Son...your adopted... - Page 3

Originally posted by: raunaq

hmmmm 🤔 , i am sorry my IQ in this topic is zero, i only know one maiya yashoda, sallu and reema lagoo, in hum saath saath hain, that song maiyya yashoda yeh tera kanhaiya....

Adoption is not a joke. It is a life changing experience for the child and for the new family which includes mother, father and any other kids. Adoption in India is much easier than in countries like UK or USA. In India you go to an orphanage, choose a baby and thats it..

In this part of the world the adoption process can take anything between 6 months to a year. A council worker will pay regular visits to the family and will find out everything about them from their family history to their monthly paycheck.They reject the couple if even one person from their extended family disapproves. They even ask about the will and make sure the child will get its fair share. Thats not all..they inspect the living conditions, the family's eating habits etc and if they pass the test then they are invited for an interview. It is a long process and once the family is able to bring the child home...the council worker's visits continue to make sure the baby is happy and has been accepted by the family. The family does so much and it can hurt them very much if one day the child walks away....

Originally posted by: Maya_M

There are some parents who choose not to tell theitr children at all and that is the case where very few people around them actually know that the child was adopted.

I know alot of people would disagree but personally I agree with this. I believe adoption should not be done to make yourself look 'mahan'...If people know about it then the 'adopted' tag will be stuck to the child forever. Alot of ppl are not wellwishers and will look at the negative side...and to prevent loose talk and to protect the child from all this...it's best that outsiders dont know about this very personal issue. It also gives the child a chance to start afresh and lead a normal life with parents that care.....

Originally posted by: Supergirl7

I know alot of people would disagree but personally I agree with this. I believe adoption should not be done to make yourself look 'mahan'...If people know about it then the 'adopted' tag will be stuck to the child forever. Alot of ppl are not wellwishers and will look at the negative side...and to prevent loose talk and to protect the child from all this...it's best that outsiders dont know about this very personal issue. It also gives the child a chance to start afresh and lead a normal life with parents that care.....

I agree with that. But on the other hand, I hardly think it is possible to not have outsiders know about adoption. Not everyone can go abroad and have a delivery and come back saying it is their own child. There are very fair chances that many people know about the adoption. There are some ill-minded Mandiras and Komolikas in every family who will spill out the beans in one way or the other and that will shatter the life of the child completely.

But if the biological parents let them know, they might try and understand and see that s/he was very well cared for, and should still continue loving them as own parents. It is not about being "mahan". For parents who reared a child for so many years, being "mahan" is probably the last thing on the mind. It is for the child's well-being that s/he needs to be informed.

Adoption is a vey sensitive issue, and it is very hard to hide it from children and IMHO, it is always good to have the children informed about the reality.

Originally posted by: raunaq

ok 4, but as soon as the kid says mama, mama should say beta mein tumhari mama nahi houn

Originally posted by: Supergirl7

As far as I am concerned if the new parents have helped to keep the child's cultural identity intact and are giving the child all the love possible then even if someone says to the child that he/she adopted, the child will most probably say 'I am not interested. I dont want to know'.

I do NOT agree. No matter how much love parents shower on the adopted kid, once they find out, the urge to know who his/her real parents are will always nag them.

Maybe, they will be mad at their biological parents for having deserted them but that they would still want to know who they were given birth by. I have not heard or seen any cases yet where the child just forgets everything and never questions the foster parents. Anyone heard anything like that?

I am 18 and if someone told me today that my parents did not give birth to me, I probably will shatter completely but would thank my parents for nurturing me the way they did. But I, most definitely would want to know who gave birth to me. Yes, it would hurt the parents immensely but imagine the plight of the child who found out his/her reaity after years...

So, I don't think any child will just let the fact pass by that they don't know their biological parents. Everyone questions IMO.

Originally posted by: raunaq

ok 4, but as soon as the kid says mama, mama should say beta mein tumhari mama nahi houn

Originally posted by: sohn

Holy Manoly raunaq! That line was a typical lalita pawar one The kid might grow up to thank god for not makin this woman his real mum methinx 😕

me2thinx that

Originally posted by: Supergirl7

So what if they are not the real parents? The ones who bring up the child are the REAL parents not the ones who gave birth and abandoned their child when did i argue about being the real parents or not, the issue is about disclosing the identity of the kid one day and not the other way round

I know a couple who adopted two babies and told them at the age of 3-4 that they are adopted. The kids took it very immaturely because whenever the parents would get angry at them...the kids would say to each other 'Lets go and find our real parents'. This is heartbreaking for the parents who have been selfless and tried to give these children a better life and future...you got to be kidding me about this 😆 thats amazing but thats very sad!

I feel that once a child has been adopted..then the biological parents have no right over the child(this may not apply to celebrity adoptions). I feel the child isnt a toy who you can play with one day and get rid of the next...it has feelings and emotions. As far as I am concerned if the new parents have helped to keep the child's cultural identity intact and are giving the child all the love possible then even if someone says to the child that he/she adopted, the child will most probably say 'I am not interested. I dont want to know'.most likely yes

I feel if a child does want to go searching for it's biological parents then fine....but this may cause more heartbreak and problems as the biological parents may have moved on in life separately. The mother may be married and then one day this child turns up at her doorstep...it can ruin her life!not sure if that would ruin her life or not

I am a 19 year old and I still dont feel mature enough to take major decisions. so it is very likely that a child may take an unreasonable step after finding out that he/she is adopted..and then they will regret it later on.... there are people who are married, got kids and yet act immaturely, and then there are kids who are mature and act as adults. seen both types. so giving yourself as an example and setting a benchmark for the maturity of kids is pretty lame imo.

I feel all these celebrity adoptions have reli ruined the image of adoptions

and how do you know that these people have ruined image. so, tell me how did they ruin the image of adoption, provide me with some real news and stories, if that has happened. if they can afford, then why not. this statement is similar to the statement if mother teresa was saint?

as there are many families out there who genuinely want another child and are willing to give it a nice home, every happiness and treat him/her like their own child. so who is stopping them from adoption? just becoz these people dont get a chance to adopt, those celebrities have ruined the image, sorry am not getting this, please clear it again? how did the celebrities ruin the image of adoption. am i sensing the case of grapes are sour in this case? 😕

Originally posted by: Maya_M

As I mentioned each kid is different. Just because a kid starts talking doesn't mean that he can accept anything. Most of the times parents know what, when and how to convey serious messages to their children depending on the sensitivity and sensibility. It is possible that a 7 year old can take news of a death of a dear one much more maturely than another kid of same age who will sulk for years. So instead of setting up a specific age group it is always better to find the best time to talk to the child. There are some parents who choose not to tell theitr children at all and that is the case where very few people around them actually know that the child was adopted.

I personally think 4 is a tender age. If even for fun you tell a 4 year old that she is adopted the kid feels really sad. Try it on yourtoddler nephew or niece or a friend's kid. 😊