ShraMan TS: Finding Ourselves - Part 3 Updated 09/12

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Aanchal Arora

@aanchalverma04

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Posted: 9 years ago

#11

Thankyou all for the kind words :) I appreciate it a lot!! 😊

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Aanchal Arora

@aanchalverma04

Explorer

Posted: 9 years ago

#12

Thankyou all so much for all the comments, I'm so sorry I couldn't reply to them but I will try my best when exams come to an end. This is the second part showing Suman's Predicament from when Shravan and her first get married in court. As for this story, there is one more part left. Please comment and like and tell me how you found this part. Sorry for such a late update, I'll try my best to make the next update much quicker!

Finding Ourselves: Part 2 - Suman

I had two dreams in my life, the first one was to work hard enough to pay back my mami the 20 lakhs that my mother had owed her and the second one was to be with Shravan forever. I was quite nave to think that these dreams were unrelated, little did I know that if I try to make a name for myself, I'll lose Shravan, and if I go to Shravan, I'll lose my identity. When Shravan had agreed to marry me I was full of hope and happiness. I was hopeful that no matter what, if I try hard enough I can make this marriage work, but little did I know, that Shravan was not my Shravan anymore. My Shravan would never think that I was happy marrying Aditya, he would've seen through my faade. My Shravan would never humiliate me in front of my employees about my character. My Shravan would never ever make a mockery of our marriage like he did. I thought Shravan was hurt, he was angry because of my decision to marry Aditya, I knew that I had given him a lot of pain, but he didn't even try to see my point of view. He never tried to see how helpless I was. I wasn't the old Sumo anymore but he still thought of me as the same Sumo who had broken his heart ten years ago.

I never wanted to hurt him, that day as well my intention was to never hurt him but my image' meant everything to me, I was sixteen and stupid. And I regretted my actions every single day for the past ten years. After the reunion party I had thought there would be nothing left between us, but then during the court case I had hope, the hope of getting my best friend back. He came back, we renewed our friendship and both of us knew that this time there was something more. Our bodies reacted differently every time we touched, we became hyperaware of each other every time the other was around. It became foolish to think that everything was platonic. He was going to tell me that he loved me, but again because of my stupidity I lost him and then I put up a fight, because I was not going to let him go this time. Everything was going fine after my accident, we renewed our friendship, we learnt to trust each other, we started to understand that no matter what happens, we will have each other's back. But again, this new beginning' was short lived. His dad thought that I would come in between him and his son and separated us again. I couldn't do anything, I am an orphan, I am indebted to the people who raised me. So for Preeti's happiness I sacrificed us. I saw everything, how lost he looked, how confused he was, how hurt he was, and what could I do? Nothing. I was forced to watch him break day by day. Each and every tear that he shed, stabbed me a thousand times, and I was helpless. All I could do was watch us shatter together.

I knew Aditya wasn't right for me, Shravan was. But again, fate played a twisted game and I was forced to say yes to the guy I couldn't even talk to. I knew that my marriage with Aditya was going to crumble either way but I was ready to take the risk because I possibly couldn't break anymore. I was never more wrong in my life. Aditya tried to strip me of my worth, of my self-esteem, and although my heart was already smashed, he tried to kill me while I was alive. I screamed, I cried, I wailed and only Shravan heard me. I knew then and there, no matter what, he was always true. No matter what, he had my back and no matter what "he would never let me fall". He had said that ten years ago and no matter what he stood by his words. At that moment, the only thing I could see was him. I hugged him tightly, his arms provided me with protection, with shelter. I found refuge in his arms, and I realised no matter what he says or what he does, I will love him more and more with each passing day. It hurt, that to the man who was my everything, I was nothing to. He loved me, I was sure of it, but I also knew, that his heart was full of hatred as well. He hated himself for not being able to forget me, and he was torturing himself every day for it and I couldn't do anything but watch, he made sure I lost the right to be able to talk to him long ago.

I was in shock when Nanu had called us and had asked us to get married. I looked at him and he also looked surprised, the little flicker of hope shattered. He didn't tell Nanu that we loved each other. But who could it have been? For all I knew both of us had denied our families many times that we had nothing but friendship between us. Regardless of who told him, I knew one thing for sure, if we were asked this question 3 months ago, both of us would've instantly agreed, and most probably had a beautiful marriage, but 3 months later that wasn't the case. Our misunderstandings had built up, and every time something happened we would think the worst of each other. I wasn't even sure if the friendship between us had even remained, but I knew one thing, Shravan and I needed to talk. I didn't want to, but I knew he would never start a conversation, so I decided that I should let it go and talk to him, because this relationship could be a new beginning for the both of us. When I had initially talked to him, he seemed to be distant, almost as if he didn't know himself what to do. I was looking at him intently while he spoke, and as he spoke his expression changed from indifference, to a mixture of pain and confirmation, to cynic. I saw the change in his emotions as the word pyaar' left his lips. I knew then for sure, that he loved me but I knew this time no matter what I do he would never accept it and thus, my dream of being his would forever be a dream. And then there was another twist of fate. He explicitly said yes' to marrying me, however, I wasn't going to fall in his trap or his father's. I wanted to say no', but then I realised, saying no would mean not being able to pay back mami for whatever she had done for me and if me saying yes would make the whole family happy, I was ready to make this sacrifice for them, because deep down I knew that I would never see myself being happily married to anyone other than Shravan.

