CONFESSING TO THE NIGHT(Part two)Instead at the thought of love, there was only one face her heart pictured. Prince Udayveer Singh. Someone she tried to force her heart to despise. But her tracherous heart was its own ruler. Each time she saw him, she commanded her eyes to hold nothing but disgust and aversion but her heart did otherwise. Her dreams and her mind which wandered off to him every now and then irritated her further.
"He deserves to be hated!" She made one more attempt to make herself believe the short, simple statement but her heart shamelessly defied her like the every other time she had tried this and glimpses of his face started flooding her mind. She felt her heart accelerate as image after image of his majestic face danced in front of her eyes. She closed her eyes shut and let out a sigh, knowing it had started. Her fight with her own self. It had become an inevitable part of her life now. Hours after hours she would scream at her heart to simply stop thinking of the person that marred her life. Over four months of the persistent, ceaseless inner battle, today she had come to the point where she had to beg her heart to let her convince herself he did not matter to her. But her heart being as defiant as always, forced open the locked up memories of how he had cared for her selflessly, how he always seemed to sense when she was in distress and left no stone unturned to help her, how he had broken his walls and confessed his love at the thought of losing her.
"Stop please!" She had intended to yell but it came out as a weak whisper, as fresh tears welled up in her eyes. She blinked them away refusing to be weak in front of the world specially when the reason was him. Her eyes dug into the depths of her surroundings, all enveloped in a downcast shade of black, the loneliness and woe resembling her own life in every aspect. Once she was convinced there was no one but the night to witness her breakdown, the tears that she had managed to shove back down so far, seditiously threatened to spill out. A flood of emotions swept through her making her nerves shiver. She banged her wrists against the railing, sending pieces of her bangles flying off in the air, to shed the desperation that was eating her up-desperation to be carefree and happy again. She was tired of fighting with herself every passing instant. Giving up she finally accepted the truth her heart had accepted long ago. She could never succeed in ignoring or despising him. Because she loved him.
But the Udayveer who loved her no longer existed. Her heart momentarily ceased to beat as this realisation dawned upon her. She let go of the railing and clutched her chest as her heart seemed to shatter into pieces. Her body shook with the attempt to hold back her sobs until a mutinous tear burned its way down her cheek. There was no holding back now. Her legs melted and she sank down to her knees. Grabbing the railing she let out a cry of desolation. The walls confining her emotions broke apart and she cried wretchedly-for her life full of bleakness, for the helplessness of her situation, for the hopelessness of earning his love back again. And with remorse and disgust with her own self for killing the tender Udayveer with her hurtful words and actions.
Her shoulders ached for the comforting touch of his hands, her ears longed to savour the soothing sound of his heartbeat, her skin yearned for the the feel of his cool breath. This was the first time she realised how incomplete she was without him. Her strenous sobs seemed to recede to a lower intensity as she closed her reddened, sore eyes and visioned his perfect face. Perfect would be an understatement. It was god-like, almost unreal. His dark, deep-set eyes always cast a spell on her detatching her from her surroundings and making her feel as if the world consisted of only the two of them. His perfect nose and angles immobilized her eyes. And his smile had the most pronounced effect on her, setting her nerves on electricity. The vision felt so real that she had to resist the urge to reach out for his face. But her heart wasnt done yet.
Her sobs started to pace up again when she recalled the hurt and pain she had inflicted on his flawless face, his face contorting with pain the umpteenth times she had ruthlessly broken his heart. She felt her life slowly draining out as a new wave of guilt wrecked her. He had done nothing to deserve the torment she put him through. Tasting her own medicine made her realise how bitter it was. But she deserved every ounce of it. She deserved the way her heart cramped on looking into his eyes only to see the concern within to be masked by cold indifference.
"I'm sorry!" she gasped between sobs. "I'm really sorry. I need you halkat veda yeda", she whispered with the last shred of energy she had left before exhaustion and slumber engulfed her leaving the starry night to shelter her.
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Edited by Grenade - 13 years ago
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