Posted:
This is basically the continuation of the first one, here is the link of the previous one: http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4892918
I have tried to cover up from episode 73 to the very last one. Enjoy!
If you haven't read the first part of this genre, it's above, do check it out, this one is the continuation, I have covered up from episode 73 to the last one. Enjoy!
When I first arrived in India after nearly a decade, I made a promise to myself. I promised to stay cloistered within my walls, let them put their blinkers on as I sell my faade of joy and stability to the world.
Questions of my well-being were smiled at me as they walked down the corridor and ran away without hearing the answer. Accolades and respect were earned and found their place on my father's wall of fame. Numbers, texts and laughter were exchanged with boys and girls but my heart missed beating for the friendship I held dear to life.
A spirit as fierce as a lioness, words edgy as a sword of steel, eagle eyes she possesses, a blanket of loneliness she befriends on cold cruel nights and for business, broken pieces she mends.
Day by day and little by little, she fought tooth and nail with my demons and me. Sometimes, she won hands down and other times, I let her win.
Days were long and nights gruelling and yet she succeeded in coercing her way through the labyrinth I built.
From a sassy little lady, epitome of patience she has been crowned.
She teaches me the language of resurgence, how to rise from ashes and dust. My whole Iife was spent playing hide and seek with my feelings. Like a whirlwind, she turns my world upside down. Her words slowly dwell on me and hope resurfaces in my veins.
She makes me realize that every person that has been broken isn't reduced to what happened to them. I am more than what happened to me and I have no right to let the past outweigh the future that awaits me.
Love is universal, it's the language spoken by all, broken or whole, sane or demented, we all crave for it. Love is the first slumber against your mother's chest, it's the proud glint in your father's eyes, the first kiss gifted by the beloved, the whispers shared under a parade of stars. It's all resounding and quiet, both at the same time.
I have the right to love, like anyone else.
Indeed, to taste the sweetness of that elixir is humanity's birth right.
As I stand at the front door of her house, my first love's oldest memory in hand, my hands clammy and my heart pounding at the speed of a freight train, I send a quick prayer to Almighty to let this day occur and not make me count another heartbreak.
Her palm fits in mine and she drags me inside like she always does and all the tension, all the anxiety I had been feeling until now evaporate into thin air and are washed away by her warmth, like rain drops on a mud covered road.
Trust is a jewel not everyone can wear and I ardently dreamt to slide it down her finger since I was sixteen years old. I want to trust her with me and my one and million issues, because a reality with her I have understood, looks so much better than the dreams I wave on papers.
In her quest to fix me, to make me deal with the skeletons in my closet that sat in the back of my mind, my worst nightmare is brought alive, my mother the one who deserted me enters the room and as she holds onto my cheek, I fight the urge not to lean into the warmth of her palm, for the child in me still resides.
When my mother gathers me in her arms, the tears hidden so deep into the crevices of my treacherous heart drench my face and I stand there unmoving, the memories reckon and I am a wreck inside.
I always thought that my best friend was on my team and now with the enemy she shakes hands and stands tall, her chin held high in defiance but her voice sweeter than honey, soft as a whisper as she tries in vain to make me see reason, to unfold the curtain of fraudulent idolatry blinding me.
In her words, my mother is a saint and my father, my inspiration and the only one who stayed unlike both of them is an impulsive liar.
My sanity is questioned and I am afraid of what I might do or say blinded by contempt and rage.
So I take a step back and my defence mechanism envelops me in its embrace. It urges me to accomplish the only thing I am capable of doing right, to do what I excel in and like the coward I am, once again I walk away, my heart hurting. I walk away from her, my heart tearing. I walk away from us, my heart breaking.
I bury myself into work and drown my thoughts into words. She is waiting for me outside the castle of glass. I restrain myself to think about her and let myself rest to the blaring sound of my earphones. Hours pass with impeccable hindrance for her and me and my restlessness amplifies for I have the knowledge that Suman Tiwari never waits for anyone.
That is why, she will never know what it is to suffer in love, to reduce your individuality for someone in order to accommodate all of them inside your heart and all of a sudden you can't breathe anymore because your chest is so full of them, their crooked smiles and twinkling eyes, their flick of hair and twisted yet beautiful mind.
