Is marriage an outdated institution? - Page 2

Originally posted by: Prometeus

Marry or dont marry doesn't matter...Being single is great!... all just need someone to share it with !!!

Originally posted by: Polki_Zofi

Many things need to happen between the "people date" > "fall in love" > "marry". It is neither complicated nor over simplistic, rather a very natural process.

I agree completely. My point wasn't to make it sound over simplistic but to state the flow of things.

Of course it depends on people, but that doesn't mean that its limited to a particular kind of people. For some people the understanding is sooner than others. There are many intervening factors for marriage, these may be social or even economical.

The emotional reason, i.e. the spiritual aspect, is developed from childhood. Someone (e.g. like myself) who grows up in an atmosphere where the institution of marriage faded, and the confusion of single life is placed, to gain the correct emotional understanding of marriage takes a lot more time compared to someone who had such an upbringing (e.g. my husband). However, this does not mean that someone who did not have the emotional atmosphere working as a teacher will never acknowledge the importance of a truely functioning family. Infact she might due to religion or some friend, or even sheer "will" to bring a change in life.

At the same time the person growing up in a proper family might not like many things about it and thus loose his or her "will". This is the end of belief and everything, and leads a person in a hunt for something he does not even know properly, other than MTV and hollywood ofcourse. However, ofcourse, a good mother can instill good values, and a stable mind will be more controlled, I'm happy I met a man who knew how to value things which are essentially his positives which makes him unique.

The environment that we grow up in plays a very crucial role in developing

our thought process.For example-it is but natural that a child whose parents have had a failed marriage may have some reservations regarding the institution of marriage.However it is just one of the factors.

If a couple looks for more than just fun when together, and finds warmth in the most little things such as "commitment, humility, honesty, service and true intent", every other thing can be managed, and a couple can live a very economically efficient life together and have a reasonable future.

As you mentioned 'the butterfly and moonbeams" are temprorary spikes in ones emotions, which are also necessary. But if they become the foundation of something, then it is nothing less than selfish and materialistic, and such relationships cannot sustain.

There are so many things, but this is the most concise way I can think of. Here cultural difference or linguistic or even religious difference doesn't remain a difference, but rather becomes diversity which keeps the twinkle of curiosity alive.

Love is the truest blessing on a soul. But love cannot be compared to candy, rather it can be compared to "hope" and "wisdom", these two - like love - are eternal. Love is an identity of God in Christianity 😊

Yes,for a stable relationship one has to give and take and adjust. Love is definitely important then.

Originally posted by: seoulbeats

@King-Anu

A nice analysis. It made me want to write one of my own-

1.If one does decide to settle down one should at least get to know the other person. Even love matches don't guarantee that. What you find irritating in your partner before marriage magnifies ten times more after it. What you find endearing may turn into the exact thing that has you climbing walls and tearing your hair out in frustration. Often people say that everything has changed after marriage. You start getting bored or taking your partner for granted and then the cracks start to show.It is of course essential that you find someone who has the same ideologies as you if not perceptions.

As the saying goes- Marry in haste and repent in leisure.

2.People may still have faith in the institution of marriage even after a failed attempt. It shows the mindset of people in a way-they vowed that they would be loyal and faithful to their partners when they first married and then again when they give a second go they vow the very same thing.To some extent it shows how hollow such vows are and how much respect we have left for this whole institution.

3. Why do people marry? To get committed for a lifetime by forsaking all others.To take the relationship to the next level. To get stability. To give in to social pressures. To shut traps of family members.To foster a permanent relationship.To have children.

But is it reasonable to expect life long commitment out of someone? With divorce rates so high and re-nuptial agreements done (which essentially amounts to pre-planning a divorce) has marriage become a meaningless charade?

Maybe not for the people who believe in it but definitely marriage doesn't guarantee a stable relationship, a healthy environment to raise children, unflinching commitment, stability or even a permanent relationship.

Hey guys. :)

Personally I think marriage is a beautiful and life enriching concept. But at the same time it does seem as though many people have developed the skills to handle their own thoughts and emotions, let alone cater to those of a partner.

I don't think the problem is with marriage as such, it is more to do with individuals and their own concepts.

But then again, as a single girl, maybe it's too easy for me to speak without real life experience. But it is interesting reading everyone else's views!

Aditi

Originally posted by: Beyond_the_Veil

No. But neither is it absolutely necessary anymore as it was a few decades before. Despite of what traditionalists [often highly regressive] may say, people can have the same amount of trust, sincerity, respect and dedication to make their relationship work without getting a marriage certificate (which has no commonalities with open relationships or friend with benefits anyway) as they can do with one.

I think what sets marriage apart is that people are bound together by more than just their commitment or love - there's the legal aspect which means the couples can't just end their relationship formally suddenly. It gives them a greater time to reflect upon their decisions, so there's probably less chance of walk-outs in marriage than there's in live-ins. So you could say there's more certainty in that way...maybe. But I repeat, that doesn't mean couples living together without a marriage certificate lacks "commitment". 😵 [I'd like to see some evidence to the contrary].

But I think the concept of marriage has changed considerably. It will probably evolve more. I don't see it getting completely extinct though. There's nothing wrong with marriage. So no, I don't think it's an outdated concept. I do find our current understanding of marriage much better than our ancestor's, so maybe we need modification of it time to time.

Personally, I'd like to get married when I wish to settle down. It gives more certainty, provides stability and gives legal and social benefits a non-married couples (may) lack. While I don't think a marriage certificate would magically transform my relationship with my partner into something more meaningful or a more committed one, I do find the concept of marriage more satisfying (probably because of how I was raised up).

PS. Increases in divorce does not always have to mean marriage as a system has been falling apart in recent times. People today have the courage to end a failing relationship and move on without much of a social stigma attached to it as it was before. Marriage was more of an obligation back then - and divorces were hardly seen as an alternative. So it makes sense why divorce rate has gone up - and looking at the big picture, this may not be that bad a scenario.

Originally posted by: King-Anu

Nothing in life guarantees you anything. A school or a college does not gurantee you a great career. Marriage like these institutions provides you with the best framework. A framework for two people looking for a long term relationships. Other frameworks like live ins, open relationships, friends with benefits are not suitable as they are based on uncertainty, lack of clearity, lack of commitment which are not good for two person who want to live together for a long time.

Now once you enter it you need to compromise and make it work and the only way I see is accepting the other person in good and bad. As that song "tere bin" said (from where I got my idea lol), people want your time, people want your commitment, people love you for your looks. However they dont accept your issues. One that wants all is the one lol. I

I believe marriage is the best framework to be with such a person. The failure these days has to do more with us than marriage. i will exit now.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQtzKbHO2nw&feature=autoplay&list=PL43BE33F0B56A54E6&playnext=3[/YOUTUBE]

Originally posted by: zorrro

Marriage is a partnership and both partners have to contribute to make it work. At times it works at times it does not. A lot would depend on the objectives for getting married, partners maturity level, compatibility level, expectations, and commitment. One cannot always forecast the success about any partnership. If it does not work out then there is always the option of getting out of it. So why all that sweat over it.