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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

Hi Friends,

When a rape happened in New Delhi, it became a topic of global announcement and so much publicity was given to the rape incident. Everyone's opinion was sought after. Definitely I am also condemning the rape incident and I like to see that the society takes required measures so that females are safe and those who are raped are treated with dignity and those who commit rape are punished adequately and girls are trained in karate or judo.

But what I am looking for is every incident of injustice is given adeqiate publicity. And one of them which is becoming a burning topic is a lot of wives put false cases against their husbands these days and this has caused all sorts of insecurity among men. Men are forced to fight cases in faraway cities. They have to pay hefty amounts to lawyers. They lose jobs and their energy is drained. Many men commit suicide also. One of them in Bangalore committed suicide yesterday as he became over stressed due to the harassment by his wife and his MIL. This incident also deserves adequate publicity. These days more and more women are leaving their husbands and not living with them. Niether would they give divorce and they give divorce only if they are given huge amounts of money. How will the family grow if this is the way?

My dear sisters, When I say this, I am not against women. In fact God calls for men and women to live together. Men have sisters and women have brothers. And I very well know that a sister is the first person who supports her brother when his wife behaves cruelly with him. All that I call for is every injustice in the society has to be fought impartially. Incidentally one thing we see in a woman's cell is, they believe whatever a wife tells. But then they don't believe whatever a mother or a sister tells. What type of justice is this?

I am sorry for what I say offended anyone.

Cheers,

Edited by maha2us - 12 years ago

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Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

There is absolutely no need to be sorry. You have presented a different side of the story which I never thought about i.e. women harassing innocent married men.

The problem is human nature. When you are restriced or prevented and then when you are suddenly let loose you compensate by going to othe extreme. This is human nature. Its like if you loose your one sense other senses compensates and become more more receptable.

It is possible that women of today are brought up in an environment where they have seen a certain social structure and then they are living in another much more open and free structure. Therefore some among them are unable to adjust and abusing and misusing it.

Time is usually the soultion.

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_Angie_

@_Angie_

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

I agree that every case of injustice should ideally get properly redressed but considering the huge numbers and frequency in which they occur is it realistic to expect publicity for every incident of injustice ? It makes more sense to create awareness about injustice in general and its mitigation instead of expecting to get publicity for each and every incident. Of course one is free to try and gain publicity for their individual cases any way they can.

Its true that cases of husbands being harassed by their wives are being increasingly reported these days . Having said that I strongly disagree that it can in any way be compared to the rape case mentioned above.

People have an opportunity to choose their spouses , if they give in to coercion that's upto them . Act in haste repent at leisure. When a marriage doesn't seem to be working the couple has a chance to either work on it or call quits by filing for divorce. A separation need not be such an ugly affair. One can be matured and settle things in an amicable way. Where is the need to harass your significant other? I ve always believed that it takes two to tango. Why does one have to get into a victimization mood instead of taking responsibility for ones own contribution to a problem? Having done that it would be possible to negotiate a least damaging situation for both. The women cell officials dealing with the case come from the same society and can be expected to behave as per the social trend. Society gets influenced by individuals who in turn bear the brunt of social norms.

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_Angie_

@_Angie_

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

The problem is human nature. When you are restriced or prevented and then when you are suddenly let loose you compensate by going to othe extreme. .

It is possible that women of today are brought up in an environment where they have seen a certain social structure and then they are living in another much more open and free structure. Therefore some among them are unable to adjust and abusing and misusing it.

Time is usually the soultion.

The problem is definitely related to human nature but not the one stated of coming out from a restricted environs to a freedom. It seems to suggest that women deserve to be kept under restrictions to ensure good wives! There could be various reasons for harrassment of the other spouse like -

One of the partner forced into a marriage he/she did not want

Incompatible match

Domineering husband or wife…leading to rebellion in the other after patience runs dry

Interfering relatives who may further worsen the situation

Unrealistic or unmet expectations

Vindictive nature of the concerned person

And many more.

It would be very difficult to make any sweeping generalization in such cases as each case needs to be viewed on its own merits. However, if the differences are major and if there is no wish to reconcile from either side then time is not going to be a solution. Earlier you part ways the better it will be for all concerned. I know a case where the girl refused to give divorce out of spite as she felt that she and her child had both been subjected to a lot of humiliation by her in laws and her husband had been a mute spectator. This was despite the fact that they have been living separately for years.

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Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: _Angie_

The problem is definitely related to human nature but not the one stated of coming out from a restricted environs to a freedom. It seems to suggest that women deserve to be kept under restrictions to ensure good wives! There could be various reasons for harrassment of the other spouse like -

Women deserve to be kept under restrictions to ensure good views? Did my post suggest that? lol.

First, we are NOT talking about all women here but those who have these issues with men.

Second, now there is a problem somewhere and therefore such acts.

Third, my theory is that it is possible that the mindset behind harassing and abusing innocent husbands could have evolved from concious or sub-concsious influence of living in a particular environment and then when breaks that environment its human nature that we tend to abuse that as well. Both approaches are wrong.

One of the partner forced into a marriage he/she did not want

Incompatible match - this doesnt mean one harrases other

Domineering husband or wife'leading to rebellion in the other after patience runs dry - the situation described doesnt suggest husband as domineering

Interfering relatives who may further worsen the situation - a supportive role at worst

Unrealistic or unmet expectations - not an excuse

Vindictive nature of the concerned person - doesnt explain a trend

And many more.

