Kiddos - Time out or Dhishum Dhishum, ? - Page 3

Originally posted by: chatbuster

i am not even sure that we need to think in terms of what's punishment and what's not. we need to think in terms of objectives. and that should generally be to have them turn out to be good boys like CB, and maybe some others. 😛 behavior that reinforces and rewards them for that is what parents need to be thinking of. keep the objective in sight, not get bogged down by how to punish the little fella every time he pinches some girl's cheeks.😛

😆 Sure objectives toh sab key unche honge.. the means to achieve them is what we are discussing here..😆.. sometimes ideas which appear so easy to think are not so easy to implement.. especially when you deal with kids who dont care if they become anyone.. and just want to pinch the girl's cheeks all the time..😆

Originally posted by: simtara

Achcha achcha... bohot ho gaya. Aap sab bade buzargon ke bhaashan hain achche, lekin ab aap zara ek choti si, nanhi si bachchi ki baat bhi sun le 😛

Contradictory to what's been said by the adults, parents and grandma here... I think a smack here and there is an excellent form of discipline.

I know, shocking coming from a "kid" right 😆

Let me explain. I was smacked for all sorts of things (some really stupid on both parts in retrospect 😆) until I was about 13/15 yrs.
Obviously as a kid I was resentful of the slapping and spanking. But the point definitely struck home and stayed well and good in memory.

My parents were less harsh on my little sister. She got her fair share, but they'd learned from Trial 1 (me) that the rod wasn't needed that often either.

I've had the opportunity to observe the "time out" method within my extended family. It doesn't work. Danda-maar is frowned upon in the US, but the kids aren't fazed by the time-out threats either (I'm giving you till 3 REALLY doesn't work 😆). The counting, the time outs, and sometimes even the grounding are seen as empty threats. Going to your room and "thinking about what you've done" enforces nothing in the kids mind.

Obviously I'm generalizing and this doesn't hold true for every child, as Maasi well examplified.

But as a general observation, the "time outs" don't work (have a look around at the gora population of kids... majority is ill-mannered, spoilt and impolite).

As for punishments... the cane was always our punishment. My parents did try grounding and taking away this privilige or that incentive, but usually all of this fizzled out. Primarily, I think, because they didn't really grasp the finer points implementing the punishment. 😳 😆 The smacking is a more direct approach. My canings were almost always accompanied by lectures and daat.

While beating shouldn't be the first course of action, I also wouldn't put it on the backburner as a last resort. Communication and explanation are a very important part of the punishment procedure. Without that, the child will never know or understand where he/she went wrong.

Sholeman - your ghoor ghoor ke daraana reminded me of my dad 😆 I once actually fainted while he was lecturing me. No raised voices or hitting. Just a lecture and a lot of ghoorna... and I fainted! 😳 😆
Waise, I've scared many a little miscreant (mostly boys 😆) with my ghoorna as well. 😆

Oh and by the way... after all that beating and lecturing, I still love my parents very much 😉 😆

Aao Simi dear! 🤗 Bahut din baad nazar aayeen! Shukkar hai 😆 My dad used to do the same - i guess it was the fear of the uniform 😆 And I too have ghooroed quite a few miscreants 😉

Originally posted by: simtara

But as a general observation, the "time outs" don't work (have a look around at the gora population of kids... majority is ill-mannered, spoilt and impolite).

haan yaar. otherwise it would be so simple to churn out good kids, wouldnt it? just go out and get the latest swiss timeout watch😆

Originally posted by: simtara

Achcha achcha... bohot ho gaya. Aap sab bade buzargon ke bhaashan hain achche, lekin ab aap zara ek choti si, nanhi si bachchi ki baat bhi sun le 😛 ....................

😆😆😆 shaitan ki nani hai aur khud ko batchi keh rahee hai😆

welcome back sim sim🤗

hey, on that ghoorna stuff.....😆..never worked with my kids. they figured out even when they were itty bitty babies that it's in their interest to totally avoid even glancing in the direction where their parents r sitting when they were doing something they were not supposed to do😆 no matter what a world class ghoorney we were, it never worked on them😆

we haven't resorted to the stick yet. abhi tak aisee naubat naheen aaye...touchwood😊

yup, as i said before, diff. things work with diff kids. as long as the objective is met (w/o doing anything inhuman😉), i feel it shd be fine. who cares for the hard core definitions of what exactly is punishment and what's not😊

Originally posted by: Morning_Dew

Iam not in favour of physical punishment.
Punishment is a sense which can be evoked very well , without being physical. Taking away some of the favourite stuff is far more effective than being physical in long run. Plus in long run , people take beating as a normal phenomen. which may lead to aggressive attitude towards family and society.
In races where beating children is common , in general , aggression is common too.

I don't agree with that. The same principle of immunity gets applied there too. I remember when I was teaching at a school, there was this first-grader who had made life hell for his teacher and other kids. Never listened to anyone. He even used to hit the teacher and the kids. One day, during recess he was asked by me to pick up his rubbish and put it in the bin. He refused. I asked him a second time, and he refused. I asked him a third time and he spat on me. All I could think of at that moment was a smack! He didn't cry, he did what he was told and behaved after that. If I hadn't smacked him that day, the other students would have got the impression that it was ok to disobey.

