OS - Confusions & Confessions:
Sleep is the last thing on my mind and I had spent another sleepless night in row thinking about the impending date. Yes, date... He asked me for date...It's been two months Raghav confessed his love but I didn't reply him anything. Though initially it came as shocker very soon I realised he is truly in love with me. But I was too practical and realistic to get carried away with the moment. I am not ready to get into something which will hurt me in future. His numerous attempts to change my views on our relationship failed as I stayed firm on my decision. He didn't give up though and convinced me to give myself sometime, I compelled. With each passing day our friendship bloomed, we learnt so much about each other; we are similar as persons though our tastes, habits and expressions are drastically different. With him everything has changed, he filled every moment of my life with so much of love and happiness. He did made efforts to adapt his life style to match mine, but despite his genuine feelings I still couldn't fathom that I was capable being loved by someone so deeply. Did I turn too cynical?? Before he came, my life was painful with a deep void in heart, now it has changed into beautiful, amazing and strangely familiar. Today all I have is happiness, pure bliss...then what I am waiting for?? I got an indulgent lover, who showers me with so much of love, pampers and adores me to the core. Wish I could wipe off everything and everyone...My feelings, dreams, desires, insecurities, haunting memories, bitter experiences, pains, agony, loneliness, and hatred from life and start everything fresh. Wish I was not so practical and acted like girls of my age, I sighed.
My heart slips into treasured beautiful memory of his confession, a beautiful smile adores my lips, my eyes gleaming reminiscing the moment...
Kalpana, I always felt a strange attraction, a strong pull, insane craziness for you...from the moment I saw you again that was the best thing happened to me he added after pause. I don't know how to name my feelings, I don't know if this attraction, pull, craziness, possessiveness, obsession, jealousy, comfort and madness I feel for you is love...I tried not to name these surge of emotions I feel for you. I like you and respect you as you are; Trust me Kalpi, whatever I'm saying is true...you are the first and most probably the last one to call me a jerk and walk away without bearing the brunt. Kalpi you don't know the havoc you created in my life which is otherwise meticulously planned...I started smiling for no reason, hallucinating you everywhere in every one. I wanted to hold you in front of my eyes; I couldn't even bear the thought of you leaving. My heart, body and mind yearn for you ... "If you call my feelings as love, then I' am in love with you...truly, deeply and madly".
Despite the numerous hours spent thinking, I couldn't rule out the uncanny attraction and unseen pull I has for him. I am aware of the impact he had on me, Am I in love with him? How did this happen to me, I never thought I would fall for anyone in the world but this man. Though I am not very sure of my feelings, I couldn't deny the spell he casted, is it all JUST physical attraction, nothing more?? I feel a strange sense of satisfaction with him around, even when we detested each other. It was like I am living my own dream but somehow, it was all still too distant. Maybe I am being too pessimistic with our differences. He did showed his concern in ways numerous to think, but still I couldn't shed off my ugly doubts. A part of me don't want to let go off his love...want to feel his love, experience and cherish it forever while practical side admonishes me to think straight.
For once I wanted to go with my heart and cherish the love his bestows on me. For once I want to believe in fairytales, he has come as my prince charming but am I a Cinderella?? May be I am...there must be something in me that is loveable; He is ready to wait for me for the life time...In order to love him I need to empty my heart and mind; wipe off the preconceived notions and most importantly my insecurities about relationships that I will do. His love is the first thing I got in my life without any struggle. I want to succumb into the mindless craziness, I want to feel his warmth...I don't care if fail in my decision at least I won't regret later for let him go. I want to explore this new found feeling with him by my side and live my life to the fullest without holding back.
I called him late in the midnight to inform my decision; he picked the call on 2nd ring...I could feel the happiness and excitement in his voice.
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My heart is jumping crazily...I am brimming with excitement for our first date, OUR first date...he is taking me on a date. I dress up elatedly in a half white designer saree he insisted me to wear for the special day. The outfit looks exquisite yet classy ...I wonder how much time he'd invested in planning this evening...he didn't tell me where we are going; it is a surprise for me. I put an extra effort to dress up for the day to match with my MAN; Am I walking the Ramp? I smiled inwardly. Don't ask me why I am dressing up for him, even I don't have any answer...but I want to. Brushing away the endless doubts I made way to the car...there he is ...my eyes glisten with joy on his sight. He is there waiting for me...I caught him staring at me intently, his gaze piercing my body, making bores in me. Wait is he checking me out?? Yeah...he is, didn't I see an approving look mixed with pride in his eyes?? Don't be a fool; my mind slapped me though my heart is not willing to get ruled by it. My limbs wobbled under his sharp gaze; somehow I reached the car... He opens the door for me and got in blushing profusely. My heart is beating in my throat as I look at him...I'd wonder it will break any time soon...! Sitting by his side I felt complete...like I always belonged to him, the feeling was so intense and overpowering. Something is changing between us...something beautiful, pleasant and lovable... May be this is our budding love, which might blossom into a beautiful relationship for now I am enjoying every bit of it to the fullest..!!
P.S. lol...this is sounding even more confusing than Reel Kalpi. Please no sade ande only tamatar or jhute ...If you find this irritating
Cricket
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
