J e e v i k a
I left.
I was clueless about where this journey would lead me because I had no destination. There was no place I wanted to reach. She had left me and without her everything was incomplete. Without her, my life was empty. I saw my face reflecting off the shiny frame in which I had placed her photo and I remembered all the beautiful moments we had shared together. I had promised her that I would always be there with her and would illuminate every moment of her life but when making this promise little did I know that life would make me stand at a point where even if I won, I would lose.
Before leaving the Vadhera house I left her a letter. I had put it underneath the photo of me and her which she had cherished the most. I didn't even know whether she would turn back and look at that photo and notice the letter; yet, I had written it.
*Flashback*
My tears soaked the paper before I had even started writing. I didn't know what to say but I had to put something down on paper, I could just leave without saying a final goodbye to my sister, my life. I picked up the pen and started writing even though words seemed short to express my emotions.
Merri pyaar Mannu,
Mujhey patha hai ki tu mujhey dekhna nahi chah thi hai, mujhsey baath nahi karnaa chah thi hai aur shayaad ye khath parhnaa bhi nahi chah thi ha Mannu, likin terri Di ki zimidaari banthaa hai ki vo ye khath tujhey likhe. Bina tujhey alivadaa kahey mein chayn se jee nahi paungi Mannu. Agar terre dil mein merreliye zara si bhi jagga bachi hai tho ye letter parhley Mannu, please.
Mannu, terrey iss duniya mein aaney ke peheley merri ek ichcha thii, aur merri yahi ichcha thi ki mein ek taara ko chulo aur ussey apni baho mein sameyt loon. Aur tujhey patha hai Maanvi, jab Mumma ke kokh sey nikal ke tu pehli baar merri baho mein aayi thi na, tho mujhey lagaa ki bhagwaan ji ne merri ichcha purri kardi, aur ek taara aasman se thorkey merre liye bhej diya. Ussi waqt meinney aapney aap se vaada karliya thaa ki mein tujh jaysey taara ko hamesha khush rakhungi. Aasman ban key hamesha terri rakhsaa karungi.
Aaj mein tujhsey maafi maangthi hoon Mannu, ki mein terri aasman nahi ban paayi, terri rakshaa nahi karpaayi. Mannu, meinney tujhey bone-marrow terri zindaagi bachaaney kilye nahi diya thaa, apni zindagi bachaaney kilye diya thaa. Mujhey maaf kardey Mannu. Terri Di bohoth swaarthi hai. Apni zindagi bachaane kiliye mujhey terri zindagi bachaana para likin ye karthey, karthey, mainney aapney aap ko ek nanhi si jaan ki kaathil banadiya. Mujhey patha hai ki tu Chutku se milney chah thi thhi par Mannu, jithna tu Chutku se milne chah thi thhi naa, uthnaa hi mein tujhey khush dekhnaa chah thi thhi. Terri Di tujhsey bohoth pyaar karthi hai Mannu, bohoth pyaar karthi hai.
Likin Mannu, mein samajh thi hoon ki shayaad ab tu mujhsey pyaar nahi kar paayegi. Ek kaathil se kaun pyaar karsaktha hai Mannu? Tu kya, mein khud apney aap ko kabhi maaf nahi karpaongi, kabhi nahi. Terri Di ek khooni bangayi hai Mannu. Par Maanvi, ye khooni banna merri ichcha nahi thi. Ye mein nahi karne chah thhi Mannu. Likin agar mein Chutku ko janam de dethi na, tho phir mein terri zindagi ki kaathil banjaathi. Tu hi bathaa na Mannu, zindagi ki aissi mor pe mein apney dono bache mein kissey chunthi? Ek ko bachaane mein dussrey ko khona hi thaa na? Mein kissey chunthi Mannu? Kiss bachey ki zindagi ko chunthi? Sochtey, sochtey, mein iss faysley pe pahuchi ki mein tujhey bachaungi kyu tu hamesha merreliye number one hai Mannu, merri peheli baby.
Ab mujhey nahi patha Mannu, ki mein apni behen se kab milungi, milungi bhi ya nahi. Par ek baath hamesha yaad rakhna Mannu, terri Di yahi soch ke zindaa rahey rahi hai ki usski Mannu khush hai. Agar tu khush nahi rehegi na Mannu, tho terri Di ka ye dil dharaknaa band kardey gaa, saasey ruk jaayingi merri Mannu. Tu bass hamesha khush rahey, aur terri Di ka dil sakoon se bharaa rahey gaa. Aur Mannu, agar kabhi bhi tujhey merri yaad aye na, tho bass ek baar apni aakhein band karle na aur uss Ganga Ghaat ko yaad karna, jaha hum hamesha ek hi dua maangthey thhe, ki hum kabhi juda nahi ho. Aaj vo ganga ghaat nahi hai Mannu aur mein bhi nahi hoon, likin bhagwaan ji hai Mannu. Aur merri iss bhagwaan se bass ithni tamanna hai ki vo tujhey hamesha khush rakhe Mannu. Tu khush tho terri Di bhi khush. Bhagwaan karrey ki merri zindagi mein jeeney kiliye jithney bhi saal bachey ho na, vo merri zindagi sey hat kar terri zindagi mein jur jaaye.
Shayaad ye aakhri baar hoga Mannu, jab terri Di tujhsey baath kar rahi hogi. Hosakey tu apni Di ko maaf kardenaa Mannu, ki vo apni vaadey nahi nibhaa paayi, tujhey zindagi de ke bhi ussey khushi se nahi bhar paayi par Mannu, terri Di tujhsey bohoth pyaar karthi thii, karthi hai, aur hamesha karthi rahey gi.
Hummari rahey bichar sakthi hai Mannu, par hammari zindagi hamesha ek hi rahey gi.
I love you Maanvi.
Jeevika Di.
*Flashback ends*
M a a n v i
She had left, forever. Even her last shadow had vanished from the Vadhera Mansion. The only thing she had left behind marking her existence was a letter. As soon as I began reading it tears streamed down my face and fell down onto the paper where I knew once her tears had landed. Virat and Geeju came and sat on either side of me as I read through each and every word. As I folded the letter back up again after reading the last two words which basically defined my life, tears poured down my eyes. Virat and Geeju comforted me. Everyone had blamed her because she sacrificed her baby so she could save my life, even I had done so. But it was today when I realized that if I were in her place I would have done the same. Me and my Didi had always been number one for each other and this is why she had sacrificed the baby inside of her for me. Nobody had even tried to understand her, not even me. And now, now she was gone. No one knew where she was, no one knew how she was. She had given me a new life but I could not give her the slightest bit of happiness. I could not even make her smile because she had left me.
Finally through my blurred vision and tear filled eyes I managed to let a few words escape my lips.
"Merri Di burri nahi thi, vo burri nahi thi, vo bass mujhsey bohoth pyaar karthi thii. Mujhsey bohoth pyaar karthi thhi."
Virat and Geeju had tears streaming down both their faces yet they still tried to comfort me. But even the two of them together could not fill the emptiness in my life after she had gone.
Jeevika Di was my life, and without her I could not live. I loved her beyond description.
But she had left.
Indian Idol 15
