Faded#14
LOVE ISN'T A DEAL. IT IS NOT A EQUATION. IT IS A PLACE, YOU ARE HEADED BACK TO, NO MATTER HOW FAR AWAY YOU HAVE COME.
'It was my mistake too. I thought that we know what was right for us when we didn't.' Shravan moved his hands through his hair, remembering the urgency to do something, to prove their love and innocence.
Suman looked at him, trying to find the reason behind his smug smile. Not that they would have avoided the terrorist attack or the death of her father. But maybe, they would have found a better reason to stay together, rather than listing 1000, to go away.
'Weird kind of adrenaline rush', she chuckled.
'Very weird though.' Shravan returned her smile 'I thought that I would crack the world open if not with you'
'You always thought of that, you still do, nothing new.' Suman returned towards her search in the cabinets.
Where the hell was jaggery?
'Cracking the world ?' Shravan was amused. Did she read him so well?
'There is no smoke without fire.' She said as a matter of fact. 'Becoming a Major in the Army is no child's play, Shravan. You think that you have chosen this for yourself, but I don't, my father never. We always had this notion that the uniform chooses the one who is really destined to live and die for the nation.' Suman opened another container, peaking.
Shravan sat unhindered. He looked at her moving figure and thought if he had really let her go because of his hastened decisions. 'You think that I had a fire?' Shravan, in all these years, wanted to test his credibility. Suman and Colonel Tiwari were one of his first teachers in this field.
'Everybody has.' Suman huffed 'But you' she looked at him with a smile in her eyes 'had loads of it. And I always thought, that going away from the country, shall extinguish it sooner or later. Because, when we go away from what we have loved, we change- a lot. That somewhere hides our real self, you get me?'
'I do.' his voice was a shade of heavy when you are about to give away the rarest of your emotions. Nobody could have defined it better than her.
Suman felt the silence they sat in. Somewhere she missed the giggly, the ever so ready to have fun- Shravan Malhotra. The one sitting in front of her looked like he was counting minutes, days, and months. There is nothing in him, which could make her believe that he is the same boy she had fallen for. Except for the fact that when he looked at her, she felt light like a feather. That when he held her hand, she felt high and confident- of course, happy.
'You were never like this Shravan.' Suman whispered. For the record, she had found jaggery and now was cutting cubical pieces of it. She felt her hand going and staying on his cheek. She looked into his eyes, as he sat lazily in one of the kitchen stools. His back was relaxed in a hunch and he stared at her free of all jobs. 'You were warm, very warm' Suman could feel her heart take a leap.
'I have ruined so many things in my life, Sumo' he said with a chuckle. Suman's breath hitched in her throat. She wanted to stand and feel his words beat against her heart. She had waited for it for so, so long. To hear 'Sumo' from his mouth was her heaven. 'So I have decided to stay, rough hard and cold, so that nobody touches me, nobody stays close.' He momentarily gazed at her hand but her grip on his cheek seemed to tighten. She gulped as if digesting her own tears.
'And what about the people who are already broken.' she wiped the tear escaping from his other eye as he was ready to spill more. He closed his eyes to let her nurse him, treat him. 'Can they come near?' She asked him earnestly, gazing closely, feeling much more liberated that he is relaxing in her arms.
'Be my guest' he passed a sad smile, but it was enough for her. What she really wanted to do was kiss him all over his face, but it won't be a good idea without his permission. As she tried moving away, literally trapped between the v of his legs, she felt him clutching her hands.
Don't go.
I won't. Never ever.
So, Suman bent and pressed her lips on his cheeks. She could taste the saline water of his tears, but somehow it tasted sweet.
Shravan could feel the softness of her plum lips, all over his soul, which she had unraveled through his cheeks. It was the moment he felt bare of all the burdens, all the heartaches he had suffered. He felt like sitting there till he grows old, of course, with her.
'You taste of salt.' Suman made a face and Shravan couldn't help but give out a laugh. 'You seriously don't know of what I actually taste of.' he mumbled in her ear, turning her a shade of red.
Before he could do anything more, she escaped his hold and held the tray she had kept the jaggery cubes in. 'Eat!' she forced a piece and he couldn't help but stuff a few pieces at once.
Clever girl! he thought.
Instantly his phone buzzed, making him pick the call and walk away. Suman saw his jaw clench and spine stiffen, as she imagined some orders getting passed on the other side of the receiver. Some serious stuff.
'Yes sir, I admit. Yes Sir!..... It will be done Sir......No worries. All under control sir.......' he turned his gaze and looked over a Suman sprawled on the kitchen counter smiling at him. He felt at home and at peace. 'I will be there. Jai Hind Sir!' he put down the receiver as Suman came towards him with a questioning look.
'Anything of interest, Major Malhotra?' She leaned over him as if it was the most natural thing to do.
'Interest? Of course. But not for you Captain Tiwari.' He shrugged a bit disappointed.
'But we were a team!!' Suman shook him.
'I know, but we can't complain of any such thing to Colonel Sinha, he is going to kick us in our right place.
' What's the matter.' Suman's voice had the seriousness of her job.
'I need to go to Leh. I need to report in an hour.' at this Suman's face fell. She knew that Shravan's skills in combat were unparalleled, that he could be called anytime for the country and she had no right to complain. But right now she wanted to hold him back and let all the other things go in the drain. She felt the fear of clouds, which her mother used to banish during her father's every secret mission.
She could feel words dissolving in her mouth. What should she say? What right she has over him?
Shravan could see her eyes going red. Her dilemma was dry on her lips, he could read her soul. She badly wanted to stop him, to tell him that she cares.
So, he decided to punctuate this dilemma forever as he captured her lips, for a small kiss. It was like a brush. As he tore away, he could feel his body in a daze as much as her's.
'Don't leave, Shravan!' she almost yelled over his face and went on to grab his collar and kiss him without a second thought. He felt her moving against him, murmuring wishes and apologies at the same time. This could have been so different.
After a few minutes, when it was laborious to stay out of breath, they touched each other's foreheads together. This way, they might transfer their thoughts to each other without words.
'When will you be back?' Suman again asked, knowing that nothing could stop him from going away, nothing could stop her from waiting for him this time.
'You know the answer. Nothing that I or you could answer.' He embraced her in a bone-crushing hug, trying to take in the scent of vanilla and chocolate of her hair. That if he got the chance, sooner or later, he would close his eyes and imagine the silver lining of her face, the smile of her lips, or the scent of her hair.
Even if she won't be present with him, he would take her with him, in his heart.
Anupamaa