Powerless I am under her spell, my resolve to not even take a peek turns to liquid as I lift the blinds and glance through the small spaces between them. A part of me wants to tell her that it's futile, that it's not going to work, to scream some more at her to make her leave and another part, the one that is forever bound to her wants to sit next to her and patch up because Suman Tiwari has never waited for anyone before me.
As an avoider I stepped in to the world, brought to life by a quitter, I persistently follow my mother's legacy. So, I run and run and run amidst the empty roads of Delhi sans directions to guide me expect myself, without any course to follow expect the one I walk along to reach where I am supposed to be.
Subconsciously or otherwise, my exhausted limbs stop outside Tiwari Villa and my run comes to an end as I reach my destination, Sumo.
Celebrations and congratulations are traded among family and employees, unaware of the fact that someone's bread and butter has been snatched. It's only when her screams reach me that I understand the consequences my victory ensued. I was so engulfed by my haste to remind myself of what she did to me that I ignore her eyes glistening with unshed tears, I ignore the pain in her voice, I ignore all of it.
She takes the first step away from everyone and leaves my heart hurting. She takes the second one away from me and it pierces my heart, she takes another one away from us and leaves without saying a word and my heart breaks into a million of pieces.
In a blink of an eye, I stole her work, her identity and her dream from her. I wanted to tell her that no matter in which situation we were, in talking terms or not, I would never sabotage her on purpose. Her work meant the world to her and at a point of time she meant the world to me and she may believe it or not but I would do anything and everything to ensure my world's safety.
If her tears were not enough to pierce my heart, Pushkar's words in her defence are no less than a knife of guilt twisting in to my stomach, making it impossible for me to breathe. Perhaps, the gravity of the situation does not hit me at first because I didn't know how much sweat and effort Sumo has actually poured onto building PCT on her own and now it's all gone.
I watch her walking on the footpath opposite of me, our eyes meet for a brief moment before she looks away, calling for a taxi. Had it been two weeks ago, she would have climbed in the front seat of my car as if it was her birth right, but neither do I walk further to offer her a lift nor does she cross the road to ask.
My eyes see her walking on a pit and I fear that she might fall any time and I want to diminish the distance between us and distance her from harm for the sake of the friendship we once had but I ponder over the possibilities and warning her means assessing the strength of my feelings I have suppressed till now.
My ego takes over and I drive away, my eyes never leaving her from the rear-view mirror of my car to appease myself and my troubling thoughts, till she safely climbs inside a taxi.
It all happens too fast, the navigation light shows green and she falls inside the pit. A speeding car encounters her fate and hits her. Her name leaves my mouth in a scream and before I process it I am running, silence is deafening around me.
She is laid on the ground, covered in blood and dirt. I gather her limp form in my arms, call her name repeatedly, but she doesn't wake up, her eyes are closed and her body numb. My desperation is at its peak, I need her to wake up, open those eyes that held me captive for so long and put on a fight, to call me names and hate on me, I refuse to let her die on me.
She trusted me to never let her fall and I pushed her in death's arms without a second thought.
The human mind is an extraordinary machine I realize as I stand outside the operation theatre reminiscing the accident over and over again, flinching as the particular memory of her scream hits me with even more fervour. It has the power to project you in the future with closed eyes, it makes you repent your past, the time that's gone by showing you how to right all your wrongs but time is a medicine everyone has to swallow whole.
Tell me, how do I right all my wrongs?
Her accident has broken something in her but I refuse to let her see it. I know that she hates my guts and my face and it has become a daily ritual for her to abuse me, but I don't care, her accusation as true as they stand don't matter to me and they won't make me leave, I refuse to run away.
Her family is breaking down seeing her so helpless and I know that in these times of difficulties, she needs someone to be strong for her, a shoulder to rely on.
She might hate my face and my guts at the moment, but I am the only one in front of whom she confesses her apprehensions, the sole confident in her otherwise plentiful life.
I stick by her side from the moment her eyes open in the morning till late in the night and leave only when I can assure myself that she has succumbed to a peaceful slumber. I don't know if it's the guilt gnawing at my soul or something else but I need her to get back on her feet because I swear to God, I have never felt more right with anyone walking by my side expect her.
To bring Sumo back, to bring the woman who is a force to reckon, my arrow aims where it hurts the most. And when her dignity and potential are questioned by a stranger, I see those anime eyes spark to life, her unpreceded will emerges from fire and as she manoeuvres around the place, holding the reigns like the queen she is, her scars heal and the battle fought valiantly by the soldier is won in the name of the queen.
