A sheepish smile makes its way to my lips as soon as I spare a look at the sun-kissed morning face of my husband, sitting right next to me on his side of our bed. Still groggy due to sleep, I push myself slightly out of the comforter trying to get a better glimpse of his. Though still in bed, It seems to me he has been up since a while as his hair are in place and the smell of his minty after-shave still apparent in the air. With his back rested against the headboard he turns to the editorial page of his newspaper, almost as a habit, as his reading glasses perch at the tip of his sharply pointed nose. A giddy feeling bubbles inside my stomach as I look at him like this; Happy and content, totally in his own element, sans any sign of greif or resentment. Just like my older chashmish. My heart warms at the thought and I feel so relieved realizing how his wounds have slowly begun to heal in the tenderness of our love and companionship. I am still staring at his beautiful features when something catches my attention suddenly.
I smirk a little as I see his lips wiggle when he takes another sip of his tea from the mug. Though I had never doubted the dearth of Shravan Malhotra's culinary acumen but the fact that he even sucked at making himself a cup of tea had been a discovery of sorts for me. Especially that he had lived all by himself for almost ten long years. God knows how he survived all those years with such scarce cooking skills. But now that he has me, he really doesn't need to worry for that perfect cup of tea every other morning, which he very sweetly makes up for with his world's best coffee, frothed just as I love it.
"Sorry husband you had to drink that unpleasant thing this morning..I am again late today." I blabber woozily, a little grin sprawling across my face as I slump against my pillow and tie my hair in a messy bun. I notice the smirk that forms instantly on his lips as he wraps his newspaper back and keeping it aside leans slowly on me.
"Don't you worry sweetheart, today your frothy coffee ain't that perfect too" he whispers huskily to me and takes my lips into a soft peck.
"How mean is that" I bite him on his lip making him wince softly.
"Oh yeah?" He looks into my sleep heavy eyes with his notorious colossal ones. "Madam here you are giving me these random hickeys and I am mean?"
As I giggle at his whining tone and his swollen lip, he shrugs his shoulders and raises a brow at me.
"What's so funny?" he grunts in a slightly annoyed voice, rolling over to bury his head in the nape of my neck, his arms snaking around my waist almost of their own accord. I feel his weight on my side, his warmth next to me as he plants a damp kiss on my bare shoulder, his mere touch enough to make my heart sore with glee.
"It's your lip" I giggle as the flicks in his hair tickle the skin of my neck.
"What my lip?" his voice rings closer this time, but still as tender. How sorely I love his gruffly morning voice, thick and husky with barely contained mischief. I can feel him bury his head deeper in the crook of my neck.
"Nothing it just looks like a bee stung you" a soft chuckle escape my lips making his eyes snap wide open and he almost jumps out of the bed to check his lower lip in the mirror. And this time I can't keep myself from laughing looking at his stupid grumpy expression.
"Sumo I have a very important meeting today" he whines like a child making me laugh harder.
"Relax husband I am sure your clients won't have any issues with my proof of love, unless of course they have an obvious crush on you like that Khonsla" I let out a giggle making him turn around and shoot a clown- like glare at me, crossing his arms on his chest in exasperation. This irritable sulking avatar of his has become my favorite off late, something I realized once I started living with him.
"Acha baba I am sorry" I tell him, trying hard to stifle my smile.
"For what, giving me a natural pout?" as he sneer trying to crack one of his silly jokes, I break into another round of laughter and this time I can see him stare at me in blissful admiration, his face glowing with mirth.
"For that too! And also for waking up late, I should have been up by now!! I think it's the stupid medication working overtime on me" when he looks at me sulking, he leans back by my side and gently cups my face, his profound gaze locked into mine.
"Which idiot told you to get up early in the morning every other day, especially in this condition" he asks with such commanding concern laced in his tone It makes me feel all pampered.
"It's not like that Shravan but com'on I am the daughter-in-law of this house, I have some responsibilities"
"Yeah and getting up early when you don't feel like isn't one of them, so just relax" he places a soft little kiss on my forehead and pulls me in his arms. "Sumo I know last night wasn't easy for you" he mumbles softly in my ear. Though I know all he tries to do is make me feel better but his taxed voice is enough to make me fidget with guilt.
The last few days have not been easy for both of us. Even after sorting out all our differences, it had taken a lot of time for me and Shravan to restore in our relationship, the same camaraderie and normalcy as the old days. The physical aspect of our bond was something equally novel and awkward for both of us. It was only a after a while that the two of us had begun to become comfortable in acknowledging each other's physicality and ease out the sexual tension that existed between us. And much before we could even fathom about the more social and domestic aspects of our physical intimacy, I fell terribly ill.