Originally posted by: SholaJoBhadkey

Aao Simi dear! 🤗 Bahut din baad nazar aayeen! Shukkar hai 😆 My dad used to do the same - i guess it was the fear of the uniform 😆 And I too have ghooroed quite a few miscreants 😉

Hello shello Bhadkeeli 🤗 Good to be back 😉

I don't know what it was about my dad... I guess the uniform instills a unique ability to create fear 😆

Originally posted by: chatbuster

haan yaar. otherwise it would be so simple to churn out good kids, wouldnt it? just go out and get the latest swiss timeout watch😆

Forget the swiss watch... a good old fashioned desi chaddi works just fine 😆 Jab ghar ki chaddi hi kaam kar leti hai, toh imported me kya rakha hai 😛

Waise... even Indian parents' are pretty big on "sparing the rod" these days. Aaj kal even the desi kids (here) can be quite spoilt. Mall ya restaurant me in badmaashon ko dekhti hoon toh kabhi kabhi man karta hai khud kaan ke neeche ek lagaaoon 😳 😆

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

😆😆😆 shaitan ki nani hai aur khud ko batchi keh rahee hai😆

😆 Umar ko nazar rakhte hue aaj aakhir maan-na hi padega ki hum toh sirf ek chote bache hai 😉 😆

welcome back sim sim🤗

Thank you shank you... nice to be back 🤗

hey, on that ghoorna stuff.....😆..never worked with my kids. they figured out even when they were itty bitty babies that it's in their interest to totally avoid even glancing in the direction where their parents r sitting when they were doing something they were not supposed to do😆 no matter what a world class ghoorney we were, it never worked on them😆

😆 Does that support the hypothesis that it must be a uniform thing... seems Sholeman and I were the only ones to be beneficiaries of a good stern stare...and we've inherited the ability as well 😆 Strong, smart kids if they didn't let mum and dad's ankhon ki golis affect them 😆

we haven't resorted to the stick yet. abhi tak aisee naubat naheen aaye...touchwood😊

Good for you... zaroorat nahi, toh don't use it. My mum and her siblings grew up without ever being hit (never seen my nana get angry in fact). But then.... someone explain where she developed a penchant for the stick... 😕 hehe.... the worst beating i ever got was actually from my mum. What a day 😆

yup, as i said before, diff. things work with diff kids. as long as the objective is met (w/o doing anything inhuman😉), i feel it shd be fine. who cares for the hard core definitions of what exactly is punishment and what's not😊

Originally posted by: SholaJoBhadkey

I don't agree with that. The same principle of immunity gets applied there too. I remember when I was teaching at a school, there was this first-grader who had made life hell for his teacher and other kids. Never listened to anyone. He even used to hit the teacher and the kids. One day, during recess he was asked by me to pick up his rubbish and put it in the bin. He refused. I asked him a second time, and he refused. I asked him a third time and he spat on me. All I could think of at that moment was a smack! He didn't cry, he did what he was told and behaved after that. If I hadn't smacked him that day, the other students would have got the impression that it was ok to disobey.

Spoilt lil kiddy SJB - sometimes it does take a smack. Wouldn't fly in the US, but never stopped the teachers in India from whacking us on the knuckles (especially the nuns!!!) or having us kneel on the concrete halls (much worse for a girl )

Hello DewDrop! 😊 I can appreciate the concept of punishment by taking away priviliges or favorite things, or giving incentives for good behavior. I just haven't seen it work out particularly well in practice.

I do think part of that has to do with the environment and community we grow up in. Having seen both worlds and experienced more of the one with physical punishments, I'd have to say it worked for me.
I've turned out to be a pretty good kid, and I don't say that to boast but to provide a live example. My sister and have often been praised by family and friends for our good behavior, being well-mannered, etc. This usually comes from parents who practice the "time-out" and "grounding" route, and don't scold, let alone hit their kids.

This again, comes from a person who's grown up first in a military world where it was physical punsihment for most infractions. Neighborhood me sab bachchon ko daat toh padhti hi thi, saath me do-chaar thappad bhi milte the.
I then grew up in America where my parents still followed the Indian practice of smacking the kid to teach a point. This, while I lived my American aunt and saw her counting to three 5-6 times a day. Eventually she got fed-up of all the back-talk her daughter gave her (4 yrs old) and resorted to the occasional smack. I don't know if that's why her kid is a pretty well behaved girl now, or if something else influenced along the way. I can only guess based on what I saw.

True people do end up accepting a beating as routine. There was a point where I would hear the beginnings of a lecture and expect the slap. You start to expect and prepare yourself for it. The tears stop and you learn to keep up a stoic face. Doesn't mean the slap stings any less or the lesson loses its significance. I think the acceptance and expectation is a mechanism of self-defense, at least mentally.

Before I start sounding like some physically abusive, sadistic lunatic, let me make it clear that I only approve of corporeal punishment within appropriate limits. It's not a method to be implimented on a daily basis at every given opportunity. It also shouldn't be taken to extreme levels. A smacking or spanking is fine. But beyond that, when excessive physical force is used, it's just plain abuse.

Your last sentence actually made me pause the most... for a society that relies heavily on physical punishment to discipline it's children, I have to say, Indians aren't the most agressive of people in nature. Our history and our present global position are proofs enough. For some reason I've never equated the Indian population with agression. But yours is an interesting point with potential truth to it.