Acceptance of immigrant students? - Page 2

Originally posted by: ~LiL*PrInCeZ~

Usually, i dont mind hanging out with the fobs (in many ways...im an american born fob...if u can get wat im saying..lol) Yea the streotypical fobs are kinda embarrassing but i havnt met tht many of them (old uncles and aunties dont count...opps many of u wud fit in tht age range 😉 ..but i mean since we r talkin abt school..lets leave it to youngsters)...even the youth in india/pakistan are familiar with american culture and know english...so wen they come here, they are less of an outcast than their parents. Even so, I make sure to introduce myself and offer assistance..its the least i can do.

Yes Javs, I get along fantastically with ABFOBs... Wonderful people, must say 😳

🤣 😆 @ old uncles and aunties - She just called you all old 😆

Alrite, I am kidding. But you all are so young at heart 😊. I wish I will be a little like all of you when I grow up 😳

Originally posted by: mermaid_QT

Never had the trouble here in the USA as a FOB. My apartment mate came here when he was only 7 year old and we still hit it off right away.

I remember my initial trouble when I went to settle in India, as a 6 year old. Things were different. The feeling of not-belonging was within me more than my surroundings though.

And I always thought your were a blonde!!!!!

😆

Originally posted by: simtara

Then moving back to India for a little while, I was Shyam. Not ostracized per se, but an anomoly, something different and curious, to be approached with care. [/quote]

Oh yeah, I know that... whenever my AB cousins come to India, we always refer to them as DDs (Delicate Darlings) 😆

[quote=simtara]
I thought I would instantly connect and connect well with them. I would be reunited with my culture at a peer level and it would be great. But when I approached them I was uncomfortable. They were too "fobby" not at all accustomed to the US culture and unsure as to how to communicate with me or anyone else. I was also uncomfortable because they were uncomfortable. They saw me as an assimilated Indian. Someone who belonged completely to the US culture. [/quote]

I can totally understand this situation. After coming to college, I met so many international grad students and I was so happy that yes, I can finally connect to the roots, away from the AB people. But, it was not that easy. Some people found it difficult to communicate, some people just think we are too pricey... I managed to make a few good friends, with whom I can talk about Bollywood 24*7 and talk about Tulsi and Prerna 😆... We ramble off in Hindi all the time, and my AB friends are just like

[quote=simtara] There are the snobby Niels and then there are the per-force Niels. It all depends on how comfortable you are with your own identity and also on communication. When you lack the assurance of being an Indian, or being an American with Indian heritage and when the two parties can't communicate with each other... Niel and Shyam can't get together and can't be friends.

I am in complete unison with you, Simi! 😊

Originally posted by: simtara

Great topic Rutu.

I've been on both sides of the fence and even on the fence at times.

I came at a young age when prejudices were nearly nonexistant amongst peers and I fit right in. Children adapt very quickly and efficiently into new environments. These factors helped me avoid being Shyam.

agree with you here simi. noted this quality in my children as well.

Then moving back to India for a little while, I was Shyam. Not ostracized per se, but an anomoly, something different and curious, to be approached with care.

yeah, can identify with you here based on what my kids feel when we visit home. they go thru it and handle it rather well because they come across only close family and friends at home. I can only imagine how hard it would be to handle if they were to attend school there. for some reason, even relatives are so curious about nri kids.

The second shift back to the US had me being Shyam once again and this time I felt it. A lot was due to the complete identity crisis all this moving at a still young age was creating within me. I was Shyam, trying to be Neil and ending failing miserably on both sides.

awwwwww🤗....not failing sweetie, i am sure it was just a passing phase of finding your true identity there! it haooens to me even now at times, when i am trying to figure out what exactly it is that i want out of my life.

Later on, in my 11th and 12th grade I transformed into Neil. I had developed a group of friends, mostly white due wholly to the population of my community. By the last 2 years of my high school career more Indian immigrants came into the community. I was "fascinated" by the FOBs. I thought I would instantly connect and connect well with them. I would be reunited with my culture at a peer level and it would be great. But when I approached them I was uncomfortable. They were too "fobby" not at all accustomed to the US culture and unsure as to how to communicate with me or anyone else. I was also uncomfortable because they were uncomfortable. They saw me as an assimilated Indian. Someone who belonged completely to the US culture. A few uncomfortable encounters had me fleeing back to my friends and them remaining in solitude within the small circle of immigrants. (It didn't help that they were Keralites and I was a north Indian... communication was very limited as they weren't comfortable with English and didn't know Hindi).

very well said Simi👏👏 not all FOBs are humble and grounded and not all Neils are snobbish or confused. Now a days, most educated people living anywhere in any big city are like global citizens. I don't think FOBs go thru as mauch hardships settling down and adapting the new culture in western countries as they used to some 15 odd years ago. I mean, look at India....the change in socio-economic culture there shocks me everytime I visit home. I am still trapped in what the scene was about 11 years ago when I left India and came here. Teenagers I see/observe in Delhi are lot more westernized than a lot of our desi kids here in the us!!!

There are the snobby Niels and then there are the per-force Niels. It all depends on how comfortable you are with your own identity and also on communication. When you lack the assurance of being an Indian, or being an American with Indian heritage and when the two parties can't communicate with each other... Niel and Shyam can't get together and can't be friends.

Parents can do very little in such a situation. The most they can do is understand the changes a child goes through - to fit in they will change some behaviors, their clothing style, their speech patterns... however much they are comfortable in changing to fit in with the crowd more in hopes of acceptance.

I am soooo with you on this. I agree it's the kids who face the peers and peer pressure at school. we can provide a loving caring environment at home and be there for them whenever they need our guidance. but, at the end of the day, they have to step out in the world and face it themselves. we can't face the world for them...just provide a safety net so that they know where to go in case they are feeling down or confused.

oh girl, always a pleasure reading you😊

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

And I always thought your were a blonde!!!!!

😆

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

[/quote]

One of our family friends has two daughters. One was 7 and other was 4, when they immigrated to America. So, of course, they knew how to speak their MT when they came here. Now that they are 19 and 22, they turn a deaf ear when you talk in anything but English... They might respond in Spanish, but who knows? And the parents are kinda proud about the fact that their daughters are oh-so-American!

These are the cases when parents came in play IMO. If parents have always inculcated these values in their kids, won't it affect the child's behavior in school? The girl in this example was in the same class as me and O-M-G. Even when her AB friends would use desi words, she would be like rolling her eyes. Uske gaal pe thappad marne ka mann aaj bhi hai mujhe 😡

So, don't the parents trigger this arrogant Neil behavior?

Originally posted by: rutumodi915

ek jamaa hee dena thha na Rutu😆 Such people get on my nerves big time😡. You are right, in such instances, it's the parentys who share the blame as well.