I would feel dizzy and nauseatic the whole day and even passed out at work twice. Everyone in the family seemed thrilled as they were expecting a good news from me and Shravan but a few tests confirmed that it was nothing but a bad bout of blood infection and the dizziness came from a severe iron deficiency in my blood. Seeing everyone's disappointed faces when the doctor broke the news had made me feel equally distressed, more so because I had begun to notice a strange chirpiness and excitement in Shravan's features ever since Ma and Papa mentioned about the possibility of us being pregnant. It was apparent he was all geared up and more than excited about it. But the truth was I wasn't and the moment the doctor had confessed about my infection I had rather felt much relieved. And though I never saw the slightest glimpse of disappointment in Shravan's face contrary to what others showed me very evidently, I always felt culpable for hiding my feelings about starting a family with him. I knew he didn't deserve to be kept waiting, especially when he have had this chance at his share of happiness so late in life, but doing it just for the sake of it when I wasn't sure of myself yet never seemed a comfortable idea to me. And finally a few days post my prognosis I broke it to him, my true feelings about starting a family.
****
The revelation had not at all been easy for me. I had fumbled and looked away from him, trying to dodge his gaze intermittently. "Shravan I know you want a family, but I want to focus on my career right now. At this moment there is so much happening in PCT, the investors and the whole launching our services on app, it needs my attention. And Shravan, much before anything else, I want to focus on our relationship first, I want to spend as much time with you as I can, so that we can make all those memories we could not when we were apart" I had confessed in what was my most vulnerable yet earnest voice, holding onto his hands as tightly as I could. I was scared for having caused him so much hurt but much to my surprise what all I met with was a warm assuring smile from his side. Wiping the tears from my face he had engulfed my petite nervous frame in his strong comforting arms, planting on my hair one of his most affectionate kisses and had stroked me to peaceful sleep.
****
"Ma, Papa, Chachi, Lalaji, We have made a decision" his hands pressed firmly on my sweaty ones as his small but firm voice broke the silence of the dining room. "I know you expect me and Suman to start a family, and believe me when I say it, both of us are equally thrilled about that too, but just that it's not the right time. Right now Suman wants to focus on her career and our relationship and I think I very much agree with her. I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I know all of you have some expectations but we are not ready for it yet. And honestly we still have a lot of time to start a family and we all know that shall surely happen sometime in future, but just not right now. And ofcourse till then we will have a junior Preeti or a Junior Pushkar to make us run on our toes" he had informed his family in what was the most sincere and respectful way to send the message across. Drops of fresh tears had made their way down my face as I had stared down at his placid face, his features instilled with contentment as he took a stand for me, even when somewhere he had wished for something totally opposite. I had never felt so secured and loved as I felt in that one moment. To have someone give up on their own happiness just to make one of your dreams come true. Such kind of love was something unearthly for me, something I had never come across in my whole life.
***
I still feel guilty thinking about last night. Now I contemplate if it was the right thing to do. I won't have been happy but atleast he and his family would have been, atleast his dream would be fulfilled.
"Sumo kahan kho gayi" Shravan shake me out of my stupor and I realize he is no longer lying next to me. Rather he is up, searching for something in his cupboard. I immediately realize what he is looking for and taking out from the wardrobe his lucky white shirt which he wears for every meeting with a new client, hand it over to him.
"Sumo tum na hoti to mera kya hota" he kisses my cheek with a big grin and runs towards the washroom, making me smile at his folly. He is still a child at heart.
While Shravan is still getting ready for office I take a quick shower in the guest washroom and head towards the kitchen. I had planned to make moong dal ka halwa for everyone today, especially for my bhukkad. I know he can't trade it for anything in the world, even for his stupid low fat diet.
***
Breakfast is a quiet and slightly awkward affair. It is evident the after effects of last night's conversation haven't faded yet but I feel glad at least Ma is talking comfortably with me. I knew she would understand but both I and Shravan had sensed some disappointment in papa's conduct which Ma assured she would handle.
"Shravan I feel really at fault...Papa seem very upset with us" I plead guilty after everyone has left the dining table while Shravan hands me two pills and a glass of water. I take it from him and gulp them down with the whole glass of water. I notice him shake his head with an impish smile looking at my childish disgusted face.
"Sumo now only one tablet is left that you have to take before lunch, I will call you from office as I know you will forget it" he tells me and I feel frustrated looking at his indifferent attitude.
"Shravan main kuch kah rahi hoon...Are you even listening?"
"Yes I am, and I have told you not to worry about papa. He will understand slowly"
"But Shravan..."
"But nothing Sumo...This is our decision and now he has to decide if he can be with us in our happiness or not. The best I can do is talk it out with him and I will try that too. So please stop being so stressed and enjoy this little vacation you've got" he kisses me on the forehead and gives me one of his widest grins. I smile faintly, returning his gesture with a soft peck on his cheek.
"Miss me husband" I whisper to him slyly.
"Tell me something I don't do already Mrs. Malhotra" he winks at me and sliding his blazer through his shoulder, leaves for office with the same spring in his step as earlier. I finally feel at peace seeing him happy.
***
"Up for a date husband ;)?" Its half past seven in the evening when I message Shravan. I know his meeting must be over by know and that he must be winding up his work. He would be up for a little surprise this evening.
My phone beeps as I apply another stroke of mascara in my eyes. Knowing the message to be from him, I quickly unlock my phone in anticipation and read his message.
