Respectful Language: 'Aap' Vs 'Tu' - Page 5

Originally posted by: aekiel

Slightly off topic, but it would be interesting to see the number of folks here

who call their mother tu vs calling her aap

who call their father tu vs calling him aap

I suspect there'll be plenty of folks who call their mother tu, but would struggle to call their father tu despite them being reasonably close to their dads.

Yes, Aai is tu and Baba is tumhi. I'm a Maharashtrian Mumbaikar living in the US for many years. My kids, nephews and nieces all address their parents and grandparents tu. Gen Z and Gen Alpha address everybody tu in my observation.

Originally posted by: devashree_h

Recently on SM, there was a User who pointed out how when she asked for directions in Mumbai, she was referred to as 'Tu'. Being from Delhi, she found this behaviour unacceptable. Another User also pointed out how he was "disrespectfully spoken to" by a Bus conductor who told him "tereko aage jake khada honeka". Unsurprisingly, it started a heated debate about linguistic and cultural differences of the country.

• Is it presumptuous of people from certain regions of India to expect other Indians to speak Hindi in a certain way?
• Does 'Tu' imply a sense of intimacy and shouldnt be used for strangers?
• Are Delhites more polite than Mumbaikars?

Very interesting topic devashree.

Hindi isn’t a native language for all the people in India.

Thus, to expect everyone to speak the language in a particular way in my opinion isn’t a very smart thought.

‘Tu’ is usually used by people to address the ones younger to you.

But just because the person used ‘tu’ and not ‘aap’ doesn’t indicate the disrespect.

Spoken language is definitely about the verb and the pronouns we use, but at the same time it’s also about the tone with which we speak.

Whether Delhiites are more polite than Mumbaikars or not is a question which would have different opinions.

Since I have stayed in both places, talking to strangers I found both people of both places of being respectful and polite.

Originally posted by: Maroonporsche

I just don’t think when you ask someone for help w directions you should start some grammar lecture 😂

Have never mentioned anything about the incident. Just referring to the words "aap" and "tu"

At office/station/city to strangers, I will usually always use aap irrespective of age, just to be safe. At home, my culture is such that we call everyone tu/tara, irrespective of gender or age, that's just a norm, and more like endearment, not out of disrespect. With friends, I will usually just talk in English and avoid the tu/tum/aap completely. Here in IF discussions too, I do use informal language with respect to fictional characters, and ONLY within a particular familiar group. However, people/context does matter, and if I feel I crossed a line, I will have the decency to apologize too 🤝

But also, respect comes more from actions, not just words. People can very well use flattery to use others for their own benefit, while those with brutal honesty might actually be trying to help (unless it is meant to specifically trigger someone on something that makes them uncomfortable). We are just not conditioned to look beyond the surface, hence we blindly assume things about someone based on our limited knowledge. Basically, khanjar shakkar mein dubake maaro ya seedhe hi, chott toh dono se hi lagti hi hai 💔

It is kinda unfair to expect that everyone speaks in the same manner everywhere in India. As for the Delhi/Mumbai debate, it has been going on for eternity, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, based on their personal experiences, there is literally nothing more or less to that 🙏

Here's another topic that we can also have with respect to this then, which will also keep going in circles: Why are some cultures so LOUD, and why are others so SUBTLE? Ultimately, each to their own, in a country like ours, we have all eventually found our own ways to coexist too. What to do? Na duniya hamare hisaab se chalti hai, na hum duniya ke hisaab se 24x7 chal sakte hai ✌️

Originally posted by: devashree_h

Recently on SM, there was a User who pointed out how when she asked for directions in Mumbai, she was referred to as 'Tu'. Being from Delhi, she found this behaviour unacceptable. Another User also pointed out how he was "disrespectfully spoken to" by a Bus conductor who told him "tereko aage jake khada honeka". Unsurprisingly, it started a heated debate about linguistic and cultural differences of the country.

• Is it presumptuous of people from certain regions of India to expect other Indians to speak Hindi in a certain way?
• Does 'Tu' imply a sense of intimacy and shouldnt be used for strangers?
• Are Delhites more polite than Mumbaikars?

Nice topic Devashree, and a good discussion to read as well. My two cents

I do think that it is presumptuous to expect that the entire country should speak & that too speak correct Hindi even if it is not a native tongue of that region. As long as I understand what the person is trying to communicate, I would prefer to focus on the tone & intent rather than the grammar. And I would definitely appreciate the fact that someone was going out of their way and doing me the courtesy of responding to me in my language in a new/different state.

Mumbai's native language is Marathi and so no matter which language we speak, it will be influenced by Marathi...and in Marathi we do not have a 'tum' equivalent. To add to it, Mumbai has a unique culture of its own! If I were to relocate or travel to any new place, I would embrace their language & culture rather than pick faults in it - don't like, don't stay!!!

Originally posted by: NerdyMukta

Yes, Aai is tu and Baba is tumhi. I'm a Maharashtrian Mumbaikar living in the US for many years. My kids, nephews and nieces all address their parents and grandparents tu. Gen Z and Gen Alpha address everybody tu in my observation.

Yes, for majority of us Maharashtrians, Aai is tu and Baba is tumhi. Many say, it's because kids are closer to their Mothers. But these days many kids call their fathers with singular pronouns like 'Tu'.

Nice topic Devashree. 👍

Loved reading each and every one’s take on this topic. 🙂

I'm from Lucknow, still cringe internally when someone uses 'Tu' when addressing me. But that's my problem.

If someone has a polite (or even cordial) tone, it doesn't make much of a difference to me whether they are using Tu, tum or aap. Everyone is comfy in their own language/dialect, I can't expect them to accommodate my reservations or vice versa.

Especially when it's strangers or mere acquaintances.

Learnt this from my experience in Gurgaon, 'tu' will seem very mild in front of 'Tanne, tereya' and stuff 😆

I am very particular about speaking 'Hindi' the right way (grammar, gender etc). One Bengali and one Bihari roommate later, stopped correcting anyone. Realised how irritating I was being.

I have often asked my friends to not use Tu for me and I can ask them as they are my friends and don't really mind. Just like they make the same done to death jokes about me using 'Hum' while referring to myself.

Originally posted by: Maroonporsche

Someone asking for help with directions shouldn’t be worried about the vernacular

Everyone’s is different

Exactly, who has the time to get offended on a stranger's usage of 'Tu' especially when you are on your way to work 😆