore?" Bani cried.

Jai sighed deeply and let his tears flow, mingling with her tears as he rested his forehead against hers.

"I do..I will always love you."

it was a fleeting brush of their lips that made both of them shiver.

"Waapas aa jao." Jai pleaded softly as he caressed her cheek with the pad of thumb. A soft kiss later Jai saw that Bani had closed her eyes. Her head was tilted up towards him but the tears still flowed silently. He kissed her again and she gave in as passionately as she had done before. Jai slowly turned with Bani in his arms and pressed her against the door. His hand wandered from her stomach to her waist, through the slit on the side of her kameez where he met soft and warm skin. She shivered and pulled him closer after she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Jai left her lips after a lingering kiss that made the plump flesh tingle even when he traced a line of kisses across her cheek to the spot behind her ear that made her knees go weak every time. She lightly ran her nails over the back of his neck and got the desired response. A soft groan.

"I love you sweetheart." He whispered softly in her ear and traced the length of her neck with his mouth.

Bani sighed contently and guided his mouth back to where she wanted it. On her lips.

He loved her. Bani thought when she felt his hand move upwards under her kameez. He only belonged to her…..didn't he?

Then why did she see Pia? Why was Jai kissing Pia in the restaurant of a hotel, that too in front of her?

Bani's eyes flew open once she realised that she visualized the image of one of the pictures. With force she pushed Jai away. "I cant do this." She whimpered.

"I'm sorry."

Bani ran past him in towards one of the bedrooms and locked the door. She threw herself on the bed and waited till the pounding of fists on the other side stopped. She held her stomach, in dire need of some comfort, and cried herself to sleep.