I went to work the next day and it was going really well. I was happy for the first time in months. I had faith that if I tried hard enough I could get Shravan to open up and this would mean we could step ahead in our relationship. I knew if I tried hard enough I could bring back the happiness in our lives. I could make us ourselves again and that we could make this work. But again I was wrong as usual. As I was leaving PCT in the morning he was standing outside leaning against the car. Why hadn't he come in, I questioned myself. Was he guilty for what he had done last time he was here, or too arrogant to come inside? I looked into his eyes and he looked lost, as if he was contemplating. I smiled brightly when he looked at me, and then he pleaded, "Can we have an elaborate wedding? I know that you wanted to keep it simple and that it would be really hard for you and your family to manage the expenses, and I am ready to help you with all of that, just along as we have a huge wedding," I wanted to agree, because I thought that he wanted to celebrate us but then the next sentence he uttered made me change my mind completely, "Sumo, my family comes from an elite class, and therefore papa wants to have a huge celebration because we have to invite ministers, socialites, industrialists and other lawyers and judges. Please at least for papa can we make our wedding a big event?" Rage started to overcome me, I was done, I was done trying to please Ramnath Uncle, do give him happiness at my expense. I kept his truth from Shravan and I sacrificed my love. I was not going to give him what he wanted. If Shravan had asked me for himself I would've agreed, I wanted to agree, which girl who's getting married to the love of her life not want a grand wedding? But, he didn't want it, his papa wanted it. His papa wanted me to stay away from him, His papa thought that if I was independent and successful I would leave Shravan, His papa thought that I wouldn't be able to balance my professional and personal life. Yes, I was independent, yes I was successful but does that reduce my love for Shravan? Isn't Shravan independent and successful? Then does that make his love for me any less? Why was I always made to change my decisions? I felt like a puppet, if I'm not getting blackmailed by Ramnath uncle, I'm getting blackmailed by my mami, and who suffered Shravan and me. I was done. I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and I was going to do it. I was not Ramnath Malhotra's or Manju Tiwari's puppet. I was a strong independent woman who could make decisions for herself, and the right decisions. So I declined his request. It pained to see that look in his eyes, but I couldn't do this, not anymore and with a rock on my heart, I repeated like a parrot what I had been saying for a month now. "My self-respect doesn't allow me to take financial help from you, I will try to make the ceremony as best as possible but please, don't force me to take help from you, especially financial help. You guys, can have a grand reception because by then I would be a Malhotra." The look on his face changed it went from a pleading expression to one of anger quickly masked by nonchalance. "Come with me, I'll drop you," I sat in the car thinking that he wanted to solve our issues, that he wanted to give this marriage as much as I did, but little did I know how wrong I was.

He stopped the car in front of the court house, I got out of the car thinking he had brought me to see one of his cases, again, I was wrong. He gave me vague answers and led me into a family court. I stayed outside and saw Pushkar and Preeti standing inside, looking equally confused as I was. Shravan grabbed my hand and took me inside, "Shravan, what is happening?" I asked worriedly.

"We doing what your family wants, what my family wants, what you want, what I want. We are getting married Sumo!" He said calmly. I looked around and felt the world slide beneath my feet, my heart dropped and my voice became numb. The realisation dawned on me, he had brought me here for a court marriage.

My heart dropped, and a numbness came over me, I was shocked. I couldn't believe this was Shravan. The Shravan I knew would never make decisions this big so abruptly, he would think them through and think about everyone related to it. He would never hurt me like this, he knew how I wanted to get married, he knew everything and I couldn't believe he did this. For some reason I complied, I didn't know why, but I did, I listened to him, and I did what he asked. I signed the papers and realised as the pen left the paper I wasn't Suman Tiwari anymore, I was Suman Malhotra, someone I wanted to be my whole life but I wasn't happy. Every time I thought about our marriage since I was 16, I thought that the whole house would be decorated with multi-coloured fairy-lights, instead of marigold flowers there would be tulips all around, on the roof, on the staircase and especially around the altar. The mandap, would be square in the middle of the room and it would be white, and four white pillars would be situated from each corner, where he the priest would be sitting and him. My friends would bring me down, and we would smile at each other, and shy away, I would sit next to him and we would become one, with the agni as our witness and that day all our pain and all our sorrows would end.

He looked at me and shook my hand, congratulating me for becoming his wife, I was lost, does he not know what he just did? Does he not know how big this action is? But he was my husband now and I knew for one, that no matter what, I wasn't going to leave him and I'm going to leave no stone unturned to bring him back, to bring my Shravan back, the one I had lost ten years ago and the one deep within this man.

We drove home in absolute silence, he looked tensed and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to him, I was angry and hurt but there was also this feeling of nothingness, he had taken away the one shot at happiness I had, the hope of our togetherness. So, as I got out of the car silently and went inside Tiwari Killa I felt nothing. I didn't feel sad, hurt, angry, depressed, disappointment, I just felt the need to run away. But I was first and foremost Suman Tiwari, who faces her problems head on and who doesn't let people walk all over her and this time I had had enough. I went in my room and to pack my things, I saw my room for the last time, the colourful bells, the decoration, the photos of me, Shravan, Preeti and Nanu. The books, the mats and a tear rolled down my face. I was going to miss my life as Suman Tiwari because my life as Suman Malhotra was going to be almost impossible.

I went onto the terrace to get some of my clothes which were there, I saw Shravan go to his car, an unsettling fear set over me, where was he going and why didn't he tell me? I was his wife now dammit, I had every right to know where he was going and what he was doing at all times. I was about to go downstairs and stop him when I heard a deep throated groan that sounded exactly like Shravan, I looked back, there were four men which were trying to carry him and put him in the backseat, his mouth was taped and his legs were tied. My heart dropped, and for the first time I was scared. I ran downstairs screaming his name not caring for the world. I needed to save him, and I was going to save him even if it meant I lose my life.