"Only if you can pick me up wifey ;)"
My lips curl into a half circle as I read through his message, especially the appended wink emoticon.
"So now that we are married Mr. Malhotra. all your chivalry has gone into thin air...How bad is that :/:/" I message him back with a smirk on my face.
"LOL!! Not really sweetheart! May be you can call it the perks of a wife who can drive ;) But more because these new pair of shoes suck and now I have a big shoe bite on my feet. Really can't drive :( " he messages me back making me purse my lips in anger this time. How terribly I had insisted him not to buy those small sized shoes as they didn't fit well but Mr. lawyer always has to do it his way.
"Ok Ok I am coming there...Be ready in fifteen minutes" I message him back grabbing some band-aids from the first aid box and reach at his office by 7:45 sharp.
"Whoa you have become punctual Mrs. Malhotra" he exclaims taking over the passenger seat of the car.
"Tell me what? I was always punctual" I dismiss his claims with a shrug, fastening my seat belt.
"Oh yeah you were...by just one hour extra"
"Very funny. Now stop grinning and take this" I hand him over the band-aid.
"What's that?"
"Your reward for not listening to your wife's advice" I give him a straight smile and then drive our way to our destination, the new Chinese bistro we had been planning to check out since days.
"I am impressed Mrs. Malhotra" he confesses with a smirk as he opens the door of the car for me and offers me his hand. I hold it with a smile and we take the last seat near the poolside. The restaurant looks beautiful with dangling lanterns, baroque statues and vintage style chandeliers, just as we had expected.
"This is seriously so amazing Sumo!!" he tells me another time.
"Well the best for my man" I wink at him making his cheeks glow with pleasure.
"My man, I love the way that sounds"
I smile at his words as I take in another sip of my red wine. After a while a waiter comes to take our order and the rest of the time is spent eating and conversing over food. It's strange how our discussions can span over something as simple as Delhi's growing cold to something totally deep and intense like friendship and love and dreams. Once we finish our dinner, the waiter returns with a chocolate cake for dessert. I cut for Shravan a slice of the cake and he feeds me a bite. And then we eat the whole cake like typical uncivilized people and click some crazy selfies. As the night was growing further it felt colder near the pool so we decide to shift to the inside seating. Just as we are about to vacate our table, I notice Shravan slowly bend down on his knees and offer me his hand.
"How about a dance Mrs Malhotra?" his face crinkles into a smile. Even in the scarce illumination, I can see those flecks of gold in his hazel eyes, the light from the candles and chandeliers bouncing off his porcelain skin that make me gasp slightly. I place my palm in his with a nervous excitement and he twirls me under his arm and pulls me to his body, his hands on my hips as we move softly from side to side to the music. I sigh at the growing tingling sensation between my legs as my eyes move longingly from over his plump lips to his slightly stubbled well-formed jawline to the tendons in his long neck that pull taut causing his adam's apple to bobble beneath his skin whenever he exhales. I blush slightly as it dawns upon me how much I love his proximity. Rather I love every aspect of being so close to him, so intimately connected to each other.
"Shravan can I ask you something?" I sigh after a pause.
"Hmm" he snuggles me deeper into his chest, his arms still wrapped around my waist.
"Are you really happy with this decision of ours?" I ask, trying to scan his eyes for any hurt he might try to dodge from my sight.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you too wanted us to start a family right? Then are you really happy?"
He smiles at me hearing my question and tucking a strand of hair behind me ear cups my face from one of his free hands.
"You know Sumo what it really takes to be good parents?" he ask looking in my eyes and I shake my neck slightly at him.
"What?"
"It takes love. The love we have for each other. The best gift we will ever give our kids is loving and respecting each other unconditionally. Something which my parents could not give me..." I sense a painful vulnerability grip his tone as he pause for a second before continuing. I slowly entwine my fingers into his and give him a soft press on the hand.
"Sumo, I can't ever let my son or my daughter feel that I loved or respected their mother any less. That would be the biggest failure of my life" he professes in what is his most defenseless voice. I notice a little drop of tear shine through his thick lashes as he speaks those last few words.
"So do you really think I can ever be happy about such an important aspect of our life if you are not happy about it or if your decision is not respected? Sumo, it's true that a child can double the happiness and love between a couple but that doesn't mean they are incomplete in anyway without him or her . I am complete with you Sumo! It's you who complete my happiness and no one else. And when we shall decide to bring in a third one to become a part of this complete happiness, it has to be with both our consent and wish. Else it will never be complete. EVER!"
A tiny gasp escapes my throat as I slowly close my eyes, feeling the warmth of his impassioned words resonate at the fringes of my senses. Standing within his arms, I feel like the luckiest woman of this earth. He bends to pull my lips into a kiss this time and I kiss him back with equal passion.
As we pull apart after a few seconds, gasping for air, he twirls me another time and I can feel drops of tears fall off from my face and mix with the salty water of the pool beside us. Rounds of laughter echo around us as our giggles mingle with the acoustics in the air. This is probably how forever feels like.
***
Anupamaa
