first of all thankyou for sharing your thoughts and analyze on story. My comments are in bold above .Originally posted by: Africanqueenkel
As your english teacher , I have a lot to say , why didn't u ask me to beta for you ...sorry teacher, i just finished 1 chapter and thought to check for response before getting this project on track. From next time onwards i will surely take your help before i post it😳
That sure did feel some how like Vyom , but shanny felt off , she was too receiving in my opinion she should feel a little uncomfortable with Vyom's forwardness , and I expected her to remind Vyom that his connection is only from his side as she still doesn't remember him ...
These days even shanny donot mind vyom approchement towards her. She have changed a lot after the dance. I had that sharanya in mind when i wrote. Although i am aware she is not fully into receiving end. So same will be potrayed in future chapters.
Share more of shanny's thoughts and feelings , not her talking but reflection and especially about her confusion, her unwanted connection to something or somebody she doesn't know , the feeling of not knowing what is happening or having control of her body , the feeling of fearing shiv but still feeling an attraction to him ... Constructive feedback! Okay i will surely improve in this part of writing. Feelings will be given high priority! Done.
These are just my suggestions as am not really a writer nor am I good at it ... But we as viewers right now want more than the cv is giving us and you could do that ...thats okay! I actually liked thie feedback a lot. And your opinion can help me to improve my writing skills . i will try to use this freedom to explore new ideas and situations for characters.
Great start though ..thank you😳.
Pati Patni Aur Panga
Jaane Anjaane Hum Mile
Tum Se Tum Tak
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
Vasudha
