Holding On; Letting Go [RiKara]

I mean it's not like it was the first time she was leaving or the first time she was telling him that. When he almost lost her but got her back, and wanted nothing to do but to hold her close..the emotions then were the same as they were today. But that was an after effect of a very drastic moment. That was him reacting instinctively when he raised his arms in a silent gesture to embrace her. But today..it was different. There was something so definitively final about this goodbye. It was them consciously saying goodbye, consciously coming to terms that they were ending a relationship which has had SO many ups and down but it still remains fairly unnamed.

Omkara and Gauri's real feelings dwell between the said and the unsaid. She says what she wants to say but not completely. He toh never says anything. But that makes their genuine interactions so FEELSY for us viewers because WE are seeing how they are holding each other back without wanting to, not really, and it's so stupid cuz OMKARA STOP HER! WHERE ELSE WOULD YOU GET SOMEONE LIKE HER?! When she told him to put all the blame on her so that no one would say even think of blaming him...Omkara Singh Oberoi was a goner in that one line. And the subsequent flashbacks of CHULBUL, the one part of Gauri Omkara has been vehemently denying all this time, always jumping in to save Omkara's life and then so innocently saying with all the devotion, "Aap ne keh diya toh humein kuch nahin hoga..."

Gauri who has so much to say but she doesn't. Because she's scared and so unsure of her position in his life. She stands on a fragile step which could give away anytime. My kamzor dil broke when she was talking about how she got all this love and respect living in this house but seeing his face she fell silent cuz who is she to say she got love in this house? Who is she to say ANYTHING about this house she has died for? Ye uska ghar toh nahin. Omkara has drilled it SO much in her head that she's a nothing and nobody in this giant Oberoi Mansion that she can't even speak about anything related to this house without the fear of being reprimanded...

I'm rambling now. This wasn't the point. I wanted to talk about their goodbye. But got caught up about where they stand individually in this unsteady relationship. They have SO much to work on once they give their relationship a chance. But for now they are closing a chapter. I like to believe this goodbye did have a purpose. This was them ending the fake intimacy and putting the ugly shadows of the past to the rest. Not forever but enough to have a new start at least. Omkara was so unwilling to accept this relationship and Gauri's past deeds only strengthened his resolve to not give the relationship any breathing space lest it ends up growing. This goodbye came at the right time for him. He was starting to be affected and what better moment to squash an unwanted emotion before it became a need?

Gauri on the other hand was holding on. To the last moment she held on. That hand scene. It spoke so much about Gauri's subconscious wish to be around Omkara in whatever capacity as long as she's close to him. I'm glad that the narrative has shifted Gauri to being an indebted person to Omkara instead of a dutiful wife. It holds much more weight than her "hum apne pati ke liye kuch bhi kar sakte hain. Yes, in the heart of her hearts she has accepted Omkara as her husband but on the surface all her actions are now being motivated from place where she feels she owes her life to Omkara. She may say that she is just doing her best to pay back Omkara for all he has done for her. But that's not where her heart lies. It just yearns to be around this man who has now occupied all spaces of her life. The very thought of finally leaving him had her crying without even wanting it. I wonder why Omkara can't see it...this honesty in Gauri's emotions. She is never scared of showing what she really feels. She isn't scared of initiating intimacy. She isn't scared of showing her wish that the last thing she wants from him is an embrace. She isn't scared of the tears that show just how suffocating this moment of goodbye is for her..

Khair, Omkara may not see the depths of all that honesty but he has come nice way from being completely repulsed by it. Back then it would've been so easy for him to say, "Koi naya natak hai.. Now he just stood there, stunned, and not knowing how to react. He can't step closer to console her. He can't just turn around and walk away. Not when she has that hopeful look in her eyes for just one last thing. So, he just held out his hand and her SMILE at that! To be able to hold on the thing that has become her reason for breathing for just a little longer..oh the blessing! But it was all short lived and she had to let go. Gaah! I loved that shot! Of her fingers slowly leaving his'..till there was no space to hold on to. He didn't pull back, he just looked away. And all hope, if any that remained, just dimmed in her eyes. How much longer can you hold on to someone who wants nothing to do with you?

For reasons better known to PH, they couldn't really show Gauri moving OUT of the house. So jaate jaate hi they had to bring her back. But I liked how the goodbye scene took its sweet time to play out. As I said above, there was a definite finality to that goodbye. They ended so much better terms than they began. It wasn't just her hurting all on her own, it was also him finally realizing that this thing that just ended...it meant something. It wasn't just a burden to him. It was something that had saved him, both literally and metaphorically. But wo kehte hain na...timing sahi honi chaiye. Their timing has been all wrong, start se hi. It's the right relationship but at the wrong time. Anyway, it's a new turn now. With them now together with Omkara's full consent..they have all the time in the world. Here's to hoping ke they will fix their timing and come out from this stage of said and unsaid to finally be honest with each other about everything.