Her smile glistens in her eyes as she tries to form words of thankfulness but I am quick to put an invisible finger to her lips, silencing her.
Queens never bow down and mine will not be the first one to do so.
So, I walk away from her, the gift of her independence received with honours and tears.
Over a cup of coffee, we stir insecurities and trust. Apologies are mated, friendship is rekindled and we ponder over the past and hope for the future and as it's 'Sumo day' I let her speak and wonder if in her company my day will ever come or my fate is to keep falling in love while she pretends to be the epitome of indifference.
I see myself as a small trickling water stream I trace with the tip of my finger, falling into the ocean of happiness she promises.
Love blossoms, again.
In the palm of my fist, I hold shreds of courage and wait for her to share a cup of coffee with me. Minutes pass and become hours, void is covered by her silence. And when I ring her up to ask about her whereabouts and gently command her to come now, business and stuff she pretends, leaving me stranded.
Something has changed between us but I can't seem to put a finger on it. One moment she will forget to wear her mask and smile at me and the next moment she is as cold as ice.
We don't laugh anymore, we don't talk anymore. Her eyes avoid mines if she makes the mistake to address me, all my advances of friendship and something more are left unanswered as I ardently wait for her to respond to my calls, to open her door I perpetually knock on.
Doubts plague my mind, is it me? In my haste to unite with her, have I said or done something inappropriate? This distance, the limitations of our interaction or lack thereof upset me, the hesitation in her eyes and the brisk flow of her speech prick me.
Questions run riots in my mind and afraid of the answers, I hide.
To her dismay and my pleasure we have been paired to perform on a romantic number for Pushkar and Preeti's Sangeet. I take hold of her delicate fingers in mines and pull her closer to me, moulding the front of her body against the front of mine. I twirl her around and hold her close, the proximity leaves me dizzy with need as our eyes make passionate mad love, I have never wanted her more.
Intoxicated by her sweet and citrus scent I bury myself in her neck as her back presses against my chest, my lips yearn to mark her soft skin with a token of love and I can tell that she wants me as much as I do, the shudder that went trough her as I run my nose on the column of her neck is a resounding proof of her own yearning.
I take the route towards her home when I receive a call from her. Her voice is hoarse as if she had been crying for hours, when I question her she blatantly refuses and I remind her that in our childhood she was the medicine to every pain of mine and whether she was able or not to do something about it, her will to listen lessened my miseries to half.
Her permission to become her confidant is granted and my heart cries for the fear that resides within her. The fear that her Nanu will leave her, the fear that she will be left alone. My Sumo always looks ahead, if she had turned her face, she would have seen Nanu patting her back and my fingers holding onto the tips of hers.
I can't see her but the smile is evident in her voice when she starts arguing as both of us lay down, her in her room and me in my car, miles away from her. For the first time in a long time, her banter and familiarity cause me to smile and her voice is the last thing I hear before slipping into senselessness.
I wake up to the sounds of someone knocking at the window of my car. Through my sleepy haze, I see a completely frantic Sumo yelling at me for being so irresponsible and before I comprehend what is happening, she throws her arms around me and hugs me, her tears soaking my t-shirt as she mumbles against my chest, my heart is warm and I am sure the smile on my face is huge almost blinding.
Good times don't last for me, replacements and substitutes are easily found nowadays. Aditya Ahuja, I believe is the better version of myself. He masters in the art of holding interest, center of attraction being his second name, his charm and cheeky smile have people wrapped around his pinky finger.
A heartless bully she was, a charmer buffoon he is, made for each other they are.
Bereft of safety I feel, my place now belongs to another, from a cliff I have fallen and the one who dragged me into the grave of treachery and humiliation is my mate in disguise, the one who dug it and threw soil upon my coffin is the love of my life.
I have found the cure to my disease and I intend to never sink in that quicksand during this lifetime.
To celebrate my liberation from the cancer named Suman Tiwari, the corrosive substance is swallowed and the poison somehow numb the dull ache that has found home in my chest.
I wonder, if in a lifetime a heart's destiny is to endure so much, break innumerable times and yet keep beating to maintain us alive, why did God carve our hearts out of glass?
