JoKeSsSSSsSSS... - Page 7

More from Spidy's web world... 😊

A little all-around president bashing.. no offence meant pls 😊

The Devil is Waiting..

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Here's one more from Spidy's web world.... 😊

Fishing

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that weather!"

From the Court Archives of Emperor Akbar 😛

Ahmed was a high-ranking official in King Akbar's court.

He had one long-standing wish - to suck the Queen's voluptuous br****s to his heart's desire.

Every time he passed the Queen he got frustrated. One day, he revealed his desire to the King's chief adviser, Birbal,and begged him to do something about it.

Birbal, after much thought, agreed on the condition that, afterwards, Ahmed would have to pay Birbal 1,000 gold coins for arranging things. Ahmed agreed.

The next day Birbal prepared a high voltage itching lotion and poured it into the Queen's bodice, which she had left out while she was taking a bath. Soon the itching started and grew in intensity, much to the
King's anxiety.

Consultations with doctors .......Birbal revealed that only special saliva, if appl ied for four hours, would cure it.

Birbal also added that such a saliva was only to be found in Ahmed's mouth.

King Akbar summoned Ahmed, and for the next four hours Ahmed violently sucked the Queen's br****s. Licking, biting, pressing, playing, he got what he always desired for.


Satisfied, he returned and met Birbal, but since his mission was over and his lust satisfied, he refused to pay Birbal, and in fact he shooed him away. Ahmed, of course knew that Birbal could never report this to the King.

But Ahmed had underestimated Birbal.

Next day, Birbal duly put the same itching lotion in King Akbar's underwear.

Ahmed was again summoned by the King ..........

In the Beginning was the plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was completely without substance.
And the darkness was upon the face of the workers.
And they spoke among themselves saying: "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
And the workers went unto their supervisors, and sayeth: "It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor thereof."
And the supervisors went unto their managers and sayeth unto them, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none can abide it."
And the managers went unto the directors and sayeth, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none can abide its strength."
And the directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another: "It contains that which aids plant growth, and is very strong."
And the directors went unto the vice presidents and sayeth to them, "It promotes growth, and is very powerful."
And the vice presidents went unto the president, and sayeth unto him, "This new plan will actively promote growth and efficiency of this company, and certain areas in particular."
And the president looked upon the plan, and saw that it was good.
And the plan became policy.

And this, my friends, is how shit happens.

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!"

"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you're really cute !"

speidy n jasunap......good goin...keep it up...... 👏 me can't stop my laufin....by readin u ppl jokes... 😆

great jokes guys!!! 😆 😆 😆

hey farah? how u been!

helloooo...moon...me miss u ppl soooooo much 6 days net nahi thi as if ki 6 months ya 6 yrs i didn't hav net mera dhom ghot ta jara tha....to talk wid u ppl .....lov u....guyssss really u ppl r gr8......n again mayb i will able 2 gayap coz i m shiftin my house widin dec....soooo i m tense bout net...ana gana likar....i will miss u guyssssss again.... 😳

awwwwwwww.....chinni....lov u....n thanks 4 rememberin me..... 😃 😃 i m soooo happy....ki u ppl r sooooo sweet.....n like me 2.... 😳 😳 😉 wait wait thora part laraha hooo.... 😆 tell me how r u???chinni....

Please do not post vulgar (non-veg) jokes. Keep the forum clean.