Originally posted by: devilaonmoon
Hey there, Zoya!
Lara 🤗Firstly, sorry for being this late.Arey, its all cool buddy!In my defense, I wanted to have enough time in handto read your update and write down my view at once.I understand...Because if I res, I become restless,Hahahaalso I forget where I ressed. Always.That reminds me, I have a res on TMG #3And you're already aware of it.😆Yes!Now, coming to the updt...It was pleasing, it was fantastic.And yes, it brought me Sukoon. 🤗YeyyyShayaris... the poetry. Of course, I more than liked them.I freaking loved them! ❤️Aww manPoetry is one of the elements of your writing that I love the most.Zo is goo now ❤️For some reason, good rhymes calms my soul.For some reason, this gives me peace!Love you for writing such beautiful poetry.Love you for being forever loving!And 'pappi'... haa haa... 🤣It was damn hilarious.Hahaha😆Suman's whome dream bit whileShravan was watching her pouting --I guess puckering lips for a pappi... lol...You bet!it made me laugh like hell. 👏😆That was epic stuff.So glad you enjoyed itI like the most about this updt isthe progress that I can see.You saw the progress!!!😳And yet, there is the issue of Shravanholding back.YES!It is expected of him, I know.Wait for it 😉Hurt makes us cautious.A bad experience makes us go into self-preservation mode.Oh yeah, totally!So, Shravan perspective is completely understood.Also, Suman's redemption is true, too.Happiness!They both now need to work with every one of those wallsthat separates them.Yes, they do need to...I see a climax in the future, I see some conflict.A distant future?Maybe then the friends would be able to come out of the friend zone.Yeah! Amen!I'll wait and see what you've in store for us. 😃Yo!I'm sure that I'll love it.I sure hope so😃***Critic:This is one thing I've been noticing since a while,something where I think some improvement will makeyour writing flourish even more.I love your critical opinion! It only ever helps me improve ❤️Try making your paragraphs shorter.To do this - divide group of sentences carefully.Ahan...The outcome will be : each sentence will stand out.And if you can do this trick wisely and grasp the skill,readers would want to go back and read each one of your sentencesmultiple times, trying to find out what you did.The thing is no one will find out. But it's a sure trick you're doing.Okay, got that..Let's see how...Oh yey! With examples!We'll take your second paragraph.~Unbeknownst to her, a pair of bespectacled eyes took in her every little nuance and fell in love with her most vulnerable state. He heard incoherent syllables but the range of expressions on her face was enough to keep him glued.He had the sudden urge to know who it was that she dreamed of. (Inciting One Liner)Pappi? Did she say that? Or was the lack of sleep a source of hallucination. (Internal Monologue)He didn't know but he kept on drinking in her form. She looked absolutely ethereal. Wearing an oversized t-shirt, hair loosely tied leaving a few strands to blatantly flirt with her gorgeous face.Oh how he envied their destiny. (inciting One Liner)How he wished that he had the same fate. (Inciting One Liner)A wayward strand played with her lips. She seemed to be ticklish at it's doings. He softly tucked the element of his jealousy behind her ear.Caressing her face with the back of his fingers he leaned in to take in her scent.His mind told him of impending danger. He knew this was wrong and yet he needed this like he needed air to breathe.~Wow, I got that, and yes, it did change the impact so much... Why didn't I know this earlier!Breaking the paragraph made certain sentences stand out. The trick holds readers' attention and makes the whole scene easier to eyes.You are so good at this!Inciting One Liners : that I separated, I've given them another name - the heart stopping sentence. The line, which if presented separated from all the other sentences, has the power to stop a heart for a couple moments. You go back to read that sentence again and again, loving how your heart felt while doing so.And I've noticed since a long while that you write plenty of those sentences, the only thing needed is that you need to locate them and separately present them.Right...Also Internal Monologues : sentences which represent the character's internal conflict -- the ones you wrote in Italics. It would be better if you separate them too.Agreed, that makes sense now that you've pointed it out..The aim is to make separate paragraphs for different sorts of sentences - Inciting One Liners, Internal Monologues, Details, Movements, Actions Dialogues etc.Samjhi, you explain real well!So, that's it.While you're already a wonderful writer, Zoya,I can't help but want to push you up a bit more.Please always do! I love hearing what you have to say! I hold you on a pedestal so getting advice from you isI apologize from the bottom of my heart if my criticism or suggestionssprouts any hurtful feelings, negative vibes or anything.Are you serious? You asked me before posting this here, I told you to put it here. Cause it won't only help me but others too, and trust me people have pinged me asking about your critical opinion cause they found it really helpful ❤️You must know thatI don't drop around criticisms for everyone, because I've seen thatnot everyone likes that.I'm not everyone yes? 😉 Criticism is as welcome as words of praise!But I've been making an exception here is because -- I love your writing and the potential you've got so much 🤗,Oh my gosh! Thank you 😳that I can't seem to just contain myself.Around me, you don't need to!Now..., thanks for listening to my long lecture.Bak-bak ends here. 😆I'm the one who should be thankful..You took time from your busy schedule to help me, to ameliorate my works..Not everyone does that Lara, not many care..You do, and I'm honoured ❤️Take care,Lots of love,Lara.