Respectful Language: 'Aap' Vs 'Tu'

Recently on SM, there was a User who pointed out how when she asked for directions in Mumbai, she was referred to as 'Tu'. Being from Delhi, she found this behaviour unacceptable. Another User also pointed out how he was "disrespectfully spoken to" by a Bus conductor who told him "tereko aage jake khada honeka". Unsurprisingly, it started a heated debate about linguistic and cultural differences of the country.

• Is it presumptuous of people from certain regions of India to expect other Indians to speak Hindi in a certain way?
• Does 'Tu' imply a sense of intimacy and shouldnt be used for strangers?
• Are Delhites more polite than Mumbaikars?

Good topic devashree.

May be all of us have encountered similar experiences specially in Mumbai. When use among same age group people, Tu is tolerable upto some extent. Imagine friends using aap while talking among themselves. Tu sounds much better here. But using tu while dealing with elders is disrespectful. Some may pt out & correct you.

At times tu is deliberately used to demean someone. I have come across some cases during shopping, where young people will deliberately asks, tumhe kya chahiye. Tumhare ko ye achha lagega. I straight away, walk out of such shops. Never to go there again. They've lost a customer for life time.

Where as aap, sounds respectful. Giving respect to others even strangers, makes things easy.

Definately in a fight, aap disappears immediately & tu gets used often. 😆

Nice topic Devashree.

See the thing is all our states have a culture of their own.
In Punjab they are very respectful ..” tussi “and “tussin” are similar sounding but the difference lies in the respect one has for the other.

In Bengal mostly people are very respectful towards strangers. All ladies are addressed as elder sister and all males as elder brother.

If you go to Lucknow it’s in their tehzeeb to be respectful.

In Mumbai the mumbaiya culture takes pride in treating everyone as your close pal/chaddi buddy and interact that way. It’s not they have personal disrespect for you and have intentions to put you down. That’s they way they speak on colloquial lingo .
It does seem disrespectful to outsiders and those who are not used to being referred this way .

Am ending my post here as I got to rush for an emergency.

Very interesting topic Deva👍🏼

I guess conditioning and culture have a lot to do in this regard. When my cousins who live in Delhi visited Ahmedabad for the first time and we introduced them to few of our family friends in Gujarat, they felt very uncomfortable hearing some of the men address their wives as Tu or kids calling their mom's with tu.

I had to explain to them that tu means endearment and is not referred in any offensive manner. Even today when i watch them talk to strangers here while shopping, they address them with bhaiyya/aap and find it pinching if someone reverts with a "tare"/"tu".

I guess it's about having a broader mind and acknowledging the cultural differences that exist in the Indian society. I don't think the reference of tu should make it look like the place/people are not respectful.

In general Aap is for elders or the people you respect

Tu is for kids and close friend/siblings.

For same age people or for same designation collegue we usually refer "Tum".

Tum is better for stranger than Aap or Tu.

I think it all depends on person to person for how they address others. (Doesn't matter which State/Place you're coming from) It really all depends on a person actually. While Aap has a certain amount of respect in it. Tu is very informal and I feel it should be used only amongst people of your own age! 😳 Like your friends, cousins etc.

For me personally Aap sounds very respectful and there should be a certain way of talking or addressing, when you talk to others. Tu, tereko etc sounds a little indecent and disrespectfull. Otherwise "Tum" also sounds good. 👍🏼😳It is little less formal but sounds a little respectfull and decent. I personally don't like the use of "Tu" because I don't know why! 🤣 Unless it's somebody of my own age or my friend.

For me, tu sounds ok when used in a joking way with friends or people close to you...in a friendly and informal manner. Me and my hubby use it when we are having our nok jhok.🤣

But I am used to saying aap, as that's what we have always used in my family. So I address everyone as aap naturally, whether theyre older or not. Me and my hubby also address each other as aap in normal day to day convos, as I find it more romantic

i cant comment on this as never experienced it...

being a southie n keralite.. aap n tu never used her...

here mostly elders are given respect until its a verbal war between any 2 people...

Very interesting topic.

I have had privilege to spend considerable amount of time in both Delhi and Mumbai. I am basically from hindi heartland UP and have studied in Gujarat. Due to job I have spent time in different cities of MP also.

First of all, Delhiites are not polite than others. I mean come on, there are thousands of jokes on rudeness of of Delhiites 😆

But yes its true that cultural differences and linguistics barriers are real thing. As much as one prepares himself to adjust according to new place but it takes time and patience and most importantly open heart to accept new surroundings.

And as far as hindi is concerned there is no set parameters to speak hindi. I remember one phrase about diversity of langauges in our country- कोस कोस पे बदले पानी, चार कोस पे वाणी।

In a particular district also one langauge can be talked in different ways in its various sub division. In my present district, one part talks in hindi having influence of gujarati in it while other part talks in hindi influenced by marathi.

So in my opinion, getting offended by linguistic preferences and way of talking is just a foolish thing to do. One may feel bad when he is new in a palce but after sometime when he/she gets to know that it's normal for that place then I dont think there is any need to make a mountain out of molehill.

And if speaking "shuddh" hindi is concerned then I don't think anyone, doesn't matter from where that person comes from, but absolutely no one uses or speak shuddh hindi. Most of us use regional variations of hindi of our place. And now a days most of us use hinglish. Hindi itself has evolved so much and keeps evolving by adopting words from sanskrit, pharsi, urdu etc.

Originally posted by: mnx12

Good topic devashree.

May be all of us have encountered similar experiences specially in Mumbai. When use among same age group people, Tu is tolerable upto some extent. Imagine friends using aap while talking among themselves. Tu sounds much better here. But using tu while dealing with elders is disrespectful. Some may pt out & correct you.

At times tu is deliberately used to demean someone. I have come across some cases during shopping, where young people will deliberately asks, tumhe kya chahiye. Tumhare ko ye achha lagega. I straight away, walk out of such shops. Never to go there again. They've lost a customer for life time.

Where as aap, sounds respectful. Giving respect to others even strangers, makes things easy.

Definately in a fight, aap disappears immediately & tu gets used often. 😆

@ bold I understand what you are trying to say but thats what this topic is about. People may find it offensive if "tu" is used for elders but in marathi mostly children use "tu " for their parents, elders, relatives and its not considered as disrespectful.

Thats the language barrier in cultural context the topic creator wants to point out I guess.