It would be very difficult to make any sweeping generalization in such cases as each case needs to be viewed on its own merits. However, if the differences are major and if there is no wish to reconcile from either side then time is not going to be a solution. Earlier you part ways the better it will be for all concerned. I know a case where the girl refused to give divorce out of spite as she felt that she and her child had both been subjected to a lot of humiliation by her in laws and her husband had been a mute spectator. This was despite the fact that they have been living separately for years.

The context of my post was discussing a trend "becoming a burning topic is a lot of wives put false cases against their husbands these days"

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_Angie_

@_Angie_

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

No reason whatsoever justifies harassment of any kind to anyone. I simply pointed out some of the excuses.

While the cases are increasing its by no means a burning topic. If it were then it would have been a hot topic with the media whereas the OP is complaining the lack of publicity given to these cases. Besides, without full details of the case it is dificult to judge who is being falsely implicated and why. What one considers as standing up for ones right may be seen as harassment by the other party.

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

King Ann and Angie, thanks for your replies.

As you said, King Ann, definitely it is a burning topic of these days in which a lot of wives put false cases against their husbands.

@Angie: When you say, 'People have an opportunity to choose their spouses , if they give in to coercion that's upto them . Act in haste repent at leisure. When a marriage doesn't seem to be working the couple has a chance to either work on it or call quits by filing for divorce. A separation need not be such an ugly affair.' , there are good points there. Definitely when the marriage seems not to be working, the couple have a chance to work on it. And how can one work that way? What is important is husband and wife have to make an effort to understand and learn about each other and be patient with each other. In fact marriage will work if both the persons see the marriage as an opportunity to become a more loving person and improve the ability to be loving. But if the marriage does not work, it means one of the partners is not prepared to become more mature. And for becoming more mature, freedom is not a bar. In fact, freedom makes a woman (and man) only more loving. And if a woman is not prepared to do her homework she could settle for a peaceful divorce. Instead a trend is made in India in which women harass the husbands in courts to part with hefty sums. Some men out of sheer frustration also part with money so that they could become peaceful.

But this is not a healthy trend. It is a healthy trend if women are encouraged to become engineers, scientists, pilots, astronauts etc. in which their creativity comes up. But how does it help them when they file false cases? An unfortunate aspect of courts is both the parties in a court case get chance to harass each other. I will be happy if women who are Ph:Ds, techies, scientists etc. work to excel in their fields and shine in the World. Instead how does it help them if they don't use this God given capability but only harass their husbands? An unfortunate aspect of these cases is they are not gender neutral.

Probably this is my idea now. Let me accept that the law is not gender neutral. But why am I to be desperate? God is there even with people who are treated as less equals by the society. Men who are up against false cases can overcome this disadvantage which is possible only if they access God's power available to them and once they house God in their hearts they can do much better in the world.

Cheers,

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Mahadevan Venkitaraman

@maha2us

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

@Angie: You say, 'What one considers as standing up for ones right may be seen as harassment by the other party.' if a person wants to fight for his/her own rights, he/she won't go to courts. In courts, both men and women don't get justice or get due rights. The only chance they get is for harassing each other because law has a lot of loopholes and the judicial system is very lazy.

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_Angie_

@_Angie_

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: maha2us
@Angie: You say, 'What one considers as standing up for ones right may be seen as harassment by the other party.' if a person wants to fight for his/her own rights, he/she won't go to courts. In courts, both men and women don't get justice or get due rights. The only chance they get is for harassing each other because law has a lot of loopholes and the judicial system is very lazy.

According to me if things have reached to a point of no return then the best thing to do is get divorce by mutual agreement. It makes a lot of sense to settle the matter amicably without having to take recourse to the courts. Things generally tend to get quite ugly there. But if there is no agreement then I guess thats inevitable.

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_Angie_

@_Angie_

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: maha2us
And if a woman is not prepared to do her homework she could settle for a peaceful divorce. Instead a trend is made in India in which women harass the husbands in courts to part with hefty sums. Some men out of sheer frustration also part with money so that they could become peaceful.

There are all kinds of people in this world. One can only try to be more discerning before taking the plunge but I know the way things work here most people wouldnt have a clue about the nature of the person they are getting married to. Either the woman is greedy grabber or she feels insecure if she isnt a working lady or it also could simply be that she is out to create hell for the other party. So beware!

Originally posted by: maha2us
But this is not a healthy trend. It is a healthy trend if women are encouraged to become engineers, scientists, pilots, astronauts etc. in which their creativity comes up. But how does it help them when they file false cases? An unfortunate aspect of courts is both the parties in a court case get chance to harass each other. I will be happy if women who are Ph:Ds, techies, scientists etc. work to excel in their fields and shine in the World. Instead how does it help them if they don't use this God given capability but only harass their husbands? An unfortunate aspect of these cases is they are not gender neutral.

Totally agree that its a uhealthy and despicable trend .Ones personality gets shaped by the influences one had in ones life. Could be good , could be bad.

Originally posted by: maha2us

Probably this is my idea now. Let me accept that the law is not gender neutral. But why am I to be desperate? God is there even with people who are treated as less equals by the society. Men who are up against false cases can overcome this disadvantage which is possible only if they access God's power available to them and once they house God in their hearts they can do much better in the world.

Cheers,

We need to accept that each of us can make a mistake. Once it is realised we should take steps to rectify it. If thats not possible then brace up to face the consequences. Nothing can be too bad once accepted. If some settlement has to bee made do it if its feasible and worth the peace or be prepared to fight it out. Weigh the pros and cons of both options and make a practical decision.

It need not be the end of the world , every incident iis an opportunity to learn something and move us on in our journey of life, so cheers ! never lose hope 👍🏼

Edited by _Angie_ - 12 years ago