My beloved is marrying another man, I learn at the procession of my brother's wedding, my breath hitches in my throat, my eyes brim with tears and I have to swallow hard not to choke. I am shocked beyond words and I walk away because if I keep looking into her eyes, there won't be anything left of me, I'll be gone most probably forever.
There is a fire inside me and I intend to burn everything to ashes around me. Killed by the betrayals and the lies, Shravan Malhotra dies a death he'll remember. From the fire I reincarnate, revenge is my motive and destroy I will, each of them, one by now.
There will be no shreds of mercy left for my abusers, tears of blood they will shed for I ensure their doomsday along mine, I am death in person.
Driven by love I had been all my life but it proved to be lethal and I have realized that love is never enough to make someone stay, they always leave.
Tears dropped from my eyes lightly and touched the ground beneath me. Her hand sort of felt like home. And now she is the protective shelter to my stepbrother's happiness. And I never felt more lost than when she held his hand, when she let him scribe his name in her mehndi, when she dressed up as a bride to make him the happiest man alive.
Hurting her I genuinely feared, a dreaded sight it is to see her dignity snatched away, by a man who claims to love her. I have never seen her so vulnerable and broken as she tries to cover herself with her hands and whatever she can. My blood boils and the tamed lion within me roars, you don't get to harm the one I had vowed to protect from every possible harm on this earth and simply walk away.
To appease our families, we succumb to their will and agree to spend our lives with each other and decide to get married. And once again, my ego and her self-respect clash. I decide to behave like an adult and try to solve it responsibly. I wait outside of her PCT, not daring to go inside, my past action still heavily burden me.
I request her to let the wedding happen the way it should but as always she has to oppose and refuse because she will never agree to something without putting a fight. So, I go ahead with my plan and marry her in the courtroom I had held her hand for the first time, only this time to never leave her hand.
It's not what she dreamt for her wedding, nor did I, to be filled with so much bitterness and hatred, that we were left with no choice but to blame life and the cracks in between.
My sins have been exposed, guilt permanently resides within me. Breaking all her relationship with me, she takes away from me the name I gave her and as strangers we now share a room but our lives are scattered here and there.
My attraction for her is always hidden under a heavy dose of nonchalance and all it takes is a glimpse of the tattoo on her exposed leg for me to get fascinated. When she stirs, I duck down afraid that she will catch me staring but my eyes never leave her, my fascination never stops and curiosity nudges me in the most impossible situations.
Fights escalade quickly, battle of words are lead with vigor, never do our voices lower to listen to our heart's whisper and one day I say words, I can't take back and ask her to leave me.
My father is the wrongdoer, blinded me he had. In order to save me from myself, the truth he spilled today, sold me he would have to keep his reality intact.
I have lived a life that is not mine. I became someone I wasn't and did things that are unforgivable and yet I stand at her door, waiting ardently to obtain her forgiveness and make her mine.
I enter the room and the words leave my mouth with a faculty I never experienced before I guess this is how it feels to strip down your apparel and stand naked in front of your soulmate for them to see how broken, vulnerable and flawed you really are.
"I really love you, I love you so so much and I need you," My voice a broken whisper, with these words I rip my heart off my chest and hand it over to the reason behind all the commotion inside my chest.
I eliminate the distance between us and wipe the tears she has shed for ten long years during my absence and let my eyes pour their unaltered love for her and let them tell her how my love blossomed despite my hatred, how it kept me alive and breathing for so long.
I request her to come back home, stubborn as she is, she refuses till I don't become the Shravan she loved and once again she breaks my heart.
I reach my house without my bride and never I have felt more helpless, how do I right all my wrongs?
My family and my parents reunite and I smile but it never reaches my eyes because a part of me is missing. The teasing smiles exchanged between the family members tell me everything and I bounce up the stairs covering all of them in two jumps before I throw the door open and breathe a sigh of relief as I see her sitting in the middle of our room, a slight smile gracing her face.
She takes a step towards me and I take one towards her, she has never looked more beautiful to me as she claims her right over my space, my life and me.
She is mine and I am hers, to live and cherish, to live and die with, to protect and care, to cry and laugh with, to love patiently and ardently.
Two lovers bask into the warmth of holding each other close, their breaths mingling, their heart pounding together to the rhythm of music and like jigsaw puzzle piece we fit.
I am in love with Suman Tiwari Malhotra - deeply, madly, wholly and irrevocably.
Ghum Hai Kisikey Pyaar Meiin
