ShraMan SS: Curious (Note/Part 2: Page 3) - Page 2

Shravan sat by the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees and hands folded in front of him. An eerie numbness had taken over him, the only thought running through his mind was that she loved him.

She loved me. She loved me.

The letter felt heavy, folded and hidden between his large hands. The sharp edges of the paper poking his palms was the only thing ensuring him that this was not some figment of his imagination. That this was real.

His breath hitched as he heard the bathroom door open and saw her walk out. He watched intently as she walked towards the wardrobe space, her gaze lowered. The haze in his brain cleared a little as he looked at her, really looked at her after months. She was wearing one of her blue silk night gowns that he'd now grown accustomed to seeing her in. Her hair was dripping wet and her face was red, as if she had scrubbed it raw in the shower. Her nose was red too, and he felt a pang in his chest as he realized it was probably because she had been crying in there. Her posture no longer looked confident and he wondered when she started slouching as she walked about. It was so un-Sumo like. Even after he humiliated her at the reunion party, even after her PCT had been demolished, she had always carried herself with a self-assured and confident aura. It was one of the things he loved about her. Even after going through the worst of situations, she never looked like she had stopped believing in herself. But now, as he studied her, it seemed as if he was staring at a completely different person. Someone who looked...broken.

He blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall out of his eyes as he watched her drag her feet towards her side of the wardrobe, taking out her bag from one of the large drawers and putting back what he guessed were her earrings in one of the small pockets. It had been almost two weeks since they'd gotten married, and she still lived out of a suitcase, he thought with a pang. He watched as she put the suitcase back before turning around and spotting him. She froze, her eyes widening as she started at him before looking at the clock on the wall. He was home early today. This was probably the first time she had seen him in two days. Scratch that, this was the first time she'd seen him sober in two days. After the dinner drama three days ago, he'd almost formed a routine. Order dinner at the office, come home long after everyone had retired for bed, get drunk in their bedroom and humiliate her behind closed doors.

He felt another sharp pang in his chest as he recalled all the vile things he'd said to her.

"No one wants you."

"You're not fooling anyone with your pseudo self-respect if you're willing to stay married to a man who obviously despises you."

He choked on a sob, not able to control his emotions anymore. In his efforts to hurt her he had become a completely different person. Was this who he was now? Would he ever go back to being the person she'd loved? Could he?

He heard her take in a sharp breath as tears fell out of his eyes.

"Shravan? What's...wrong?" She took a hesitant step toward him, but she was still so far away. So he got up and walked towards her, the letter still clutched tightly in his right hand as he stopped in front of her. She looked up at him, her eyes were red and puffy and there was slight frown on her face as he stared down at her with tears in his eyes.

He didn't think as his hands pulled her by the arms lightly so she was flush against him. His arms immediately went around her waist as he pulled her in a bone-crushing hug. His chin rested on top of her head, her wet hair sticking to it as tears continued to run down his face. "Sumo." He whispered, thinking back to last week when she'd told him he was no longer allowed to call her that because she was dead to him. "Sumo." He whispered again, his arms tightening around her even more, willing her limp body to respond and hug him back.

She stood frozen for a couple of seconds, too shocked by the feel of his arms suddenly around her. Her mind was running a mile a minute and she wondered why he was so upset. She could feel his tears running down his chin and on top of her head as he whispered her name. Her arms felt like jelly as they went around his waist on their own accord. He pulled her even closer, his movements wild and desperate as he pulled her down so he was sat on the floor, his back leaning against the cupboard as she ended up on his lap. She could feel his heart hammering away, or maybe that was her own heartbeat. She couldn't differentiate and she realized she didn't want to. So she closed her eyes and buried her head in the crook of his neck, enjoying the moment while it lasted.

She had imagined them hugging many times. When you spend 10 years away from the person you love, all you can really do is fantasize. In some of her fantasies, he always runs up to her and spins her around before hugging her tightly. In others, she is standing on her feet with her head against his hard chest, listening to the erratic beating of his heart with a content smile on her face as he kisses the top of her head lightly. But never had she imagined this. A hug filled with nothing but raw emotion. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Too tightly, but it reminded her that this was real, not some figment of her imagination.

They sat there on the floor, both refusing to let the other go. "Sumo." Shravan whispered again, letting out a shuddering breath. "Sumo." She wanted to tell him to stop calling her that. She wanted to scream at him, letting him know how much he had hurt her. She wanted to apologize for hurting him. She wanted to tell him that she hated herself because she still loved him despite all the hurtful things he'd said and done. But she also knew she may never get this moment again, and that thought both broke her heart and mended a part of it at the same time. Because if this was the only moment they both shared for the rest of their lives, she could live with that. She could live knowing, even for a few minutes, she'd felt safe and protected in the arms of the man she had loved. She felt wanted as he whispered her name over and over again, like he was saying a prayer. She felt loved.

"Shravan." She whispered as she buried her face further into his neck. She tried pulling back a little after a couple of minutes to ask him what was wrong. Some wet strands of her hair stuck to his beard as she leaned back and looked into his teary eyes. One of her hands came up to wipe some tears away as she took a shuddery breath.

Sumo tried to get up but Shravan grabbed onto her waist tightly, the letter still clutched tightly in his fisted hands. "No!" He yelled wildly.

She stared at him as he looked at her desperately, as if she was going to disappear any minute. "Stay." He whispered. "Please." He choked. "Please...stay."

So they both lay down on the floor in the middle of their wardrobe, in front of the mirror he had so furiously broken just a few weeks before. His arm sprawled to the side as she put her head on it, facing him. Her hand came up to cup his cheek before he turned his head a little to place a kiss onto her palm. He pulled her closer, letting out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes and finally slept peacefully after weeks, without the help of the poison he'd grown used to drinking to get him through the long nights.

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