| Her Unknown Affliction | - Page 7

Originally posted by: Gudakesha

Brilliant job by creatives of this post.

Hats off for bringing such sensitive issue which is brushed off under carpets in many Asian countries including India and Pakistan.

Unlike other countries, the reason why marital rape is not considered as a crime in India is not because of age old beliefs of a submissive wife is ideal wife kind of ideology. If that was the case then domestic violence and dowry cases would not have been punishable under law. But the reason is that it is difficult or rather impossible to tell if it was sex or rape between a husband and wife. We already see many fake dowry cases being filed against innocent families by few conniving women. We have to understand that if dowry cases are being difficult to scrutinize and differentiate between genuine and fake ones, then marital rape authenticity is just out of question.

The possible solutions?

Well unfortunately I don't have a solution for this heinous sin.

It is a catch 22 situation where the solution (read punishable under law) aggravates the problem.

Every second woman may just avenge her husband on trivial fights by slapping marital rape against him and he may not be able to defend himself.

People may be scared to marry in our country. A country where marriages are given a huge importance.

Yes, marital rapes are not punishable under law in our country. However, if a woman does not want to have sex with her husband she can get court's stay order before hand, according to which her husband is not allowed to approach her for sexual needs. If he does, then the woman will be medically examined and if rape is proved, then the man will be punished.

I feel it is the only solution for this problem. The lady has to get stay order before hand. For this every woman should be educated or made knowledgeable about her rights. Can we do that? Well, yes. We can.

But, again this is a country where we think about those "chaar log" than ourselves. The society will speak hundred ways on how a lady has got a stay order and is denying her husband his "sexual rights". Will the lady be strong enough to face such criticism? My answer: She should. If she is brave enough to think about when to have sex and if at all to have sex with her husband then she should be brave enough to fight the society too. We cant expect her to be served everything on silver platter. Want a right, fight it!

I personally liked the graphics used in this post. They symbolize the trauma faced by the victims so aptly. I also agree that sex education should be taught in schools, so that young people get first hand information from experts and doctors, not second and third hand and manipulated information through peers or through internet.

Originally posted by: ..RamKiJanaki..

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Women can be rapists, and men can be victims too. Marital rape does happen against men, but many women rapists feel it's ok for them to rape their husbands, because no one ever says marital rape is not ok when a woman does it. No man ever feels brave enough to talk about his rape, because people laugh at him for not being "man enough".

This post would have been even better had it been against marital rape in general, not just marital rape against women.

Originally posted by: Roadrunnerz

Never heard or read about any woman raping her husband. It must be quite rare unlike the case of women and therefore not seen as a burning problem. Are any statistics available?

Originally posted by: xbeyondwordsx

@ ..RamKiJaanki.. - What you're saying is completely valid and I wholeheartedly agree with it. Abuse on male, sexual or otherwise, is often ignored and there is no explanation for the reason behind it. However, the purpose of this thread was to highlight the abuse on the women. We're not discounting the abuse on the men or are in favour of it by highlighting the opposite sex abuse. It was purely our effort to bring into focus the sexual abuse on women because they don't know they are being exploited.

Marital Rape is Rape. A wound is a wound , to the body and soul .Rape is rape regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim.

The gift of reasoning differentiates humanity from the beasts !

Whether that rapist is your husband or a totally stranger .Rape is a very personal and intimate traumatic experience. Our experiences of and reactions to rape may differ widely, and although there are many similarities in the way that we feel about being the victim of rape, regardless of the relationship between us and the rapist,

I am only looking at rape and sexual assault on women, since this is by far the most common situation, though rape and sexual abuse also occur too frequently in same-sex , the other sex , and other relationships .

In the marital rape the circumstances are very different. It is quite apart from a physical and sexual violation - most importantly a betrayal of trust. Here is a person whom you thought you knew intimately, with whom you share a relationship, a home and quite often children. Here is a person whom you have made love to on a frequent basis, often over many years, with whom you have shared your most intimate secrets and fears, and whom you believe to love you, want the best for you, who would never intentionally hurt you. Marital rape is so destructive because it betrays the fundamental basis of the marital relationship, because it questions every understanding you have not only of your partner and the marriage, but of yourself. You end up feeling betrayed, humiliated and, above all, very confused ! A big shock !

When it is the same person whom you have entrusted your life to, who rapes you, it isn't just physical or sexual assault, it is a betrayal of the very core of your marriage, of your person, of your trust.

A marital rape has to be understood in the context of an abusive relationship . A lot of cases of marital rape will involve coercion and force to control the victim .

Main problem regarding the victims of marital rape is that , such instances are rarely a one-off, but a repeated if not frequent occurrence. This can be a huge issue to the victim, because she will feel as though she has somehow 'asked for it' by staying or putting herself in the situation where it can happen again.

Many abusers will also force their wives to submit to sexual acts after a physical assault, either to prove her forgiveness or to further intimidate and humiliate her - and if the wife should refuse such an act, even the threat of further violence will soon ensure her compliance.

The victim may also be so confused and numbed by constant emotional abuse, that she simply does not know how to act or react when sex is forced on her.

Sadistic pleasure from rape is also present in the minds of the perpetrators , since its effect on victim is often particularly humiliating, and intimidating because of her helpless condition .

What has to be remembered is that when you are living with your abuser, you are often very finely tuned to him, employing numerous coping mechanisms to limit the damage to yourself: you may realise either consciously or subconsciously that if you struggle, he is likely to get violent or take his anger out on you in other ways. Fear psychosis?!

Other reasons, a woman may not fight back are so as not to disturb children sleeping nearby,[ our's is a developing country , financial factors play an important role in such situations ] thereby risking them witnessing the rape , shock or confusion at what is happening which paralyses her; and real concern for her abuser, which results in her not wanting to do anything which may harm or injure her rapist even to the detriment of herself. Many sociological aspects play important role in this unnoticed domestic violence.

It would appear that where rape starts in an established relationship, that rape is often used by an abuser when other control tactics, such as isolation or emotional abuse are no longer sufficient to maintain his power and hold over her, or to punish her for either leaving or trying to leave. To suppress the freedom of a wife , the male chauvinists use this violent force to win over her .

Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it as such. The traditional idea that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife and that somehow, in taking our marriage vows we have abdicated any say over our own body and sexuality, basically denied ourselves the right to say 'no', is still prevalent amongst wives as much as amongst their husbands minds . A wife being raped will often question her right to refuse intercourse with her husband, and while she may realise that legally it now constitutes rape, there are many reasons which may prevent her from report , or to reveal. Tolerating this trauma because of the Social stigma , a fear of extreme disapproval from her own family members , again reasons may vary !

Basically, it is an insult to our senses ,the perpetrator is none other than the our rightful companion , that fact is very disturbing and humiliating to us , we can no longer trust him, turn to him in comfort, gain reassurance and protection from his company and our home is no longer safe.

High time to question the violence against us ,right time to shift from the abuser , even though he is our husband , if our self -respect is at stake , let us take bold decisions .